Ryeowook jolts awake, heart racing and breath short from the nightmare he just had. Panicked and confused at how a distant memory he has long buried deep within his mind have come to resurface once again to haunt him after several years. Without thinking, he reached for his phone and speed dialed the number he has often confided in as anxiety gnawed at him for every ring that passed. He never even noticed how wet his face was from crying in his sleep. 

 

“Please, please, please....! Please pick up!” Ryeowook helplessly begged to no one. He was shaking from so much anxiety. He wanted proof. He wanted validity. He wants to hear that annoyed, grumbly tone in the other’s voice. He wants the other to get mad at him for disturbing his sleep at 3 in the morning. Just anything to confirm that what he dreamt of was indeed a dream.

 

Finally, he hears the line pick up and he’s greeted with a disgruntled answer from the other end. “Hello....?” Ryeowook finally releases a relieved sigh, a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Fresh new tears forming in his eyes. Thank god. He thinks to himself. Thank god...

 

“Ryeonggu?” The other end spoke again. Ryeowook wasn’t able to utter any words for awhile, he felt happy hearing that familiar voice he so loved. 

 

“K—kyu?” He finally brought himself to speak. 

 

“Mmm” Kyuhyun lazily replies, sleep evident in his voice. Ryeowook chuckled. Sure, he feels guilty for disturbing Kyuhyun from his slumber. The man probably just went to sleep a few hours ago anyway but he was just really happy to hear that usual disinterested tone he had whenever he phoned him. 

 

“I, uh—“ Ryeowook stutters. He wasn’t really sure what to say. He just wanted to hear Kyuhyun’s voice after all. “I’m sorry for disturbing you.” He continues, wiping his tears away in the process. “I just... I just had a terrible dream a-and I.... I just wanted to.... to check up on you...” 

 

“Huh?” Kyuhyun replied. Audible confusion and signs of sleep has disappeared in his tone. “What’s wrong? What happened?” 

 

Ryeowook was silent for a moment. He didn’t want to worry Kyuhyun that much. Even if he did wanted to let it off his system, he didn’t want to unnervingly go through the dream again all the while eventually reminding the other of a terrible memory they’ve both try not to bring up that much. 

 

“It’s nothing.” He all so tried to shrug it off however the other wasn’t convinced.

 

“Ryeowook...”

 

“It’s.. it’s okay, Kyu. It’s nothing. I’m fine. I’m sorry I distu—“ 

 

“Why would you even call me if it was nothing?” Ryeowook flinched at the slight raise of voice. Kyuhyun was probably angry. Who wouldn’t be most especially if you’ve disturbed them at such an ungodly hour. Yet this is what he wanted to hear. This is the proof he wanted.

 

Yet, as if sensing his anxiety, Kyuhyun releases a sigh. “I’m not angry, Ryeong. I just want you to be honest with me. We promised that we wouldn’t keep any secrets from each other, right?” Kyuhyun reassures him. Ryeowook nods despite the other  not being able to see it. 

 

It is true that they’ve always confided in one another even before officially getting together. How they would comfort each other in times of sorrows and in grief. How they would support and lift one another’s spirit when in hopelessness. How they were each other’s inspirations during rough and harsh times venturing through their career. How they would protect each one from the world knowing how vulnerable and fragile the other half is. 

 

And they still do.

 

And they still will.

 

And Ryeowook is thankful for that.

 

However, Ryeowook wasn’t willing to tell Kyuhyun about the dream, at least not yet. He needed, perhaps, some time to properly collect himself. And he wasn’t sure if it won’t even bring back terrible memories most especially for the other. But Kyuhyun had to know eventually. 

 

Ryeowook wiped the remaining tears away. “I don’t really have the strength to tell you right now, Kyu... I’m sorry... I just.. really wanted to hear your voice....” he trailed off, not really knowing how to fix the sudden awkward situation.

 

“I’m really sorry for disturbing your sleep but I’m... I’m okay now.” He slightly chuckles. It was a half lie. “You’re allowed to get angry at me.”

 

“You’re apologizing again.” Kyuhyun flatly states.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Ugh, stop it” Kyuhyun whines. If there’s anything he would probably hate and get angry at, is Ryeowook constantly apologizing for trivial or things he didn’t do. “You haven’t done anything wrong. You’re not disturbing me, alright? My time is your time.” Ryeowook gives a small laugh at the man’s grumbling. Cute. There it is. The things he wanted to hear. It’s enough proof to push away that nightmare he had.

 

“I know, i know. Thank you.”  

 

They stay in a few minutes of silence until Ryeowook finally continues. “Hey, Kyu?”

 

“Mm?” He hears Kyuhyun sleepily reply at the other end. Seems like he’s dozed off. Ryeowook giggles.

 

“I won’t hold you long. Please go back to sleep after this. Thank you for staying with me.”

 

Silence at the other end.

 

“I love you.” 

 

“I love you. More”  he hears Kyuhyun reply. Despite always sounding monotonous, he knows that Kyuhyun means every word he says. Though the other can’t see it, he smiles at the response.

 

“Good night, Kyu. See you next week.”

 

The phone call ends and Ryeowook is left staring at the ceiling for a few minutes. He couldn’t exactly go back to sleep after that dream. he’s not really in the mood to read a book nor watch a few episodes to pass time so he gets up to do the thing that would clear his mind and allows him to reflect: he’s going out for a run. 

 

After getting dressed, he made sure to wear his hat and mask so to keep his identity hidden. He grabbed his unit keys as he headed out. And so, he began his journey towards Han River.

 

 

—————

 

Kyuhyun wasn’t convinced at Ryeowook’s statement but he didn’t push him. He would eventually tell him anyway. He just needed time. The phone call ended minutes ago yet Kyuhyun couldn’t find himself able to sleep despite feeling drowsy. He’s worried about Ryeowook and he knows that he wouldn’t actually go back to sleep after a phone call like that. So he gets up to change into a warm outdoor clothing and prepares to head out. He exactly knows where Ryeowook is most likely at. He contemplates whether he should go on foot or drive but decided the latter because it would be faster. He gets into the car and drives towards his destination.

 

——

 

Kyuhyun finally arrives at Han River. The cold breeze greeting him as he gets off the car. He shiver’s slightly despite wearing his jacket.

 

The place is, thankfully, devoid of people since it was still the early hours in the morning and it was still dark, save for the street lamps that illuminated the area. He searches the area for any signs of the petite man and finds a lone yet familiar figure sitting at one of the benches, back faced towards him. Kyuhyun approaches him.

 

He takes a sit beside the figure. They sat in silence, just watching their surroundings. Everything felt peaceful at that moment. 

 

Suddenly, Kyuhyun felt a head lean on his shoulder and he responded by wrapping his arm around the figure beside him. After a few moments, he heard a muffled sob and he knew that Ryeowook was crying. Again. Ryeowook buried his face in Kyuhyun’s chest and he fully embraced him, giving soft caress as if comforting a hurt child. His heart ached at seeing his lover cry. He was always a delicate being. A precious treasure that Kyuhyun always vowed to cherish and to protect. He patiently waited for Ryeowook to open up, not wanting to disrupt the moment they were in. 

 

The sobbing eventually quieted down and Ryeowook finally lifted his head a little bit to wipe off a few tears before returning back into Kyuhyun’s chest. The warm embrace never fails to give him a feeling of security. It was always as if he was meant to fit into it. Everything always felt alright.

 

Seconds of silence passed by save for the ambience of the river and cicadas chirping through the early dawn. Ryeowook was still in the process of collecting his thoughts as he wasn’t so sure how to start sharing. He was in deep concentration when he suddenly heard Kyuhyun humming a familiar tune. 

 

Ah, he knew this song. They’ve practiced this a bunch of times already just to get the harmonization right. Every word and message of this song. It was comforting. To know that there’s always a home to come back to when one has grown tired.

 

Today I want to be on your side

 

Kyuhyun softly sings as he continues his comforting touches, brushing through Ryeowook’s hair once in awhile. It wasn’t that long until Ryeowook joined in to sing along.

 

You can close your eyes for a second, I’ll give your my shoulders

 

It’s okay, lean on me

 

 

 

Kyuhyun had always been his home. 

 

And so was he.

 

There was a lapse of quiet after the chorus ended, only the ambiance of the river can be heard in the stillness of the night. Kyuhyun stared ahead, observing the view in front of him as his mind wondered off while patiently waiting for Ryeowook to speak.

 

“The dream...” Ryeowook starts, barely moving from his position. “Had you in it...” Kyuhyun hums in acknowledgement which was a sign for him to continue.

 

“And what happened to you there... in my dream y-you...... you and i, we had an argument... and then the next thing i know you—— you were in a terrible accident and-and.... this time you didn’t..... y-you didn’t——“ He felt his breath shortening again, tears pricking through the corner of his eyes. The mental image of rushing to the hospital, the image of Kyuhyun on the bed surrounded by medical staffs who were attempting to resuscitate him. The sound of the monitor flatlining still ringing through his ears. The feeling of the world crashing down on him as the doctors apologetically approach him to utter heartbreaking words.

 

“Ryeonggu, breathe.” Kyuhyun interrupts his traumatic thought. Ryeowook inhales deeply as he tries to regain composure. He didn’t notice that he was already crying. He was shaking so much from grief. It was too painful to go through the dream again. It felt too real. Almost too real. Kyuhyun held him close, rubbing the other’s arm as if to comfort him. He wiped the tears off the petite’s eye as he waited for the other to calm down.

 

“It’s just... it reminded me so much of the incident several years ago... and...and the dream felt so vivid and real and I....” Ryeowook releases an exasperated sigh, clinging onto the other for fear that he might disappear.

 

“I don’t want to lose you again.” Ryeowook whispers. Fresh new tears falling from his eyes.

 

Kyuhyun slightly froze after hearing this, his embrace on Ryeowook growing tight. He knew what the latter was talking about—how traumatizing it was not only for the both of them but also for others. The distant memory still gives him goosebumps often times when it is brought up or it passes through his thoughts. Every second that he’s awake is truly a miracle. He felt tears pricking from his eyes.

 

Kyuhyun plants a soft kiss on Ryeowook’s head. he just wants to forget about the world for a few minutes, just whispering sweet assurance to the other. Perhaps this is also due to the busy schedules that they’re barely able to meet and have bonding times together, a time to just come home and find rest in each other.

 

“I’m scared that one day.... one day..... I wake up to find that you’re really gone....” Ryeowook weakly trails off.

 

At this moment, Kyuhyun lifts Ryeowook’s chin to angle his face and moves in to kiss him. It wasn’t really a deep kiss however, it was enough to convey the feeling. Ryeowook closes his eyes to sink into the kiss. His fists clenches on Kyuhyun’s jacket as if afraid that the other might vanish. Kyuhyun eventually cups his lover’s face with one hand and caresses his cheeks with his thumb. he definitely doesn’t want this moment to end. He wishes that reality would simply stop for the two of them even just for awhile yet that would be too selfish to ask even for the likes of them, most especially the career path they’ve chosen.

 

The two slowly break apart, each looking into the other’s eyes. Kyuhyun places his forehead against Ryeowook, looking at his lover with so much affection as if his eyes would convey what he means. 

 

“Well, I’m glad that’s just a dream because I would never leave you.” He declares. “Even if the future is uncertain and we don’t know what it holds us, if one day we get thrown into a different direction or even if one day we just decide to settle for a quiet life, I promise you.” He cups Ryeowook’s face with both of his hands and wipes away the remaining tears with his thumbs. 

 

“I promise you, Ryeowook, I will never abandon you and I’ll make sure of it. it’s an oath I’ve made to myself when I first met you.” He places another soft kiss onto his lover’s lips. “Even if one day, we decide to go back to just being friends, my promise will stay the same.” 

 

Ryeowook’s eyes widen slightly, bothered by the comment. “That won’t happen, right?” He anxiously asks. 

 

“Of course not!” Kyuhyun laughs. “I won’t let it anyway. Besides, we promised the fans that the group would live on till 50 years. I plan to grow old with you by then.”

 

Ryeowook blushes and averts his eyes. Sometimes his lover can be too sappy. He may look like a troublemaker on the outside (to which he is occasionally) but deep down, this troublemaker is actually a soft and affectionate being. And Ryeowook is thankful that he’s the only one to witness this honest side of Kyuhyun. 

 

“And another thing.” Ryeowook’s thought is interrupted and he shifts back his attention onto Kyuhyun. “Can’t die yet.” He smugly exclaims. “I’ve had my shares of evil so I still have to work for a spot in heaven.” Ah, so the bastard admits it once more. 

 

“You idiot!” Ryeowook gives Kyuhyun a hit on the chest to which the latter just laughed. “Seriously, if I was one of the receptionists up there, I would’ve immediately sent you straight to hell.” 

 

“Oh, would you?” Kyuhyun raises an eyebrow. “Pretty sure you won’t do that ‘cause you wouldn’t be able to resist my charms, anyway” he teases. Ryeowook rolls his eyes at this remark. His significant other....can get quite cocky sometimes although he’s known for being pessimistic by his colleagues in shows, there is no doubt that Kyuhyun, when given the upper hand at things, would be annoyingly confident. 

 

Yet Ryeowook wholeheartedly loves this annoying, smug bastard.

 

Kyuhyun is his annoying, smug bastard.

 

Ryeowook ends up smiling to himself at the thought. He’s thankful that he has one Kyuhyun in his life. 

 

Overwhelmed with feelings, Ryeowook leans in and softly kisses Kyuhyun, to which the latter returned. The petite wraps his arms around the taller’s neck to get closer and savor the kiss. They stayed in the moment, drowning out the world for awhile.

 

The kiss didn’t last long and they eventually pulled apart, with Kyuhyun giving small pecks around Ryeowook’s face and the latter giggling in return. They sat in silence for awhile, exchanging affectionate looks and soft touches at each other. How this moment was so blissful... yet they knew they had to leave eventually.

 

“Let’s get going. We don’t want people to see us.” The taller took the other’s hand and pulled him along as he stood. “Don’t want any news outlets to destroy the group reputation” Kyuhyun joked.

 

Ryeowook grimaced at the remark. It was a halfhearted joke yet they knew the gravity of it and how one small mistake can actually lead to that happening. It was the harsh reality of being in the idol industry. 

 

Kyuhyun was supposed to offer to drop Ryeowook off his unit along the way yet the petite surprised him when he said that he wanted to go home with him to the dorms. Not like he was against the idea anyway. They both got into the car and drove home, their free hands intertwined with each other. Sometimes they would get into a chat about trivial and mundane things, like what food they want to eat later on or how their parents are doing, or if Ryeowook ever planned on returning to the dorms. He chuckled at the idea. “Even if I wanted to return, you might not allow me.” Ryeowook jokingly pouts, pretending that he’s hurt at the thought. “Didn’t you say in one show that you’ll fight whichever member who’ll try to come back to the dorms?” 

 

“Not you though. Never you.” Kyuhyun firmly says, his eyes focused on the road. 

 

“But i don’t think there’s room for people to stay in anymore, at least not at extra one.” 

 

“I can always kick out Hyukjae-hyung, i mean, he occupies two rooms with one of them literally just belonging to his clothes.” Kyuhyun joked. Though their dorm is big, the other vacant rooms have either been converted into a storage area or a closet room. Even if he understands nothing about fashion and couldn’t care less, he’s amazed at Hyukjae’s vast knowledge of it. Sometimes, Hyukjae would even allow him to borrow his clothes, even going to an extent of assisting him to dress stylishly most especially if he’s going on a date with Ryeowook(unfortunately not without the teasing). Though Ryeowook has long come to terms with Kyuhyun’s disaster fashion and doesn’t comment on it, Kyuhyun still tries his best to look decent on their dates. Kyuhyun chuckled at the thought. 

 

“I may be a merciless Landlord but even so, we can make room for you. We’ll find a way. Just know that you can always come back to the dorm. I’ll be more than happy to accept you.” Kyuhyun spared a glance at him, softly smiling and giving his hand a slight squeeze before returning his eyes back on the road. Ryeowook felt his heart flutter at what he said. A really affectionate Kyuhyun can be surprising if one is used to seeing his devil side a lot.

 

But of course, not everyone sees this side of his boyfriend most of the time.

 

Once again, only he gets to see and be on the receiving end of it.

 

It’s a Ryeowook privilege.

 

He gives the other a slight smack on the arm. “You just want someone to do the chores for you.”

 

“Hey now! I know how to cook! I cook everyone’s food back at the dorms! I cook your food whenever you visit!” Kyuhyun whines, trying to defend himself from the accusation to which he just earns a laugh from the petite. “I know that! What I meant was other chores like I don’t know... Washing the dishes?” The petite replies.

 

“Ah, well... it’s only right to divide the chores....besides, I let Hyukjae-hyung do the dishes, it’s only fair. I do the dishes when I’m drunk.” 

 

“Maybe you should get drunk all the time” The petite suggests as a joke to which the taller replied “I need to get an artificial liver first then.” they both laugh at the silly idea. Perhaps its not really a good one at that. 

 

“What about doing the laundry?” Ryeowook eventually asks out of the blue after they’ve settled down in short silence. 

 

“Well, I usually just have it laundered since I don’t have much time for it. Either way, it’s not like I have that much clothes anyway.” The taller nonchalantly says. Ryeowook just hums in response. 

 

“If I went back to the dorms, I could do them for you as well.” He happily suggests. Kyuhyun snickers at the idea. That would be cute though. He just imagined waking up one morning to Ryeowook already awake and doing house chores, chores he usually doesn’t have time to do because he has a busy schedule. But he also imagined doing those together with Ryeowook at some point. Maybe they wouldn’t be too bothersome to do. Kyuhyun snaps out of his thought and refocuses on the road.

 

“What are we? A married couple acting all domestic and sweet?” He finds himself joking.

 

“Well... officially no. But maybe in the future when it’s safe enough for either of us to make a move about it.” 

 

Silence ensued between them. Ryeowook eventually realized what he said and grew flustered. Perhaps that was a bold statement of him to say. Sure, there were times they were thrown into situations wherein they had to take the part of married couples however, those were for variety show purposes. The topic of marriage is something they tend to avoid most especially given their situation. Thankfully, the suddenly turned awkward ride home didn’t last long for they they finally reached the dorms. 

 

Ryeowook unbuckled his seatbelt and was about to head down before Kyuhyun placed his hand on his, stopping him from his tracks. “Do you want to?” 

 

“H-huh?” Ryeowook was thrown off by the sudden question. The other was just looking at him intently. “Do you want to? Get married I mean?” He reiterated. 

 

“I...” Ryeowook trails off. He stared back at him in disbelief. He wasn’t really sure how to answer that question. Kyuhyun, not wanting to keep the awkward conversation going, looks away and removes his hand off Ryeowook’s.  “Sorry... that was too bold of me. Anyway let’s get inside.” He unbuckled his seatbelt and was about to head out until he paused, as if contemplating on what to say next. “Even so, whether we’re married or not...” He turns to Ryeowook, a soft smile plastered on his face and eyes filled with affection. “I’ll stay with you until the end, okay? I’m all yours.” He gives his hand a squeeze before stepping out of the vehicle. Ryeowook remained inside for moment, pondering on the topic that has passed. Maybe, just maybe, it was something he’s been secretly considering about for a long time ever since they got together but was just too afraid of what people might say, whether it would work out or not, if they’ll always be in torment while they remain under the scrutinizing eye of the public. 

 

Ryeowook finally got out of the car and entered the dorm, making sure to be careful to not to make noise so as to avoid waking the others. It was still dark outside anyway. Since there wasn’t any vacant guest rooms ready yet, Kyuhyun offered to have Ryeowook stay in his room with him. Not that that had been a problem anyway since Ryeowook would always sleepover in Kyuhyun’s room whenever he’s visiting the dorms. They both headed into the room to change into sleep wear. Kyuhyun, as usual, lent one of his shirt and comfy pajama pants to Ryeowook to which the latter happily accepted. He always loved borrowing his boyfriend’s clothes since he’d always like the scent of them. Ryeowook jokingly suggested that he slept tonight just like old times sake. Kyuhyun ends up whining about it while the petite laughs it off. They both knew though that wouldn’t really end with both of them going to sleep immediately. Kyuhyun still has a schedule later within the day after all. 

 

And with that, they both got into bed. Ryeowook cuddled closer to Kyuhyun and the latter just wrapped his arm around the petite. The taller releases a sigh of content. He missed this. They both missed this. It’s been awhile since they cuddled like this since most of the time their schedules don’t match. Even if they meet each other in group activities a lot, they wouldn’t have enough time to properly bond since they’re too immersed in preparing or practicing. As they were both waiting for sleep to come to them, Kyuhyun turned to his side and started playing with Ryeowook’s soft locks since it has grown quite long. The latter closed his eyes and allowed himself to melt into the gesture. The room was filled with comfortable silence save for the sound of their steady breaths and content sighs. Sometimes they’d whisper a word or two but they would spend the rest of the passing time in silence, just basking in each other’s presence. As he felt the soft touch slowly coming to a halt, signaling that the other was falling asleep, Ryeowook called out.

 

“Hey, Kyu?”

 

“Mmm”

 

“Can you sing me a lullaby?” This had always been a norm for the two of them. Kyuhyun was the one to suggest that they sing each other a lullaby before going to sleep. Even if they weren’t physically present together, they’d never miss a chance to send the other messages of them singing before bidding good night. Ryeowook had always loved hearing Kyuhyun sing. The sweet melody of his soft, honey-like voice that could move anyone and maybe even put them to sleep. Ryeowook’s a big fan and he’s feels so proud and lucky to be boyfriends with the nation’s favorite vocalist: Cho Kyuhyun.

 

His Cho Kyuhyun.

 

“What song do you want?” The other mumbled. Ryeowook hummed in response thinking of a song he could suggest. Most of the songs Kyuhyun sings are sad ones. Not that he’s complaining since those are what they both like to sing. When nothing came to mind, Ryeowook just decided to leave the song choice to Kyuhyun.

 

“Any will do. Surprise me.”

 

It was silent for awhile as he waited for the other to start singing. He even wondered if   the latter fell asleep already for the lack of response for quite some time. That is until he heard the other softly sing the first few lines of a song he’s all so familiar with.

 

Walking on a breezy path

I suddenly felt your slight 

 

 

 

It’s another of Kyuhyun’s songs, of course Ryeowook would be familiar with this.

 

 

 

Once from that warmth, twice from your smile

I laughed

 

 

The soft touches started again with Kyuhyun slowly combing through Ryeowook’s hair.

 

On that flowery path, you and me

I remember the times we walked together

When did you become

Such a precious person to me?

 

Hey, when I look at you, I know

My heart still blossoms for you

 

Kyuhyun momentarily opens his eyes, staring lovingly at Ryeowook as he sings each syllable to him. Each line already conveying the message he wanted to give. Ryeowook couldn’t help but feel warm inside. Being in the arms of his lover, feeling his soft touches, and being able to hear every breath he takes allows him to forget about the traumatic dream he had. He is alive

 

Ryeowook felt his eyelids drooping, a sign that sleep is about to come. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to be swept away in Kyuhyun’s calming voice.

 

As if it’s just our world

I’m sure you know my heart, that unique smile of yours

That’s what’s good,

 

He noticed that the petite has drifted off to sleep so he places a soft kiss on his forehead and eventually down to his lips. He lingered for awhile savoring the kiss before slowly pulling apart. He opened his eyes and examined his lover’s slumbering face. So ethereal and serene. He smiles warmly as he caressed it with his thumb. There is nothing else left to say.

 

That’s my truth

 

“Goodnight, Ryeonggu.” Kyuhyun whispers before finally going to sleep.

 

 

 

They may physically live in different places but they’ll always be each other’s favorite place to come home to.