The smell of books filled your nose when you clocked into your second job. It immediately helped you relax after your stressful shift at MSN. You had been tasked with following some up and coming actor around for their workday and they were a complete when you weren’t recording. No one at MSN took your bachelors degree in literature and psychology seriously. No one took you seriously there but you kept going back time and time again, hoping they would eventually take you seriously.

That didn’t make you workday easy and now you had to write an article about them while tending to the bookstore. It wouldn’t be the most fun but you were mostly working the front desk this evening shift and so you would survive. Plus no one ever came after seven so you’d have the whole store to yourself and could easily finish it before your midnight deadline. You loved the bookstore, too. Not only was the job extremely relaxed, and your boss let you do almost anything but you also loved the atmosphere. In fact, you would often be in the bookstore on a day off just to relax and read more. Of course the number of days you had free now was next to none with your three jobs.

Soon enough, you settled into the black swivel chair behind the front desk and fell into the flow of writing your article. You barely even noticed someone coming into the store about halfway through your shift but you did notice because that was your job.

“Hello! How are you today?” You asked from the front desk. You didn’t lift your head yet as you were getting to a stopping point so you could actually engage with the person if they wanted but you saw them stop and turn to face you from your perfieral.

“I… I am not doing the best. I am very tired. My bandmates and I just moved into our new apartment and I am just feeling very overwhelmed.” The man said with a sigh and as he spoke you felt a sense of recognition deep in your gut that you felt every time you listened to his music. It pulled you in and kept you going on hard days. You looked up with wide eyes and sure enough it was Kim Namjoon, a rising idol.

Your reaction must have startled the man because his eyes widened as well and he quickly spoke again, “Omo! I shouldn’t have told you that! You’re a fan aren’t you? Is there anything I can give to keep your silence? Please don’t talk about me being here. I…”

“It’s ok, Namjoon-sshi. I won’t tell anyone. That’d be rude of me to do.” You didn’t know why you addressed him by his first name but you knew that you wouldn’t be telling anyone. You tried to police your face and smiled at him, “Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Namjoon looked more relaxed now and then he spoke again, “Not really, I am mostly browsing.”

You hummed and nodded before looking back at your computer and trying to get back into the flow of writing. He seemed to feel conflicted in moving and soon enough he spoke again.

“How was your day?”

It surprised you but you simply looked up again and opened your mouth, ready to say it was a great day, “My name is Y/n by the way and my day wasn’t a good day but I am here now so I can take a break.”

Namjoon laughed lightly, “Yeah? I take it you find this place comforting?”

Why were you saying so much?

Why was this conversation continuing if he wasn’t here to talk?

“I… Yeah. The smell of books is very relaxing to me and also you’re one of the first few customers I have seen this late in the bookstore. I barely have to deal with people. It’s a nice job. I love books. Ideally, I would become an author but my mom says that it doesn’t pay well and she’s right so I am trying to go into reporting but it’s hard to get a good, respectable job doing that so I am stuck with stupid gossip right now. It’s not fu-- why am I telling you all this?” You sighed, “I guess I was more stressed than I originally thought I was. It’s been a long day for me. I am glad to end it here.”

Namjoon smiled and you blushed (how could you not? A really really attractive man just smiled at you), “Yeah? Seems like it. Is there anything that could make today better for you?”

When you looked into his eyes, you thought you saw a spark of something you couldn’t quite understand but you shook it off and spoke again, “Oh… probably coffee. I am only part way through my shift so it’ll be a long night.” You laughed awkwardly, “But don’t worry about me. If you need anything, feel free to come to me and ask, Namjoon-sshi. Have a great night here. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone you visited.”

You looked down and just missed the look of disappointment that flashed across Namjoon’s face as he looked at you, before he too turned around and walked off. Five minutes later, you barely registered Namjoon leaving, having most likely decided that there was nothing good for him in the bookstore tonight. That or you were crazy and he didn’t want to be around you. Absentmindedly, you looked around the store after Namjoon left, more so searching for the right word to put in the article than looking at anything in particular. There was maybe only a thousand words left to write and you were on a roll.

The sooner you finished this article (if one could call a written interview an article), you could find a new book and settle in for the rest of your shift.

It was as you were staring into space for the third time in five minutes that the door opened again and in came Namjoon, this time with two coffee cups in hand. It was a shock but you quickly looked back down at your laptop, determined to not seem like a total creep in front of an idol.

What was even more of a shock to you was when Namjoon came back up to the front desk and set one of the coffees on it. You looked up with raised eyebrows at him.

“I… uhh… You said you wanted coffee so I got you a latte… I didn’t know what type of coffee you’d want.” Namjoon blushed and you smiled at him before taking a sip with a smile.

“Thank you, Namjoon-sshi. Any coffee is good coffee.” You laughed, “But real talk, I am lactose intolerant.”

“Wha- Why are you drinking the coffee then?” Namjoon’s eyes widened and he made a grab to take the coffee away.

In response, you leaned back and took a large sip, “I love dairy.” You said with a sigh, “And coffee. Now I got to ask, why’d you decide to get me coffee, Namjoon-sshi?”

“Oh… uhhh… I… I think… we… we might be soulmates?”

“What?” You asked, slowly setting the coffee down onto the counter.

"I… I think we're soulmates."

"Why?" It almost felt like you weren't processing what Namjoon had said but you knew you understood what he was trying to say.

"I normally never answer the question of how am I honestly. It literally makes no sense for me to. Especially with someone who recognized me before I even spoke and I imagine you don't normally talk about your work stress, do you?"

"I mean no, I normally don't talk about myself... especially not while at work."  You said, your brows furrowed, "But that doesn't mean we're soulmates. It's not like I don't sometimes talk about my feelings."

"Yeah? You really do tell customers here how you're feeling?" Namjoon asked as one of his eyebrows rose in question.

"No." You said it so quickly that it almost shocked you.

Almost.

For at this point you were more than keen to believe that Namjoon was in fact right about you two being soulmates.

"So I am right."

"But that doesn't necessarily mean we're soulmates."

"Ask me anything, Y/n-sshi. Anything." Namjoon said, leaning against the counter with confidence.

You froze. What could you ask a man like Namjoon. He was so open about so much that it almost seemed impossible for him to have something that he wouldn’t be willing to share.

"Come on, Y/n-sshi. What are you thinking?"

"When was the last time you took a ?" You blurted out and immediately turned red, "That's not what I wanted to ask. I am so sorry. Gosh. Please disregard what I just said. I didn't mean to ask that. You just spoke and I-- I couldn't not answer."

 

"Oh my god. We're soulmates." You said, finally coming to a realization.

"Yes. We are soulmates." Namjoon laughed, "As your soulmate, I want to know when you get off of work tonight so we can go on our first date."

"I get off in three hours." You said, face red while he nodded. Namjoon was clearly thinking but he didn't stick around long enough to tell you what your first date would be.

So it turned out, three hours later, Namjoon showed up with a large basket and waited for you to close the store. In the end the two of you walked over to the closest park (which was a concrete park and not a natural park) and sat down to eat the picnic he had packed. It wasn't the best food per say, but you two ended up talking until the sun started rising and Namjoon had to leave to go to practice. All throughout the day, the two of you texted to no end (even when you were at your reporting job and were supposed to be editing someone's article) before eventually meeting up after both of you finished work. That time the two of you simply walked to your apartment to watch a documentary about early philosophers. Although neither of you actually stayed up until the end. You woke up to Namjoon shaking you awake at the crack of dawn with the offer of coffee and donuts he went out and got.

Soon enough, you two fell into a pattern of meeting up after his work ended and spending the night together. Be it at the bookstore or the convenience store you also worked at or your apartment, the two of you were together almost every night and you loved every minute of it. You heard story after story about how soulmates could completely change your world for the better, but getting to spend every night with Namjoon really proved to you just how amazing it really was.

It was all going good until Namjoon went away touring. The whole month leading up to touring he grew progressively silent, barely texting you during the day and only spending one or two nights a week with you, but when he went on tour it got even worse.

At first you tried to message him every day to at least encourage him to keep working but eventually his lack of response made you stop. It wasn't until the fifth week that he was away on tour when you tried to message him again that you got an utterly disturbing message.

"I am sorry but the person you are trying to reach has blocked you."

You stared at it for five whole minutes as tears slowly ran down your face simply trying to comprehend what had happened.

Namjoon blocked you.

Your soulmate blocked you.

The love of your life had just blocked you.

You slowly set your phone down and stumbled towards your couch, your eyes burning with tears. You couldn't sit down on the couch though because the moment you looked at it through your tear clouded eyes, you were filled with those nights where you and Namjoon sat on it and talked and laughed for hours on end.

Your heart ached even more and now tears were streaming down your face, a sole hiccup making its way out of your mouth before you walked away from it slowly.

Where could you go to cry if everything in your apartment reminded you of him?

In the end, you curled onto the floor of your bathroom and broke down crying, your heart shattering more and more as each second passed.

He blocked you.

Namjoon blocked you.

You drifted off, you cried yourself to sleep, only realizing when you woke up feeling like utter crap. Drool had crusted onto your cheek, your eyes were almost glued shut from tears, your face had gross indents from where it was pressed against the bathroom tiles, but what was worse than all that was the way your head and heart ached.

Both were pulsating in pain and it didn't help that from where you were, you could hear a loud ringing sound from your living room.

Belatedly, you realized that it was your phone and hope sprung in your chest at the thought of Namjoon calling you to tell you that he accidentally blocked you. You raced over to your phone and felt your heart sink when you saw your boss's name showing up instead of Namjoon's.

You also happened to have slept through three hours of your shift apparently.

And you were fired due to "budget cuts".

Which was just great.

A sob escaped you but you didn't let any more tears fall. Now was not the time to cry.

You needed to start searching for a new job. You couldn't just meander.

Namjoon could wait.

 

Who were you kidding. Namjoon couldn't wait.

You picked up your phone and logged onto twitter before searching up BTS' twitter. The latest post was a photo of Namjoon at an art exhibit.

He never got to take you to one.

You wiped a run away tear from your cheek before clicking dm.

"Why'd you block me, Namjoon-ah?"

You stared at your phone for a whole ten minutes before Twitter took you to a new screen:

"This user has blocked you."

 

Your heart shattered even more.

He read your message and then blocked you?

Namjoon really meant to block you. He really, really, really blocked you.

Another sob escaped you and this time you stumbled to your bedroom to cry. You couldn't handle the fact that he had blocked you. He didn't even break up with you in person. He just blocked you.

What had you done wrong?

There must have been something you did wrong.

Were you not enough?

What could you have done differently?

Was there something you could have done differently?

You cried for the whole day, only stopping to call in to the convenience store to say you were sick and couldn't make it for your shift.

The man who owned the store cussed you out but you knew he wouldn't fire you. He almost never fired anyone.

You went on like this for three more days, barely stopping your moping session to drink water. It wasn't until the fourth day that you got up at three am and saw yourself in the reflection of your mirror that you finally stopped your moping and took a shower. You turned the water onto the hottest setting you could take and stood under the shower until it got too cold for you to stay in. 

You didn’t have the energy to use any products but at least you were more clean than before. 

Somehow you managed to brush your teeth too and eventually you found yourself laying in bed, cleaner than you had been in a while and staring at BTS’ twitter. 

He had blocked you.

Why?

What changed? 

You slowly opened your message app and looked at the last thing Namjoon had said to you:

We just landed safely. Thinking of you. XOXO

What went through his head when he blocked you?

After almost an hour of staring at your phone, you sighed and got up again. You needed to start applying for new jobs. Your life couldn’t end just because he was no longer in it. He wasn’t even in it for long. You could live. 

This was only a small bit of your life. Better things were yet to come. 

That’s what you kept telling yourself as the days slowly passed. Clearly Namjoon didn’t need you like you needed him. As the days turned into weeks, you still couldn’t bare to look at photos or videos of Namjoon but you kept moving forwards. By the time you had marked a month after the breakup, you had finally got a new job at a small startup journalism company. The pay was exponentially better than your last day job and soon enough you were able to quit your job at the bookstore (which was a relief because you had a hard time working there when everything reminded you of Namjoon), 

The months turned into a whole year before you realize it and the journalism company you worked at finally merged with an even larger entertainment company. You were no longer working two jobs. Instead you were going out and interviewing people and reporting on important things just as you wanted. Soon enough, one of the scouts tried to recruit you for modeling, which lead you to hosting Sunday morning shows where you went into depth on a piece of news… and then also modeling on the side… and then you got a Friday evening show with idols where you talked about life and real world skills. 

In three years, you had reached a point in your life that you never expected to get to and yet here you were: having paid off your college loans and moving to a better apartment and getting your parents retirement fund more money. So much was falling into place and you loved it. 

And yet… you lived your life in fear. Time and time again, you refused to have BTS on your show, refused to talk about them when idols came on and talked about their idols, refused to watch anything they did. Everyone in the company knew something was up but no one knew what. That’s why when Chae came over to your cubicle for the umteenth time since she started working in the same office as you, you rolled your eyes. 

She was a die hard BTS stan and wanted to do anything to get the all elusive group to just be in the same company as her. BTS had long since stopped doing many show outside of their own after being bullied so many times and she apparently thought that your show would be different. 

“Unnie.” Chae cooed, sliding an iced americano across the desk to you, “How are you doing?” 

“I am tired, Chae-sshi. I just got back from Hong Kong and really have to finish this piece. What do you want?” You asked, taking a large sip of the americano as you waited for her to go on her usual spiel about BTS.

“Wha! Our Unnie is so amazing! Was it scary?” 

“Yes. Get on with what you wanted to talk about, please.”

“Well… BTS just came back from tour and announced that they are promoting again… I just. We should reach out to Big Hit don’t you think?”

“No.”

“Hear me out, Unnie. They are now working with UNICEF. They talk about abuse and all that. Your Friday show specifically talks about life and life skills. I feel like having a group of people who have made it clear where they stand morally and have done a lot with it could be extremely good press for Big Hit and our company.” Chae said slowly, and for once you had the sense that she knew more than she was letting on. She was smart. You knew that the second she had been hired to manage the rating of the many prime time shows. 

“Really? Wow.” You said flatly. You heard from your coworkers that BTS had done that but you really didn’t care.

“Yeah! It’s awesome and they would be a perfect fit for your Friday evening show. The viewers think so and the shareholders want it too.” 

There was the catch. 

The shareholders wanted it too. 

“Do I actually have a say in this, Chae-sshi?” You asked, raising an eyebrow as Chae shrugged.

“I am trying to make it so that you do have a say but at this point the shareholders really, really want it. I don’t know if you will end up having a say. I would suggest you start planning for the show as soon as you can, though. From what I have heard, the shareholders have gotten in contact with BTS as well.” Chae said before turning around to go back to her desk, “Enjoy your americano, Unnie.” 

You didn’t.

Instead you stayed up all night working on your Hong Kong piece while also stressing over how you were possibly going to do an interview with Namjoon. You were doomed. 

No one spared you a second glance, not even the workers who came in to clean when the building was supposed to be closed. You often worked well past closing hours on your pieces. You had three other people backing your work for the Sunday morning pieces but you always tried to work on the initial script yourself. They could fact check and edit your script, but this was your story and you had a lot to say. 

“Daebak! Unnie! You came in early today? I didn’t think you would have because…” Chae stopped talking when she finally reached you, “You’ve been here all night haven’t you?”  

“Yeah. Before you clock in, do you think you could get me another americano? I am going to need more to continue through today’s shift.” You sighed, running your hand through your hair (you have no memory of when your updo came undone but now it was). 

“N-no. You should clock out and go home! You can take a day off.” 

“I’ll just clock out and get it myself then. Thank you for caring for me though.” You said, already getting up and leaving Chae behind as she tried to convince you to stay so she could take care of you. In the end, you found yourself stumbling back into your apartment and making your own coffee.

You didn’t go to sleep though. While the coffee was brewing you showered and changed into different clothes and simply opened up Google. You needed to research BTS. You really did. You just didn’t know how you could. You forced yourself to move on and get over all that you were feeling for Namjoon and now… now you had to force yourself to watch your soulmate… the one you were supposed to be with forever and had actually cut you off rudely. 

How were you supposed to put yourself through that tourture?

Apparently the answer came in the form of a bottle of merlot and fan made videos of how amazing BTS were. Not that it helped you with anything. Now you were drunk and sad and still had no idea what you would possibly talk about during the interview. It wasn’t until noon that you finally found something that could be helpful for you and your interview: Namjoon’s UNICEF speech…

Which was hot as hell. 

 

And now you were even more sad. 

Nonetheless, you had managed to take some sort of notes before eventually finding yourself on BTS’ twitter page… Or so it would have been if you weren’t still blocked by them. You sighed and logged out just to see what they were up to. Which made you even more sad because you saw photos of Namjoon spending time in museums and once again you were bawling your eyes out. 

At some point that night, you created a fake account and commented hearts on every one of Namjoon’s photos.

By the time your alarm was telling you to wake up the next morning, your head was hurting badly. You knew you overdid it with the merlot yesterday but you really didn’t care at this point. Having to learn about BTS opened up a can of worms that you were not ready for, that you never thought you would be ready for. Somehow you managed to get ready and go to work. It was a boring day full of meeting after meeting after meeting but you were very glad that it was just that. 

Before you knew it, your work day was over and Chae was dragging you to her apartment to binge watch all of the BTS run episodes she could get you to watch… which was extremely uncomfortable because at one point, you saw a Namjoon from when you knew him. From when he was yours for a short time. From when you were happiest. Then you saw a Namjoon that you didn’t know. One that was a symbol. One that felt foreign to you. One that abandoned you. You found it hard to not cry as you watched this new Namjoon.

It was impossible for you not to, in fact. 

 

And that was how Chae, your closest work friend, found out about you being Namjoon’s soulmate. 

After that, Chae fought hard to try and make sure BTS didn’t go on your show but in the end she failed. You felt your heart drop when you read the email from the shareholders. BTS would be on your show next Friday evening, you felt like your doom was set and when Chae came to your cubicle after work to comfort you, you let her drive you back to your apartment without a fight, holding back your tears until you were in the privacy of your home. It hurt so much to have a date for when you would meet Namjoon again. 

You thought you were fine with never seeing him again.

You thought that you could live without him like he decided he could.

You thought wrong. 

You thought wrong.

“Unnie. Please take a deep breath in for me. You need to relax.” Chae said, her voice cutting through the loud screaming of your mind. She wiped away your tears as you took a shaky breath in, “I know that this is scary for you but you got this, really. He’s a for leaving you but you’ve shown just how strong you are every day that I’ve known you.”

“Yeah? Then why,” You hiccupped, “Why do I feel like I am shattering into a million pieces.” You cried, pulling Chae into a big hug as you continued to sob onto her shoulder. 

“I can’t do it. I can’t do it. I can’t do it. I can’t do it. I can--”

“Y/n Unnie! Get yourself together! You literally just came back from Hong Kong where active fights and protests where happening left and right and you’re scared of a man? You got this! You’re so strong that I am constantly in awe of what you can do! Don’t let Namjoon have that control of you.” She sighed and got up, “My go to nail salon is still open, Unnie. Let’s go there and get some mani pedis, ok? Relax a little.”

You nodded, feeling like a complete and utter mess. You sat next to Chae in silence as she made a quick appointment and it wasn’t until you got into the car and Chae started driving to the salon that she spoke again.

“If you’re really that scared of seeing Namjoon again, why don’t you show him what he’s missing during the interview?” 

That idea stuck with you long after Chae went home that night. It stuck with you longer than you would have wanted to admit. It was why that Saturday, you ended up booking a full day spa treatment and why later that week you got a new gel mani pedi done, and got waxed, and limited your caloric intake to only one thousand calories a day. As a star, you already took a lot of care of your personal image but this was the first time in a long time you took so much care of yourself. Namjoon told you long ago that he didn’t need you and now you wanted to tell him that you didn’t need him. 

Except you did need him at one point and now you didn’t know if you could face him. 

Sadly, coming to this revelation ten minutes before you were set to start the live showing of your interview with him and the rest of BTS was not a good time. 

Nor was the fact that you were starting to hyperventilate as your hairstylist was finishing your updo. 

“Chae-sshi! Where are you?” You shouted into your room, squeezing your eyes shut in hope that that would help ease your worry. 

It didn’t.

A hand touched your shoulder as Chae spoke, “I am right here, Unnie. Take a deep breath for me. You got this.”

“Do I though? What if he asks the wrong question and I spill something that I shouldn’t have? What if-”

“Did I stutter, Unnie? You got this. I have never been so sure of anything in my life and yet I know that you got this. There is nothing that you need to worry about. I promise.” You nodded quickly and let Chae usher you out to left stage, already seeing a glimpse of BTS on right side as they prepared themselves for when you introduced them.

“We’re on in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! Action!” You heard the director call out before you heard the intro blair through the studio and started walking to your seat with a large smile. The stage looked like a simple living room and you were extremely glad for once that you always took the most comfortable chair that could easily hide stage right from you. 

“Hello! Welcome to Idol Talks! With me, Y/n, as your host!” You said, a smile on your face as you crossed your legs and looked at the camera. You weren’t an actress but you hoped that those at home would be fooled into thinking that you were as calm and collected as you normally were during these shows.

“Today I will be joined by a rowdy bunch of people who’ve taken the world by storm! And not just in the music industry. These boys have a campaign with UNICEF and conquering the acting world with their many appearances in a variety of shows, namely Hwarang! Please welcome BTS!” You smiled and clapped as all seven walked onto stage and sat in some of the various chairs that were available. 

You refused to look at Namjoon as you spoke again, “It is nice to finally meet you all! This episode has been in the works for a while and I am glad that our schedules finally matched up!” You laughed and smiled at Jin, who nodded in return.

“So I’ve heard, Y/n-sshi, and I got to say that I am very excited to be on the show with you! I have been a dedicated watcher for a while now.” Jin laughed and winked at you and you tried to laugh in return, all the while feeling eyes stuck on you. 

“Now, I know that you all need no introduction, but for the sake of habit, would you all be willing to introduce yourselves?” You asked and sure enough, everyone went down and introduced themselves… with Namjoon going last. This time, you couldn’t help but stare at him as he simply said his name. He looked older and thinner and leaner and if Chae wasn’t supporting you from behind the scenes, you wouldn’t have had the guts to continue with the interview. 

“How are you all today?” 

“So much better now that I am here.” Namjoon said immediately after you asked and you stiffened. 

He blocked you. 

“Ah. Looks as if our hyung is a little tongue tied today,” Jimin laughed and you followed his hand as it gently patted Namjoon’s thigh, “What he means to say is that we’ve all been very excited to be on this show and as soon as we found out there was a set date planned, we couldn’t wait.”

You laughed awkwardly, “I totally understand. I was so… emotional when I found out that we were going to be filming this. You have no idea.” 

“Really? Wha! That’s such an honor! I feel like I have been watching what you have been upto ever since you started doing modeling as well. What made you get into modeling?” Hoseok said, a large smile on his face and you felt relieved that you got to look away from Namjoon’s general area. 

“Well, I… I’ll be honest, I started because I made a deal with my company. I got my Sunday morning show because I compromised and was willing to do modeling as well. I have never been so glad about doing something in my life.” You said, feeling yourself settle somewhat uncomfortably into the flow of the show. You were thankful that for the most part, Namjoon didn’t speak at all. He mostly stared at you.

That was until about five minutes before the show was set to end when you asked, “What has been the hardest thing you have had to deal with as of late?” It was a fan asked question and just as before, Namjoon sprung to answer it before anyone else even had time to think. 

“Leaving you. I regret it so much. So so so much.” Namjoon said and when you looked in his eyes for the first time this entire show you saw just how pained they looked, “Don’t you miss us, Y/n-ah?” 

You heard your producers start panicking and was slightly aware of the rest of BTS looking shocked to all hell, but you didn’t care. You sighed and shook your head, you wanted to say that you had never met him before today, to see him suffer but instead you said, “What could I miss? You ghosted me, I moved on, and now you have no right to call me Y/n-ah. Please call me Y/n-sshi, just like the rest of your bandmates.” 

Namjoon stared at you in shock at your answer, and before he could answer, you carried on, “My question to you is why did you block me? Why in the hell did you decide while you were away that you wanted to cut me out of your life?” 

Tears were pooling in Namjoon’s eyes and you saw him open his mouth as if he wanted to speak but you kept going, “Do you have any idea how I felt when I realized you blocked me? I felt horrible. There’s a reason why it’s taken so long to get you and your bandmates on the show and it wasn’t actually because I have been busy; it’s because I can’t look at you without remembering how you left me. How you abandoned me.” 

You felt a tear roll down your cheek and you stopped talking, looking anywhere other than at Namjoon. Everyone was staring at you with a shocked look and you couldn’t blame them. You had just burst emotionally and no doubt barely anyone knew what was going on. You only told Chae that he was your soulmate and as you looked at the rest of BTS you quickly realized that she probably was the only one who knew other than Namjoon and you. The rest of BTS was looking at you with wide eyes and shock. 

Namjoon hadn’t told anyone.

You gasped at this realization, “Kim Namjoon. I feel like meeting you again today has shown me just how much you cared about meeting your soulmate.” 

At that moment it felt as if all hell broke loose as Namjoon’s bandmates got up in shock and the producers quickly worked to end the episode, already seeing just how much the show has gone awry at this point. All you could look at though was Namjoon, who was now furiously opening and closing his mouth as if he was trying to formulate something to say.

“Namjoon-ah! You met your soulmate and didn’t tell us!” Seokjin was shouting as soon as the producers ended the show and you jolted in shock while looking at the shouting man. At this point, Chae was by your side as the Seokjin kept yelling and yelling at Namjoon.

“We met three years ago and were only together for a little while before he left me.” You said, your voice barely a whisper. Somehow it was loud enough that everyone on the set heard, and everyone on set quickly became quiet. 

“Y/n-a… Y/n-sshi, I am sorry I… Our music video blew up so much more than I had expected… I rode that wave of… Then we went on tour and I… you wouldn’t have stayed with me… my life was too hectic… I… I--”

“You decided for me. Without consulting me. You left me, Namjoon-sshi. You left me.” You were speaking quietly, suddenly very aware of everyone else watching Namjoon’s and your fight. 

“I missed you so much. Every day without you was like torture.” He got up and started walking towards you and you started to feel trapped in the chair you were sitting in. This was your space. You were supposed to feel safe while in your studio and yet here you were, feeling trapped and ready to run. 

“Don’t come near me.” You quickly said, needing to keep Namjoon at bay. The closer he got to you, the more you felt like you were going to break down soon. You couldn’t break down soon. You just couldn’t. 

“Is there any way you could possibly forgive me?” Namjoon asked, his eyes pleading with you.

“I… I don’t know. You literally left me behind. You never told anyone about us. I… did you even l… did you even love me like I loved you?” You asked, now curing into yourself on the chair.

“Yes. Of course I did, ba-Y/n-sshi. I loved you so much. That’s why I had to leave you. I--”

“If you all really want to talk about this, we should go to the break room. This is way too public of a place.” Chae interrupted and you felt relief flow over you as she did. You nodded quickly after, standing up shakily and holding onto Chae’s arm for support. Soon enough, Chae was leading the way to the closest break room, Namjoon, his bandmates, and you all following closely behind. Every step towards the break room felt as if your fate was being sealed. 

You were going to cry. 

You were going to break down. 

You were doomed.

Chae got you and Namjoon in the room before quickly leaving with the rest of BTS following behind and once again, you felt alone. Too alone. You quickly moved as far away from Namjoon as you possibly could once the door was closed.

“Why did you run from us, Namjoon-sshi?” You whispered into the silence that surrounded you two.

“Because I love you.” He said quietly, his own voice cracking as he spoke. He sounded as if he was closer to you than he actually was but it didn’t matter because in that moment, you broke down. 

You couldn’t think. 

All that you could do was cry and hyperventilate. It hurt so much to hear Namjoon say that. You thought that you had finished most of the grieving process, yet here you were: bawling your eyes out and feeling like your heart was shattering all over again.

Namjoon cooed and came closer, “It’s ok, Y/n-sshi. It’s ok.” You heard him. You felt the warmth from his hands stutter from touching you. You didn’t feel any physical contact and that made you break more. You started crying even harder, looking up, and quickly pulling Namjoon into a hug as well. It felt nice to be in his arms again. Being held in Namjoon’s arms felt nice and the longer you were in it, the more you felt like you were healing. 

It wasn’t until you had finally stopped crying that you said, “I hate that we’re soulmates.” 

“Why?” Namjoon asked, his whole demeanor stiffening as he looked down at you cautiously.

“Because even after all the you put me through, I still want to be with you.” You said, looking up at Namjoon whose eyes widened and a deep blush settled on his cheeks. 

“I hate that you said that because it makes it harder for me not to kiss you.” Namjoon whispered, his eyes glued to your lips. You simply smiled and leaned up to kiss Namjoon yourself. He quickly started to kiss you back and for once in a long time, you felt like the world was right again.