~ 🐥🐇 ~

Tonight, in the middle of thundery rain, a tall girl stood still in the doorway of her room. Eventide had always been hard for Sooyoung because she knew she would have to face Joohyun once she entered the dorm.

Today was just one of those days. 

She knew Joohyun, her leader, was someone who liked to isolate herself from other members when she had something that bugs her emotion. But even if it's impossible, Sooyoung always eventually found herself hoping Joohyun would jump to hug her and cry on her shoulder. Maybe that also explains why she stayed put in her position, watching a familiar petite woman sat on the couch in the living room with shaking shoulders; secretly crying.

It's always confusing for Sooyoung, to be honest.

Joohyun had made it clear that she didn't want her flaws to be seen by other members. Well, she never really declared it with words. But her gesture was more than enough to be understood; making Sooyoung had no option but to guard her from afar. Sooyoung didn't really know either when Joohyun had become her priority. But making the leader feel uncomfortable around her was the last thing she ever wanted. So she covertly promised herself that she'd go along with what Joohyun prefered.

But then again, today seemed a bit different than any other day because Sooyoung could hear the crack in her heart when she noticed that the shake of Joohyun's shoulder intensified but still no sobb coming out of . The fact was, keeping her own promise didn't seem easy when it came to Joohyun. Maybe she trusted her intuition very much, so she moved her feet one by one until she succeedec in sitting on the left side of the sofa; right beside Joohyun.

The sudden movement elicited a little jolt from the older woman, remembering she couldn't really deal with something unforeseen, but Sooyoung didn't really care anyway. All her focus was on the traces of Irene's tears. Unhesitatingly, Sooyoung reached one of Joohyun's hands just so that she could hold it tightly like there would be no other chances. After she managed to secure the small, fragile hand within the sphere of her own hands, Sooyoung then rubbed the back of Joohyun's hand with her thumb; trying to give some calmness to her mixed emotions.

"What are you doing, Unnie?" Sooyoung's eyes never left a precious object in her hands. Maybe she didn't want to look Joohyun right in the eyes because she just knew, she would just get a cold glare over her crossing-the-line action.

"Me? What are YOU doing, Park Sooyoung? I thought we'd agreed about this."

"I just... I can't, unnie." And that's the cue. Sooyoung started to lift her head until she was completely in the position where she had the courage to stare at her unnie. Her eyes were clearly showing a big concern towards Joohyun. She wanted to hug her. Tightly.

But she just... couldn't.

"I can't just stand there, watching you slowly falling apart. Alone." Then in no time, silence embraced them. Faint wind indirectly told them that it's okay to rely on each other sometimes. It's okay to fall apart together.

Joohyun, who actually had the same feeling as Sooyoung since a long time ago, sensed an intense sore creeping up her heart. She loved Sooyoung. And she knew that the feelings were mutual. They just didn't have the nerve to admit it. After all, they were still part of a group. There was a reputation they should hold and other members' happiness they should keep. Maybe if both of them told the rest of the members that they loved each other and wanted to start dating, the other members would understand. But what if they didn't? The careers of the whole group would just break down into pieces.

"Just... sleep with me tonight, hmm?" Then, here she was. Picking up every bit of bravery she got just to offer the older woman some escape for a while. 

"Sooyoung—"

"Just tonight. Please?" Sooyoung knew Joohyun had always been strong with her principles. Hence, she also didn't really comprehend where the confidence of asking her to forget the world came from. It's like she didn't see it coming. She was the one, among the other members, who saw Joohyun entirely, recognizing and appreciating every piece of Joohyun that the older woman had shown her. 

They always blamed themselves when things like this, which they already buried, came up again on the surface. They'd end up not talking with each other for around five or six days before building their walls so that they could communicate face to face again.

It would turn out to be a loop. I had been so for the past several years. They gave up, then cuddled in the night, turned their backs on each other in the morning after they realized they had just crossed the line they agreed to, and then became their old selves of them.

It hurt. It had always hurt. But instead of avoiding the loop she knew, they both knew, they would circle around again and again, Joohyun just absentmindedly grabbed Sooyoung's hand to drag the tall girl to her room.

"Okay, I'll be with you. Tonight."

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