​​​​​​​Side A: Nayeon’s confession

Tiptoed confessions
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I know there’s something bothering her. I’m not sure if I forgot to do something. Or if I didn't do anything. I just know, for sure, that cute pout on her face isn’t going anywhere soon.
 

“Unnie…” Yeri’s voice is soft, so soft, like she didn’t want to say it in the first place. I rest my utensils on the table. Yeri’s a girl of sunshine. She’s full of warmth and happiness. She says it’s because she’s young and playful. But really, she’s not aware of how she could light up the people around her. However, there will still be moments where she’ll look so fragile, careful, and so tiny.
 

“What’s wrong?” I watch her bite her lower lip, her eyes avoiding mine as she copies me and puts down her utensils. She places both her hands on the table, a few spaces away from my touch.
 

“Are you...avoiding me?”
 

I laugh at her question. “Silly! We’re together now. Why would you say that?” Yeri grins, a little too forced, doubts showing on her face.

“I just...feel like--I mean, it’s been four months, unnie.”

Four months since we’ve started dating. I can’t help but smile on the thought of it. We’ve been friends since our trainee days. She was looking for an older sister and I was looking for someone who understands the struggles of being a trainee. Despite the , we didn’t feel different from each other. In fact, We have so many similarities. And that made it easy to be comfortable with her. So easy, that I forgot how we became best friends and who was the first one to sleep in the other girl’s dorm.

But it still took her years, before she came out to me as biual. She thought I would avoid her, because that’s what they did, she said. She has a lot of friends, being the social butterfly that she is. But to be this raw, and open? She was terrified, afraid the people she trusts won’t accept her for who she is. She has a lot of friends, but very few people know who she really is.
 

I’m different from them, I replied. I welcomed her in my arms, and joked if she ever had a crush on me. I remember her crying that day.
 

That was also the first time I heard her say, I love you.
 

It became our comfort words. Whenever one of us is down, and we can no longer control our emotions, just hearing those three words is enough. I would call and tell it to her over and over. Until the sound of her sobs turn into a whisper of thank yous. When she was overseas and I was shaking in fear, she talked to me through video chat. She never dropped the call until the next morning came. We keep saying those three words even on normal days, like it means more to us. And it does.
 

It does mean a lot.

Until that day, I felt that, saying it simply wasn’t enough.
 

I know Yeri. Being the young and determined girl that she is, she would go beyond the agency rules and date despite the busy schedule.
 

She was good at hiding. In fact, so good, that there were times she dated two people at the same time. I guess, I had enough that time, had too much listening on her failed dates, on how their kisses didn’t bring sparks to her anymore, on how bored she felt being with someone so easily. I didn’t know if I was jealous or simply fed up of listening to her holding other people’s hands, or kissing other people’s lips. I guess, I kind of hated the fact that, that, other people could hear those three words from her. I was tired of being just a best friend.
 

So, I blurted it all out. All my feelings in those three words. I didn’t know how the feelings started, I said. Because it’s true, I know nothing about how a best friend can be a girlfriend, how a girl could fall in love with a girl. On how...I am selfish to hear those three words to me. Only for me.
 

But she simply smiled, held my hand and whispered, It’s okay. I love you, too. and We can take things slow. We will take things slow, unnie.
 

“Unnie,” Yeri’s voice brought me back from my thoughts. “You’re zoning out.”

I reach out to close the distance between our hands. “I’m sorry, Yerim.”
 

“Do you love me?” I forgot this girl can sometimes be straight-forward, one of the irresistible qualities she has.
 

I nod, not sure where she wants the conversation to go.
 

“Unnie, I love you...” I’ve always heard these words from her, but after my confession, those words feel so different each time she says it. This time, I could feel my cheeks heating up from the way she won’t let go of my hand. I feel a hitch on my breathing, like it was a surprise that she can say it so easily. I rest my other hand on my cheek and try to hide the blood rushing through.
 

She gently presses her hand on mine. “...You know I mean it, unnie? And we’ve been together for four months. But, this is just our second date. Did you know, before inviting you, I even called your manager to check if you’d be busy today?”
 

I don’t know what to say. So I smile, show her the usual smile I do when I’m not sure. Because it’s true. We’ve only gone out twice in the span of four months despite having a lot of free schedule. Before, there was even a month when we would meet up everyday after our shoots. And we would still enjoy one another’s company, we’d go out to places, like we’re never running out of energy.
 

Aside from that, I keep saying no to her invites. I admit, the only reason I said yes today is because my manager told me that Yeri called to check on me.
 

“I can feel you’re avoiding me. Do you not...want this? D-do you not want...me?”
 

“Yerim…”
 

“Do you love me?” Yeri asks again while patiently looking at me. Her eyes are waiting, like how she’s waited for all the times I said no on our previous dates.
 

“I…” The napkin on the table looks suddenly interesting to look at. “...do. I love you.”


“Unnie…” Even with my eyes closed, I’m sure, she’s still not letting go of the pout she’s wearing. I think I’ve memorized her face that I could paint it even if I turned blind. “I’m not accepting that, unless you look at me.”
 

I sigh. Giving up to her request, I met her eyes. And God, she’s so beautiful and so irresistible. I could just look at her whole day and I would still, never get enough of her. I look at her closely and watch the redness on her cheeks grow. I give in a small smile, knowing how I could also make her feel.

 

“I love you.” I hold her hand close to my face, “I love you,” and move my lips closer, slowly touching her skin, imprinting those three words on the back of her hand, “I love you.”

 

I see her smiling so bright, her troubles dissolving in an instant. “There. You happy?”

 

“Unnie! That’s so cheesy!” Yeri pats her shoulders and squeals. She tries to hide her adorable smile with a disgusted face, but she’s just failing cutely.

 

“And no. I’m not happy.”

 

“Wha--Why?”

 

“You’re not answering my question. I know you’re avoiding me.”

 

“I’m not.”

 

“Then, sleep with me!” I feel my ears heating up from her statement, shocked and confused from the thoughts suddenly running in my head.

 

Based on my reaction, she seems to understand what she just blurted out. Yeri cracks up like a child, “You ! I’m talking about a sleepover tonight. It’s just me, Irene unnie and Sooyoung unnie. But Sooyoung will also leave in a few, so it’s just gonna be the three of us tonight.”

 

“But--”

 

“Are you saying no again, unnie?” She playfully hits my arm as I laugh in response, the tension from earlier clearly gone. “You’ve made me so lonely. Just two dates? Is that how you want us to be? You owe me a sleepover!”

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