I pet the cat once more before placing her back on the bench.

“Sorry. I have to go now, Maomao. I promise I’ll come back again with some treats.”

I rubbed her chin affectionately.

She purred in response.

I reluctantly pulled my hand away as I stood up.

Looking at my watch, it was already nearing the evening. I planned on going shopping for some groceries before going home. As always, I neglected to do it until I’ve run out of food in my apartment. Once I got to the supermarket, I snapped my fingers.

Time ran fast in a flash and I found myself outside the supermarket with my groceries in hand.

As I was walking towards the crossing, I noticed a woman slumped against the post of the walking sign signal. Nobody seemed to notice as they were all facing forward and waiting for the signs across the street to change. I slowly walked up to the woman and carefully placed a hand on her shoulder.

She was startled and looked back at me with wide eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“I-I’m fine,” she replied.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Just anemic.”

My eyes widened at that.

“That does not sound fine to me,” I said as I looked around for somewhere she could sit. I spotted a café nearby. “Why don’t we go sit over there,” I said as I pointed out.

“I-“

“I’m not really keen on the idea of letting you go when you obviously don’t feel well. Come on. It’s my treat.”

Seeing I wouldn’t budge, she sighed defeatedly.

“We’ll split. I don’t take too well to making strangers pay for me.”

I grinned.

“Fine by me.”

I offered her my arm to steady herself which she took reluctantly.

It was great that the place was only half full so we managed to quickly find seats. The waiter didn’t take long and came to get out orders.

“We’ll get two hot chocolates with some whipped cream,” I said. “Oh! And some cinnamon please.”

Writing it down, the waiter quickly went away.

Looking back at the woman opposite me, realization quickly hit me.

“Sorry! I should have asked you what you wanted first,” I said apologetically and slightly bowed my head.

I heard her chuckle.

“Lucky for you, I like hot chocolate with whipped cream. I especially like drinking it during cold weather such as this.”

I sighed in relief.

“Are you feeling better now?” I asked.

“A little. Thank you by the way.”

“You’re welcome.” I smiled at her. “Just tell me if you feel worse. I’ll take you to the hospital.”

She looked surprised and looked at me with a curious eye.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but do I know you from somewhere?”

“What? No, I don’t think so.”

“I think so too. But with the way you’re acting, you seem awfully concerned for some stranger.”

“A very pretty stranger,” I said with a wink.

I saw her brows rise to her hairline.

“Still a stranger to you,” she shot back.

“What can I say, I can’t pretend I didn’t just see you almost pass out earlier.” I shrug.

As we found ourselves chatting, I could easily tell she was friendly despite coming off a bit cold at times. Once she felt better, we parted ways. Though it was a bit sudden, I tried my luck and asked if we could exchange numbers. She looked a bit hesitant, so I reassured her it was alright if she didn’t want to. In the end, we did exchange numbers.

 

 

And from that first meeting, I began seeing her more and more in the future.

 

 

“Oh. Hi!” I greeted her.

She looked a bit bewildered. After a few seconds, she finally returned my greeting.

“Didn’t expect to see you here,” she told me as she sat on the opposite side of the bench.

“Sometimes I drop by to feed this little one,” I said, pointing at the cat on my lap.

Her eyes widened.

“No wonder it got fatter,” she said with a laugh. “So you had someone other than me feeding you, huh,” she spoke while looking directly at the cat.

“Meow~”

“I hope you don’t mind,” I said.

“Why would I? It’s not mine to begin with,” she replied.

As we sat there, pampering the little rascal, we talked about random things.

“Hey. Do you mind if we hang out again?” I asked.

She smiled and replied to me, “Not at all. Just call me. You still have my number, right?”

I grinned and nodded. At that and promised her I would call.

 

 

“I feel a sense of deja vu whenever I’m with you.”

“Funny. I feel the same way.”

 

 

I decided that instead of our usual meeting time, I would go a little earlier this time.

I arrived at our meeting place and as I expected, she wasn’t there yet. I knew where she was coming from so I could guess she was probably just around the corner.

My feet took me around the corner. I immediately spotted her from a distance. I smiled at the thought of surprising her. I walked a little faster towards her.

I smirked.

I was just in time to pull her to the side before she got bumped. The man looked to be in such a hurry and had already bumped into other people. Quite hard might I add. She would have complained the whole time later on about how her shoes got scruffed.

“You really shouldn’t be looking at your phone while walking,” I scolded her.

She looked up at me in surprise.

“Thanks. I just wanted to give you a quick text that I was near,” she informed me.

“Next time, just call instead so you can watch where you’re going.”

“Okay,” she agreed.

“The line’s probably long, I hear the movie’s quite good,” I told her.

Linking my arm with hers, I lead the way.

 

 

“Sorry I’m late,” she apologized as she sat opposite me.

I just smiled and waved it off.

“It’s fine. I ordered and got you your favorite while waiting,” I replied.

She looked at me surprised.

“My favorite? How do-“

“I remembered what you ordered last time,” I said.

“Oh. Thanks. That’s very thoughtful of you.”

“Anyways, I thought we could go shopping after this.”

She visibly perked up as she heard that.

“It has been a while since I went shopping. Also…,” she paused and eyed me up and down.

“It’ll be fun.”

I felt shivers run down my spine.

Me and my damn mouth. I felt tired at the end of our afternoon. I was in and out of shops and changing rooms. I can’t even count the number of clothes I tried on. It was basically a tag team of her and the shop assistant versus me who was reluctant to try on the clothes they pushed onto me. I tried to decline but I lost of course.

I glanced at her and saw her humming cheerfully.

I sighed.

“At least she’s happy,” I thought.

“It’s getting late. Knowing you, do you want to eat?” she asked me.

“It’s fine. I can eat at home. I’m sure your family must be expecting you,” I replied.

“I can just call. Besides, I feel kinda bad about earlier so my treat.”

Who was I to say ‘no’?

While we were in the middle of eating, she asked me a question.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

I shook my head.

“No,” I answered. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Why not?”

I raised a brow at her.

“What about you? Do you have a boyfriend?”

She shook her head no.

“Why not?” I returned her question from earlier.

She lightly glared at me as I shot her a smirk.

“So girlfriend then?” she asked again.

I raised a brow at that.

“What? I don’t wanna assume.”

I cleared my throat.

“No. I don’t have a girlfriend either.”

She smiled at me.

“Me too,” she replied. “To being single!”

She raised her glass.

I followed her lead and clinked our glasses together.

“To being single.”

 

 

“I wonder why?”

“Wonder what?”

“I wonder why it’s so easy to talk to you? It’s as if we’ve known each other for so long.”

“Maybe we have in another life.”

“You think we’d also be friends in another life?”

“Of course. I’ll make sure we do.”

 

 

 

“Are you alright?” I asked with concern.

She continued to look outside the window. Curious, I followed her line of sight but I didn’t see anything stand out in particular.

“I’m envious of other people,” she stated.

“Oh? What could you be jealous of?” I asked.

She didn’t give me an answer and just continued to watch the people bustling about in the streets.

 

 

“My family keeps asking me if I have a boyfriend.”

“Oh? Do you?”

“No. I would have told you.”

“Why would they ask that?”

“Because I’ve been going out a lot recently.”

“I can see why they’d assume that. So where have you been going out recently?”

“I’ve been going out a lot. With you.”

“Oh.”

 

 

“. You scared me.”

She laughed.

“How can you laugh?!”

“You’re such a cry baby,” she told me as she brought up her hand to my face and wiped my cheek.

“The doctors said you have to stay longer so they can monitor you,” I informed her.

She sighed.

“Can’t be helped.”

Unlike earlier, her expression turned gloomy. I had to cheer her up somehow. If there’s one of the things we shared in common, it’s our love for food.

“Want me to get you something to eat? Anything you like?”

“Surprise me.”

I nodded.

“I’ll be back quickly so just stay where you are.”

She laughed.

“I can’t really go anywhere even if I wanted to,” she replied as she gestured to herself hooked onto the IV.

“Yeah. Just stay there.”

I went to a nearby convenience store and bought a bunch of her favorites. On my way back, I saw her parents at the reception. They looked visibly distressed as the nurse tried to calm them down.

I approached them.

“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Jung,” I greeted.

They turned to me.

“I’m a friend of your daughter. I was with her when it happened.”

They started thanking and bowing at me.

“Please raise your heads. It’s enough for me that she’s okay.”

I calmed them down and informed them their daughter was already awake. I handed the food I bought for her to give to her and told them to tell her I had to go.

In truth, I just didn’t want to intrude.

She needs her family more than ever right now.

 

 

“I’m scared.”

“Why are you scared?”

“This is the first time in a long time I’ve ever felt so scared. And it’s not because of my illness. I was never scared of death. I’ve accepted it since long ago.”

“Then why are you scared now?”

“Because…”

“What is it?”

“I’m scared one day I won’t wake up. That I won’t see you.”

 

 

“What if I told you I could control time?”

Unbelievable.

Impossible.

Crazy.

Freak.

“Well I don’t blame you for not believing me, buddy,” I said to those piercing bright eyes.

“Meow~ meow~”

“At least I don’t understand what you’re saying. I’ve already had my fair share of skeptical criticisms directed my way.”

“Meow~”

“It’s nice that I have someone I can talk to about this. Even though you’re a cat. A really really cute cat.”

“Meow~”

“I have to go kitty. I’ll talk to you soon some other time.”

After I left the park, like clockwork, I saw her on my way to the groceries. And like every first encounter we’ve had, I ran straight up to her.

My heart was beating fast.

As I looked down at that all too familiar face, she gazed right back at me with the same dazed and confused stare.

Here we go again.

I smiled.

It gets more bittersweet than the last few times.

 

 

By accident, I found out about my powers one day. It was in elementary school and as I was walking home, I got surrounded by bullies. All I could do that time was crouch and cower in fear as they threw insults and punches at me. All I wanted that time was for it to stop. I just wanted it all to stop.

I realized not a moment later, I couldn’t hear them or feel any of their punches anymore. I hesitantly opened my eyes. I was shocked. I thought it was another prank but no matter how long I waited they didn’t move. I started to panic. I didn’t know what was happening.

But then I noticed their fists coming at me slowly.

Time was moving slowly.

But what about me?

“FASTER”, I yelled in my mind.

Next thing I knew, I felt a gut-wrenching pain as I got hit in the face.

Everyone stopped, shocked.

I was shocked.

I saw fear in their eyes as they looked down at me. I winced as I felt pain spreading through my right temple. I watched them step back and flea yelling over their shoulder that it wasn’t their fault.

I went home in a daze that day.

I thought it was all a dream until it happened again.

After that, I started experimenting with my powers. As scary as it all seemed, I tried fast-forwarding into the future but as I did, I suddenly got pulled back into the present.

I felt nauseous and started vomiting.

I tried it again but I got pulled back to the present like before and I felt even worse.

A few hesitant trials later, I learned that I couldn’t go too far back or too far into the future. I had a limit of about 2 years. I also found out I can’t stop time. Only slow it down.

That was still amazing given how absurd this power was.

The toll on my body depended on how many times and the length of time to which I wanted to reverse or fast forward. All in all, as much as I was amazed at it, I tried to minimize using it as much as I could.

I felt a sense of dread every time I used it.

I had a feeling...like something was counting down.

It was too mysterious to use.

Too tempting.

 

 

 

But of course.

She became my reason to use this power.

I kept using it, forgetting my previous hesitations.

Then one day, for the first time...

 

 

“SOOYOUNG!”

I out in the middle of the day. When I opened my eyes, I woke up to familiar white ceilings. I’ve been healthy most of my life.

And yet, these white ceilings became all too familiar.

A painful reminder.

 

 

This must be from using my powers too much. I had to stay in the hospital for about a week to regain my strength. The doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. I could see how glad they were once I got up on my feet a few days later.

That didn’t stop me from using it again.

Call me greedy but I could care less.

If it meant more time with her, I’d push myself to my limits.

Time.

I needed more time with her.

I closed my eyes and willed time to go faster.

I needed to meet her soon.

 

 

It was an odd feeling.

There was a nagging alarm at the back of my head.

It was a warning.

My chances were getting fewer.

 

 

 

This was her second time this month to be hospitalized.

Again.

It was me who ended up calling an ambulance. I almost didn’t catch her as she fell in front of me. It’s not the first time I’ve witnessed it but it always hit me with the same shock and panic the first time.

I knew what would happen but it scared me regardless.

When she woke up, she finally told me the truth about her condition once she woke up.

“You don’t seem shocked.”

“I am…just processing,” I told her.

She had chronic lymphocyte leukemia. It was a rare case for a person her age. She didn’t have a good immune system to begin with either so she’s been having treatments for it for almost 2 years.

“I’m sorry.”

I frowned.

“Why are you sorry?”

“For all the trouble.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” I said.

Pulling me by my hand, she reached out and hugged me.

I hugged her back.

“I wonder why you’re so good to me?”

I chuckled.

“You’d rather I treated you badly?” I teased.

“No.”

“Thought so.”

“Can we stay like this a little longer?” she murmured.

“Of course. As long as you want.”

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t try to stop time at this moment.

But it didn’t.

It never did.

 

 

 

I have this weird feeling.

She was staring.

It bothered me so I tried asking but she said it was nothing.

I could tell it wasn’t ‘nothing’.

I thought she would tell me eventually, so I didn’t push.

 

 

 

“Remember when I said I was envious of other people?” she asked me out of the blue.

We were at my place. We decided to have a movie night as well as a sleepover. I was nervous the whole day and spent time cleaning until everything was perfectly in place. Much to her guest’s amusement, she missed a stray underwear which she quickly kicked under her bed.

“Yes?”

“I don’t feel it as much these days.”

“That’s good then.”

She smiled at me.

“It’s all because of you, you know?”

“Me?”

She nodded.

“You make me feel like everybody else. By that, I mean you don’t coddle me. And I like how much I get to experience life when I’m with you. I’m having fun.”

I grinned at her.

“Life with you is fun too,” I replied.

“I don’t bore you?”

“Never.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Will it be less fun if I wasn’t with you?”

“Very. So don’t go anywhere.”

 

 

Counting the days like usual, I found my mood turn gloomier.

I tried to hide it as best as I could.

 

 

 

She was getting weaker.

She stayed in the hospital more frequently and longer each time. Her family then decided it was best she stayed where she could be monitored 24/7.

I visited every day but she would push me away saying I had to concentrate on my job and studies. I decided not to tell her that I quit my part-time job because she’d only grow mad at me.

I could see how frustrated she was as she laid down staring outside the window.

When I would visit and the weather was nice, I would take her out to the hospital garden or roof. I could tell how much she wanted out of her room. It was the best I could do.

I could only smile sadly as she would sit silently in her wheelchair staring at nothing in particular. I tried my best and saw it as an achievement when I managed to get a laugh or two from her.

Once when we were watching the sunset, I slowed down time. I just wanted our time together to be a bit longer as much as possible. As I glanced at her, I was dumbstruck when she glanced back at me.

Didn’t I-

I glanced at our surroundings and everything was moving in slow motion.

“Why are you making that face?” she asked.

Then she looked at our surroundings and seemed to catch on.

I immediately resumed time.

“Wh-what just happened?” she asked me.

“I don’t know,” I lied.

What was that? Was it a glitch? Were my powers failing? That never happened before.

Wait.

Does that mean I could slow down time for the both of us?

My excitement went over my head.

I tried and I tried and I tried and I...

Failed.

It never happened again.

And I only got sick afterwards.

I cursed.

Someone was playing a cruel joke on me.

 

 

 

“Even if I don’t make it-”

“Don’t say that! You’ll get bet-”

“Listen to me!”

“...”

“Even if I don’t make it, our time together...I don’t regret it.”

“Please...don’t say it like that.”

“Do you regret it then? Spending time with me?”

“Never.”

“Even though you’ll end up hurting?”

“I won’t regret it. It hurts...but you’re worth it. You’ll always be worth it.”

“Then let’s spend what time we have left with no regrets.

“Just you and me.”

“That’s right. Just you and me.”

 

 

 

The atmosphere today was more somber and gloomier than my previous visits.

How many times has it been now?

This time, something felt amiss.

There was that sense of dread once again.

A darkness looming over my head…

I tried to brush them away and focus on the task at hand.

I was at her bedside, peeling an orange. I tried my best to make conversation but she’d only reply with a hum. I was deeply concerned from her unresponsiveness. I was just about to speak to her once more when she spoke up first.

“I must be crazy but what the heck,” she muttered.

She finally looked at me and had an uneasy smile.

I looked at her in confusion.

“Tell me if I’m crazy,” she said. “But I’m dying anyways so I don’t really care.”

“Hey don’t say that,” I chastised.

She shook her head.

She looked at me as if saying ‘You know it’s true.’

I couldn’t say anything back.

Because I knew.

She closed her eyes and drew in a breath. When she opened them, she held my gaze for some time before speaking again.

“Tell me, that time…it was real, wasn’t it? I thought long and hard about this to the point I felt crazy for thinking about it. But it’s the only theory I have that could explain everything,” she rambled on. “You...that was you, right?”

She then turned to me.

“What are you talking about?” I feigned ignorance.

She huffed in annoyance.

“Remember that time I was late for our meetup at the park? I heard you talking to the cat by chance. As I got nearer, I saw you petting it as usual but you were also speaking things I thought of as a bunch of nonsense.”

I stayed silent.

“You’re just gonna stay silent?”

I didn’t dare to speak.

She sighed.

“It got me thinking. I thought a lot about it. I tried to recall everything we’ve done so far,” she said. “So how many times has it been?”

My eyes widened.

“What?” I finally spoke.

“You heard me. How many times?” she reiterated.

“I’m not sure what yo-“

“Just stop it already. Stop lying.”

My hands clenched into fists in my lap.

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about,” I repeated.

She glared at me.

“Okay then. Let me ask you,” she said. “How is it that you always seem to know where to find me? Know things about me I am sure I never told you? How do you know my favorites? Why is it that on the first time we met, you went grocery shopping near that crossing when there was a supermarket just two blocks away from your apartment? Then I kept seeing you so many times in places I’ve never seen you before? It didn’t feel like a coincidence anymore.”

“How is it that you know so much about me?”

I clenched my jaw.

“Tell me I’m crazy or else answer me. How many times have we met?” she pleaded.

I bit down on my lip as I clenched on my fists tighter.

Maybe it was because I was put on the spot, I could feel panic rush over me. I felt like I couldn’t lie anymore when she was looking at me with such certainty. But, I didn’t want to tell her the truth either. Would she even believe such a thing – no – she already has her suspicions. I could keep denying it. And yet, I couldn’t have her thinking she’s gone crazy.

After a moment of silence, I answered.

“8.”

Her eyes widened at me. I watched as her shoulders started shaking

I heard her sigh as she plopped back down onto her pillow.

“That’s 7 too many,” I heard her say. “You can’t keep doing this,” she said in a tired voice.

I abruptly stood up.

“Why not?!” I yelled. “I just wanted to spend more time with you so I kept going back. I came back for you.”

I felt the tears forming in my eyes.

“What use is this power when I can’t use it to have more time with you?”

I heard my voice crack.

Sitting up, Jessica reached her hand out to me.

“So you really can control time?”

“I…just mine. I can only go back to my past and future. It's like a tape of my life and I can go as far back or as far in the future of my life.”

“And you’ve been reversing time?”

“To see you,” I added.

“You could have just continued on, you know? I’m sure you eventually moved on.”

I looked away as she said that.

I hear her gasp then sigh deeply as she leaned back. She looked at me with a complicated expression. Was she sad? Angry?

She then frowned at me.

“You…hurt yourself too many times,” she says as she took my hand in hers. “It must have been hard, hasn’t it?”

“I-I…”

I wanted to say it wasn’t.

But that’s not true.

“I’m sorry.”

“N-No. Don’t say that.”

“It must have been hard seeing me die so many times.”

“I-“

“But now you have to let me go,” she cut me off.

She looked up at me.

Smiling.

Sadly.

And yet all I could think of is how pretty she is.

Why?

“What?! I won’t…I…why would you say that?”

“You have to let me go. This has to be the last time,” she said sternly.

I was shaking.

“I…I don’t want to…I can’t,” I sobbed. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do,” she said resolutely.

I dropped on my knees.

“Why do I have to? I can just turn back time and see you again. We can be together forever,” I tried to assure her.

She shook her head at me.

“You have to let me go.”

“But-“

“Let me go,” she said to me in a tired weak voice.

My eyes widened as I felt her hand in mine get colder. I could see her face turning paler.

“Let me go,” she said again. “So you can finally live on. Live past this memory.”

“I don’t want to live without you. Please I-“

“Live for me then. I want you to live for me.”

She held on to my hand tightly as she said that.

“I can’t-“

“For me. Do it for me who can’t.”

I couldn’t say anything anymore as she looked at me with those determined eyes, shining with unshed tears.

I pulled her hand close to me and kissed the back of her hand.

“Then,” I spoke. “For the last time, I’ll let you go.”

She clutches my hand close to her and kisses it in return.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

I smile at her.

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow?”

She just smiles at me back.

 

 

 

I stayed awake that night.

Right on time, I got a call.

It wasn’t a long call.

“Thank you for telling me,” I replied then hung up.

 

 

 

A few days later, I’m at her funeral.

Again.

I’m face to face with her lifeless body dressed pristinely in a white dress.

Even in death, she looked beautiful.

I could feel my fingers twitch.

Any second and I could just-

“Hello.”

I was startled by the sudden presence beside me.

“Um hi.”

The young woman smiled at me.

“I’m not sure if she’s ever mentioned me but I’m-“

“Her sister. Yeah she’s mentioned you. She’s told me how annoying you were.”

I saw her roll her eyes in quite a familiar way.

“Wow. Thanks, sis,” she said directed at the coffin. “You can be annoying too.”

“I guess I should introduce myself. I’m-“

“I know. She mentioned you too. A lot of times,” she says.

“Oh. All good things I hope.”

“All good I promise. She wouldn’t really shut up about you really. And as annoying as it got, she looked happy,” she informed.

“…”

“Thank you. For making her happy in her last moments,” she told me as she turned to face her sister. “She…she never got sad or angry in front of us you know? Never complained when she would be in and out of the hospital for countless tests. Even though there was a high chance she could live longer and even survive, but the very fact there was a possibility she wouldn’t make it made her depressed. She tried to hide it of course. Stupid unnie.”

“She was being strong for you,” I told her.

“I know that,” she says. “That’s why I’m thankful towards you. I saw her smile a lot. So happy. That means a lot to me and my family. To her.”

“I…you’re welcome.”

Wiping away at her tears, she turned back to me.

“She told me to give you this by the way. She called last night…I…I…if it wasn’t for this, I probably couldn’t have talked to her in her final moments.”

“…”

“Thank you.”

She reached into her pocket and revealed a small envelope.

She handed it to me.

On the envelope was a familiar handwriting addressing it to me.

 

 

 

When I got home, I placed the letter on the table. I just looked at it for a moment before going to the bathroom to take a bath. After my bath, I went to the refrigerator to get a drink. As I was deciding whether to go for a beer or wine, my eye flitted back on the envelope on my table.

Still unopened.

Closing the refrigerator door, I walk towards the table.

I stare at it.

Curious.

Anxious.

This never happened before.

I read my name again written prettily in her handwriting.

I breathed a deep sigh.

 

 

 

We both knew what was going to happen.

I’m sorry I never told you in the first place.

If you knew firsthand, you would never have befriended me.

You could have spared yourself the heartache I will cause you.

I had caused you.

 

 

 

“That’s not true. I would have befriended you regardless.”

I close my eyes and thought back to our first meeting.

Our very first meeting.

I was at the park. Embarrassed to say, I fell asleep. I only woke up to the feeling of a cat clawing at my arm. In my panic to hurry and catch my train, I had forgotten I could have just used my power to stop time.

But if I had, I never would have noticed you.

You had already collapsed in that crossing when I found you. I rushed towards you, asking if you were okay.

You opened your eyes momentarily.

You stared right at me.

Smiled up at me.

And in that moment, I unconsciously slowed down time.

 

 

 

I’m sorry for my selfish request.

It really is selfish of me to ask you of that.

But eight times is enough already.

However, know that I personally don’t want you to let me go.

But you have to. You have to let me go.

I can’t stand the thought of you wasting your time for me.

I’ve ran out of time. You haven’t.

But because of me, you’re stuck in a loop and I don’t want that.

I want you to continue living even if it means without me.

 

 

 

I wipe my face with the back of my hand when I noticed drops of my tears landing on the paper, messing with the ink.

 

 

 

And one last thing. I have a secret to tell you.

Knowing myself, my previous selves wouldn’t have told you.

I would have been afraid it would have just made it harder for you.

But I’ll tell you this time because I owe this to you.

 

 

 

I turn the letter over as I stop reading.

I march into my bathroom and stand in front of the sink. I look at the mirror and see my reflection. My eyes were bloodshot and my vision was blurry from my tears. Some snot had even made it’s way down to my lips. I turned open the faucet and washed my face.

I reveled in the feeling of the cool water hitting my face.

 

 

 

“This will be the last.”

 

 

 

I close my eyes.

As I open them back again, I’m in the familiar halls of the hospital.

I walk straight to the familiar door for the ninth time. With all the determination I had, I opened the door and announced myself. I walk in and I’m met with the familiar eyes I last saw just a few days ago. I feel the pang in my chest.

I endured.

“Back already?” she says, smiling at me like always.

“I’m sorry.”

She tilts her head to the side in question.

“What for?”

“For breaking our promise you’ll make with me about five minutes from now. But I swear, this will be the last and final time,” I told her.

She blinks at me.

She sighs.

“Apology accepted.”

I sigh back in relief. I was prepared for her to be angry at me.

“That’s good to hear.”

“So what brings you back here then?” she asks.

I approached her bed and sat carefully beside her.

“In your letter…,” I began to say.

I saw surprise and panic cover her features.

“You really…” she paused.

She sighed, giving up on trying to comprehend. She was already dying. No need to stress about such things.

“I was still about to write one,” she said. “So you’ve read it?”

“I have,” I say as I took her hands in mine. “And I came back because I thought it was unfair. In your letter, you told me you owe me but I also owe it to you.”

“Owe me what?” she asked hesitantly.

With every bit of courage and determination I had in me, I leaned closer to her, my gaze unwavering as I looked straight into her eyes.

“I love you.”

I watched as her brows furrowed and her lips trembled.

“…Really?” she asked in a soft whisper.

I nodded.

She sighed.

“God…you just keep making this hard,” she said with a chuckle.

Next thing I knew, I saw tears sliding down her cheek. My immediate reaction was to wipe them away. I reached out and began dabbing her cheeks with my sleeve. Just as I was about to pull away, she placed her hand over mine and kept my hand on her cheek.

“Thank you. Although our time together was short, you made me really happy.” Then she continued to tease me, “Over and over again.”

“I have no regrets. And I’d do it again,” I told her earnestly. “But…our promise.”

She smiles at me with a tinge of sadness.

“Come closer. I want to take a good look at you.”

I did.

I got close as much as I can that our faces were just mere inches from each other. When she didn’t say anything, I made no move to move away.

“This is going to be the last time I can tell.”

I stayed silent.

Her trembling hands reached up to cup the sides of my face.

“Did we ever…?” she let the question hang.

I caught on immediately and shook my head no.

“I see.”

I saw her bite her bottom lip as she turned her gaze down. Not a moment later she looked back up at me shyly.

“I know my hospital room isn’t exactly the most romantic place…,” she paused. “But umm…”

Amused at her sudden bashfulness, I took the initiative to lean even closer so that our foreheads were touching.

“What do you mean this place isn’t romantic? Don’t romance movies usually have scenes shot at hospitals?” I joked. “Life and death situations and all that.”

“I guess you’re right,” she giggled.

Not a moment later, we were back to just staring at each other. She had a small smile on her lips and a faint blush adorning her pale features.

I could feel my heart racing at this moment.

I knew hers was too because I heard the heart monitor beeping.

Ever so slowly, I leaned in, angling my face to the side.

She closed her eyes, her delicate lashes brushing against my cheek.

The moment I felt my lips on hers, my heart soared.

It was soft and pliant.

It is (was) our first kiss.

It is (was) our last kiss

It is (was) bittersweet.

But this single moment in time meant everything.

 

 

 

It’s silent.

No beeping machine to be heard.

No aseptic smell in the air.

The moment I opened my eyes, I was back in my apartment and seated by the dining table.

I am all alone, but I could still feel her ghost lips still warm against my own.

My gaze immediately dropped down to her letter.

 

 

 

I love you.

 

 

 

All I can depend on now is my memory of you.