I don't know how he heard about it but there he is, Ju Haknyeon is running towards me in worried urgency. 

"Are you okay? I mean...no, you're not okay. Anyways, I'm here."

If I wasn't sad and crying, I would have laughed at his clumsy words. Ju Haknyeon, my friend, and one of the best. He and I have been close since time immemorial. Now, the both of us entering our 20s, I just keep finding doors to life that challenge me and bring me down. There are so many kinds of heartbreaks, but I didn't know it was going to be this hard. Haknyeon has been with me throughout all those times and at this point I don't know what I'm gonna do without him. 

I couldn't acknowledge his presence warmly like I always do but there he is again, comforting me with utmost concern in his eyes. I know he was staring at me but I kept crying it all out anyway like I was trying to get it all out of my system. He was right in front of me all that time, never letting his eyes stray away from my face. I was seated between the steps of a couple of stairs, my legs propped inside my body and also between his arms, his hands on my knees rubbing and patting them in between sniffles. I can't recall anything else while all those was happening because all of a sudden, he gives me a peck on the lips. To my surprise, my tears stop falling right then and there. 

"Ah, I'm sorry! I don't know what got into me. I...couldn't help it..." His words trailing off as he finds his reason. 

I guess he couldn't help himself with the sight of me crying that much. This might have been the first time he's seeing me like this after being friends for so long. 

I couldn't help myself either. At first, I was a weeping mess and the next I am just...a mess. I didn't know how to process all these mixed emotions. But I'm pretty sure I can faintly hear a voice in the back of my head shouting, "Haknyeon just kissed me!!! My friend kissed me!!!" 

"I HAVE TO GO HOME!" That shut my brain up.

"Oh...okay." Haknyeon jolted up from sitting as fast as I did.

I actually decided that very second to go home to recollect my thoughts so I asked him if he could at least walk me to my bus stop. 

I am so confused. I am so embarrassed. I am so...wasn't I just crying earlier? Am I suffering short-term memory loss right now? Damn, I can't keep my head straight anymore. All I kept thinking about is Haknyeon and him right here walking beside me. 

I am so conscious. I steal glances at him. He's always been a pretty boy but Haknyeon-ah, have you always been this handsome? I admire his side profile. He looks even taller by my side. His stature that always felt so comfortable beside me now feels so foreign, different, and...breathtaking? I gawk at his perfect complexion, his hair, those thick eyebrows, those sideburns...how can sideburns look so hot?!, that jawline, those lips....

"We're here." Haknyeon stops in his tracks, turns to me and eyes me carefully. 

"Yeah. Do you have somewhere to be? I have to wait here a few more minutes until my bus arrives." I tell him as I finally mind the time on my watch. 

"It's okay. I'll wait here with you." He spots a bench nearby, guides me to it and we sit down together. 

I can finally sense the awkwardness between us. The gap between us in our seat never felt so far. I can almost cry again. Huhu. He puts both of his hands inside the pockets of his jacket. I belatedly become aware of the winter breeze as the cold air stings my face. As Haknyeon's does too. His nose slowly turning red and his cheeks rosy. God, he's so cute. But he looks so uneasy.

"Are you cold?" I ask him "I have a hot pack with me..."

"Are you okay now? I was really worried...about you."

"Oh..yeah. I'll be okay." I suddenly remember all my problems rush over me again. 

"By the way, I'm sorry about earlier...I don't want to worry you even more." 

"Ah, It's okay!" Ok, . I said that too quickly.

And just like that we went back to being awkward and waited for the bus in silence. Our busy thoughts were interrupted as I see the bus coming towards us through the corner of the street. We stand up from our seat and I get ready to leave. Haknyeon turns to me for what seemed like the last time and takes a step to hug me really deeply in an effort to give his last ounce of consolation. I'm not even surprised this time around anymore. I just receive it and accept him around me. I just felt so warm in his sincerity that I didn't think I could leave him without saying thank you. And so, before we could part completely I give him a kiss on the cheek hoping that would explain what I'm feeling out of the words that I'm lacking.

But he would reciprocate.

We look into each other's eyes for a while until he returns my gesture with a big one on my lips. Aaaaah! I felt like my heart would burst and rip out of my chest. I don't know how we got here but our hands sure know where to find themselves. Haknyeon's hand find its way to caress the side of my face and cheek while the other steady me at my waist. My own hands wind around his neck and nuzzle his hair. Haknyeon smells so good and feels so right in my arms. The moment was so long and so emotional that when it ended, I find myself crying again. But like a crazy person that I am, I also laugh in between tears. We both laugh at ourselves. HIs smile melts me. 

And I feel so giddy.

The bus that we were waiting for for half-an-hour left us again. My tears were not stopping anytime soon but even then, I could feel his patience. I feel bad for crying all over him but thankfully, I will find out later on that my crying did give him an excuse to keep me longer. 

I really had to leave so he walks me to the next bus stop while holding my hand really tight. We've never done anything like this before and I think we both got excited to find such deep-set feelings for each other. Where else can I find such a good person who cares about me so much? 

The last bus comes and I finally ride it. Haknyeon waves to bid me goodbye and I wave back from the window. He watches me go and all the way home I kept thnking to myself...

I love him so much.