LEE CHANGSUN

Family, love, strength, what do these things have in common?

My answer they are things that humans want in their lives, what is also considered a weakness.

I personally believe that where I stand with those three things, I honestly don’t have at all.

1. Lost my family because I was a coward.

2. Love was either replaced with lust or simply non-existent after family.

3. Strength is what I have physically, not mentally.

Living most of my adolescence in an orphanage is hard for those that can’t survive on their own, these places as most stereotypes are, ugly, trash and lonely. Most of what people say is true but not everyone should judge a book by its cover. I had my fair share of experiences at the orphanage I lived in. I was able to go to school, eat and sleep. Which is the main three things one cares about at the age of 11. I was even able to get adopted by a family who I thought would be everything my own family was to me, but I was somewhat right. They gave me everything I could ever want, but one thing they lacked was love. Either they didn’t know how to express it or they simply just wanted someone to carry the family name. I don’t even know what they saw in me to pick me out of the millions of kids in the orphanage, still to this day, they won’t tell me. I was adopted at the age of 15 and one might say I was one of the lucky kids. Honestly I was too old to be adopted was what my caretaker said but I simply ignored her and tried to do what my mother has said to me, “run and never look back”. With that I left the orphanage, somehow it wasn’t hard to leave because I wasn’t close to anyone.

And here I am today living the good life or so I’m told.

My new family was interesting at first then it all changed over the years.

I learned quickly that I hated suits yet I looked good, who knew. With everything they had I loved and started to show emotions, to let loose. But not all was fun and games. My new family consisted of a man and woman and their huge staff of employees. My “father” was always busy with the company her owned and so I rarely would see him on any day. But to him Christmas was the sacred and should never be missed. He for sure was at the mansion on Christmas , it didn’t matter if he had a stack of papers to sign or a flight to catch, he never missed Christmas. The only holiday I could actually talk to him without formalities and everything that would get in the way of course. He was cool, funny guy, most of my funny side came from him. Well, most of it. Although, he never gave me a proper hug , that’s the one thing I consider he lacks, the physical love. No matter what he’s a cool father. My “mother” is what you call “hot”, she’s a model/designer/cosmetics agent. She is never on home on time, or at home period. But she never fails to call me or send me text messages if I have eaten or if I have cleaned my room. As well, she never misses Christmas. She always sends baked cookies from where ever she is in the world. What’s funny is that she bakes them herself yet if perhaps she’s in Italy the cookies would be received by me weeks later, but the cookies are never bad, maybe smell a little bad but never taste bad. It really surprises me because food in the mail always ends up bad, but it never is. Weird. Through all the things she has done for me which is a lot , never has she given me a kiss on the forehead like a mom would do. She lacks physical love too.

With the things they both have done for me , I still feel lonely and distant from them. I know that it took me a year to speak to them when I first arrived at their mansion but who wouldn’t be stunned at the jinormous place. Maids waiting to take what little things I carried with me. I even had a butler, a butler. One only sees these kind of things in movies or that one drama people talk about after it being years since it was release.. What was the name…boys…over..flowers. I think it was like that. Not the point. I always kept my distance with them. The maids and my butler always see me stuck in my room playing by myself or sleeping. I never went out. I always had permission but I never went out. That is until my butler wanted me to celebrate my birthday the proper way. I could honestly say that even at rich private school that I had the grand opportunity to attend to , never had a real friend. Maybe classmates that would talk to me once in a while but not a friend that came over to my house and just spent time with me. I know that part of it was because I was actually richer than most of my classmates and everyone had known I was adopted. And there is that slight possibility that I had the face that girls would swoon over and envied me because of that. There are many reasons why I kept to myself in middle school, and high school. It never really bothered me that I was adopted and people would call me that. I understood that I would always be different, but what I did worry was to why I was adopted. I tried asking my parents and they would simply say that they weren’t meant to have their own and for that reason they adopted. As to why they choose me, they always changed the topic.

Going back to what I said before, my 18th birthday… my butler, had recently became a father of a beautiful girl. And because of this he had this new “father” feelings and so, he wanted me to celebrate at least one birthday properly, when the day came. Everything was prepared for the guests and of course my parents sent their wishes. Everything went as planned until everyone had to sing me happy birthday, all the people that came simply came to see where I lived and well , you know, to point out any imperfections, basically gossip. Well, everyone sang to the song, you know that part in the song where one’s name should be said, well instead of my name people said “adoptedlee”. that is everyone except my fan girls, they actually said “lee changsun”. which I smirked a little on. As the song continued I signaled to the security at the doors. I mouthed a “AO”. which they all knew it was since my parents would do that when they had parties at the house and well it became unpleasant. The security moved around the crowd. And discreetly placed fart bombs. And once they were all placed. They turned them on and well “s out” served a well tactic. HAHA. After the party had come to a close and maids started to clean I headed to my room to sleep. As I reached my room , my butler came in and of course apologized for what had happened and should have done something better than arrange a party like , maybe a getaway would have been better.

This is why , I’ve kept him around. All the other butler’s I’ve had in the past never taken the initiative to talk to me in one way or another. They always did what they were told. But one this guy was hired, I knew I would never fire him, he had his opinions that he voiced and he looked a lot like a man you would see in front of their house and talk to anyone that would pass by them. It was quite funny if you think about. This guy knew when I was actually feeling lonely or when I wanted things to be silent. He just knew when to be himself without me scolding him about who was the boss. That rarely happened.. That guy, sometimes, I would show my true self, the me that my real mother got to see. But most of the times I showed my quiet self. It was best that way.

I suppose that what I care about in life is what I see everyday.

“IDIOT!, how did I get an A+ for this?” I said to myself.

Why did I write that for my personal essay, why, why, why did I write all that for my PERSONAL ESSAY, , I must have been on crack. Ahahahaha

“why, did that college even accept me??”

“I‘m an idiot.” I sighed as I rested my elbows on the railing of the balcony in my room. Wow. After spending all those years to myself and basically pouring it all out on one essay that had a lot more grammatical errors and format, did the school accept me and four year later I graduated with a degree, I don’t even care about. All because of my butler and parents. Haha.

As I wrote on the damn paper, here I am still living in the mansion, with a gazillion maids and butler who has three kids. Parents that still don’t miss Christmas but everything else. And “adopted lee” still sticks. Well, at least now, I actually do go out….

“, I‘ll be late” I ran to the closet to get my outfit and folded my damn essay and shoved it back in the box of memories. I found in the back of my closet. Running back towards the balcony , I closed the French doors and fast walked down the stairs towards the huge hallway leading to the huge living room. Grabbing the keys from the side table, and waving to the maids that bowed as one opened the door leading to the front of the mansion, did I see my butler standing next to my black sports car. I walked towards him as he was holding the black bag I would need for the day. I gave a small smile as he handed it to me and opened the door of the car. He looked and me and smirked when I threw the black bag in the passenger seat and sat myself in the driver’s seat.

“what?” I said.

“nothing, master.”

“don’t master me, donghae”

“hahaha, I’m older than you”

“doesn‘t matter.”

“doesn’t matter, are you kidding me kid?”

“no, and if you don’t tell me what you were thinking I won’t ever say hyung, adjussi.”

“urgh, did you read it?” how the hell does he know that. He needs to stop listening behind doors or what ever he does to know what I’m doing in my room . Urgh. Creeper.

“what are you talking about?”

“the essay” the nerve of this guy.

“yes, but how??”

“haha, if it wasn’t for me, you would have never found it and you wouldn‘t be late for you practice.” the nerve of this guy. He has three kids and he is still messing with me. Omg. This guy needs to stop being a creep. How does his family survive. Haha

“you know what? I got to go. See you later, adjussi.” I said as I pressed the gas and rolled out towards the front gates and onto the street.

“yah, I’m hyung to you. I’m not that old, changsun.”

As I arrived at the track. I could tell I was going to get lectured by Yunho. He hates tardiness and well, today there’s no exception.

Running towards the track with my black bag and seeing the others already in uniform , I quickly head to the changing room and put on the uniform as quickly as I can and run back out to see a very pissed off yunho.

“I‘m so sorry, I arrived to late, there was business I had to take care of” okay, I know it wasn’t business that was very important that needed to be taken care of at the time but I really don’t want extra laps. I barely make it on time to my other schedules.

“right, and I was born yesterday. Changsun, you are the best of out of all the people here, but this isn’t the first time you’re late. But I haven’t heard excuses like that, but because you are the best out of all these amateurs, I’ll let it pass.” okay, so I lied and this isn’t my first time but it will be my last. Yeah, better than the other guys. Hell yeah. That’s what I’m talking about. Yeah.

“thank you”

“yeah, just get you out there and beat all their times.”

“yes, sir”

Walking towards the track. I see the pit crew working on the car and as they give me the okay, I jump in and off to start beating the rest of the guys. The smell of rubber in the morning. Killing everyone’s time and finishing with the fastest time. I come to the pit crew and get out. Once out the rest of the drivers walk over to me and pat my back.

“good job , changsun”

“you don‘t even practice everyday. Man. You’re a natural”

Yeah, the comments continue on and on until we all head to the changing room. It has been three hours at the racing track and I don’t even feel tired. Haha. This might be a career for some and a sport for others but for me its both. I wish it could be a career but I did graduate from college to work at my father’s work. I did major in finance/business. They might have not said what I had to graduate with but I knew that taking over the business is what both of them wanted me to do. It was indirectly pushed at me. Passive-aggressive, I would say. For now, my parents gave me the okay, to have this as a hobby and I am gladly taking it. Yeah.

Walking out of the changing room and towards my black sports car. I hear my phone ring and pick it up to see its my mother.

“hello”

“chang, are you done with practicing?”

“yes, mother, I‘m heading to martial arts club now.”

“ah! Good. So what was your time this time?” this woman.

“do you really need to ask?” I like it that they accept what I like to do in my free time but really.

“I made a bet with your father. I need to know.” haha they would totally do that behind my back. I will always like their competitiveness.

“if it for that reason, then I suppose who ever wins, I have to have half.” did I really just say that.

“oh my god. You can not be serious. You might be the one driving but no.” there she goes.

“okay, fine. It was 1:30 for 3 laps.” I think I lied.

“what? Usually you have three hours there so it has to be more laps.” she never misses anything.

“you’re right. It was 15 laps in 5:20 ”

“that’s more I like it.”

“so who won?”

“now, do you really have to ask?” so that’s where I get that from. Ahahaha

“my father”

“bingo, chang”

“what did you bet with??”

“something your ears don’t need to hear” she did not just imply what I think she did. Omg.

“well, I have to go, talk to you later mother.” yeah, better end it before I lose it.

“hahaha, you. Chang talk to you later. Have fun at the club , say hi to Mir for me.” now that’s something she never misses to tell me. Hahaha.

“mother, if you keep tabs on me all the time, why don’t you call his phone and tell him that.” okay, it was weird when she knew where I was but knowing the people I meet and know is even weirder but after a while, I gave up on trying to figure out how she knows so much yet she spends no time with me. She barely sees my face. How would she know about my friends. I would not know. Although, I have a theory, that its because of the body guards she put on me. I never see them but if I’m in trouble they literally pop out of no where. I do, very much love that they give me my space but still I never see them. Like right now if I look a round. I see no cars of any kind but if a man where to come and try to attack me they would come and save me but where would they come from. I have no clue.

“no , I don’t and I know because I am your mother. And calling him would be beyond weird.” right, that would be weird. Urgh, she has to be kidding me.

“mother, please, you keep tabs on me one way or another. Knowing Mir is strange since we only know each other for a couple of months now and I don’t even know if I consider him as a best friend yet, but here you are calling me three days after I met him, asking me “how’s your best friend Mir?” like when did I ever tell you about him and just because we have spent most of our time together from the day I met him till now. doesn’t mean we are best friends. Like I haven’t told him any secrets. As if I had any. So explain that mother?”

“…..” yeah, mother has nothing to say. Ha. Got her.

“mother, answer me. How do you know?”

“mother?” I look at the screen and the “call ended” is shinning, the nerve of this woman. Making me talk to myself. Urgh.

Opening the car door, I get in. I check my phone when I hear the message ring tone.

I open it and it reads “dude, when are you getting your here, there’s a quiz today” -Mir .

Omg. Quiz. Urgh. Late to another thing today. Yeah. This day just started on the wrong foot.

I text back.

“good afternoon to you too. I‘m on my way. Got caught up.”

As I start to drive , I check the radio to calm down my nerves. Like that would actually help. My answer, no. distraction from the road, yes.

I come to a red light and waiting for it to turn green I see a man running with a huge backpack, all I can focus is the cool shirt he’s wearing. Haha, I should go by one like that.

Right when the light turns green, I speed trough to get to the club on time. But just my luck there is traffic. A scene involving what looks like three police cars arresting three guys. Poor guys, wonder what they did.

Driving past the scene I try to speed my way through another couple of lights, but to no use. Detour after detour. I notice. My phone has been non-stop ringing. I stop the car to the side and check the messages. Its all from Mir.

“hahaha, good afternoon. Sorry, but everyone is talking about how this could make or break our grades. You know.”

“dude, respond will’ya. Class is about 2 minutes away from starting”

“yo, you better come now. He gave us a break, so get your here”

“missing the first 30 minutes of class is weird. What the hell are you doing?”

“dude, respond to me at least”

“you better not be eating food without me?”

“I bet you skipped class because of food, ima kill you”

That seems a bit drastic. Hahaha

“if you are eating you better like to take a c+ for your quiz cause that‘s what you got.”

“save me some food.. I’m hungry”

“okay, this is wrong, why aren‘t you answering?”

I was pulled away from reading the messages when I heard a knock on the side of the window. I rolled the window down a bit.

“hello” I said.

“hello, are you lee changsun? ” is this my mother’s doing again?

“yes, who are you?” as I looked at the man’s appearance. He did look nice in a black suit.

“are you driver 007 at rising sun race track with martial arts experience?” uuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmm…. This guy is so direct. I want butler.

“what?”

“look, we need you to come with us.” us, this guy must be blind I don’t see us. All I see is him. I look around the car and see guys surrounding it and on the floor are my bodyguards that like to pop out of nowhere.

“what if I say no?” I hope there is a choice. . I want butler.

“lee changsun, just come with us.” he said tiredly. As if he has said this before.

“umm…okay.” I said. He smiled and I opened the door, he looked at me as if surprised.

“Where would be going?” I said. If I was kidnapped now. I should at least be calm that my mother and father would find me, especially mother. That woman. Haha

“you will find out in time, but I do apologize.” before I could question I’m even further or question why he would need to apologize.

He covered my mouth with a rag. I instantly fell unconscious, the last words I heard before I hit the ground.

“I really liked this guy” said the man. As he cached changsun in his arms before he hit the floor.

----------------

A/N: So, I come back to see that this chapter was gone. so here i am reposting it. thank god I had it on word doc. I would have died trying to rack my brain to remember what i wrote in the last month. yes, sorry for the semi-hiatus. I have school to deal with now. sadly, I have to read so much material, its not cool. hehe. Don't worry tho, I have time between classes to update. I have already written chapter 4 but I want to finish chapter 5 as well to have a good 2 long chapters as compensation for my semi-hiatus...almost done tho. might post it up tonight or tomorrow. I don't know. I have class in about an hour so, yeah, i really don't like AFF right now. its sad to know that it was gone... this chapter was so good, well for me it was. LOL.

before I leave, here is some joon. hehe IDOL MANAGER!! LOL