The studio lights feel harsh against her eyes, but Seulgi does her best not to squint too candidly. She’s used to interviews alone by now, even finds a sense of comfort posing in front of cameras after so many years, and yet there’s still something nerve wracking about sitting down not as Red Velvet’s Seulgi but as rookie singer Kang Seulgi instead. Perhaps the idea of debuting all by herself has finally caught up with her. 

 

“Are you ready?” the interviewer asks. 

 

She’s a kind woman, one Seulgi has sat down with many times before. She always asks questions that make Seulgi think, and she never pushes when Seulgi is reticent to answer. Still, Seulgi can’t help the sudden jolt in her chest that has her heart beating faster than normal. 

 

“I’m ready.” 

 

The interviewer nods, setting down the recorder on the table between them and opens her notepad, pen at the ready. 

 

“You seem nervous,” she says, smiling at Seulgi gently. “Is it because you’re speaking as Kang Seulgi today and not as Red Velvet’s Seulgi?”

 

Seulgi nods. “Yes, that’s part of it. It’s also been a while since I’ve done an interview like this. If I’m being honest, I feel a little bit out of practice.”

 

“Right. You were on a hiatus for a while. What did you do while you were on a break? Were you busy preparing for your solo debut the whole time, or did you get to relax too?” 

 

Seulgi tilts her head, considering. “I was able to relax a bit. I watched a lot of dramas and movies and walked around a lot. It was nice.” 

 

The interviewer raises a brow, pen pausing in her writing. “Any dramas or movies you’d recommend?” 

 

“Well, there’s one I really liked,” Seulgi starts, remembering the drama she’d started and binged all in one day. 

 

She was captivated by it, completely mesmerized by the lead actress and the way she moved around on screen. Seulgi knew of her, of course. Bae Joohyun was too popular not to know, but she was a more elusive figure than most and their paths had never crossed directly before. Seulgi also never had the time to closely watch her in anything before. Until now, that is. It was professional admiration that had Seulgi up late into the night, finishing every available episode, thoughts never too far from the actress on screen. It was personal admiration that had Seulgi looking up every interview of hers afterwards, even going so far as to secretly save a particular photo she really liked to her phone as well. 

 

“The Moon and the Sun starring Bae Joohyun is really good. I watched it all in one day,” Seulgi says, cheeks flushing with her admission. Fortunately, the interviewer doesn’t comment on it, focusing instead on the answer itself. 

 

“Oh? That’s not a drama many people your age would watch. Did you like it that much?” 

 

Seulgi nods vehemently. “Yes! It was really interesting. Bae Joohyun was hard to look away from.” 

 

The interviewer arches a brow curiously. “You seem to like Bae Joohyun a lot.”

 

“She’s very popular these days.” Seulgi blushes, hoping the interviewer doesn’t read too much into it.

 

“Is she someone you’d want to work with in the future?” 

 

Seulgi exhales in relief, thankful that’s all the interviewer assumed. Just professional admiration. Nothing more. 

 

“Yes, if given the opportunity, I’d love to work with Bae Joohyun someday. Even though I’ve never acted before, I think it could be fun.”

 

Furiously, the interviewer scribbles across her notepad. She’s got her headline now, most likely, but it shouldn’t be anything too bad. 

 

Seulgi and Joohyun are both women after all. What’s there to assume anyway?

 

 

---

 

 

Joohyun enters her trailer more than a little tired and ready for the day to be over. As it stands, she still has two more scenes left and a minimum six more hours before she can even think of going home. Rubbing at the kink in her neck, Joohyun rolls her head in slow circles, resisting the urge to yawn lest she seem unprofessional. It’s only when she’s sat on the couch in her trailer, debating a quick nap that she notices her two stylists huddled close together by her makeup chair, voices low as they whisper above the screen of one of their phones. 

 

“What are you two looking at?” Joohyun asks interestedly, mouth quirking up into an amused smile when they both jump. 

 

“Oh!” one of them says, scrambling over with her phone out, screen towards Joohyun as if Joohyun could read whatever is on it. “We’re just looking at this article that’s trending. It’s about you.”

 

Joohyun’s brows pinch together, grabbing for the phone. “About me? Why? What happened?” 

 

“It’s not bad,” her stylist, Haewon, soothes. “An idol just mentioned you in an interview. She said she wants to work with you.”

 

“With me?” Joohyun questions, quickly skimming the headline. 

 

Red Velvet’s Seulgi Names Actress Bae Joohyun as Someone She Wants to Work With.

 

“I didn’t know you knew Red Velvet’s Seulgi,” her other stylist, Kyungri, comments, sitting next to Joohyun so she can read over her shoulder. 

 

She says the comment wistfully, like she’s jealous of this supposed friendship Joohyun didn’t know about until today, and Joohyun pins her with a droll look. 

 

“I don’t,” Joohyun answers and her stylist blushes. 

 

“Oh, I just meant—well if you did, I’m kind of a fan, so—”

 

“Kyungri,” Haewon admonishes, and Kyungri raises her hands in surrender, cheeks pink.

 

The article doesn’t say much, just that Seulgi, recently announced to debut as a soloist in the later in the year, had made an offhand remark during a magazine interview that Joohyun was an actress she liked and wanted to work with one day. That was it and yet the combined star power of both their names had propelled this seemingly innocuous article onto the main page with thousands of comments underneath. 

 

It’s a little too much for Joohyun’s tired brain to want to deal with so she hands Haewon her phone back, decidingly turning away from the sight of both her and Seulgi’s pictures plastered next to each other. Seulgi is a little too attractive for Joohyun to be able to ignore the pleasant hum that comes with seeing her so close to Joohyun’s own face.

 

“I could pass your number along,” her manager, Eunkyung, says. Joohyun’s eyes snap over to where the other woman is sitting quietly in the corner of the trailer, her own phone out and most likely opened to the same article. 

 

“You know Seulgi?” Kyungri asks eagerly, and Haewon quiets her once again with a sharp slap to the side. 

 

“Not personally, no,” Eunkyung answers. She turns serious eyes to Joohyun, then. “But I’m acquainted with one of her managers. I could give her your number—if you wanted.” 

 

Joohyun doesn’t like the look in Eunkyung’s eyes, nor the implication that seems to swim behind them. Swallowing, she shakes her head. 

 

“No that’s all right. It was probably just a one off anyway. Nothing to make a big deal about.” 

 

Eunkyung shrugs. “If you’re sure.” 

 

“I’m sure.” 

 

Next to her, Kyungri deflates. “Aw, imagine how cool it would be if you were friends! Red Velvet are, like, big—Seulgi especially.” 

 

Haewon hits her again. “Can you stop being a fan for two seconds and pretend to be a professional?” 

 

Kyungri makes a face at her, and the two continue to bicker even as they flit about Joohyun, brushing at her hair and dabbing at her makeup in preparation for her next scene. Joohyun lets them work, finding comfort in the familiar way they move about her and each other, laughing lightly when their friendly arguments stray a little dangerously into personal insults. 

 

All the while, the article stays in the back of her mind, wondering just what could have compelled one of Korea’s most popular idols to mention Joohyun of all people in an interview about her solo debut.

 

Later, when the trailer is empty and Joohyun is preparing to leave, Eunkyung pulls her aside again. Her grip is light where her hand is wrapped around Joohyun’s elbow, but her eyes are meaningful. 

 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to pass your number along?” she asks lowly. 

 

Joohyun frowns at her. “Yeah, I’m sure. Why are you so insistent?” 

 

Eunkyung sighs, dropping her hand to run it through her hair. Her eyes shift to the door where Haewon and Kyungri are just outside, their voices carrying even though it’s closed. When she speaks again, it’s barely above a whisper. “Seulgi is like you. I just thought maybe you’d want to get to know her—even just as friends.” 

 

Joohyun’s eyes widen. 

 

Seulgi is like you. 

 

The meaning isn’t lost on her, and Joohyun feels her hands begin to sweat and her heart rate rise—an instinctual reaction she’s never quite been able to control whenever she feels this part of herself become too close to being exposed. Even with someone like Eunkyung who’s known for years.

 

“How do—” Joohyun swallows, throat suddenly feeling dry. “How do you know that?”

 

Eunkyung gives her a sympathetic look. “It’s a bit of a well known secret in the idol circuit. They still keep it quiet, but idols are….much more comfortable about these things than actors and actresses are.”

 

Joohyun nods, vaguely recalling the various stories Eunkyung used to tell her from her time managing an idol group years ago. 

 

“It could just be a rumor.” Eunkyung shrugs, but they both know that rumors in their field are rarely ever just that. “And you don’t have to answer right now,” Eunkyung tells her, most likely taking pity on Joohyun who feels like she’s just been thrown head first out of a plane without a parachute, “but if you want to get in contact later, the option is there.” 

 

“Right,” Joohyun says, taking deep breaths to calm herself. 

 

Eunkyung pats her on the back, smiling reassuringly before exiting the trailer to Haewon and Kyungri’s raucous laughter. Alone, Joohyun thinks of the article and the olive branch Eunkyung has dangled right in front of her. 

 

Seulgi is like you, echoes in her mind. 

 

It’s been so long since Joohyun’s known someone like herself, but the thought of doing that again, of risking that sort of publicity, is enough to make Joohyun second guess herself. It makes Joohyun wonder, though, why Seulgi, an idol, singled out Joohyun, an actress. 

 

Was it harmless or something else?

 

But more importantly. 

 

If Seulgi’s secret is well known in her field, does that mean Joohyun’s is well known in hers?

 

 

---

 

 

hi_sseulgi: renebaebae has liked your photo 

 

 

---

 

 

Seulgi stares at the notification for a long moment, sure that if she blinks it will disappear like some kind of figment of her imagination. But she does blink and still it lingers, glaring back at her in defiance. Hesitantly, she clicks on it, and there it is on the app, present for her and all 8 million of her followers to see. 

 

It’s Seulgi’s latest photo, the one she’d taken while out late at night with some of her friends, on a dimly lit street with the flash on and the camera out of focus. Seulgi liked the aesthetic of it more than anything and had posted it unthinkingly. Now, seeing the popular username listed as one of the many thousands who liked it, Seulgi can’t help but question if she should have posted something else, something where her face was at least more visible.

 

Seulgi shakes that thought away. She shouldn't even be wishing that Bae Joohyun saw her face clearly.

 

Joohyun’s instagram is nice, perfectly tailored with its white borders, every picture seemingly chosen with a purpose. A stark contrast to the way Seulgi herself posts, usually haphazardly and entirely dependent on her mood that day. It makes her wonder why the actress was even on Seulgi’s instagram to begin with. At a glance, Seulgi can see that Joohyun doesn’t follow very many people. Surely, she’d have no reason to wander onto Seulgi’s page then?

 

Perhaps she’d seen the article written about the two of them and gotten curious, or—and this is wishful thinking—maybe she’d seen the article and was similarly a fan.

 

Whatever the reason, Seulgi quickly hits the follow button before she can think too deeply about it, promptly closing the app right afterwards. 

 

Bae Joohyun probably wouldn’t follow back, but that was fine. Seulgi is allowed to be a fan.

 

Right?

 

 

---

 

 

“You liked her photo?”

 

Joohyun opens her eyes, sighing at the sight of Eunkyung staring down at her, arms akimbo. 

 

“My finger slipped.”

 

Eunkyung snorts. “So you were stalking her then.” 

 

Joohyun shrugs. “I was curious.”

 

“And you’re sure you don’t want me to give her your number?” 

 

Joohyun groans, too tired for this conversation. It's been a long day; filming started in the early hours of the morning and is expected to continue late into the night. Joohyun's running on only a few hours of sleep and three different energy drinks she didn't even want to drink. She doesn’t need a reminder of her slip up concerning the idol Joohyun had accidentally spent the better part of her night looking at pictures and videos of. 

 

Between Joohyun's mistake and Seulgi's response, the last thing Joohyun needs is people thinking anything more about the two of them than they already were. 

 

"You're very persistent, you know that?" Joohyun tells Eunkyung, reaching for her script on the table now that she's been unwillingly forced awake.

 

"I just think this could be good for you," Eunkyung says. "Both personally and professionally." 

 

Joohyun pauses. "Professionally? What do you mean 'professionally?'" 

 

Eunkyung shuffles uncomfortably. "I wasn't supposed to say anything, but the company's been talking. A high profile brand wants to make you their ambassador. It'd be good publicity and it pays well. I know you've already got a lot on your plate, but I think you'd enjoy this one, especially since the brand is a lot more casual  than what you usually do."

 

Joohyun crosses her arms, interested. Most of the brands she endorses are a bit too stiff for Joohyun's personal taste, but she likes them well enough. Taking on another one would be more work, though, and Joohyun's schedule is already stretched thin as is. Regardless, her curiosity has been piqued. 

 

"But what does that have to do with Seulgi?"

 

Eunkyung purses her lips. "Seulgi's the other brand ambassador. You'd be working together a lot. Photoshoots, brand lives, commercials. You're both very popular right now so it's a smart move. People like your names together as I'm sure you noticed."  

 

Joohyun did. They'd trended for more than a day with people wondering and eager for a possible collaboration. They’ve never even interacted before, so it didn't make any sense to Joohyun, but Joohyun's long since stopped pondering about the inner workings of the internet. 

 

"So when Seulgi mentioned me in her interview, did she…"

 

Eunkyung shakes her head. "No, that was purely coincidental. But between that and your latest social media interactions, the company is even more eager to get you on board. People are going crazy to see what you'll do next. Coming out together as ambassadors for the same brand would do wonders for your public image." 

 

Not that Joohyun needed any favors in that regard. She was, by all means, perfect in the eyes of the general public. It’s something she’s worked years for and was very careful about keeping, but Joohyun was confident enough to know it had very little to do with her personality or talent and everything to do with her face. That's why she didn't mind brand endorsements and CF deals so much. Whatever kept you relevant could hardly be a bad thing. 

 

"So you want me to reach out to her because you know we're going to work together soon."

 

"It couldn't hurt to get to know the person you'll be spending a lot of time with.” Eunkyung shrugs. “Plus, if the rumors are true, the two of you aren’t so different. I'm sure she wouldn't mind getting to know you as well. And"—Eunkyung’s voice lowers into something soft and affectionate then—“you could also use the friend.”

 

Joohyun feels her shoulders go slack at Eunkyung’s words, the fight in her all but leaving. She mulls it over, considering. If she and Seulgi are going to work together closely soon, it would be beneficial if they got to know each other now. Joohyun usually takes a while to warm up to people, and any photos together will probably come out more nicely if they were already comfortable together. 

 

Then, of course, there's the personal side of it too. Joohyun doesn’t want to admit it—least of all to Eunkyung—but she has been lonely. It seems, though, that Eunkyung’s caught on anyway. Far from home and with most of her friends in another city, Joohyun doesn't have many people—if any—here that she trusts, especially not with her biggest secret. Having someone else, someone like her, in a similar industry, just to talk about things could be nice. Even with the risk. 

 

Before she can work herself into a mental spiral, Joohyun nods to Eunkyung’s apparent surprise.

 

"Okay," Joohyun says, leaving no room to talk herself out of it. "Give her my number." 

 

 

---

 

 

“What are you looking at?”

 

Seulgi fumbles, nearly dropping her phone. She puts it away quickly, looking towards Seungwan who’s come to sit next to her. 

 

“Oh, nothing. Just a text from my mom,” Seulgi lies, the feeling of it thick on her tongue. “What’s up?” 

 

Seungwan frowns but accepts the answer easily enough. She nods towards the center of the room where Yerim and Sooyoung are practicing a move together. “I think they could use your help; it’s been a while since we’ve done this dance.” 

 

“Of course,” Seulgi agrees, moving to stand but Seungwan stops her, hand firm where she pulls at Seulgi’s sleeve. 

 

“Catch your breath first,” Seungwan insists, smiling kindly when Seulgi finally sits back down. "We haven't all been together like this for some time. It's nice."

 

Seulgi nods, watching as Yerim and Sooyoung give up on the dance to take pictures together in front of the practice room mirrors. "I missed practicing with you guys. It'll be nice to be on stage together again." 

 

Seungwan knocks into her shoulder. "You're doing pretty well so far by yourself. Are you excited for your solo debut?" 

 

"I guess," Seulgi shrugs. At Seungwan's curious gaze, Seulgi admits cautiously, "It’s easier when we’re all together. When I’m alone, I just worry about disappointing you guys or embarrassing the rest of the group or—"

 

"You won't," Seungwan cuts her off fiercely, gaze piercing. "You work too hard, Seulgi. It's okay to relax; you'll do well on your own. Believe me." 

 

Seulgi studies her eyes, trying to detect any hint that Seungwan isn't being truthful, but she finds none. Slowly, she feels some of that unease in the pit of her stomach begin to quell. 

 

"Thanks, Seungwan." 

 

Seungwan pats her thigh. "Any time." 

 

Checking her phone for the time, Seulgi sees the unsent message still displayed on her screen. She swallows, closing her messaging app. Now's not the time. 

 

"Come on, break's over. We need to get this down before tomorrow."

 

Seungwan groans but acquiesces, standing to stretch as Seulgi does.

 

"Whatever you say, dear leader," she teases, grinning when Seulgi shoves at her shoulder. She turns serious, then, eying Seulgi carefully like she's unsure of what to say. "I meant it, you know?" 

 

Seulgi tilts her head. "Meant what?" 

 

"That it's okay to relax. You'll run yourself ragged at the pace you're going. Don't forget to take time for yourself, okay?" 

 

At Seulgi's slow nod, Seungwan smiles. She leaves it at that, walking ahead to call for Sooyoung and Yerim, quickly getting roped into taking pictures with them. Seulgi knows she should call for practice to start again, but she pauses, Seungwan's words ringing in her ears. 

 

Before she can overthink it, Seulgi pulls out her phone. She finishes typing out her message, sending it quickly to the new number in her contacts and tries not to feel too guilty about it, pushing it aside so she can focus on practice. 

 

It's just something for herself, after all. 

 

 

---

 

 

Kang Seulgi: Hi! This is Kang Seulgi from Red Velvet ^-^ I’m not sure you’re aware, but I was given your number by my manager. I just wanted to say I’m a big fan of your work and I admire you a lot. I heard you’re busy filming for your latest drama, so I hope you’re taking care of yourself! I’ll anticipate seeing your future projects! Good luck!

 

 

---

 

 

Hi, Seulgi. Thanks for reaching out! I just wanted—

 

Hi, Seulgi! I got your message! I—

 

Hey, I—

 

Joohyun groans, dropping her phone onto her stomach. It’s just a text. It shouldn’t be this difficult, especially when it’s nothing but friendly, yet Joohyun’s been feeling anxious ever since she saw her phone light up earlier. It had been unexpected considering Joohyun only gave Eunkyung the okay a few days ago, but she should have known Eunkyung wouldn’t waste any time. 

 

The sight of the message, though, had stirred something in Joohyun, who couldn’t help but reread it over and over again, cheeks pulled into a smile and face warming with every passing second. It felt silly, like she was some school girl with a crush—only that it was especially ridiculous because she and Seulgi had never even met, and the only thing Joohyun even knew about her was that she was an idol who could sing and dance well with a penchant for taking blurry pictures outside. Still, Joohyun’s heart beats frantically in her chest, willing her to respond while also preventing her from thinking clearly enough to do so.

 

Granting herself a brief moment to roll around and groan pathetically into her pillow, Joohyun tries again. 

 

Hey, Seulgi. I’m glad you reached out, I wanted to tell you—

 

The sudden ding of her phone nearly makes Joohyun drop it onto her face in surprise. She frowns, holding her phone up again. At the top of her screen, a new message displays, the preview enough to have Joohyun pausing. 

 

Hwang Eunkyung: the brand deal’s a go. You’ll sign the contract tomorrow.

 

The anxiety that comes up with the announcement isn’t anything new. Even with all the years behind her career, Joohyun still gets nervous at the prospect of any new project. But Joohyun knows this time will be different. Joohyun’s seen pictures; she’s watched videos too. She knows what Seulgi can do in front of a camera, and the idea of it, of being next to Seulgi while she works her magic, has Joohyun faltering in a kind of anticipation she hasn’t felt in years. 

 

But she knows what she has to do, and now’s not the time for playing coy with her silly school girl crush. Firing off the text to Seulgi quickly, Joohyun turns her phone on silent and puts it away, determined to go to sleep. She needs all the rest she can get and worrying over a text conversation with someone she’s never even met won’t do her any good.

 

Besides, she’s about to be even busier soon. She can’t afford to have a crush on someone right now, no matter how superficial it is. 

 

 

---

 

 

Bae Joohyun: Hi, Seulgi. I’m glad you reached out. I’m a fan of yours as well~ I’m not sure you’ve heard yet, but we’ll be working together soon as ambassadors for the same brand. It’d be nice if we could get to know each other beforehand. I look forward to working with you!

 

 

---

 

 

Seulgi drums her fingers along the steering wheel, checking for the nth time that she has the right address. The parking structure is dimly lit, and even with a mask on, inside of a car with tinted windows, Seulgi can’t help checking over her shoulder for hidden cameras and suspicious passersby. The parking structure remains empty, though, Seulgi’s car just one of the many parked casually inside. But the paranoia stays, heightened by Seulgi’s growing anxiety at meeting someone she’s only ever seen on screen and spoken through via text. 

 

When Joohyun had first responded, Seulgi had been pleasantly surprised. She expected them to exchange pleasantries as most celebrities do, but she hadn’t expected for the conversation to continue. Joohyun had been surprisingly easy to text, even if it was only shallow communication at best, but Seulgi found it oddly endearing that Joohyun seemed determined to get to know her before working together, asking Seulgi for small tidbits about her day and expressing interest when Seulgi mentioned something offhand about work. It brought up a certain feeling of giddiness Seulgi’s done her best to ignore. She knows what that feeling meant, and it wouldn’t do her any good to develop a crush now. Even so, when the inevitable invitation came to get a friendly meal in the spirit of their future work together, Seulgi had agreed without hesitation. 

 

So here Seulgi was, still mind-numbingly nervous, even with the point made and the intention behind it clear, because she’d decided to forego a few hours of much needed sleep, in the middle of her solo debut preparations, just to meet with an actress she likes but has never seen in person before.

 

Seulgi sighs, fiddling with the brim of her hat and pushing at the sleeves of her jacket. Should she have worn something different? Do actresses care about things like that? 

 

Finally, after an agonizing few minutes, Seulgi sees the elevator doors open and a figure step out. Despite being obscured with her own mask and hat, there’s no mistake that it’s her. 

 

Even with her small stature, Bae Joohyun is an imposing presence, and Seulgi can’t look away. 

 

Hesitantly, Seulgi taps on her horn, startling Joohyun but getting her attention well enough. She stares at Seulgi’s car for a long moment before nodding decidedly, Seulgi watching all the while. With short steps, she quickly makes her way over, and Seulgi swallows, hyping herself in these final seconds alone. 

 

“Hi,” Joohyun greets, opening the side door. She slides along the leather easily and pulls her mask down to her chin, revealing rose colored lips turned up into a small smile. She’s prettier in person, and Seulgi feels her cheeks warm. “This is a nice car.”

 

“Hi! Thanks! I, uh, just bought it recently, so it’s still new. The dealer said it was good, but I haven’t driven it around much yet, but it, yeah, it gets the job done,” Seulgi rambles, ending on an awkward laugh that she cringes internally at herself for. 

 

Joohyun doesn’t seem to notice, though, too busy admiring the interior. She smiles wryly. 

 

“Honestly, I don’t know anything about cars, but the color is nice?”

 

Seulgi chuckles. “I don’t know anything either, but I did pick the color myself, so I’ll take the compliment.”

 

They smile awkwardly at each other and the tension feels heavy between them, Seulgi not really sure what to do now that the actress she likes is sitting in her front seat, looking at Seulgi like she’s similarly at a loss. 

 

“So,” Seulgi starts, tapping at her steering wheel. “Where should we go?”

 

Joohyun tilts her head. “I’m not sure. Truthfully, I’ve never done something like this before.”

 

“You’ve never….” 

 

Joohyun shakes her head. “I don’t go out much. I usually just stay home.”

 

“Oh,” Seulgi answers dumbly. “Would you like to go inside then? We don’t have to go somewhere. I don’t mind—”

 

“No, no,” Joohyun cuts off. “It’d be nice to get out.”

 

Seulgi nods, still unsure, and then they sit together in uncomfortable silence once more. 

 

“We can go anywhere,” Joohyun announces eventually. “I’m sure you know a lot of good places? Probably more than I do, anyway.”

 

Seulgi thinks, contemplating all the various places she knows that she could bring them to where they wouldn’t be bothered.

 

“Well, I do know one place not too far from here. The food is pretty good, and it’s never crowded.”

 

“That sounds nice.”

 

“Great! Okay. Let’s go then.”

 

She waits for Joohyun to fasten her seat belt, and then she pulls out carefully, both hands on the wheel as she leaves the relative safety of the parking structure. Seulgi’s not the best driver, she’s aware of this. She’s also never driven with anyone else in the car outside of her parents. Still, she can’t help her tight grip on the steering wheel or the way her eyes constantly shift across the road, extremely aware of Joohyun’s presence next to her but trying to ignore it under the guise of road safety.

 

“Do you want to listen to anything?” Seulgi asks, chancing a glance Joohyun’s way when they reach a stoplight. 

 

The street lights outside cast a pretty glow across Joohyun’s face, and Seulgi turns her head away quickly, already feeling herself get distracted at the sight of it. 

 

“You can play whatever; I’m not picky.” 

 

“Okay.” Seulgi turns the volume up, and to her horror and embarrassment, it’s her own song that starts playing through the speakers. Hurriedly, Seulgi changes it with a grimace, sighing in relief when an indie band comes on next. “Sorry, that’s my new song. It hasn’t been released yet, but I’ve been practicing a lot lately, so”—she motions limply towards the stereo—“I don’t just listen to my own music if that’s what you’re thinking.”

 

Joohyun laughs lightly, and Seulgi gulps at the sound of it, momentarily stunned by the idea of being the cause of Bae Joohyun’s laughter. 

 

“I wouldn’t judge you if you did, but for what it’s worth, I think it sounded nice.”

 

Seulgi raises a brow, eyes on the road even as her face warms pleasantly at the revelation. “Really? You think so?”

 

“Of course. I don’t listen to music much, but I liked what I heard,” Joohyun answers, and though Seulgi can’t see her face, she thinks Joohyun sounds somewhat shy. “I told you I was a fan.”

 

“Oh, that’s, that’s nice. Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome.” 

 

They lapse into awkward silence again, the only sounds coming from the music playing and the smooth sound of the engine as Seulgi drives them to their destination. Seulgi groans inwardly. This is why she doesn’t like being alone with people. Seulgi’s a reactor, not an initiator. There’s too many factors to consider when alone, and Seulgi can get so caught up in trying to be mindful of them all, she usually ends up making the other person feel uncomfortable with her silence. Regardless, she hasn’t made it as far as she has in her field without a little bit of hardheadedness. 

 

“So what are you—”

 

“How are you—”

 

Seulgi smirks wryly, momentarily taking one of her hands off the wheel to gesture at Joohyun. “Go ahead.”

 

“I was just going to say,” Joohyun starts but then stops. A quick glance to her side, and Seulgi can see Joohyun subtly shaking her head. “Actually, I don’t even know what I was going to say.” 

 

Seulgi chuckles softly, amused at their apparent uncomfortableness. “This is pretty awkward, isn’t it?”

 

Joohyun laughs. “Kind of.” 

 

“I guess it’s a good thing we’re meeting for the first time now. Imagine how much worse this would be if it was during a photoshoot.”

 

“We’d probably push through it,” Joohyun argues. “It’d be difficult, but we’d do it.”

 

“True,” Seulgi agrees. Pulling the car into another stop, Seulgi takes the opportunity to look over at Joohyun again, subtly admiring the delicate lines of her face. “Still, I’m glad we were able to do this now, but as a warning, I’m not that great at socializing. I’m kind of an introvert and being alone with people scares me.” She grimaces. “No offense.”

 

Joohyun stares back at her, eyes crinkling up into a soft smile, and Seulgi feels her breath catch. 

 

“Seulgi,” Joohyun says warmly, “don’t worry. I think we’re going to get along just fine.”

 

 

---

 

 

True to Seulgi’s word, the restaurant she brings them to is small and lowkey enough that they’re able to settle inside easily without drawing any attention. It helps, too, that Seulgi seems to be friends with the owner, who greets her enthusiastically as soon as they enter and helps them to a table in the back corner, away from the glass windows of the front and shielded by some carefully positioned plants. 

 

“Do you come here often?” Joohyun asks, finding the line sounds lame even to her own ears. 

 

Seulgi just nods happily, pulling her mask off and revealing her face to Joohyun for the first time that night. She’s pretty, that much Joohyun already knew, but there’s a kindness to her eyes that pictures don’t quite capture, a softness to her smile that doesn’t quite translate through videos, and a gentleness to her overall demeanor that betrays the confidence Joohyun sees on stage. She is both nothing and everything like Joohyun thought she would be. 

 

“I’ve been coming here ever since I was a trainee,” Seulgi explains. “The owner, Kahi, thinks I’m too skinny so she always gives me extra food. In exchange, I try to mention this place to all my celebrity friends. It’s family owned so Kahi’s good at keeping her workers silent.”

 

Joohyun hums, feeling strangely affronted. “So you bring a lot of people here then?” 

 

“Kind of?” Seulgi tilts her head, eyes to the ceiling as she thinks about it. “I think I tell people about it more. I can’t remember ever bringing anyone here, actually.”

 

“So I’m the first?” 

 

Joohyun blushes at her words, focusing on the menu in front of her so that she doesn’t have to see Seulgi’s reaction. Her brain to mouth filter doesn’t usually fail Joohyun so easily, but she’s always been weak to the charm of pretty girls. 

 

“Yeah, I guess you are,” Seulgi answers easily around a short laugh. 

 

Joohyun peeks up at Seulgi carefully, using her hat as a cover, but Seulgi’s not even looking at her, too busy staring at the walls as she rocks back and forth to the music playing in the background. Joohyun watches her for a moment, captivated by the calming energy Seulgi is putting out simply by existing. 

 

“Do you already know what you want?” Joohyun asks, and Seulgi snaps her head towards Joohyun’s. 

 

“I’ve been craving meat, and there’s something about the bulgogi here that’s really delicious, so I was thinking of getting that. But we can try a few different things, if you’re up for it?” She smiles sheepishly. “I haven’t eaten all day, so I’m pretty hungry.”

 

“I haven’t eaten either,” Joohyun says, mouth watering at the thought of meat. “That sounds good to me.”

 

Once they order, Seulgi shirks her jacket off as Joohyun pushes her sleeves up. They stare at each other in silence, the awkwardness of it all causing them both to break out into a fit of giggles. 

 

“This is weird,” Seulgi comments. 

 

Joohyun nods. “Just a bit.”

 

“Okay,” Seulgi says, clapping her hands. “Let’s just speak normally like we’re already friends. How was your day?”

 

Joohyun raises a brow, amused, but plays along. “It was fine. I had filming early this morning but the afternoon off so I got to rest for a bit. How was yours?”

 

“It was good! I had a pre-recording early in the morning, but that was about it. Tomorrow, I have recordings all day so that’ll be fun.”

 

Joohyun frowns. “Won’t you be tired? We didn’t have to come out tonight.”

 

“No, it’s okay,” Seulgi shakes her head. “I wanted to meet with you, and lately, I’ve been trying to remember to make time to do things for myself. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be.”

 

Joohyun blushes, hoping that the shadow cast from her hat is enough to hide it. She thinks Seulgi was wrong earlier because she doesn’t seem shy at all now with how she makes sure to stare Joohyun in the eyes as she speaks, saying the kinds of words that steal Joohyun’s breath away without any thought at all. Or maybe, it’s just that Joohyun’s easily enamored by beautiful women with beautiful smiles. Whatever the case, it has Joohyun ducking her head. 

 

“Okay,” she mumbles shyly, “if you’re sure.”

 

“I’m sure,” Seulgi answers with enough conviction that Joohyun couldn’t even question it if she tried. 

 

Once the food comes out, their conversation halts. It’s delicious but even more distracting is the alarming way Seulgi inhales her food. Joohyun’s both endeared and disgusted at the gusto with which Seulgi can eat, and Joohyun finds herself impressed that someone as skinny as Seulgi can manage that much food at once. 

 

“It’s good, right?” Seulgi asks, mid chew, when she notices Joohyun’s staring. 

 

Joohyun can only blink. “Y-yes. It’s delicious.”

 

Seulgi grins widely. “See! I told you so!”

 

While still slightly stilted in the way any conversation with a new person can be, Seulgi’s comfortable to talk to. She’s very attentive, sure to keep her eyes on Joohyun whenever Joohyun speaks and always asks questions to show she was really listening. It makes Joohyun want to say more, be more open, if only to keep Seulgi’s eyes on her a little bit longer. 

 

“I liked this one you drew,” Joohyun says, pulling up the picture on Seulgi’s instagram. Seulgi leans forward to get a better look, their food long since finished and pushed aside. 

 

“This one? Really?” Seulgi laughs, eyeing the small colorful cat with a shake of her head. “I drew this in, like, five minutes. It’s nothing special.”

 

Joohyun pouts. “I liked the colors.”

 

“Okay, okay. Thanks, I guess.” Seulgi’s grin turns teasing, then, and Joohyun’s momentarily shocked by the sudden shift, unused to the way Seulgi looks with a smirk on her face. “That’s a pretty old post, you know. You had to have scrolled pretty far down just to see it.” 

 

Joohyun’s mouth parts, face warming considerably. She knows she just unintentionally revealed that she’d been stalking Seulgi’s instagram, and now Seulgi’s looking at her like that, having clearly caught on. When her silence stretches on for too long, Seulgi laughs, breaking the tension. 

 

“Oh, shut up,” Joohyun rolls her eyes, pushing at her which just makes Seulgi laugh harder.  

 

“I’m just messing with you. I’m flattered, really,” Seulgi says, laugh tapering off into a friendly smile. “Do you draw?”

 

Joohyun shakes her head. “No, but I’ve always wanted to learn.”

 

“I could show you some time.” At Joohyun’s curious gaze, Seulgi ducks her head shyly, scratching at her neck. “I mean, if you wanted. I’m no art teacher, but I could show you some stuff?” 

 

“Sure,” Joohyun agrees, the prospect of spending more time with Seulgi a little too good to pass up. “That sounds fun.”

 

“Great! We’ll plan something then.”

 

Joohyun nods. “Okay, just let me know.”

 

They trade easy grins, something passing between the two of them that Joohyun’s too afraid to think about too deeply. It’s exciting, though. A pleasant thrill shooting through Joohyun that she hasn’t felt in years. It’s only been a few hours, and Seulgi’s already disarmed her so easily. It should scare Joohyun more than it does, but it’s hard to feel anything other than warm with the way Seulgi smiles at her. 

 

Once the moment settles, Seulgi leans forward conspiratorially. 

 

“So,” she starts, a mischievous glint in her eye, “do you have room for dessert?”

 

Joohyun doesn’t even bat an eye, tone gravely serious as she answers, “Seulgi, I always have room for dessert.”

 

 

---

 

 

Seulgi at the ice cream cone quickly, trying to prevent any more from melting onto her hand. Next to her, Joohyun is calm as she spoons another mouthful from her cup. 

 

“See,” Joohyun says, noticing the franticness with which Seulgi is trying to finish her cone, “this is why cups are better.” 

 

Seulgi knocks into Joohyun’s shoulder with a roll of her eyes. They’d already had this discussion earlier, but if there was anything Seulgi was learning it was that Joohyun didn’t take too kindly to being wrong. 

 

“Cups are cleaner but cones taste better,” Seulgi says matter-of-factly. 

 

Joohyun knocks back into her. “Agree to disagree.” 

 

The cool night air feels nice as they walk. Seulgi had been the one to suggest they take their ice cream to go, and, while clearly hesitant, Joohyun had ended up agreeing. Aware Joohyun wasn’t entirely comfortable being out, Seulgi had made sure to take her to an area she knew not many people frequented, and Joohyun seemed grateful for it, posture relaxing with every minute they didn’t see anyone else. 

 

“Do you normally just walk around like this?” Joohyun asks, scraping the last of her ice cream into . 

 

“Yeah, I’m usually cooped up inside all day so it’s nice to be out when I can,” Seulgi answers in between bites of her cone. 

 

“Hmm, I guess it is nice.” 

 

“It is, isn’t it?” Seulgi says, turning her face up to the passing wind. 

 

“You like it that much?” 

 

Seulgi hums. “I spend so much time indoors, being outside feels like a luxury.”

 

“You’re not worried? About people seeing you?” 

 

Seulgi shrugs. “Even if they did, what do I have to hide?”

 

Joohyun goes quiet, and when Seulgi looks at her, she sees her face scrunched in thought, fingers tight around her empty ice cream cup. Underneath the streetlights, surrounded by tall buildings, Bae Joohyun is far less imposing and much more normal. 

 

“You’re really not afraid?” Joohyun asks, voice surprisingly small. 

 

“No.” Seulgi furrows her brows. “What do I have to be afraid of?”

 

"I guess I’m just always worried people might see me with someone and think—" Joohyun cuts off with a shake of her head, shrinking into herself. Her hat obscures her face so that Seulgi can no longer see her, and her steps slow until she’s a pace behind Seulgi. 

 

Somehow, Seulgi feels farther away from her than she did when Joohyun was just a person on the other side of a television screen.

 

"People might think what?" Seulgi prompts.

 

Joohyun shakes her head again. "It's nothing. Hey, it's getting late we should probably head back. I don't want you to be too tired tomorrow."

 

Seulgi frowns, unsure of what it is she did or said to suddenly have Joohyun retreating like this, but Joohyun won't even look at her, busying herself with searching for a trash can to get rid of her empty cup. Seulgi can only watch her, feeling strangely like Joohyun is trying to hide even though Seulgi is the only person around to see her. 

 

"Sure," Seulgi agrees, watching as Joohyun seems to relax again. "Let's head back." 

 

 

---

 

 

The ride to Joohyun's building is quiet, no sign of that easy banter from earlier that they'd shared. Instead, Joohyun focuses on the passing views of the city around them, intent on keeping her eyes from straying to the girl next to her. 

 

The tension feels thick, tangible enough to be grasped at, and yet Joohyun can do nothing about it because she knows it's coming entirely from her and Seulgi’s just simply reacting to it. 

 

"I like this song," Seulgi murmurs, turning the volume up. 

 

The sounds of soft guitars and a gentle drum beat filters through the speakers, Joohyun's eyes widening when she realizes she actually recognizes it. 

 

"I love this band.” 

 

Seulgi shoots her a wayward glance. "Yeah? Not many people have heard of them. They're good."

 

"They are." 

 

"Have you seen them live?" Seulgi asks, turning towards Joohyun more fully now that they're at a stop. "I think they're even better live." 

 

"No, no one else I know listens to them so I've never gotten the chance." 

 

"I don't know anyone else either," Seulgi says, laughing quietly as she leans into the center console, closer now for Joohyun to catch the way the city lights reflect in her eyes. "Even my members didn't want to go with me, so I just went alone. It was still really fun, though." 

 

"You go a lot of places alone," Joohyun comments, sure to keep her tone light so that Seulgi doesn't take offense. 

 

Seulgi just shoots her an easy grin, accelerating the car once more. "Of course, I'm my favorite company!" 

 

They both laugh, that stilted energy from before dissipating once again under Seulgi's careful guidance. 

 

"We should go to their concert sometime," Seulgi offers, eyes determinedly set forward. "It was fun going alone, but I think it'd be even better to go with someone else." 

 

Heart beating loud enough for Joohyun to hear, she nods even though Seulgi can't see it. 

 

"Sure," she accepts, watching Seulgi's tight grip on her steering wheel loosen one finger at a time. "That'd be nice."  

 

At her building's parking garage, Joohyun stops just before exiting Seulgi's car. She remembers Seulgi’s words from earlier, how the idea of someone being so unafraid had stunned Joohyun enough into silence. Joohyun’s always felt like she had to walk around with an eye over her shoulder, worried that someone, somewhere would be able to tell her biggest secret just by looking. It never crossed her mind to think that it could be different. 

 

Not until Seulgi. 

 

Her hand is bold where she lays it on Seulgi's forearm, and she watches Seulgi's eyes dart down towards it before moving up to Joohyun then back in the span of a few seconds. Her confusion is evident, perplexed by this contact when Joohyun was sure to maintain a safe distance all night. 

 

But they're in a tinted car in an empty garage, and Joohyun wants to feel like she has nothing to hide, just this once. 

 

"Thank you for tonight," Joohyun says, thumb careful where it rubs at the sleeve of Seulgi's jacket. "It's been a long time since I've gone out like this. It was nice." 

 

"It's been a while since I've gone out with someone else, too," Seulgi tells her, arm tensing under Joohyun's palm. "I had fun. We should do it again soon." 

 

"We should. You still have to teach me how to draw."

 

Seulgi swallows, nods. "Right. I have to teach you how to draw." 

 

There’s a shift again, something light but heavy that has Joohyun's fingers curling a little tighter around Seulgi. Her heart is a burdening weight in her chest, eager for someone else's touch, and Joohyun doesn't know how much longer she can be brave. 

 

"Okay. Goodnight, Seulgi. I'll talk to you soon."

 

"Goodnight, Joohyun." 

 

When she leaves, Joohyun can't help the flex of her fingers, the phantom heat of Seulgi's arm against her palm lingering long after Seulgi's car pulls away. 

 

 

---

 

 

"Where have you been?" Seungwan asks when Seulgi slips quietly into their dorm, late into the night. 

 

There's a movie playing softly on the TV. Sooyoung is asleep with her head in Seungwan's lap, empty beer bottles and bags of chips littering the coffee table in front of them. Seungwan’s face glows under the light of the TV screen, images lighting and darkening across her skin. It reminds Seulgi of the street lights flitting across Joohyun’s face through the car window. 

 

Seulgi shakes her head at her. 

 

"Just taking time for myself," she answers.

 

Seungwan gives her a long, searching look. "That's good. Did you have fun?" 

 

Seulgi thinks of dinner in a hidden restaurant and a late night walk with ice cream melting onto her fingers. She thinks of sitting in the car with her favorite band playing and finally sharing it with someone else who likes them too. She thinks of the warmth of a soft hand against her arm and the ghost of a thumb tracing along the seam of her jacket. 

 

She thinks and thinks.

 

"Yeah," Seulgi replies honestly, holding her forearm close to her body, trying and failing to recreate Joohyun's touch with her own hand. "I had a lot of fun."

 

 

---

 

 

hi_sseulgi: renebaebae has followed you

 

 

---

 

 

The announcement of her new brand deal comes with a flurry of attention. Joohyun's schedule, already full, has even more packed into it now. Mandatory live streams, interviews, photoshoots. It's overwhelming to have on top of the busy filming schedule she's meant to follow. But she knows it's even worse for Seulgi, who has to juggle her solo debut on top of her group comeback preparations in addition to everything else as well. She barely even sleeps these days, worrying constantly over something or another.

 

Joohyun only knows this, of course, because she and Seulgi have struck up a steady text conversation that lasts late into the night and starts early in the morning. Her schedule is full of many responsibilities, but Seulgi is a personal commitment she always makes time for. 

 

Kang Seulgi: [img attached]

 

Kang Seulgi: How do I look??

 

Joohyun opens the picture, snorting indelicately at the sight of Seulgi in front of a mirror in a cropped wig.

 

Bae Joohyun: Do you want an honest answer or….?

 

Kang Seulgi: Meanie ;-;

 

Bae Joohyun: I’m kidding you look great :)

 

Bae Joohyun: Have you eaten today?

 

"You're on your phone a lot these days," Eunkyung comments idly, rummaging through her bag and distracting Joohyun enough for her to put her phone down. "You should tell me if you're dating someone. As your manager, it's one of the very few things I absolutely must know."

 

"I'm not dating anybody." Joohyun glares at her. "And you'd be the first to know if I was. It's just Seulgi."

 

Eunkyung snorts. "Right. The point still stands." 

 

"It's not like that," Joohyun denies. "We're just friends. Didn't you say I needed more friends?" 

 

"You're right, you're right," Eunkyung surrenders. "Just be careful, okay? Seulgi's known for being nice, but I know how you are. You have a very one track mind when you see something you like. Maybe keep your ambitions at bay just this once." 

 

"I'm always careful," Joohyun reminds her, offended at the implication. 

 

If anything, Joohyun's a little too careful. She can't even remember the last time she went out with somebody who wasn't her staff—friendly or otherwise. 

 

“I know. I didn’t mean it like that.” At Joohyun’s arched brow, Eunkyung clarifies, “It’s just been a long time since you’ve been interested in anybody. I don’t know Seulgi very well, but I know you and I don’t want you to get hurt because you fell too hard, too fast.”

 

Defensiveness bubbles hot and fast within her, and Joohyun can feel her eyes begin to sting from having to hold it back. Joohyun’s always felt things too easily, and where once she used to be prone to lashing out, she’s long since learned the art of keeping her emotions in check. But not even she is immune to the burn that comes with feeling like she’s just been betrayed. 

 

“You’re the one who—” Joohyun bites at her lip, contemplating how to phrase this in a way that doesn’t sound petulant. “You pushed for this. You gave her my number. Why are you so against it now?”

 

Eunkyung frowns. “I’m not against it. I’m just warning you not to get invested too quickly. Seulgi’s an idol; things are different for her. You may have more fans in general, but hers are willing to fight tooth and nail for her regardless of her mistakes. You don’t have that luxury. If things go wrong, you have much more to lose than she does.”

 

“We’re just friends, Eunkyung. I’m allowed to have friends, so is she. And we’re both”—the words taste sour, feel almost like the bile Joohyun’s had to force up after one too many bottles of alcohol—“we’re both girls. No one will care.”

 

“Right. I’m sorry. I’m just looking out for you. You know that right?”

 

“I know.” 

 

Eunkyung gives her a long look, hand heavy where she places it on Joohyun’s shoulder. Eunkyung has been her manager since the beginning and in some ways Joohyun might even consider her a friend, but Joohyun still often feels like there is a distance between them no amount of years can breach. This is why you don’t mix business with your personal life, she thinks. The hard truths always hurt more when it’s delivered by someone who says they’re doing it because they care. 

 

“Okay, well, come on. You have to be on set soon.”

 

Eunkyung guides her out of the trailer with a small smile. In her hand, Joohyun’s phone lights up with another message. 

 

Kang Seulgi: I’m eating a lot, don't worry! But maybe the two of us could—

 

Joohyun swipes away the notification, the message preview enough to make her head spin. She doesn’t respond until her day is over, hours later. She’s too busy to meet, she tells Seulgi, but she’ll see her for their first photoshoot in a few days. She leaves it at that and doesn’t get another response until the next day. Short and clipped and nothing like what their texts have been, even in the beginning when they didn’t know each other. 

 

Kang Seulgi: Okay, see you then. 

 

Whatever, Joohyun thinks, getting rid of the notification with barely a glance. 

 

She’s just being careful.

 

 

---

 

 

Their first photoshoot together is outside, on top of some dingy rooftop that’s been made to look better than it really does. Their first outfits are matching dresses, and Seulgi is momentarily struck dumb when she sees Joohyun again. 

 

“How do I look?” Joohyun asks, twisting this way and that, using the pockets in her dress to fan the bottom out. It spins when she does, rising just barely and exposing more of the skin of her thigh, and Seulgi feels dizzy.

 

“You look great.” And she means it even if the adjective isn’t possibly enough to describe the feeling that rises from deep within her when she looks at Joohyun with her hair mussed and her lips a cherry red, skin glowing under the light of the midday sun. “What about me?” Seulgi asks, just to distract herself from the sight of Joohyun’s easy smile.

 

“You look great too,” Joohyun answers readily, making Seulgi blush. She takes a look around them, at all the lights and cameras set up, and tucks her hair behind her ear; shy. “Are you ready for this?” 

 

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Seulgi says around a yawn.

 

“Are you tired?” Joohyun touches her arm briefly in concern, snatching it back so quickly Seulgi doubts if she even felt it at all. 

 

“I’m all right. I just had an early schedule this morning, but I’ll be fine.”

 

“Let’s do well today then, so we can finish quickly.” They exchange matching grins, the sunlight making them both seem softer. 

 

Seulgi was worried initially that it might be awkward. They hadn't spoken much lately—not like the beginning  where every text was answered immediately and conversations spanned days at time—but Seulgi had gotten the impression that Joohyun wanted it that way so she left it alone. In spite of this, Joohyun seems perfectly normal in front of her, and Seulgi’s left to wonder if she just conjured up the tension between them herself. 

 

The photoshoot goes well enough, though. They put the two of them in a variety of poses, next to each other and always touching. It feels romantic, and it would be if they weren’t two women, but even with Seulgi’s arms wrapped around Joohyun, or Joohyun’s head on Seulgi’s shoulder, Seulgi knows they’ll never be seen as anything else.  

 

“Cute!” Seulgi hears someone comment as they look over the pictures. “You two really look like sisters!”

 

Seulgi smirks, wondering how no one else can see the flustered way the Seulgi in the photo is smiling after accidentally making eye contact with Joohyun. Joohyun elbows her softly, a matching smirk on her face, and something like relief finds its way in Seulgi’s chest because maybe Joohyun understands it too.

 

They certainly aren’t looking at each other like they’re sisters.

 

The summer sun is warm against her skin, but it makes it easier to blame the redness of her cheeks on the heat and not on the sight of Joohyun in a cropped shirt and shorts, grinning at the camera with her hair tossed back. 

 

“This is going well,” Joohyun comments, once she’s done with her solo shots. 

 

“Yeah, I think we only have a few more outfits left.”

 

Joohyun’s nose wrinkles. “And then the interview.”

 

“Why the long face? You don’t like interviews?”

 

“I try to avoid them if I can,” Joohyun replies honestly. “I’m….not great at saying what I mean. I can be a bit standoffish sometimes, too. Unintentionally.”

 

“Don’t worry,” Seulgi reassures. “You’ll do great, and if you need help, just follow my lead. I’m basically a pro by now.”

 

Joohyun grins, something tender in it that has Seulgi looking away. When she’s called for her turn, Seulgi stands, stretching. Upright, she can feel the breeze against the exposed skin of her stomach, gooseflesh appearing there despite the heat of the day. Next to her, Joohyun remains quiet, even when Seulgi turns to her, hands on her hips.

 

“Wish me luck,” she says but Joohyun stays mum, eyes glazed over in a way that has Seulgi blushing. 

 

Seulgi can feel Joohyun watching her as she stands in front of the camera, eyes never leaving as Seulgi goes from one pose to the next. It makes the nerves in her body buzz pleasantly, and while Seulgi tries to ignore it, it’s hard to do so under Joohyun’s watchful gaze. Instead, Seulgi channels that energy into her modeling, raising her arms to show more of her stomach, biting at her lip when the camera comes nearer, lowering her head with hooded eyes when the photographer asks for more.

 

Seulgi’s an idol, after all. 

 

If she’s going to be watched, then instinct demands she put on a show. 

 

 

---

 

 

Seulgi has to know. That’s the only explanation Joohyun can come up with. Why else would she act so boldly like that when she knew Joohyun was looking? And Joohyun could kick herself for acting so foolishly. She wasn’t usually one to let herself go like that, but Seulgi had stood so suddenly, stretching while Joohyun was at eye level with Seulgi’s exposed stomach. She had a dancer’s body, that much was clear, and it was all Joohyun could do but hold herself back from doing something even more stupid like reach out and touch the indents of Seulgi’s abs. 

 

It didn’t help, either, that for their last shots together Seulgi had been dressed in shorts instead of jeans so that Joohyun had even more to look away from. 

 

“Are you okay?” Seulgi asks quietly, leaning in close to Joohyun’s ear as they wait for the photographer to finish setting up in front of them. 

 

“Yeah,” Joohyun answers, eyes trained determinedly forward and away from the flex of Seulgi’s stomach as she rests her arm on Joohyun’s shoulder. “Let’s just get this over with, yeah?”

 

“Right.”

 

Watching Seulgi work the camera is its own kind of reward, Joohyun thinks, doing her best not to get distracted by how Seulgi can enchant with just a single look. It makes working with her both incredibly easy and extremely difficult, but the camera seems to love it, enraptured by the effortless way Joohyun and Seulgi move around each other. 

 

When they finally finish with pictures, Joohyun lets out a breath of relief, ignoring how Seulgi seems to keep her eyes on Joohyun as they’re pulled aside and onto chairs so they can start the interview. They’re doing it together, side by side, underneath the shade of an umbrella with fans blowing. It makes Seulgi’s shirt—long and open—billow around her and Joohyun has to look away, torn between meeting the eyes of the interviewer or staring into the lens of the camera recording them.

 

They go through the normal questions first, answering things about the brand and reading off scripted prompts someone holds in front of them. This Joohyun can do. Long since used to the motions that come with brand deals and CF stints, she can fake enthusiasm for just about any product these days. She’s an actress for a reason, after all.

 

“This is the first time you’ve worked together. How was your first meeting?”

 

But this part? The personal questions and the inevitable lying that comes with them—Joohyun was never good at that. She’d rather sit quietly than answer anything about herself, and interviewers usually know it, all too eager to be the one to make Bae Joohyun crack first. But Joohyun didn’t like to lose and she refused to give into them first, so she always steels herself, tone short as she delivers only the answers that she has to. 

 

Seulgi isn’t like that at all. 

 

“It was good! We’ve actually met before so fortunately today didn’t feel awkward. I admire her a lot and getting to work together has been really fun so far.” 

 

“What about you, Joohyun?” the interviewer asks, turning towards her. “How was it working with Seulgi?”

 

Joohyun swallows, feeling the heat of the day beginning to get to her. “It was good. Seulgi’s worked with this brand for a while so she felt like the senior between us in many ways. I think I learned a lot from watching her.”

 

“Of course. Seulgi’s known as a brand representative many companies are proud of, but you’re also someone who receives a lot of love from various brands. You’ve also been in the industry longer, so was there any advice you gave to Seulgi before starting?”

 

Joohyun tries to think, but comes up empty. She knows her and Seulgi have talked about work previously, but it was never too deeply and they always got sidetracked by personal conversations instead. 

 

“No, not really,” Joohyun answers and is prepared to leave it at that. She can already see the interviewer frown, most likely ready to write some comment about how Joohyun is closed off, a stark contrast to the friendly idol next to her, until Seulgi clears .

 

“Actually, she’s just being modest,” Seulgi says, shooting Joohyun a charming smile. “I’ve learned a lot from Joohyun, both directly and indirectly. Even though she doesn’t speak a lot, she makes sure everything she does say has meaning. She thinks a lot before she does things; I think that’s admirable. It’s good to be careful.”

 

Joohyun ducks her head at Seulgi’s words, unaware the girl had already figured Joohyun out so easily after only knowing her for a short time.

 

“It seems like you two have gotten quite close,” the interviewer points out, eyes darting between the two of them. 

 

Joohyun pauses, suddenly concerned if he’s seeing something more there. Maybe he noticed how Joohyun couldn’t take her eyes off of Seulgi earlier, or maybe he saw how Joohyun had faltered when Seulgi had suddenly pulled Joohyun close during one of their pictures, the warm press of Seulgi’s bare stomach against Joohyun’s side still lingering on her mind. Maybe he’s caught onto how even now, Joohyun leans towards Seulgi, subconsciously seeking out her comfort under the probing lens of the cameras pointed at them. 

 

“It must be nice to work with such a close friend,” he adds, smiling amicably, and Joohyun exhales in silent relief, tension leaving her all at once. 

 

Next to her, Seulgi’s mouth lifts into a grin. To anyone else it must look like her normal, easygoing smile but Joohyun can see the subtle quirk in the corner of her lips, can feel the slight nudge where Seulgi knocks her knee into hers. 

 

A mischievous glint to her eye, Seulgi reveals, “Yeah, it is nice. It’s like we’re sisters.”

 

And for the first time during an interview, Joohyun laughs—loud and unrestrained—and Seulgi can’t help but join, everyone around them confused yet endeared by the sight of such open displays of happiness.

 

The interview continues, Joohyun more comfortable than she usually is as she lets Seulgi take the lead, chiming in only when necessary or if a question is asked to her directly. This must be the training of an idol, Joohyun thinks, as she watches Seulgi effortlessly charm the interviewer with her sincerity. He eats up everything she says, and Joohyun can’t help but empathize, similarly enchanted by the curve of Seulgi’s smile and the way her whole body moves when she speaks, like she needs more than just words to express herself. It makes it easier to relax, knowing that someone like Seulgi is next to her.

 

Afterwards, when the interview is over and they’re both back in their own clothes, Seulgi pulls Joohyun aside. 

 

“Are you doing anything after this?” 

 

She still has the makeup on from the shoot, but her hair is pulled back into a ponytail now. Seeing her face so clearly like this, has Joohyun faltering. Not used to such openness. 

 

“No, I’m done for the day,” Joohyun answers.

 

“I have some time before practice tonight. I was thinking of going to get something to eat, if you wanted to join?”

 

Joohyun wants to say no. For all intents and purposes, she should say no. And looking over at Eunkyung who’s watching them both with wary eyes, Joohyun knows that Eunkyung wants her to say no as well. 

 

But Joohyun’s an adult, and she’s allowed to get meals with someone she considers a friend—risks be damned.

 

“Sure. That sounds nice.”

 

Seulgi’s answering beam is enough for Joohyun to know she made the right choice, even if it has Joohyun’s heart stuttering to an unusual rhythm. 

 

It’ll be fine, Joohyun reasons, as long as she’s careful.

 

 

---

 

 

Joohyun is tense sitting across from her, and Seulgi can only smile sympathetically. The restaurant she brought Joohyun to is more crowded than usual, and even though they’re sitting somewhere close to the back, Seulgi isn’t blind to the heavy set of Joohyun’s shoulders nor the tight way she grips her chopsticks. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Seulgi apologizes when Joohyun’s eyes dart suddenly to the person walking past their table. “It’s not normally this busy. They must be having a special or something today.”

 

Joohyun just shakes her head, smiling even though it doesn’t reach her eyes. “It’s fine. I did say I needed to get out more, didn't I?”

 

“Well, if you want to go we can. I’m already pretty full so I don’t mind.” 

 

Joohyun gives her a look that says she knows Seulgi is lying. Truthfully, Seulgi is nowhere near full, but she wasn’t so mean as to force Joohyun to stay in an uncomfortable situation just so Seulgi could polish off her plate. 

 

“Don’t be ridiculous, Seulgi. We may have only known each other a short while, but I know you can eat way more than that.” 

 

Lowering her head to hide her blush, Seulgi just quietly shoves another bite into , proving Joohyun’s point. They don’t talk much for the rest of the meal. Seulgi’s determined to eat quickly so that they can leave sooner, and if Joohyun notices, she doesn’t say anything, too busy trying to make herself look small in her seat before anyone notices them.

 

It’s only once they’ve left, walking down a quiet street back to where Seulgi’s car is parked, that Seulgi sees Joohyun finally relax. 

 

“You really don’t like crowds, huh?”

 

“It’s not really the crowd. It’s—” Joohyun pauses, worrying at her lip. “I just don’t really like being noticed in public.” 

 

“You know the more you try to hide, the more noticeable you are,” Seulgi says. 

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Seulgi points to her face, free with nothing but a hat on to cover her. “If I just walk around like this, people barely pay attention, but when I try to cover up too much, they wonder why I’m hiding so they stare. No one cares when you seem just like them.” 

 

“But I’m not like them.”

 

Seulgi furrows her brows, pausing in the middle of the street. Joohyun looks flustered by her own words, refusing to meet Seulgi’s eyes as she stares pointedly down the other end of the road.

 

“Well, I guess that’s true, but even if you’re a celebrity, you’re still a person just like everyone else, you know?”

 

“Right,” Joohyun says, nodding. “Of course, that’s what you meant.”

 

Joohyun begins walking again as Seulgi can only stare at her back, a sinking feeling that they weren’t talking about the same thing at all. 

 

Before she can think too deeply about it, Seulgi whirls Joohyun around with a hand to her shoulder. Surprised, Joohyun can do nothing but stare wordlessly back at her. Soothingly, Seulgi presses gently against Joohyun’s shoulder with her thumb, dipping just slightly underneath where the hood of Joohyun’s sweater rests and relishes in the warmth she finds there. Joohyun’s mouth falls open, and Seulgi resolutely ignores it, focusing instead on Joohyun’s eyes and how they seem to darken with every pass of Seulgi’s thumb.

 

“There’s a place with good bubble tea not too far from here,” Seulgi manages to get out, fighting to keep her tone light even as the urge to pull Joohyun close to her, right here in the middle of the street, worms its way to the forefront of her mind. “We can take it to go and drink it in the car. I promise no one will notice you and if they do, I’ll make a really big scene so they get distracted by seeing Red Velvet’s Seulgi outside instead. Deal?”

 

Joohyun blinks before laughing disbelievingly. She steps away from Seulgi’s hand, and Seulgi tries not to miss the feeling of her, choosing to get lost in the curve of Joohyun’s crooked grin instead. 

 

“Deal.”

 

Joohyun can keep hiding if she wants to, Seulgi decides, as they move together down the street, arms brushing every so often before Joohyun finally gives in and wraps her hand around Seulgi’s elbow, her body small as she tucks into Seulgi’s suddenly tense side. 

 

As long as it’s not Seulgi Joohyun wants to shy away from, Seulgi can be brave enough for the both of them.

 

 

---

 

 

Seulgi’s true to her word, ushering Joohyun in and out of the bubble tea shop in a matter of minutes. While Joohyun keeps her mask on and her head low the entire time, Seulgi is the picture of nonchalance, perfectly unbothered as she orders for them both easily. It’s only on the walk back to the car that Joohyun lowers her mask, trying to mirror some of Seulgi’s confidence even as unease pricks teasingly against the base of her skull. 

 

“So this one my dad took,” Seulgi says, showing Joohyun her latest instagram post. “I love going home because he and my mom always spoil me. I actually didn’t want to post this because the flash looked too bright, but he insisted and I can’t say no to my dad, so—what?”

 

Joohyun can only blink at her, totally enamored at the sight of such a popular idol essentially admitting to being a daddy’s girl. 

 

“Nothing, you’re just so different than what I thought you’d be like.”

 

“Oh. What did you think I’d be like?”

 

“I don’t know. I’ve watched videos of you on stage before, and you were really impressive,” Joohyun begins as Seulgi ducks her head shyly, drinking from her bubble tea to avoid meeting Joohyun’s eyes, “so when I met you, I assumed you’d be similarly intense. But you weren’t like that at all.”

 

“Is that….a bad thing?”

 

“Not at all. It’s actually nice. I don’t think I’ve ever met a celebrity like you before.”

 

“I’m one of a kind.” Seulgi grins. “But I don’t think that means much from you. You said you don’t really hang out with celebrities right?”

 

“Not really.” Joohyun shakes her head, smiling wryly. She stares out of the windshield to avoid Seulgi’s eyes. “I’m sure you’ve noticed, but I’m a little….cautious when it comes to choosing who I spend time with.”

 

“I’m sure you have your reasons. The industry we’re in is hard; being cautious never hurts anybody.” 

 

“But you’re not like that,” Joohyun points out. 

 

Seulgi shrugs. “I’m careful too, but I try not to let other people control my personal life. I’ve already sacrificed so many things to be where I am, if I start letting them have a say in the things I do in my free time, I think I’d go crazy.”

 

“Is that why you don’t care about—” Joohyun snaps shut, stopping herself from asking a question she’s been dying to ask since before she even met Seulgi. Seulgi is just too comfortable to talk to, sometimes Joohyun forgets that she still needs to be mindful of her words. 

 

“Care about what?” 

 

Joohyun shakes her head. “It’s nothing.”

 

“Come on,” Seulgi prompts, nudging Joohyun with her elbow. “You can ask. I’m an open book.”

 

It’s tempting. Seulgi looks so sincere, free from the confines of whatever shackles Joohyun’s kept her own secret in, and, not for the first time, Joohyun’s left to wonder if Seulgi’s rumor is even a rumor at all. But Joohyun knows what it’s like to be interrogated about something so personal against your will. She knows how it feels for something so sacred to be pried out of you with no thought at all. She knows and she’s promised herself to never be the person on the opposite end of it. If Seulgi wants to tell Joohyun, she will. Assuming there’s even something to tell.

 

“It’s fine. Forget I said anything.”

 

“Hey,” Seulgi calls, resting her hand on Joohyun’s forearm. Her palm burns where it meets Joohyun’s sweater, and Joohyun swallows, feeling nervous now for an entirely different reason. Seulgi waits until Joohyun looks at her, and when Joohyun does, she finds Seulgi’s eyes, imploring in their earnestness. “I don’t want you to feel like you can’t talk to me. If you want to ask me something, ask. I promise I’ll answer, and if I don’t want to, I’ll tell you. So, go ahead. Ask whatever it is you were going to. I can tell you want to.”

 

Joohyun bites her lip. She’s not sure if it’s the warmth in Seulgi’s eyes or the heat from Seulgi’s hand, but Joohyun feels like she’s burning, overwhelmed both by Seulgi so close in her personal space and the impending conversation they’re about to have. 

 

“There’s a rumor about you,” Joohyun forces out, and Seulgi’s hand tenses ever so slightly against Joohyun’s arm. “About the kind of people you like to date. I don’t normally believe in rumors, but…” 

 

“But you think this one might be true?” 

 

Seulgi’s hand begins to slide away from Joohyun. Without thinking, Joohyun stops it with her own. They’ve never held hands before, but Joohyun needs this point of contact. She needs to feel like Seulgi won’t slip away from her. She needs to feel like a secret like this won’t force them apart. 

 

“It doesn’t matter if it’s true. That’s why I told you to forget I said anything. I shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place since it’s nothing but a rumor anyway—”

 

“It’s not.” 

 

Seulgi squeezes at Joohyun’s hand, eyes set determinedly forward. Joohyun’s heart stops, suddenly overcome with a feeling she can’t describe because now she’s no longer alone.

 

Seulgi’s like her.

 

“It’s not a rumor. I-I’m not picky about who I date. Guy or girl, as long as they’re a good person, it doesn’t really matter to me.” Seulgi shrugs, scratching at the back of her neck with her free hand. She laughs in that short, awkward way Joohyun knows she does whenever she’s feeling uncomfortable and trying to fight it, but even then, she’s somehow still the picture of ease even as she’s just openly admitted to something Joohyun’s had to force down about herself for years. “It’s not exactly a secret so don’t feel bad about asking. I just hope this doesn’t change anything between us, but I understand if it does. It’s okay if you don’t want to continue being friends, but—”

 

“I do!” 

 

Seulgi blinks at the outburst, probably confused at why Joohyun’s the one who’s breathless like she just ran a marathon when Seulgi was the one who just came out to her. But Joohyun can’t possibly sift through the emotions she’s feeling, equal parts relieved at this newfound knowledge but also jealous at how easily Seulgi could reveal it. 

 

“I do want to keep being friends because I—because I—”

 

I’m like you, Joohyun wants to say but can’t. The words dying in no matter how much she wants to force them out. 

 

“Because I like spending time with you,” Joohyun settles on. It’s not a lie, but it’s not the truth Joohyuun wants to say either. “This doesn’t change anything, Seulgi. I promise.” 

 

Seulgi smiles gratefully, turning her palm over so that their fingers can lace together. Her skin is smooth, but Joohyun can’t even focus enough to appreciate it. She’s too lost on the words she can’t say, hoping desperately that some of Seulgi’s bravery could seep out of her hand and into Joohyun’s so that Joohyun can tell her all the things she wants to as well.

 

“I like spending time with you, too.”

 

It dawns on Joohyun as she gets absorbed in the shine of Seulgi’s eyes that Joohyun had been wrong because Seulgi is like her but beautiful and kind and warmer than anyone else Joohyun knows. Even after years in the industry, Seulgi still has the capacity to be so genuine in every aspect of her life, and Joohyun can say with finality that she’s never met someone like her before. 

 

Joohyun had been wrong because perhaps her superficial crush isn’t so superficial anymore.

 

Suddenly everything has changed.

 

 

---

 

 

Joohyun is stiff next to her, and Seulgi can’t help but wonder how much of that is because of the rumor confirmed so easily by Seulgi’s own mouth. Maybe she shouldn’t have revealed things so readily, but Seulgi’s not a liar, and she’s never felt comfortable with the idea of hiding herself away from people she considers a friend. So much of her job demands that she pretend to be someone she isn’t. If she starts doing that in her personal life, too, how much more of her true self will be left? 

 

So it hadn’t taken much thought at all to bare herself open to Joohyun. If Joohyun didn’t accept her, that was her own problem. It would hurt, but Seulgi would get over it. She’s an idol in a booming industry; she’s no stranger to disappointment. 

 

“So, I’ll see you soon?” Seulgi says, parked in the parking garage underneath Joohyun’s building. 

 

Joohyun’s been quiet ever since their talk earlier, and Seulgi can see how her fingers curl tightly against her knees. Her head is low, hair falling forward like a curtain. Seulgi can’t see her face, but she’s prepared for the worst. Joohyun may have said nothing changed, but Seulgi thinks that couldn’t have been any more wrong. 

 

“Joohyun?” Seulgi tries, reaching for her shoulder carefully. Joohyun jumps at the contact, and Seulgi pulls her hand back. “Are you okay?”

 

“I….I…” 

 

Seulgi can see the war happening behind Joohyun’s eyes. She wants to stop it. She wants to go back to the easy conversation from earlier. For the first time, Seulgi wishes she could take back her secret so that she could keep Joohyun on her side just a little bit longer. 

 

“Look, if you’re not comfortable with me anymore—”

 

Joohyun stops her with a sharp glare. The confusion she’d seen in Joohyun’s eyes before, giving way to determination.

 

“I told you it’s not that. It’s….it’s….” Joohyun groans, head dropping to her hands. “Why can’t I say it?”

 

“Joohyun?”

 

Joohyun breathes deeply. 

 

“I’m like you,” Joohyun whispers. Seulgi can only blink, unsure of what it is Joohyun’s admitting to. 

 

“What—”

 

“I’m like you,” Joohyun repeats, staring intently into Seulgi’s eyes. “I like women.”

 

Oh. 

 

“Oh.”

 

The admission is unexpected. Even with Seulgi’s admittedly shallow crush on the actress, she’d never dared to hope that someone like Joohyun could like someone like her. Maybe it was Seulgi’s innate belief that everyone was straight until proven otherwise, but she feels stupid now. The signs had been there. Seulgi had noticed the way Joohyun looked at her at the photoshoot, she’d even reveled in the feeling of Joohyun’s eyes on her. And Joohyun’s fear of being noticed outside with her, that paranoia of people seeing things where there was nothing. It all made sense. Seulgi had just been too afraid to hope.

 

Seulgi can see Joohyun’s throat bob with a harsh swallow. She can see the uneasy way Joohyun’s eyes shift across Seulgi’s face. She can see the tension coiled tightly in the hard set of Joohyun’s jaw. She can see all these things, and yet all Seulgi can think is that she’s never seen someone look so brave before. Seulgi reaches for Joohyun’s hand again, hoping she can provide the same comfort that Joohyun had given her before.

 

“Thank you for telling me,” Seulgi tells her. “I know that must have been hard for you.”

 

“I just,” Joohyun starts, fingers curling around Seulgi’s pleadingly. “I just didn’t want you to think you were alone.”

 

And, oh, Seulgi realizes. There it is. The real truth Joohyun is revealing. Joohyun needed someone like her. She needed to not be alone anymore. She needed Seulgi.

 

“You’re not alone, either.”

 

Joohyun nods, and Seulgi feels like she understands now, like Joohyun’s finally letting Seulgi see her. Beneath all that celebrity bravado was someone just like Seulgi, only more strictly confined by the demanding expectations that comes with being an actress in their industry. Seulgi’s not a fool, even if she’s a victim of much of the same scrutiny, she knows it’s arguably easier for her. She’s from a popular company, she had fans before she even debuted who would write her letters and shower her with compliments when she would leave to and from training. And even without them, Seulgi has supportive group members to fall back on when she feels like she has no one else.

 

Who does Joohyun have?

 

“I’m glad you told me,” Seulgi says, squeezing Joohyun’s hand gently. “It’s always nice to meet someone who gets it.”

 

“Yeah,” Joohyun agrees softly. “It is.” 

 

They sit for a long moment, letting the moment settle and the heaviness of Joohyun’s confession dissipate, until Joohyun finally releases Seulgi’s hand and they both relax back into their seats. 

 

“You probably have to go to practice now, right?”

 

Seulgi looks at the time and winces. She’s running late. “Yeah, I should probably go.”

 

“Thank you for tonight, Seulgi,” Joohyun tells her, the smile on her face seeming far less restrained than Seulgis’ used to. It has Seulgi feeling unusually starstruck, grateful that she has a hat on to hide the blush she’s sure is blooming on her cheeks. “It’s been nice spending time with you. I’ve kind of forgotten what it was like to get out like this so often.”

 

Seulgi gulps, doing what she does best whenever she begins to feel awkward with embarrassment, and smiles brightly. 

 

“It’s been nice spending time with you, too,” Seulgi promises. “I’m glad I’ve gotten to know you.”

 

“Me too. I’ll talk to you soon?”

 

Seulgi nods as Joohyun begins to gather her things, watching with a feeling she recognizes as longing as Joohyun prepares to leave. 

 

“Goodnight, Joohyun.”

 

Joohyun shoots her one last smile, tentatively squeezing Seulgi’s forearm like she’d done the last time Seulgi dropped her off here. 

 

“Goodnight, Seulgi.”

 

It’s only once Joohyun’s disappeared into the elevator, and Seulgi’s back on the road to the practice room—memories of Joohyun sitting in the seat next to her, looking so open and unafraid, etched into every corner of her mind—that Seulgi comes to the startling realization. 

 

Her shallow crush isn’t so shallow anymore.

 

 

---

 

 

"Hey, Joohyun." 

 

Joohyun hastily puts her phone away, worried at first that her co-star might have seen what was on her screen, and then shakes her head at herself. It shouldn't matter if he did; she’s allowed to watch an idol music video in her spare time. It doesn't mean anything. 

 

"Hey," she greets, smiling wearily at Minho.

 

He hands her a cup of coffee, fresh from the coffee truck one of his fans had sent to their filming location. Joohyun doesn’t particularly want it, but she knows better than to be rude, so she accepts it graciously if only so she can use it to warm her hands. 

 

As an idol, Minho’s always careful in how he handles himself, constantly wary about who might be looking. Even now, on a closed set, he's sure to sit some distance away from Joohyun to maintain boundaries. Idly, Joohyun wonders if all idols are supposed to act like him, and if Seulgi just conveniently missed the day that training took place. 

 

"You seem tired," he says. 

 

"I’m all right."

 

"Don’t worry, you can be honest. I won’t tell," he whispers like it's some kind of secret that they're all running on nothing but caffeine and sheer force of will. 

 

"Then I guess I am a little, but you just had a comeback, right?" Joohyun asks, and he nods. "That must be hard for you." 

 

He shrugs. "You get used to it. I’m sure you’re just as exhausted.”

 

“I just have to memorize lines. You have to do that on top of singing and dancing three times a week.”

 

“Ah, well. When you put it like that.” He scratches at the back of his neck, the epitome of charming idol boy, and if Joohyun weren’t the way she was maybe she would have found him attractive. As it stands, Joohyun looks at him and all she can think of is the way Seulgi had grinned at her a few nights ago, the straw from her bubble tea trapped between her teeth as she ducked her head to Joohyun’s compliments. 

 

“So, I was wondering,” Minho starts, pulling Joohyun out of her reverie. “I know you’re probably busy, but filming is ending soon, so I thought maybe we could exchange numbers?”

 

Oh. 

 

Joohyun blinks, unsure of where this is coming from. Minho is nice enough, but Joohyun knows that in their world exchanging numbers with someone of the opposite is the equivalent of confirming mutual interest. And Joohyun is far from interested. 

 

“Actually, I—”

 

“She can’t.” Eunkyung settles between them, taking the coffee from Joohyun’s hand and replacing it with a tea. Joohyun thanks her, sipping from it immediately while Minho can only look on in defeat. Eunkyung levels him with a pointed stare until Minho finally gets the hint, scrambling out of his seat. 

 

“Uh, I’m going to go over some of my lines. I’ll talk to you later.” He smiles hopefully at Joohyun before leaving hurriedly. 

 

“Thanks for that,” Joohyun tells Eunkyung once he’s gone. “I’m not sure I would have been very nice with my rejection.”

 

“You never are.” Eunkyung snorts, looking far too smug for what’s warranted. “Though you have been in a pretty good mood lately. I take it that things with Seulgi are well.” 

 

Joohyun narrows her eyes at her. “They are. Seulgi’s nice.”

 

“You know,” Eunkyung starts, the picture of indifference, “her music video just got released. Have you seen it?” 

 

Joohyun swallows, remembering how she’d watched it as soon as it debuted, and then watched it again immediately after just because. The image of Seulgi crawling on screen is still burned into her mind. 

 

“I did.”

 

Eunkyung raises a brow. “And? Did you like it?”

 

“I….did.”

 

“That’s good.” Eunkyung hums, eyeing Joohyun strangely before handing Joohyun her phone. “Here, I took this the other day during your photoshoot,” she says nonchalantly, barely sparing Joohyun a glance. “I thought you might like it.”

 

On the screen is a picture of Joohyun and Seulgi together, Joohyun’s head turned fully towards Seulgi as Seulgi bows her head with a shy smile. Joohyun’s eyes are shining and her own smile—small but there—is directed at Seulgi and Seulgi alone. Looking at it, at how comfortable and smitten Joohyun is next to Seulgi, Joohyun can’t help but swallow. 

 

“Maybe I was wrong,” Eunkyung tells her, taking the phone back, screen dark but the image still etched into Joohyun’s memories. 

 

“About?”

 

Eunkyung just shakes her head. “You should message her. Her manager told me she’s stressed about her debut. I’m sure she’d love to hear from you.”

 

Joohyun furrows her brow, wondering where this sudden change of heart is coming from. Eunkyung, as great as she is, never fails to give Joohyun whiplash with her constantly changing moods. 

 

“What about being careful?” Joohyun asks and Eunkyung nudges into her. 

 

“You’ve been around how many years now? You can handle yourself.” She shrugs before pinning Joohyun with a harsh stare. “Just don’t go around getting caught now, though, okay? Last time was—” 

 

They both pause, the words Eunkyung didn’t say lingering between them heavily. Joohyun can feel every part of her body immediately go taut, remnants of her last failed relationship slinking their way back to her like muscle memory. Eunkyung, at least, has the grace to look sheepish. 

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring that up again.”

 

Joohyun waves her off, willing herself to relax even as tension pulls at her. Eunkyung means well, and this isn’t going to be a repeat of last time. Joohyun knows better now.

 

“It’s fine, but this won’t be like before. Things are different now.”

 

She’s no longer that kid fresh in the industry who was so easily scarred by someone choosing their dreams over her. Looking back, Joohyun can say she’d probably have made the same choice anyway. How easy it is, to find yourself turned into the very person you wanted so badly to hate.

 

“I know, and you’ve grown a lot since then. I trust you.” Eunkyung nudges her carefully. “Seulgi’s different from her too, you know?”

 

Joohyun knows that too. Seulgi is kind. She’s confident. Seulgi goes out alone and doesn’t care who sees her and apparently works just fine in her industry with her secret out in the open. No, Seulgi’s not like her at all. 

 

“I know. Seulgi is….she’s….” Joohyun shakes her head, pushing the thoughts away. “Why are we even talking about this? I already told you, it’s not even like that.”

 

Eunkyung just arches a brow in amusement, already stalking off towards who knows where now that their conversation is seemingly over. “Sure, sure.”

 

Biting at her lip, Joohyun jogs to catch up with her. 

 

“Hey, could you send me that picture?”  

 

Eunkyung just gives her a smirk, and Joohyun pushes at her.

 

Whatever. It may not be like that, but Joohyun knows herself well enough to know there is little that could be doubted in that picture and how she’d been looking at Seulgi. She hasn’t looked at anyone that way in a long time.

 

It may not be like that now, but Joohyun certainly wants it to be.

 

 

---

 

 

Seulgi hovers over the name on her phone for a long moment, internally debating. They don’t do these things—not yet—but Seulgi’s got some time to kill until she’s expected on stage and there’s always a first time for everything. 

 

She checks Joohyun’s last text to her again, confirming that Joohyun did, in fact, say she isn’t currently busy. Seulgi almost feels bad for bothering her, but after so many years, Seugi’s learned that being backstage at a music show could be dreadfully boring, even more so without any members to talk to. It doesn’t help, either, that Seulgi’s anxiety is growing the closer it gets to her turn. It’s her first week of promotions, and while Seulgi would usually consider herself above the nerves that come with performing, there’s something about being alone for the first time that’s starting to get to her.

 

And yet despite all of that, Seulgi just can’t get the image of Joohyun sitting inside her car, legs crossed while she drank from her bubble tea as Seulgi revealed the biggest part of herself to her. Joohyun was much more open then, comfortably hidden away in the safety of Seulgi’s car and off the streets. 

 

Joohyun’s been on her mind since.

 

Pulling up 10 seconds of confidence, Seulgi lets go of the last of her restraint and hits call. She wants to talk to Joohyun, and if Joohyun wants to talk to her too she’ll answer. It doesn’t have to be complicated, and Seulgi could use the welcome distraction to get her mind off things.

 

“Hello?”

 

“You answered.”

 

Seulgi cringes at her response, but it earns her a laugh from Joohyun which makes the brief wave of embarrassment worth it.

 

“You called me and you’re surprised that I answered?” 

 

Joohyun’s voice sounds different through the phone—somehow softer yet deeper—and Seulgi thinks she can get used to this change. 

 

“Uh, yeah.”

 

Joohyun snorts out a laugh. “You’re so weird.”

 

Seulgi rolls her eyes, biting back the grin that threatens to spill across her face. 

 

“And you’re meaner over the phone,” Seulgi teases, laughing afterwards in case Joohyun takes her seriously. 

 

“It’s easier to be when I don’t have to look you in the eye,” Joohyun answers.

 

“Are you saying looking at me makes you nicer?”

 

Joohyun pauses for a long moment, her steady breaths the only reason Seulgi knows she hasn’t hung up yet. 

 

“Yeah, something like that.”

 

“Maybe I should only talk to you in person, then, so that you’re always nice.” 

 

“I’m sure interviewers would love that,” Joohyun jokes. “They’d probably write an article about what a good influence you are on me.”

 

“I think it’d be more like the other way around. They’ll say I’ve gotten more refined since working with you.”

 

Joohyun laughs softly, the sound of it enough to make Seulgi lower her head shyly. Around her, her staff is darting about, preparing for Seulgi’s stage while Seulgi tries to tuck herself into the corner so that no one can see her giggling into her phone like a teenager calling her crush for the first time. 

 

“I don’t know about that. You seem pretty refined already.”

 

“I’m an idol,” Seulgi boasts, “I’m good at putting on a show.”

 

“That you are,” Joohyun agrees easily. “Speaking of, isn’t it your debut stage today?”

 

“You’re keeping track of my promotions?” Seulgi asks, a little flustered at the idea. Joohyun doesn’t answer immediately, and Seulgi grants her a respite, quickly moving on. “But yes it is. I’m actually in the waiting room right now.”

 

“Right now? Shouldn’t you be preparing instead of talking to me?”

 

“Trying to get rid of me already?”

 

Joohyun huffs and Seulgi can almost hear the roll of her eyes as she says, “No, just worried I might be getting you into trouble.”

 

“Don’t worry about that. Music shows are mostly a lot of waiting around until you perform and then a lot more waiting around until you go out for the ending stage. It’s pretty boring when you’re here alone.”

 

“Ah,” Joohyun hums. “So you only called me because you were bored.”

 

“And because I was thinking about you,” Seulgi reveals a little too freely. She should be embarrassed by speaking so unashamedly, but Joohyun was right. It’s easier when she can’t look at Joohyun face to face, and Seulgi’s never been the type to shy away from her feelings if she could help it. 

 

“What about me?” Joohyun asks, and Seulgi’s not sure if it’s just wishful thinking that has her detecting the flirtatious undertone. It wouldn’t be the first time Seulgi’s tried to find clues where there were none. 

 

“Just that I wanted to talk to you.”

 

Seulgi grins as Joohyun laughs again, no doubt expecting Seulgi to have answered with something more teasing than that. But Seulgi’s nothing if not honest, and over time, she’s learned that nothing charms a girl quite as well as that.

 

“All right, Kang Seulgi. What would you like to talk about?”

 

Seulgi settles more comfortably in her seat in the corner. She’s still got another half hour before her stage, and she feels surprisingly relaxed now, something about having Joohyun in her ear calming her in a way nothing else has.

 

“I don’t know. Anything. Tell me about your day.”

 

“That’s it? It wasn’t very exciting.”

 

“Tell me anyway.”

 

So Joohyun does, Seulgi listening attentively as Joohyun tells her about how she was so cold filming her scene early that morning that her toes went numb. 

 

“You always seem like you’re cold,” Seulgi swears. “I even saw a video on YouTube once that was just clips of you walking around looking cold.”

 

“You watch videos of me on YouTube?”

 

Seulgi freezes, mouth opening and closing as she fishes for a response. When one doesn’t come quickly enough, Joohyun giggles.

 

“I’m just kidding, Seulgi. Relax,” Joohyun saves her, smoothly sidestepping Seulgi’s blunder the same way Seulgi had done for her just moments earlier. Instead, she switches topics to talk about one of her stylists who’s a fan of Seulgi’s. “I think she might kill me when she finds out I’ve been talking to you without getting her an autograph.”

 

“I’ll send her an album then. What’s her name?”

 

“What? No, Seulgi, you don’t have to do that. I was just kidding.”

 

“I wasn’t. I have a bunch of albums for this reason. I’ve got to promote myself somehow, you know?”

 

“Really? You’re sure?”

 

“I’m sure,” Seulgi promises, writing down the name Joohyun gives her on a note along with a reminder to ask her manager to send out the album later.

 

Joohyun seems touched, going on and on about how Seulgi doesn’t have to while Seulgi continuously assures her that it’s fine. There are many downsides to being who she is, but making someone’s day with something as simple as an autograph would never be one of them. Seulgi loves being an idol, if only because she likes the idea that just being herself can make someone else happy.

 

They talk a bit more, exchanging mundane stories until Seulgi’s manager signals that it’s time to go. Seulgi won’t deny being disappointed that she has to leave Joohyun even if the sudden rush that comes with the thought of performing greets her in its stead.

 

“I haven’t talked on the phone like this with someone in a long time,” Joohyun reveals as they say their goodbyes. “It was nice.” 

 

She sounds shy, her voice so small and quiet Seulgi wishes she could reach through the phone and touch her even as her cheeks begin to warm with an incoming blush at her words. 

 

“It was,” Seulgi agrees quietly. “Thanks for answering.” 

 

“Thanks for calling. Good luck on stage later. I’ll try to watch.”

 

“I’ll have to do really well then, so I can impress you.”

 

“You already impress me, Kang Seulgi,” Joohyun says, and Seulgi’s blush intensifies. “Text me later?”

 

“I will. Goodbye, Joohyun.”

 

“Goodbye, Seulgi.”

 

Armed with the knowledge that Joohyun will be watching, Seulgi is especially spirited as she performs. She feels confident, none of her earlier anxiety anywhere to be seen now that she knows Joohyun finds her impressive without even trying, and it makes it easier to enjoy the stage, too, the cheers of the fans providing that extra boost of energy.

 

When she shoots an unpracticed wink into the camera on a whim, Seulgi pretends like she’s just doing it for the fans and their urging. She’s no stranger to practiced fanservice for the sake of earning a few more views. Though somewhere in the back of her mind, Seulgi can’t help but wonder. 

 

Joohyun, are you watching?

 

 

---

 

 

“You’ve been into music shows lately.”

 

Joohyun frowns at Eunkyung in the driver’s seat but says nothing. On her phone, the music show stream is playing. Joohyun’s not very familiar with any of the artists but Seulgi’s performing later and ever since their first phone call, Joohyun’s tried to tune in whenever she could over the last few days.

 

“I also saw you step out to take a call a couple times this week,” Eunkyung comments lightly when it’s clear Joohyun isn’t going to offer her anything more. 

 

Joohyun sighs, wondering if they’re really going to do this now with Haewon and Kyungri snoring in the backseat. 

 

“You seem to notice a lot of things.” 

 

“I’m your manager, it’s my job to notice things.”

 

Joohyun snorts. “Of course. Nothing gets past you does it?”

 

“See? You’re finally getting it,” Eunkyung says, and Joohyun rolls her eyes, refusing to give her anything more. She’s long since learned that responding to Eunkyung’s stupidity only encourages her. “You know your schedule is pretty light the next few days. Filming is almost over, too, so that’s one less thing to worry about.” 

 

Joohyun gives her a look. “Okay?”

 

“I’m just saying, if you wanted to go out more, hang out with your friends or whatever, now would be the time.” 

 

“Eunkyung,” Joohyun starts, glancing towards the back to make sure Haewon and Kyungri are actually asleep. She continues in a harsh whisper, “I know what you’re trying to do, and you can stop. I can handle things by myself.”

 

Eunkyung raises her hands in surrender, but keeps her eyes to the road. 

 

“I was just saying.” 

 

Joohyun rolls her eyes and goes back to her phone. Seulgi’s performance will be at the end and there’s still a half hour left. She intends to ignore Eunkyung and only pay attention to the show, but Seulgi hasn’t responded to her since this morning and even though Joohyun knows how busy Seulgi is, she can still feel the sting of rejection and it has her unusually confrontational. 

 

“You know for a manager you’re awfully nosy,” Joohyun grumbles. 

 

“What?” Eunkyung scoffs. “I’m not nosy, I’m supportive. You should be happy; not many people can say the same about their managers.”

 

“Yeah, well, not many people can say their manager is trying to into their love life.”

 

“So you finally admit it, then.” Eunkyung smirks. “This is about your love life.”

 

“No, that’s not—” Joohyun tips her head back to rest against the seat. “I’m just watching a music show to support a friend. Can we just leave it at that?”

 

“Sure,” Eunkyung agrees, “but like I said, you have a light schedule the next few days, so if you want to hang out with your friend there’s nothing stopping you.”

 

Joohyun groans, choosing to stay quiet even though she can feel Eunkyung’s self-satisfaction rolling off her in waves. Eunkyung could be as annoyingly competitive as Joohyun, and she never misses an opportunity to gloat when she can. It’s only especially annoying right now because Joohyun knows she’s right. It’s not often she gets free time and making use of it to spend time with someone she actually wants to see wouldn’t be the worst idea.

 

Focusing on her phone again and the music show still streaming, Joohyun bites her lip. She chances a glance Eunkyung’s way, making sure her manager is concentrating on the road and not on her. Discreetly as possible, she fires off a quick text before going back to the music show, doing her best to seem nonchalant.

 

It doesn’t work, though, because as soon as they hit the next stoplight, Eunkyung nods towards Joohyun’s phone with a smirk.

 

“So did you ask your friend to hang out just now?”

 

“Shut up.”

 

 

---

 

 

Bae Joohyun: You know you still owe me an art lesson

 

Kang Seulgi: I do don’t I?

 

Bae Joohyun: If you’re free tomorrow, you can come over

 

Bae Joohyun: I’ll even feed you

 

Kang Seulgi: You should have started with that! 

 

Kang Seulgi: I’ll definitely be there

 

 

---

 

 

Joohyun’s apartment building feels intimidating to stand inside of. Even walking through the private entrance, Seulgi knows this is the kind of place that only someone with several successful acting roles and an armful of CF deals could afford. 

 

“Make yourself comfortable,” Joohyun says, guiding Seulgi into the threshold of her apartment. “Food is on the way, but can I get you anything else? Snacks? A drink?”

 

“I’m okay,” Seulgi answers, setting the backpack she brought down. She takes a moment to look around, eyeing the pictures lining Joohyun’s walls and the warm, neutral colors of her furniture and matching drapes. It’s strangely fitting for someone like Joohyun. “I like your apartment. It feels comfortable.” 

 

“That’s all my sister’s doing. She has more of an eye for these things than I do.” 

 

“That’s nice. Are you close with your sister?”

 

“Kind of.” Joohyun shrugs, sitting down on the couch and motioning for Seulgi to do the same. “She’s a few years younger than me so we didn’t hang out that much growing up, but now that she’s older we talk a bit more. She’s back home in Daegu, though, so I don’t see her that much.”

 

“I’ve always wondered what having an older sister would be like.” Seulgi wrinkles her nose. “I only have an older brother, and he’s annoying most of the time.”

 

Joohyun laughs. “You didn’t have older friends who were girls? That’s kind of the same.”

 

“Nope.” Seulgi shakes her head. “Even when I was training, I was the oldest girl.”

 

“You must be good at taking care of others then.” 

 

Joohyun shifts as she says this, lifting her knee to rest on the couch as she angles herself towards Seulgi. She rests her elbow on the back of the couch, head leaned against her fist, and in her loose shirt and leggings, Seulgi is struck suddenly by the realization that she’s never quite seen Joohyun look so relaxed before. 

 

“Ah.” Seulgi scratches at her cheek, sheepish. “I’m honestly not so great at that either.”

 

Joohyun nudges her. “I’m sure your members would disagree.” 

 

“No, really,” Seulgi insists. “Seungwan’s better with that sort of thing. I just try to stay friendly with everyone and make sure we don’t all kill each other when it’s 3am and we haven’t slept.”

 

“You care in your own way,” Joohyun decides, reaching over to pat at Seulgi’s thigh, and Seulgi has to look away, cheeks warming either from the compliment or the warmth of Joohyun’s palm seeping through the fabric of her pants.

 

Seulgi coughs, reaching for her backpack as a distraction.

 

“Right, so I brought a few different things. I wasn’t sure what kind of drawing you wanted to do so I thought I’d give you some options.” She pulls out a sketchpad and an assortment of art tools until Joohyun’s coffee table is covered with an array of markers, pens, and pencils. 

 

Joohyun lets out a disbelieving huff. “Did you bring over everything you own?” 

 

“What? No, of course not. This isn't even half.” 

 

“Right, of course.” 

 

Once her bag is empty, Seulgi turns to Joohyun excitedly. “So. What do you want to draw?”

 

Joohyun chooses a picture of herself after some prompting on Seulgi’s end and picks up a regular graphite pencil at Seulgi’s advice. Together Seulgi helps Joohyun recreate the lines of her own face on the paper. First, with light lines to outline the shape, then with darker lines as she adds more details. Joohyun is the picture of concentration, listening attentively for Seulgi’s instruction, and Seulgi finds the way Joohyun bites at her lip in thought to be far more distracting than it has any right to be. Even the uncertain way she turns to Seulgi after every of her pencil has Seulgi determinedly staring down at the paper to avoid being caught staring.  

 

The end result is something that doesn’t look like Joohyun at all, but Seulgi showers her with compliments anyway, if only because she likes the way the tips of Joohyun’s ears pink with each word of praise. 

 

“I’m serious! It looks really good!”

 

Joohyun narrows her eyes in suspicion. “Sure it does. Here, you try. I want to see how a professional does it.”

 

“I’m not a professional,” Seulgi mumbles, but turns the sketchbook to a new page anyway. 

 

It’s effortless to draw Joohyun. Her face is symmetrical and her expressions are easily captured on paper. It helps, too, that this isn’t the first time Seulgi’s drawn her. Not that Seulgi would ever admit it, but there had been a moment after their first meetup, where Seulgi couldn’t get the image of Joohyun sitting in the front seat of her car out of her head. Before she could really think about it, Seulgi had found herself pulling up a picture of Joohyun, trying to capture Joohyun’s likeness as best she could with her pencil. She’d torn that page of her sketchbook out, shoved it somewhere deep in her desk drawer, and hoped to forget about it. But like muscle memory, her hand remembers even if her brain would like to forget, and before Seulgi knows it, Joohyun is taking shape right before her eyes. 

 

“Wow,” Joohyun whistles in awe. “You’re really good. How’d you do that?”

 

Seulgi blushes. “It’s just a quick sketch, and you were watching the whole time! I even explained as I did it.”

 

Joohyun blinks, her cheeks seeming to color right before Seulgi’s eyes. It’s disarming, especially at such close proximity, and Seulgi almost misses the way Joohyun’s throat bobs with a sudden swallow. 

 

“Right, you did. I just got distracted.” 

 

Seulgi grins, feeling confident and a little cheeky. “By how good I am?”

 

“As if.” Joohyun rolls her eyes, knocking into Seulgi’s shoulder. “Seriously, how come yours turned out so good? I followed everything you said!”

 

“Maybe you just don’t have an artist’s hand,” Seulgi teases, wiggling her fingers at Joohyun. 

 

Joohyun narrows her eyes at her. “What does that even mean?”

 

“Here. Look.” 

 

Emboldened, Seulgi reaches for Joohyun’s hand, splaying their palms flat against each other with their fingers outstretched. Joohyun’s hands are noticeably smaller than Seulgi’s, the tips of Seulgi’s fingers extending passed Joohyun’s. Like this, Seulgi’s hand could easily dwarf hers, and if it were anyone else, maybe Seulgi would be a little bit more brave and curl her fingers down until they pressed against the back of Joohyun’s hand so that they’re entwined. Instead, Seulgi just pushes against her, delighting in the softness of Joohyun’s skin against her own.

 

“See?” Seulgi says. “My hand is bigger because I’m an artist.”

 

Joohyun scoffs. “That has nothing to do with it.”

 

Still, she doesn’t immediately pull her hand away even as she swats at Seulgi’s shoulder in indignation. It’s not until Seulgi drops her arm, letting her hand drag down Joohyun’s palm as she goes, that they stop contact at all. Interestingly, Seulgi watches as Joohyun’s hand lingers in the air, the ends of her fingers falling forward like they miss the support of Seulgi’s palm. 

 

Nervously, Seulgi turns back to the sketchbook on the table, flipping the page back to Joohyun’s drawing. 

 

“Honestly, I think you could be really good too. You just need to practice more.” 

 

Joohyun hums, leaning forward to admire her work. 

 

“Are you going to help me practice then?”

 

Seulgi keeps her eyes down, unwilling to see what kind of expression is on Joohyun’s face. Does she even know the kind of effect her words are having? Does she even know what she’s saying right now?

 

“If that’s what you want.”

 

Joohyun takes a long moment to answer, long enough that Seulgi finally chances a glance her way. When she does, Joohyun is looking at her seriously. 

 

“It is.”

 

Seulgi swallows, nods, and tries not to read too much into it.

 

“Then I’ll be here.”

 

 

---

 

 

Seulgi’s body runs naturally warm. This is what Joohyun learns after sitting next to her on the couch for a few hours, the sides of their bodies leaned against each other as a movie plays on the TV across from them. With their stomachs full from the takeout Joohyun ordered and their feet kicked up onto the coffee table, Joohyun can feel how her shoulder settles a little more comfortably against Seulgi’s own with each passing second. 

 

On the screen, the main character ducks underneath the desk, waiting with baited breath for the monster following her to pass, and Joohyun scoffs. 

 

“Why is she hiding? There’s nowhere to go in this room, she’s just going to get caught.”

 

“But if she tries to run away now then the monster will definitely find her. It’s better to hide and wait for it to pass.”

 

“But she’s going to get caught regardless. See!” 

 

As if beckoned, the monster on screen reaches underneath the desk and pulls the main character away, presumably to her death. Normally, Joohyun wouldn’t entertain these kinds of movies and if she did, she’d scream or hide through most of it. But Seulgi was a soothing presence next to her, constantly asking questions or talking through the parts that had the most tension. Joohyun could appreciate what she was doing since it was only at Seulgi’s insistence that they even chose this movie to begin with.

 

“Of course she’s going to get caught, it’s a movie.” Seulgi laughs. “But now she gets to try and fight it off and run away. It’s more exciting like this.” 

 

“She could have just run away to begin with,” Joohyun grumbles and Seulgi nudges her, her hand falling to Joohyun’s thigh. 

 

“Hey, you’re an actress! You’re supposed to appreciate how good Seo Yeji is here.”

 

Entirely aware now of every part of Seulgi’s body that’s touching her, Joohyun inhales deeply, watching as Seulgi has yet to remove her hand from where it’s placed. 

 

“You like her?” Joohyun asks distractedly. “Seo Yeji?”

 

Seulgi’s finger taps against Joohyun’s thigh, once then twice. “Yeah she’s good. I like her dramas.”

 

“Oh.” 

 

“Do you like her?”

 

Joohyun swallows. “Who?”

 

At Seulgi’s laugh, Joohyun finally tears her eyes away from the contrasting sight of Seulgi’s hand against the dark material of her pants. 

 

“Seo Yeji,” Seulgi answers, giving Joohyun’s thigh a reassuring squeeze before pulling it away. 

 

Feeling like she can breathe normally again, Joohyun blinks rapidly. It’s not normally she feels herself fall into that kind of stupor, but it’s also been a long time since Joohyun’s felt the touch of someone else’s hand somewhere that wasn’t strictly friendly. More importantly, it’s been a long time since Joohyun’s felt the touch of someone she’s attracted to. 

 

“Oh, yes. Seo Yeji is good.” 

 

“Yeah, I like her in this movie.” 

 

Joohyun scrutinizes the movie carefully, eyeing how Seo Yeji’s character is currently running for her life through a muddy forest. When she looks over at Seulgi, Seulgi is similarly enraptured by the screen and Joohyun rolls her eyes. 

 

“She’s okay,” Joohyun concedes, maybe a little more begrudgingly than intended. 

 

“Do you want to watch something else? We don’t have to watch this,” Seulgi tells her, already reaching forward for the remote on the table, but Joohyun stops her with a hand to her arm, fingers curling around Seulgi’s sleeve as she encourages Seulgi to lean back, shoulder even more firmly resting against Joohyun’s now. 

 

“No, this is fine. Even if the plot is stupid.”

 

Seulgi throws her head back in laughter. “So this is the pickiness of an actress. You must hate watching TV.” 

 

Joohyun shrugs. She doesn’t make any effort to move her hand nor does Seulgi seem to mind how Joohyun lets it fall to the crook of her elbow. Without thinking, Joohyun lets her other hand raise, carefully tracing the material of Seulgi’s sleeve with her finger. Seulgi seems to stiffen, but Joohyun ignores it, too distracted by the feel of Seulgi’s forearm through soft cotton. 

 

“I don’t really watch TV that much,” Joohyun answers honestly. “Not to sound conceited, but seeing my face in commercials all the time got pretty old pretty fast.” 

 

“That makes sense. If I had to see my performances when I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t like it either.” 

 

“Do you usually monitor your performances?”

 

“I try to. I like seeing what areas I can improve in.” 

 

“Speaking as an actress, I don’t think there’s many areas you need improvement in.” 

 

“You watch my performances?” Seulgi asks, the smirk evident in her tone. She shifts closer so that their legs are touching, and Joohyun flushes, swatting at her feebly. 

 

“Don’t be like that. You know that I do,” she mumbles.

 

“I just like hearing the confirmation,” Seulgi tells her as Joohyun rolls her eyes, pushing at Seulgi’s shoulder again. Her voice lowers into something more bashful as she reminds Joohyun, “I mean, you already know I watch your stuff too.”

 

“Right,” Joohyun grins smugly. Heat coils low in her belly, and Joohyun does her best to ignore it. “You’re my fan.”

 

“Hey,” Seulgi huffs. She pokes at Joohyun’s leg. “Don’t say it so weirdly. I just think you’re a good actress.”

 

“Of course.” Joohyun laughs, grabbing Seulgi's hand when she starts poking more harshly.

 

It’s the second time their hands have touched tonight, and Joohyun finds she likes the fit of Seulgi’s palm against hers. Subconsciously, she traces the skin of Seulgi’s hand with her own, stuck on how smooth it feels beneath the pads of her fingers now that she has time to appreciate it. 

 

“Your hands are so soft,” Joohyun whispers without thinking, blushing when she realizes what she’s just done. She goes to drop Seulgi’s hand, but Seulgi catches her fingers, stopping her, and Joohyun’s breath stutters.

 

Seulgi nudges her, encouraging Joohyun to look up at her. Her face is much closer than Joohyun anticipated and like this, Joohyun can see how the TV lights reflect off her eyes. This has been building for a while, Joohyun knows. Even before Seulgi called her so boldly and told Joohyun she’d been thinking about her. There was always something hidden underneath all their interactions because even without knowing the rumors about Seulgi, Joohyun thought she was attractive to the point of distraction. 

 

But then Eunkyung had to go and tell Joohyun about Seulgi’s rumor and Seulgi had to go and confirm it and that attraction increased tenfold because now Joohyun might actually stand a chance.

 

And with the way Seulgi is looking at her now, Joohyun is sure it’s more than just a chance. She wasn’t just reading too much into things. She’s sure because Seulgi seems like she’s searching for something in Joohyun’s eyes, something she must find because in a second Seulgi’s leaning forward. Joohyun doesn’t think about it, just closes her eyes, and wills the breath stuck in her lungs to release itself. 

 

Seulgi’s lips are softer than Joohyun could have imagined, but that’s not surprising. Everything about Seulgi is soft, even the way she reaches forward to angle Joohyun’s head with her hands, fingertips featherlight as they stretch across Joohyun’s jaw. When she kisses, she does so with consideration, and it’s been so long, Joohyun’s almost forgotten what a real kiss could feel like. Without the lights and cameras, the manufactured intimacy shared for hundreds of people to see through a TV screen, Joohyun’s forgotten that a kiss was designed to steal your breath away. 

 

It’s only when Seulgi leans forward more insistently, her tongue gently at Joohyun’s bottom lip that Joohyun suddenly becomes aware of her own hands digging through the soft tresses of Seulgi’s hair. It startles her with a gasp, like cold water suddenly being poured over her because Seulgi is Seulgi and Joohyun is Joohyun and maybe this is too much too fast and Joohyun can’t go down this road. Not again. 

 

“Wait,” Joohyun says, pushing at Seulgi’s shoulders, and Seulgi rears back so quickly as if Joohyun’s touch has burned her. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Seulgi rushes out. “I didn’t mean to—I just thought—I’m sorry.” 

 

Joohyun stands to put more distance between them, and Seulgi follows, stepping back so that they’re on opposite ends of the coffee table. When Joohyun looks at her, Seulgi’s face is flushed and her hair stands where Joohyun had tugged. Her chest is heaving and her hands are clenched tightly at her side, and Joohyun feels the urge to soothe warring with the urge to back far, far away. 

 

“No, it’s fine.” She swallows, resisting the urge to at her lips to get more of Seulgi’s taste on her tongue. She runs a hand through her hair to distract herself. “You’re fine. That was just—I just—”

 

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” Seulgi apologizes again. Joohyun feels her chest burn because Seulgi has nothing to apologize for. 

 

Joohyun’s the one who probably wanted that kiss more than Seulgi did. 

 

“You didn’t, I promise.” At their silence, the TV flashes from what Joohyun thinks should have been a jump scare. Joohyun nods towards it. “Why don’t we go back to the movie? We still have a bit of it left.”

 

But Seulgi’s already shaking her head, reaching for the art supplies on the table so she can stuff them into her backpack. 

 

“No, I should probably get going. I have a long day tomorrow.” 

 

“Oh, okay.”

 

Joohyun can only watch as Seulgi moves quickly, gathering her art supplies swiftly and putting them into her bag much less carefully than she’d had originally. Joohyun doesn’t want her to go, but she also knows this is her fault. She’d wanted Seulgi and she’d gotten scared. Now here they are: Seulgi leaving and Joohyun helplessly watching her go. 

 

“Seulgi,” Joohyun tries again. “You don’t have to leave, really.” 

 

Seulgi just shakes her head, already shouldering her bag. “It’s fine. I really do have a long day tomorrow. If anything, I probably should have left earlier.” She ends it on a laugh in the way she usually does, but it falls flat, the sound of it too empty to come across as anything other than stilted. 

 

Standing alone in the middle of Joohyun’s living room, her hands tight against the straps of her backpack, Joohyun thinks Seulgi’s never quite looked so small before. And it’s all because of her. 

 

What was it Eunkyung said before?

 

Seulgi’s known for being nice, but I know how you are.  

 

You have a very one track mind when you see something you like.

 

Maybe keep your ambitions at bay just this once.

 

“I really am sorry, Joohyun,” Seulgi says again, shaking her head when she notices Joohyun try to cut her off. “I know how it is, and I didn’t mean to make you do anything you weren’t ready for. But I hope we can still be friends; I really like spending time with you.” 

 

Joohyun wants to tell her she doesn’t need to apologize, that it’s not anything Seulgi did but Joohyun’s own insecurity and lack of bravery that pushed her away. But it would probably just fall on deaf ears. Seulgi’s already convinced herself she’s to blame, and Joohyun knows what’s written on her own face is probably all the confirmation she needs. 

 

Instead, Joohyun settles on, “Of course we can still be friends, Seulgi. I like spending time with you too.” 

 

“Okay.” Seulgi smiles, the sight of it quelling some of that unease in Joohyun’s heart even though she can see the wet sheen in Seulgi’s eyes. “I’ll text you later, then. Goodnight, Joohyun.” 

 

“Goodnight, Seulgi,” Joohyun whispers as Seulgi leaves. 

 

Seulgi doesn’t rush out, the door doesn’t slam when Seulgi closes it. It’s quiet, subdued, anticlimactic in the wake of Joohyun’s own personal turmoil. It feels like Seulgi is running away from her even though Joohyun is the one who pushed her away. 

 

Joohyun stands there motionless for a long moment, staring at the closed door and willing it to open one more time, the feel of Seulgi’s lips on hers burning more and more with every passing second she doesn’t come back. 

 

And Joohyun has no one to blame but herself. 

 

She should have known better than to risk matters of the heart.

 

 

---

 

 

Seulgi stares  down at her phone, willing it to light up with a new message. It's been days. Seulgi's not unfamiliar with rejection, nor is she a stranger to being friends with someone she shouldn't. It shouldn't feel this complicated, and yet Seulgi can barely bring herself to even look at Joohyun's contact info. They’re supposed to meet again tomorrow to do an obligatory live stream for their brand, and Seulgi doesn’t want the first time she talks to Joohyun again to be for something work related—not when they left things the way they did.

 

And Seulgi doesn’t want to admit it, but it’s become a habit, almost, to talk to Joohyun before performances. Seulgi’s never thought of herself as particularly needy, but daily routines can be difficult to break and she’s unwittingly found Joohyun to be a part of hers. 

 

“You look awful.”

 

Seulgi moves her gaze away from her phone to see Sooyoung standing behind her through the mirror. The waiting room is filled with the usual staff and backup dancers milling about, but the energy in the room is higher than normal with the presence of her members there. Further back in the room, Seulgi can see Yerim and Seungwan talking with one of their dancers, their loud laughter ringing around the room, and Seulgi can’t deny that she’s missed the raucous energy her members always bring with them. 

 

“Thanks,” Seulgi says dryly. 

 

Sooyoung places her hands on Seulgi’s shoulders, massaging them gently as she eyes Seulgi through the mirror. 

 

“You’re up for your first win tonight. I’d understand if you were nervous about it but something tells me that’s not it.” She looks down at Seulgi pointedly, before resting her chin on top of Seulgi’s head, smiling softly at their reflection. “What’s up?”

 

“It’s nothing. I really am just tired.” Seulgi pats her arm, hoping Sooyoung doesn’t push it. 

 

“From all those late night hangouts you’ve been sneaking off to?” Sooyoung comes around, leaning back against the makeup table so that Seulgi can see the pointed stare Sooyoung gives her. “You weren’t being very subtle.”

 

Seulgi arches a brow. “I wasn’t trying to be. I always go out with friends at night; you know this.” 

 

“Not during the middle of promotions you don’t.” She leans forward, voice lowering into a whisper. “You can tell me if you’re dating someone, you know. I’m the last person who would judge you for it.” 

 

Almost subconsciously, she rubs at the ring on her finger, and Seulgi’s reminded of a few months ago when Sooyoung had sat her down and told her that she was in a relationship. It was a courtesy more than anything because Seulgi knows as much as Sooyoung respects her and her opinions, few things could stop someone like Park Sooyoung from being in love. 

 

“I’m not dating anybody, Sooyoung. I can guarantee you that.” 

 

Sooyoung leans back, crossing her arms. “But you want to be?”

 

“No, I—” Seulgi sighs, running a hand through her hair. There are many things she wants, she’s just not entirely sure where Joohyun even fits into any of those desires, if she even fits at all. “I don’t know what I want.” 

 

“You want to be talking to whoever it is you’re waiting to text you first.” 

 

Seulgi flushes, immediately turning her phone over like that would hide Sooyoung from seeing just how much Seulgi wishes it would ring with a new message. 

 

“It’s okay,” Sooyoung tells her gently. “I know how that feels, and it doesn’t really get easier. But a word of advice: just text them first. You’ll feel better if you do.”

 

“I don’t think it’s as easy as that this time around, but thanks. I appreciate it,” Seulgi says sincerely, hoping Sooyoung will leave it at that. 

 

Despite being close to all of them, it’s no secret that there’s a certain distance Seulgi’s had to force as the leader. Years of training and conversations with industry seniors have taught Seulgi that not all burdens need to be shared with the group, least of all hers. 

 

Of course, Sooyoung’s never quite agreed with that philosophy.

 

“Oh, come on. Unnie, you’re an adult, just text them. They’ll probably be happy to hear from you.” 

 

“She might be busy. I don’t want to bother her.”

 

To her credit, Sooyoung doesn't bat an eye at the slip in pronoun.

 

“If she’s busy then she’ll respond when she’s free.” Sooyoung gives her a look. “Since when were you the type to overthink things? That’s supposed to be my job.”

 

Sooyoung’s right. Seulgi knows she is as she stares down at the blank screen of her phone. With a reluctant sigh, Seulgi bites the bullet. 

 

"Fine," she relents and Sooyoung slaps her back proudly in response. 

 

But Seulgi doesn’t get very far, her phone lighting up with an incoming call not a second later. The name on the screen jolts her, and before Seulgi can think about it, she’s turning away from Sooyoung and her arched brows, walking towards the corner of the room to create some semblance of privacy. 

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hey.” Joohyun’s voice is soft and hearing it again, Seulgi can feel her heart begin to unwind itself from the tight coil she’d managed to spin it into since the last time they saw each other. “Sorry, is this a bad time? I know you’re performing soon.”

 

“No, you’re fine. I’ve still got some time left before it’s my turn. What’s up?”

 

“Ah, well, I don’t want to keep you too long then. I just wanted to wish you luck. You’re up for your first win tonight, right?”

 

“You know about that?” Seulgi asks, voice barely above a whisper. She leans her shoulder against the wall, tucking herself  away in the corner like if she hides here Joohyun won’t be able to push her far away again.

 

“Of course. I told you I was a fan.” 

 

The shy admittance has Seulgi in a deep breath because Joohyun thought this day was important enough to warrant a call. Because even after everything, Joohyun still cares.

 

“Well, thanks,” Seulgi tells her shakily. Trying not to blush, Seulgi admits hesitantly, “I appreciate it. Hearing from you before a stage helps. A lot.” 

 

“I’m glad I could be of service, then.” 

 

Seulgi can hear the smile in Joohyun’s words, and, unbidden, it brings one forth from Seulgi as well. It almost feels normal again, like the time before Seulgi knew what Joohyun’s lips felt like against hers.

 

“Will you be watching?” Seulgi asks, maybe a little too hopefully.

 

“I’ve got the TV already.”

 

 “I’ll work hard to impress you, then.” Seulgi grins, echoing their first phone call.

 

“You already do, Kang Seulgi,” Joohyun responds again, and Seulgi still feels the familiar rush that comes with this knowledge. “I’ll let you go now so you can prepare. I’ll talk to you later?”

 

“Okay. Thanks for calling.”

 

“Thanks for answering.”

 

“Goodbye, Joohyun.”

 

“Bye, Seulgi.”

 

When the call finishes, Seulgi has to bite back the smile on her face as she stares down at her phone in a daze. She feels lighter now, no longer weighed down by thoughts of missing Joohyun’s voice.

 

“You look pathetic.”

 

Seulgi flounders, nearly falling over as she whirls around to level Sooyoung with a look of betrayal. Sooyoung just shoves her goodnaturedly. 

 

“I’m only kidding. But see! I told you you were just overthinking things.”

 

“Yeah, okay. Maybe you were right.” 

 

“I normally am.” Sooyoung slings her arm around Seulgi’s shoulders, ushering her to the center of the room and leaving no room for argument. “Now you can focus on more important matters. Like the fact that we’re all together, and you’re up for your first win!"

 

“Whoo! First win!” 

 

Seungwan and Yerim come crashing into her, arms tight around Seulgi’s neck. They mess up her hair enough that her stylist clucks her tongue at them, but no one seems to mind. It’s her solo promotions, after all. Her members are all with her, she’s up for her first win, and Joohyun will be watching. 

 

For a moment, that’s all that matters.

 

And when Seulgi gets her first win and delivers her acceptance speech, she doesn’t even think twice about including Joohyun’s name.

 

 

---

 

 

“We’ve only got a few more minutes left before we have to go, so quick! Ask us anything!”

 

Joohyun fights off the growing smile at Seulgi’s enthusiasm. Seulgi is a natural at this, much more at ease than Joohyun is when it comes to fan engagement. Joohyun’s known for being one of the more reticent actresses out right now, but Seulgi has a quiet confidence to her that makes Joohyun feel calm even in situations where she otherwise wouldn’t be. 

 

Smirking at the way Seulgi’s squinting at the tablet screen in front of them, Joohyun pushes her aside so she can read. 

 

“What’s it like working with Bae Joohyun? Is she prettier in person?”

 

Joohyun’s cheeks warm at the question, not having expected the last part of it, but Seulgi takes it in stride, never losing her smile. 

 

“It’s really fun! Our tastes match, so we get along well, and of course, she looks even better in person!”

 

Joohyun rolls her eyes, knocking into Seulgi’s shoulder gently. She just hopes the tiny camera they’re using to livestream can’t catch the redness of her cheeks.

 

“She’s just saying that because she has to,” Joohyun says, but Seulgi shakes her head.

 

“No, really! You’d all be shocked too. Seriously.”

 

The comments on the screen come in more quickly than Joohyun can keep up with. She’s never really done a livestream like this before, and it felt overwhelming at first, knowing that thousands of people were tuning in just to watch her and Seulgi sit next to each other and talk about work.

 

“Someone asked how it feels to be wrapping up your solo debut promotions,” Joohyun reads because Seulgi’s still struggling to see from so far away.

 

Humming for a moment, Seulgi answers, “It feels good. Everyone worked really hard, so I’m pleased with the outcome. Of course, it’s unfortunate to only be able to perform for such a short amount of time, but hopefully, I’ll be able to put on a lot more performances for you all in the future.”

 

“Are you going to come back soon?” Joohyun prompts, knowing it’s something the fans would want to know the answer to.

 

“I’ll come back with Red Velvet soon, so please wait a bit more,” Seulgi promises, shooting the camera a charming smile. It earns her an influx of comments, all from fans excited at the prospect of seeing Seulgi with her group again.

 

“I’m a Red Velvet fan too so I’m also excited.” 

 

The admission serves its purpose, more comments flooding in now about the both of them. From behind the set, Joohyun can see Eunkyung nod at her in approval. Joohyun may not be as natural at this as Seulgi, but she knows a thing or two about playing things up in front of the camera to get noticed. 

 

“Have you two gotten closer since working together?” Seulgi reads next. 

 

Joohyun glances briefly towards Seulgi, unsure of how much Seulgi is comfortable with sharing. 

 

“Yes, I think we’ve gotten close.” It’s a safe answer, one that doesn’t give too much away but still says enough to satisfy any curiosity.

 

Of course, Seulgi has to take it a step further. 

 

“Joohyun’s someone I really enjoy talking to. Even though our personalities are kind of different, we ended up having more in common than I initially thought, so she’s someone I’ve enjoyed getting to know.”

 

Joohyun bites at her lip. There’s nothing to Seulgi’s statement that would suggest anything else, but Joohyun can’t help but find the double meaning. She knows no one else would think too much about Seulgi’s answer, but she also knows she and Seulgi have a lot more in common than just similar tastes in food. Seulgi said it herself; her secret isn’t exactly a secret. It has Joohyun suddenly freezing, worried now of who else might try to connect the dots that shouldn’t exist in the first place.

 

“Joohyun,” Seulgi calls, forcing Joohyun out of her mini spiral. “They want to know what your favorite Red Velvet song is.”

 

She’s grinning cheekily at Joohyun now. The sight of it is enough to calm the storm that was beginning to brew in Joohyun’s mind. 

 

“My favorite Red Velvet song? Uh, I’m not sure. They’re all good.” 

 

Seulgi smirks, tapping Joohyun’s thigh off camera briefly. “You must not be a fan if you can’t pick a favorite.”

 

Joohyun’s eyes narrow. “I like your solo song.”

 

“Ah,” Seulgi nods approvingly. “So you’re just my fan then.” 

 

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Hey.” Joohyun nudges at Seulgi teasingly. “Don’t go getting a big head now.”

 

They exchange grins, and, for a moment, Joohyun forgets that they’re even doing a livestream. Seulgi has the kind of infectious smile that Joohyun can’t stop herself from admiring. It’s not hard at all to look at her and feel at least twenty different emotions come up, the strongest of all being unbridled affection. It’s not hard at all either to see the fullness of Seulgi’s lips and remember how they had felt when they pressed so eagerly against her own. The sudden memory has Joohyun swallowing, and it takes Eunkyung signaling them with her hand to end the stream that Joohyun remembers herself. Blinking away her stupor, Joohyun turns back towards the camera. 

 

“So we have to go now,” Joohyun starts, “but this was a lot of fun.”

 

Smoothly taking over, Seulgi leans forward as she enthusiastically reads from the script being held behind the camera. On the tablet in front of them, Joohyun can see more comments coming in quickly. They’re hard to read at the rapid pace they appear on screen, but Joohyun catches some and it has her shifting restlessly.

 

They look good together!

 

They seem like a couple~

 

They’re so cute!

 

They—

 

“Joohyun?” Seulgi prompts, and Joohyun stirs back into focus, finishing off the last of their ending remarks so that they can say their goodbyes. 

 

When they finally turn the camera off and the stream ends, Joohyun’s smile drops immediately. Even Seulgi lets her shoulders fall tiredly. 

 

“Good work today everyone!” The brand director yells as all the staff move quickly to shut down the set. 

 

“Are you okay?” Seulgi asks as they move out of the way. 

 

Joohyun shoots her a look. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

 

“I don’t know.” Seulgi shrugs. “Towards the end there you just seemed a little shaken?”

 

“Don’t worry about it. I was just distracted reading some comments.”

 

Seulgi’s brows furrow, and Joohyun knows that her attempts at shrugging off the question have gone in vain. Pulling Joohyun aside by the crook of her elbow, Seulgi leans in close and Joohyun freezes again. 

 

“Hey, whatever the comments were saying, just ignore it. Fans are always saying things without thinking.”

 

“I know that,” Joohyun snaps, more affected by Seulgi’s proximity than she wants to be. She pulls her arm from Seulgi’s grasp, and Seulgi’s eyes flash with hurt. It’s a little too reminiscent of their last meeting, and immediately, the fight in Joohyun leaves her as quickly as it came. “I’m sorry. I was just a little taken aback is all.”

 

“No, I should apologize. I acted without thinking. I shouldn’t have grabbed you like that.”

 

“Seulgi, you don’t have to apologize for that. You’re allowed to touch me.” Seulgi’s eyes go wide, and Joohyun realizes the insinuation behind her words. “Not like that! I meant, I don’t mind if you, if you—”

 

Seulgi waves her hands. “No, I understood. You don’t have to explain!”

 

Blushing in embarrassment, Joohyun nods. On the other side of the set, Eunkyung is in a conversation with Seulgi’s manager. They don’t look like they’re going to be done any time soon which means Joohyun doesn’t have an immediate escape. It’s strange to feel awkward with Seulgi again when Seulgi is someone Joohyun’s found she’s taken a lot of comfort in. That thought should scare her more than it does, but all Joohyun can really focus on is the fact that there’s the wrong kind of tension building between the two of them. 

 

“Kyungri was really thankful for the album you sent her by the way,” Joohyun tells her just to break the silence. 

 

“Oh? That’s good. I’m glad it made it to her okay.”

 

Joohyun nods and they lapse into silence again. It annoys Joohyun more than it should, so before she can overthink it, she turns towards Seulgi decidedly. 

 

“Are you busy tonight?”

 

Seulgi flounders for a second before recovering. “Um, I have dance practice tonight.”

 

Joohyun tilts her head. “Aren’t your promotions almost over?”

 

“It never hurts to get more practice in,” Seulgi answers matter-of-factly.

 

“Oh.”

 

Joohyun has enough self-awareness to know that she’s disappointed, and Seulgi seems to catch on because in a second she’s clearing to gain Joohyun’s attention. 

 

“But I should be done by midnight. If you’re okay with staying out late, we could hang out. If you wanted.” 

 

“I don’t have any schedules tomorrow morning, and I usually sleep late anyway,” Joohyun answers, and the corners of Seulgi’s lips begin curling upwards. 

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Seulgi’s got a full-blown grin now, and Joohyun mirrors it. It feels a little bit like they’re sharing a secret and in many ways they are. Joohyun just can’t find it in her to care too much about it, not when Seulgi is looking at her like Joohyun’s just given her a gift she’s been waiting years for.

 

“Okay, then. I’ll see you tonight.”

 

“Okay. Tonight.” 

 

 

---

 

 

They're in the backseat of Seulgi's car, parked in a random parking lot near Hangang with bags of convenience store food between them. Seulgi's not technically supposed to be eating food like this, but Seulgi's also not supposed to be out after 1am with an actress she has more than friendly feelings for who’s already rejected her. She can't exactly find it within her to care too much about either at this point. 

 

"I always wanted to be a singer," Seulgi tells her, finishing off the last of her turtle chips. "My dad likes to sing too, so when I was a kid he'd swing me around the kitchen while we sang together. I think I knew ever since then that I wanted to do it forever." 

 

"That's a nice memory." 

 

"Isn't it?" Seulgi grins, setting aside her trash. "What about you? Did you always want to be an actress?" 

 

"No," Joohyun admits. "I never even thought about acting until I was in high school." 

 

"Really? What changed?"

 

Seulgi watches in fascination as Joohyun's cheeks darken, barely visible in the dim lighting of her car's interior lights. 

 

"I met a girl." 

 

Seulgi's brows shoot up in interest, shifting one leg underneath so she can turn more fully towards Joohyun. 

 

"A girl?"

 

Joohyun looks resolutely forward. "She was new, and I thought she was so pretty. It's embarrassing looking back on it now, but I used to follow her around everywhere. When she joined the drama club, I didn't even think twice about signing up too. Somehow, I ended up being the lead in one of the plays, and I realized I really enjoyed it. After that, I started going to auditions. I'm a little competitive so every time I got rejected it just made me want it more. Now here I am." 

 

"Wow," Seulgi whistles. "One of the nation's most popular actresses, and she started out all because she had a crush on a girl." 

 

"Shut up." Joohyun laughs, shoving at Seulgi's shoulder. Her legs are kicked up onto the center console. Free of makeup and in a loose hoodie, Seulgi still can hardly believe Joohyun's really here. 

 

"What happened to her—that girl?" 

 

"She got married last year to a guy she met in university. They're expecting their first child in April." 

 

"Oh. I'm sorry."

 

Joohyun waves it off. "Don't be. It was a long time ago, and I realized pretty early on that we were too good as friends to be anything else. There aren't any hard feelings there." 

 

"Have you dated anyone since?" Seulgi winces at Joohyun's sudden shift in demeanor. Her fingers frozen where they'd once been fiddling with her sleeves. "You don’t have to answer that."

 

Joohyun sighs, the tension leaving just as quickly as Seulgi saw it build. 

 

"No, it’s fine. I did date someone, but it didn’t end well."

 

"You don't have to tell me."

 

"It’s okay," Joohyun decides. "I want to.”

 

Seulgi gulps, not entirely sure she wants to hear this. She wants to understand what Joohyun’s so afraid of, but she’s also fears that once she knows, she won’t be able to keep stealing moments like this away with her anymore. 

 

“It was with my co-star on my first drama,” Joohyun admits. Her hands are furled tightly against her thighs, and Seulgi aches to relax them. “I was young and stupid back then; I didn't know any better. When she started pursuing me, I was just starstruck at the idea of it all. I thought…"

 

Joohyun shakes her head like the memory itself was too big to keep holding. Seulgi wants to reach for her, wants to chase some of that pain Joohyun is seemingly holding onto and take it for herself, but Joohyun gathers herself, continuing on steadily. 

 

"We were both too reckless and eventually one of her staff caught us. He threatened to expose us, if we didn’t stop, so we did.” Joohyun blinks rapidly, turning away so Seulgi can’t see the tears she knows are building there. “In the end, it didn’t really matter. A rumor went around the set about us anyway. It was….hard. People weren’t very kind, and since she’d been in the industry longer, when she said I was the one who came onto her, everyone believed it. Eunkyung had to do a lot of damage control, and eventually, my company had to step in.

 

“They told me I was lucky I had a pretty face otherwise I wouldn’t have been worth the trouble. I guess they were right,” Joohyun scoffs. “They put me in a movie they were producing right after that, and fortunately, it did well so they kept me around. But ever since then, I’ve made sure to keep my image clean.” When she turns back to Seulgi, Seulgi can see the resolution swimming in her eyes, and her heart stops. “I can’t afford another mess up like that, Seulgi, no matter how much I like you.”

 

Seulgi gets it; she does. She can’t imagine going through what Joohyun did, especially so early on in her career. She knows it’s harder for Joohyun, too. She’s an actress, and she’s popular. Seulgi may have an army of adoring fans, but Joohyun needs the love of the public if she wants to continue her career. And the public doesn’t exactly love someone they think is different.

 

Stupidly, though, all Seulgi can think is, “You like me?”

 

Joohyun snorts, shaking her head fondly as she stares at Seulgi in amused wonder. “Couldn’t you tell?”

 

“I was too afraid to assume.”

 

“I kissed you back.”

 

“I was too afraid to assume,” Seulgi repeats, and they both chuckle darkly, finding a brief respite from the heaviness of Joohyun’s admission. 

 

It’s only when Joohyun looks at Seulgi seriously, shifting so that she can lay the side of her head against the backseat as she stares up at Seulgi with eyes already begging for forgiveness, that Seulgi already knows. Joohyun’s going to break her heart.

 

“But don’t you get it, Seulgi? It doesn’t matter if I like you. I can’t survive another scandal like that."

 

"I'm not like her." Seulgi tries. "I'm not using you, or whatever it is she wanted. I just, I just like you."

 

It’s honest. Seulgi’s never been one to mince her words, and she refuses to let Joohyun put her in the same box as her ex. Seulgi wouldn’t turn her back on Joohyun. She wouldn’t let fear turn her into something evil and vindictive just to salvage her career. She wouldn’t hurt Joohyun to save herself.

 

Seulgi just doesn’t know if Joohyun could say the same. 

 

“I know you aren’t like her,” Joohyun says after staring at Seulgi for a long moment, eyes dark but sincere. 

 

Her hand lifts to Seulgi’s face, careful as her thumb traces along the apple of Seulgi’s cheek. Seulgi shudders under Joohyun’s touch, feeling the tension in her jaw leave under Joohyun’s ministrations. She guides Seulgi’s head down until Joohyun can press her forehead to Seulgi’s temple. It’s the closest they’ve been since their kiss, and the memory of it tears through Seulgi so fast, she can’t quiet her sudden inhale. She wants to feel Joohyun again. She wants to relive the press of Joohyun’s lips against her own, and remember how Joohyun sounds when she gasps at the feel of Seulgi’s tongue. The ache of wanting is so fierce within her, Seulgi nudges Joohyun with her forehead, seeking intimacy. 

 

Joohyun is pliant against her, their noses brushing like Joohyun can’t resist the pull between them either. With shuddering breaths, Seulgi moves forward. 

 

“We can’t,” Joohyun stops her, one hand to Seulgi’s collarbone to keep her still even as the other still frames Seulgi’s cheek. Her eyes are closed now, and Seulgi desperately wants to look into them.

 

“Why can’t we?” Seulgi asks, voicing pitching dangerously close to a whine. She reaches up, grasping Joohyun’s wrist with her hand. Joohyun’s pulse flutters beneath her thumb, and Seulgi rubs it soothingly. “I’m not like her, and you’re not the same person either, so why can’t we?”

 

“We work together. It’s too risky,” Joohyun whispers, but Seulgi can hear how shaky her resolve feels.

 

Seulgi wants to scoff. Haven’t they risked enough already? Is sitting here alone in Seulgi’s car, a breath away from each other, not risky?

 

But Seulgi won’t push. She can respect a line being drawn when she sees one. 

 

“Okay,” Seulgi decides. “If that’s what you want.”

 

She drops her hold on Joohyun’s wrist, allowing Joohyun the space to move. She won’t be the first one to back away. It has to be Joohyun. 

 

But Joohyun doesn’t. Her hand falls to Seulgi’s neck, lingering in the space between Seulgi’s ear and shoulder. Her palm is warm where she presses against Seulgi’s skin, and Seulgi falls into her willingly. 

 

“Seulgi, I…” 

 

Joohyun tilts forward, eyes opening. They’re glistening, uncertainty dancing across darkened pupils, and Seulgi understands. Joohyun wants this too, but she doesn’t know how. She needs Seulgi to be brave again. 

 

Making the choice for her, Seulgi leans into Joohyun carefully, angling Joohyun’s face towards her with measured hands—

 

The blare of Seulgi’s alarm rips through the inside of Seulgi’s car. Silently cursing, Seulgi pulls apart from Joohyun to dig through her jacket pocket for her phone. 

 

“Sorry,” Seulgi mutters. “That’s just my alarm.”

 

Joohyun blinks at Seulgi dazedly, cheeks flushed. 

 

“Why is your alarm going off so late?”

 

Seulgi grimaces. “I’m supposed to get up now.”

 

“What? It’s 2:30 in the morning.”

 

“I know.” Seulgi sighs, falling back against the seat, the moment effectively ruined. “I have a pre-recording at 6am, so I have to be in the salon by 3.”

 

“Seulgi!” Joohyun chides, shocked. Frantically, she starts cleaning the trash around them. “Why didn’t you say something? You haven’t even slept!”

 

“Hey,” Seulgi calls, amused, stopping Joohyun’s frenzied movements with a hand to her thigh. “It’s fine. I rarely sleep during promotions. I’ll take a nap later when it’s done, don’t worry.” 

 

“That’s not healthy.” Joohyun frowns. “Do you do this every time we hang out?” 

 

Seulgi shrugs in answer, but before Joohyun can voice her complaint, Seulgi silences her with a meaningful look. 

 

“I told you before, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be. Besides, I’ve done worse. I’m sure you have too.” 

 

Which is true. Seulgi’s no stranger to sleepless nights during promotion cycles, even if she’s endured more of them this time around than usual. But it’s like Seungwan said. She’s just taking time for herself.

 

Joohyun can’t deny it either, so silently they gather the rest of the trash in Seulgi’s backseat before moving towards the front. It’s quiet the entire drive back to Joohyun’s apartment building, but Seulgi’s thoughts have never been louder, stuck on a never ending loop of Joohyun so close to her, their lips just a hair's width apart. 

 

“I’ll text you?” Seulgi says, stopped in the apartment’s parking garage. 

 

Joohyun nods, and Seulgi thinks that’ll be it, doomed to watch Joohyun walk away from her once more, but Joohyun lingers. Helpless, Seulgi can do nothing but watch as Joohyun’s eyes flit across her face before landing squarely on Seulgi’s mouth. Her thumb lifts, pressing against Seulgi’s bottom lip until Seulgi’s mouth parts. Her heart is pounding furiously, and as she shuts her eyes, Seulgi can still see the imprint of Joohyun leaning towards her with darkened eyes against the back of her eyelids. 

 

The kiss to the corner of Seulgi’s mouth is nowhere near what Seulgi wanted but still just as satisfying, lingering long after Seulgi leaves and staying even as Seulgi goes through her schedules of the day. The quiet whisper of Joohyun’s farewell replays to the point of exhaustion, though Seulgi never tires of it.

 

“I think you’re worth the risk. Goodnight, Seulgi.” 

 

 

 

---

 

part 2 will be up in the next few days. thanks for reading!