The clock ticks as the wind howls outside the window. The longer of the two arms now nears twelve, just a bit more until midnight. But Taeyong still isn't around.

Ten fishes his phone out of his pocket again and tries to call his boyfriend for the nth time only to be sent to voicemail for the same number of times.

He said he's flying in today. In fact, Ten prepared for this. He's got the Christmas tree all decorated, the whole of the apartment cleaned and scented and he even ordered various food. It's Christmas, after all. It's the day best spent with your love one.

When Taeyong told him he'll be flying in just in time for Christmas eve, Ten remembers himself being elated, even going on for minutes of how to prepare for the holiday, all along hearing his boyfriend's chuckle through his phone's speakers. He cut him short though.

"Baby, I have to go. They're calling for me. I look okay though, right?"

Ten remembers himself stopping mid-way, excitement dying in his throat, "Yes. You look just fine. Don't worry, you can go," he remembers himself smiling, all the while thinking to himself how it would be nice to be with Taeyong all over again. Even just to be his clothes. It's silly, and if he dare say, lowly of him to even think of it. But he justifies this thought, thinking that at least, he thinks of them and gives them more than he ever does to him. It's an insecurity, he knows. It's the elder's insecurity that carved another insecurity. Sadly, it carved itself to him.

"I love you," Ten whispers just above his breath.

"Hmm, love you too." He sounds plain. Passing. Taeyong no longer sounds his.

But Ten still waits. He waits on the sofa just beside the white Christmas tree - the lights of which casting violets, blues and reds on his face. But mostly violets. He fancied the color when he bought them. Now, it all just haunts him.

The lights cast a color of gloom in the living room. The dim apartment has never looked so lonely - even more than all the nights of special days he yearned to have his boyfriend with him.

Taeyong's all too busy. Not that he isn't, as well. But the circumstances have been so unkind to them. No matter how he grasps for Taeyong's time and, now, affection, he can slowly but surely feel them slipping away.

Perhaps, he has seen this coming. Perhaps, he was all just in denial. But perhaps, now it has finally dawned on him.

He doesn't even stand when he hears the front door opening. He hears the shuffling from the entrance into the house.

"Ten?"

Ten watches as Taeyong scrambles around, dropping his luggages into the floor then feels for the light switch.

"Don't," he watches his boyfriend freeze in his place.

The clock just struck twelve. It's Christmas. But this is the Christmas that has Ten feeling really lonely.

He lets his eyes follow Taeyong as the man turns, eyes squinting at him, "What's wrong? Why are you there? And it's really dark, Ten. Let's turn on the light."

Ten suddenly stands from his place. He wills his voice to be as cheerful as he can muster it to be, "Ahhh!!! Look! Aren't the colors so nice? I chose them myself!"

He hears Taeyong chuckle. It's half-hearted but he lets it slide.

"Love, who even uses violet lights for Christmas tree?"

"Us? We're one of a kind after all." Ten trudges his way to his boyfriend, cups his face with his hands and gives his pair a peck.

His lips don't feel the same anymore.

"Ah!" Taeyong suddenly exclaims, "I bought you flowers!" The elder announces teasingly.

Ten does not dislike flowers. Though he sees no sense in receiving them, he accepts them whenever the elder gives them to him. At this point, it all just seems like an obligation on Taeyong's part.

The flowers, this time, are purple lilies. He wants to laugh. Even the flowers mirror the gloom that brews inside of him - ready to manifest any time now. He smells them anyway and whispers a small 'thank you' when he places them at the counter beside them.

"How was your flight?" Ten asks nonchalantly as he helps carry the luggages further into the house. He drops them just in the middle, beside the other sofa facing the Christmas tree, as if subconsciously willing the elder to take his place there.

"Hmm, uneventful. It was a pain in the ears having to hear everyone being really pumped up to go home though. They almost never stopped talking the whole flight."

Ten smiles. He doesn't even acknowledge the fact that his phone has been unreachable but Ten does none of the probing. He's not that kind of partner.

"Have you had food?"

"Ahh, yeah. The managers insisted we all eat together before we part ways. They were insistent on treating us."

The food on the table has long been cooled by the air. The grumble of Ten's stomach is now long forgotten. His entirety is now taken over by nothing but the crippling loneliness.

Taeyong is in front of him - blood and flesh. He should be happy, but all Ten feels is the wide space that has now come in between them.

"Hyung."

"Hmm?" the elder hums in acknowledgement. It's the hum that he has grown to love. It's the hum that has always been soft and comforting. The hum that reminded him over and over that Taeyong is there and that he will always be there. But now, he can no longer hold the same meaning for it.

"I want to say welcome home," the first time that night, Ten lets a pained smile paint his face as he watches his boyfriend's eyes widen in the slightest. He knows something is coming. Ten knows he feels it. They are, no, they were connected that way, after all. "But I don't think I am your home anymore."

He hears silence from the other. He didn't expect an answer anyway. Taeyong has always been this way.

"I know you feel it," Ten grasps his own hands, meeting them together in his frail attempt to keep sense of the situation.

This is happening.

"I am still so much in love with you. I really am. But I know, I love you too much, I can't stay in love. You're not with me anymore."

"Ten, I'm not-"

"I know, there's no one. Not even me. Not anymore."

Ten's chest heaves, the heaviness finally settling in. And finally, after all the previous denials, he feels the weight of it all hanging from his chest. His throat suffers the burden along with his heart in carrying the pain that has now knotted itself over and over there.

It's suffocating. It's torturous.

But he sets him free.

---

A/N:

Sound track:
GIVE A LISTEN

Tell me what you think about this!

P.S. Also, it's a songfic so... please listen to the song hehe
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I apologize for any grammatical errors. English is not my first language.