“good morning, you’re an early one.”

 

a much too chipper voice greets bae joohyun when she enters the cafe she frequents only out of necessity. exhaustion paints her expression as she looks up at the friendly barista who holds a trace of sympathy in her eyes.

 

joohyun acknowledges her with a light dip of her head as she makes her way to the counter to place her order. “can i get a latte, to go?” she requests with a tight-lipped smile.

 

the barista takes her order with an enthusiastic nod and gets to work. joohyun takes a seat at one of the empty tables near the counter. the cafe is empty save for her and the lone girl currently making her drink but she supposes no one would be willingly getting coffee on a saturday morning.

 

joohyun hates coffee, but she hates working on saturdays even more. this is a necessary sacrifice for a much-needed energy boost to sustain her through the day. her thoughts wander off to the work sitting on her desk, there’s so much she has to get done today to make her life a little easier in the upcoming week. merely thinking about it makes her die a little inside, burying her face in her hands, she lets out a quiet groan.

 

“sorry to interrupt, but here’s your drink,” the barista speaks softly, drawing joohyun out of her thoughts.

 

she removes her hands and blinks in surprise. the barista had laid her latte along with a small paper bag on the table.

 

“what’s in the bag?” joohyun questions with a tinge of caution in her voice. 

 

“shepherd’s pie, on the house.” the barista responds with a polite smile, “you look like you could use something to eat, it’s not good to drink coffee on an empty stomach.”

 

the sentiment warms joohyun’s heart, maybe there is some good in this world after all. she glances at the nametag on the other girl’s apron and returns a grateful smile.

 

“thank you, seulgi.”

 

---

 

it’s been a few weeks since that fateful saturday morning, joohyun finds herself making a trip down to the cafe more often. hiding under the guise of wanting to get a cup of delicious coffee instead of aching to catch a glimpse of her. it doesn’t matter if she’s going to be late for a meeting, her staff could wait for her to get a damn latte.

 

sooyoung, her personal bodyguard, doesn’t quite understand why her boss is always getting coffee for her when it should be the other way around. not that sooyoung really minded her odd tendencies, nor the free lattes.

 

it continues like that for a little until sooyoung denies her regular latte, demanding a proper explanation for her stalkerish behaviour.

 

“you hate coffee, but you get one anyway and i have to drink it. is there somebody you need to network with or what?” the bodyguard inquiries curiously on the drive to the office.

 

joohyun averts her gaze to the buildings outside and shrugs, “i thought you liked coffee.”

 

“once a week would be nice, but every damn day?” sooyoung grumbles, “tell me what’s going on or i’ll find out on my own.”

 

well, that’s park sooyoung for you. her young bodyguard might be a brat sometimes but joohyun trusts her skills and intuition. heck, she trusted sooyoung with her life already, she might as well spill the beans.

 

“i think the barista is cute.”

 

the car screeches to a halt and joohyun winces as the seatbelt chafes against her neck. she glowers at her bodyguard, “park sooyoung! what are you doing?”

 

sooyoung clears , “sorry boss, i never thought you’d be this direct.”

 

a couple of honks from the back urges sooyoung to start driving again and joohyun relaxes in her seat with a slight shrug. “well, now you know, what are you going to do with this information?”

 

“get you to talk to her because i’m tired of the lattes.”

 

“i can get a macchiato or americano if you’d like.”

 

“boss, you literally run one of the biggest companies in seoul. if you can command a whole office of people, you can talk to one barista.”

 

joohyun takes the suggestion into consideration, but she works later nights to avoid going in on a saturday either way. 

 

---

 

unfortunately, crunch season arrives with plenty of overtime and she finds herself returning to the office on a saturday morning. if she’s going to have to spend an entire weekend in the office, she might as well start the day on a good note — which meant stealing a glimpse of the cute girl at the cafe.

 

a gentle ringing of a bell signals her entrance and she finds the chirpy barista greeting her with a smile from behind the counter.

 

“the same as usual, irene?” seulgi asks aloud since the place is empty.

 

joohyun stiffens at her name rolling off seulgi’s tongue so casually, she’s more used to the way it sounds coming from the mouths of lecherous old men. though, if she’s to be honest, it’s not entirely unpleasant to hear it from this lovely barista.

 

“yes, thank you, seulgi.”

 

joohyun waits to the side as she watches seulgi work. it took some effort to figure out her shifts, they were mostly erratic, sometimes she’d be here and the next week she wouldn’t. the only constant one is her saturday morning shift. while joohyun dreads working on saturdays, it seems like it’s the perfect chance to score some alone time.

 

“hope you get a promotion considering how often you seem to be returning on a saturday.” seulgi remarks casually as she makes joohyun’s regular order of a plain latte.

 

joohyun smiles in amusement and hums, “and i hope you get a promotion for working on saturday mornings.”

 

“it’s not that bad,” the barista chuckles, “it works out for my shift at the gallery.”

 

“gallery?”

 

joohyun never thought she’d get here. making casual conversation with the sweet girl who’s been on her mind for the past few weeks. hell, she could lead an entire company but talking to a cute girl leaves her slightly flustered.

 

seulgi nods as begins to assemble joohyun’s latte, “it’s a small art gallery not too far from here, they’re a little short-handed so i’m offering up my weekends.”

 

“i see,” joohyun muses, “i could drop by sometime, maybe take a look at the pieces.”

 

the barista grins and places the finished latte in front of joohyun, “feel free, i’ll personally give you a tour.”

 

“i look forward to it.”

 

joohyun leaves a tip before heading to work with her repulsive latte. she hands it to sooyoung who accepts it with a sigh once they are far enough from the cafe. the first thing she does when she gets to work is to search up the name of the gallery. her office looks a little bare now, it could use a few artworks.

 

she makes a point to get her assistant to schedule a visit for when the crunch period is over. for now, she’ll settle for short conversations on saturday mornings.

 

---

 

it’s been approximately three months since the first time joohyun has noticed seulgi, their relationship hasn’t progressed much from barista and patron but it doesn’t bother joohyun much. the five-minute talks they have once a week is enough for them to learn more about each other.

 

seulgi found out that joohyun, or rather irene , is the head of bae industries. no thanks to sooyoung who’s constantly lurking across the street, only leaving when joohyun leaves. besides, wearing and using branded goods was a dead giveaway too. she follows them one morning, only to see joohyun hand her coffee over to her stalker. a quick search gave her all the answers she needs, but she doesn’t bring it up. so what if a rich, beautiful CEO is a frequent patron of this tiny cafe?

 

on the other hand, joohyun learns that her favourite barista is a fresh art history graduate working to achieve her dreams of opening up her own gallery. the discovery that seulgi is a painter seemed to intrigue her, she couldn't help but be even more drawn to this ray of sunshine. perhaps, just perhaps , she could have one good thing.

 

the CEO makes an extra effort to clear her schedules once the crunch is over. she finally finds a weekend to drop by the art gallery that seulgi had mentioned months back, though a nagging fear tries to convince her that she might not even be working there anymore. she gives it a shot anyway, on the off chance that seulgi remembers their promise made in passing.

 

gentle lo-fi tunes greet her when she enters the quiet space. the soothing atmosphere brings about a feeling of catharsis, joohyun feels her body relaxing as she glances around the gallery. there are artworks ranging from paintings to sculptures to pottery, but the sole attendant on duty is the one thing that catches her attention. 

 

"usual order?" seulgi teases as she gets up from her desk with a beaming smile.

 

joohyun lets out a quiet laugh and nods, "i'll have a latte and a tour please."

 

“it’ll be my pleasure." seulgi nods as she begins to usher joohyun towards the various pieces of artwork, “though the latte will have to wait.”

 

the younger girl speaks about each piece animatedly. there's a certain spark in her eyes as she goes into the details and joohyun listens in rapt attention. she knows nothing about art but seulgi could convince her to develop a liking for a piece. 

 

they go over almost all the artworks in the gallery until finally, a piece in the corner catches joohyun’s eye. she walks over to get a closer look, examining each brushstroke with a curious gaze. it's a painting of the cafe that she frequents. glancing at the label, she reads it with a small smile tugging at her lips.

 

kang seulgi

saturday mornings, 2020

acrylic on canvas

 

it's a depiction of an empty cafe from the entrance of the shop, except that there's one figure sitting at the table beside the counter with her face in her hands.

 

"what's this one about?" joohyun questions with a raised brow.

 

seulgi chuckles nervously as she rubs the nape of her neck. "it all started that saturday, didn't it?" she responds with a tint of nervousness in her voice.

 

"that we acknowledged each other?" the older woman hums.

 

seulgi nods solemnly, "i had this intense feeling of sonder and then you started coming in more often."

 

"so where has that led us?"

 

the taller girl inches closer to her, speaking with a nervous quiver. "i don't know, irene. i think i should know more than just your coffee order to answer that."

 

"let's do this over dinner, shall we?"

 

---

 

seulgi learns more than just her coffee order, she learns her interests and pet peeves. she learns that this tiny but powerful woman is equally attracted to her. she learns every curve of joohyun's body and worships her like a goddess. she learns that the stalker waiting across the street is her bodyguard and there’s a darker side to the heiress’ businesses.

 

they settle into a casual relationship, something a little more than a friendship but without the seriousness and commitments. the young barista didn't mind, it's exciting to be with joohyun. the older woman always had something under her sleeve — from sending large bouquets of flowers to her workplace to impromptu dates in the middle of the night, they have a kind of love that’s meant to end in heartbreak.

 

it stays like that for a little, until joohyun disappears for a month, only to return with unconcealed bruises. her bodyguard doesn't hide her bandages as she drives them to joohyun's penthouse in the dead of night.

 

seulgi saves her questions for when they're finally alone. joohyun brings out some wine and they sit at the balcony, overlooking the city lights. most nights, they'd ruminate about life and its meanings. but tonight feels a little more serious than that.

 

"where were you?" she asks quietly. 

 

she isn't mad but rather, worried. joohyun would disappear every so often, under the guise of a business trip. yet sooyoung would always return with bruised knuckles with additional wounds hidden under a freshly pressed suit. 

 

this time felt a lot different, an entire month compared to a week is a jarring difference. and joohyun always comes back the way she left — perfect, unblemished, safe . not this time though. the split lip is enough for seulgi to know that something went awry during her business trip .

 

joohyun stares blankly into the distance, holding a cigarette between her fingers, "i had a falling out with one of my business partners."

 

"you were gone for a month, joohyun.” seulgi says with a harsh emphasis on her lover’s name, “you and sooyoung are both hurt."

 

they’re comfortable with each other, honest when they should be and loving in every aspect imaginable.

 

and in the name of love, for the sake of seulgi, joohyun has to admit that love has no place in a world like hers.

 

the heiress turns to face her darling companion and purses her lips. "there are things i can't tell you, seulgi."

 

"even the truth?" seulgi lets out a wry scoff. she lets joohyun keep things from her, she lets her disappear, she lets herself be played like a fool and for what exactly?

 

“i'm sorry. i think we should stop whatever this is."

 

it feels like the vilest of poisons have just left her tongue, pure venom laced at the tip of her words. the fall in the painter’s expression makes her want to take every single word back and replace it with nothing but ones filled with affection.

 

"okay, as long as you answer one question." seulgi mutters quietly.

 

joohyun nods, motioning for her to continue. she'll do anything to keep seulgi safe, as she did for her previous love.

 

"have you ever seen a future with me?"

 

the question catches the heiress off guard and she stiffens in response. doing this for the second time should be easier but seulgi isn't byulyi. they are two different people, their relationships were different too. she didn't know why she thought the casualness of her current relationship with seulgi would make it easier.

 

she could lie to herself, but what good would it do to lie to seulgi?

 

her companion isn’t a complete fool, in fact, she's far from a fool. though dense at times, when it came to topics of the heart, she’s certain seulgi could see into her soul.

 

"answer me, joohyun. or was i just a fling that meant nothing?"

 

seulgi wants more, but joohyun never seems ready for it. it’s not enough to cause a ridge between them, but it’s something that should be addressed at some point. perhaps this is where they should leave things, at the pinnacle of goodness. they could still part ways as friends and eventually let their relationship fade to something less than strangers.

 

but that isn’t the path that either of them wants to take. yet if joohyun ever lets seulgi know just how much she means to her, she might not go through with it at all. 

 

she settles for the restrained truth as she manages a choked response, “you're more than a fling."

 

"then why are we doing this?"

 

why were they doing this? joohyun thought that she’d put enough distance between them, that this terrible, toxic she’s been doing would be enough for them to not develop feelings. but this ing barista who gave her a free piece of pie has somehow snuck her way into her heart.

 

joohyun takes a long drag of her cigarette as she toys with the words in her head. a declaration of love would mean nothing but peril for the both of them, but she doesn't want to lie, not anymore.

 

"you've become important to me, that's why."

 

a tense silence hangs in the air as seulgi takes in her words and she wonders if she has a place in joohyun's world. being important to irene bae only spells danger for someone like seulgi. she struggles with what she should paint next, or which drama she should be binging, who knows what having ties with someone from the underworld would bring?

 

"is someone going to hurt me if i stay with you?" seulgi asks softly.

 

"yes."

 

joohyun can't even bring herself to look at the younger girl. she's guilty that she'd ever let them progress this far, but she knows that guilt will be heavier if seulgi ever gets hurt.

 

seulgi reaches a hand over, with a tiny squeeze, she declares firmly, "i'll take the risk."

 

"seulgi, don't be stupid." joohyun bites back, extinguishing her cigarette in the nearby ashtray, "this isn't worth it."

 

"but i think it is." seulgi mumbles.

 

when she left byulyi, she was a different person, she wasn't sure if she could protect the ones she loved. but now, five years down the road, irene bae practically runs the underworld of seoul.

 

protecting seulgi won't be easy, but it's not entirely impossible either.

 

seulgi crawls over her lap, straddling her whilst linking her arms around the nape of joohyun's neck. the sweet girl leaves a gentle kiss upon the heiress' lips, letting it linger momentarily before she continues to pepper kisses down her neck.

 

joohyun stops her hands from roaming around her body, with a glare, she looks seulgi in the eyes. "is this what you really want?" she asks in a quiet tone.

 

seulgi bobs her head as she leans in close, resting her forehead against her lover's.

 

"let me love you, joohyun."

 

joohyun says nothing as she pulls seulgi closer, pressing their lips together in a desperate kiss. unlike their usual ones, this is a little more raw, a little more honest. 

 

a single tear slides down her cheeks at the realisation that she no longer has a need to restrain her feelings. there is good in the world and she’s allowed to have it. there is good in the world and it exists in the form of kang seulgi. 

 

there is good in the world and no one is going to take it away from her.

 

---

 

a shift in their dynamics is obvious, joohyun isn’t afraid to bring flowers to the cafe in person anymore but she still keeps many of her darker secrets to herself. seulgi understands, she’d been warned about the perils of staying with irene bae including the precautions they’d have to take, which includes not being an accomplice should the CEO ever slip up.

 

for the most part, things are good, sweet even. each day is blissful, the only thing that interrupts it is joohyun’s impromptu business trips. in her absence, seulgi constantly finds herself worrying over her beloved girlfriend.

 

but joohyun always returns, and she’s made it a point to always return with a large bouquet of flowers.

 

their first anniversary is spent on a two week vacation in slovenia, taking in the picturesque sights and feasting on various delicacies. they visit the small island with a wishing bell within its church — seulgi had insisted that they check it out after reading the legend that anyone who rings the bell would have their wishes come true.

 

joohyun dubs it as silly but tags along skeptically, following suit as seulgi tugged with rope with glee. 

 

"so what'd you wish for?" the heiress asks the moment they were done.

 

humming, seulgi shrugs, "something i want to come true."

 

"which is?"

 

"it's not going to come true if i tell you!" the painter whines.

 

joohyun bites back a grin as she nudges her girlfriend, "you're being superstitious, come on, i'll tell you mine."

 

"fine, i wished for your happiness.” seulgi relents with a huff, “what’d you wish for?"

 

the older woman’s heart swells and she grins, remarking wittily, "cheesy. but i love you."

 

"i love you too but spill."

 

"i wished to be with you till we're old and grey."

 

"now who's the cheesy one? you wanna throw in a couple of kids? or a cat and a white picket fence?"

 

"maybe one or two kids but no animals. and save it for the future. right now, i just want you all to myself."

 

"anything for you, miss bae."

 

on their second anniversary, seulgi surprises her with a large painting of them while joohyun gifts the very gallery that the painter had been working at to her. the elderly couple had no qualms about letting their little space go, joohyun paid more than enough to provide a luxurious retirement fund. 

 

two years with seulgi and joohyun forgets why she’s ever afraid of having anything good. the two years they’ve spent together in utter bliss makes her crave for more; a lifetime together with seulgi sounds like everything she could’ve ever wanted.

 

and she tries to make it a reality by presenting seulgi with a ring. 

 

---

 

the beginning of the end doesn’t always begin with heartbreak. 

 

for joohyun’s case, it started with a peck on the lips when she dropped seulgi off at the gallery. seulgi arms were still wrapped around her when it happened. four gunshots, joohyun recalls each one despite the haze of confusion that lingers.

 

the first one, seulgi’s hold tightens around her as she spins them around, flipping their positions. joohyun’s initial thoughts were the painter was trying to do some sort of romantic maneuver. but the sound of bullets tearing through flesh and the stench of blood is all too familiar.

 

seulgi?

 

the difference in stature forces joohyun to be buried in the painter's chest. the only thing she can hear is her laboured breathing and the heiress attempts to wriggle out of her grasp when the second shot hits.

 

the second one, brings about everything they’ve ever feared. with her arms still holding onto joohyun tightly, seulgi turns to stare death in the eyes. 

 

was she ready? no, of course not. 

 

but the unwillingness to die can't stop the bullet from meeting the space between her brows. a split second is enough for her to mutter her last words to joohyun.

 

i love you.

 

while she faced death, the last thing she’ll ever see is joohyun.

 

the heiress, with all her close brushes with guns and bullets, doesn’t know what to do when seulgi collapses in a heap before her. she had a whole second to comprehend all that’s just happened when the next shot goes off.

 

the third shot enters her chest and she crumbles just as seulgi had. except, she’s still breathing. the pain makes time slow, in the limbo of life and death, she understands what has just happened.

 

all the good in the world has just slipped through her fingers, but maybe if she holds on a little harder, it would be enough to keep seulgi here.

 

the fourth shot comes from sooyoung’s pistol, directed at the murderer. but it’s too late, the bodyguard knows it when she sees her boss and her lover lying in a pool of their blood. despite their intertwined hands, the stillness of seulgi’s chest and the slowing of joohyun’s breathing confirms it all.

 

seulgi is gone and sooyoung has to do something before her boss succumbs to the same fate.

 

---

 

the heiress spends the next two weeks flitting in and out of consciousness. each time she’s awake, she only has one thought.

 

seulgi.

 

those hazy moments don’t last, she slips back into the darkness as if she’s never awoken. a dreamless sleep is the best description for the state she’s in. she tries hard to fight the slumber, though it’s futile considering the drugs she’s under, but how is she to know?

 

it eases with time, joohyun finds herself staying awake long enough to fully regain consciousness. and with that comes the searing pain. ignoring the throbbing pain radiating from her chest, joohyun heaves a deep breath while she takes in her surroundings. the smell of disinfectant in the air is all she needs to recognise that she’s at a hospital. with one question answered, all she needs is someone to answer the other.

 

where is seulgi?

 

in the moments where she’s lucid, she overhears snippets of conversations that help her piece reality back together. it’s been two weeks since the incident that landed her in the intensive care ward. she vaguely remembers it, though she remembers seulgi being with her. the only people she ever hears are the doctors and nurses who seem to only be in charge of her.

 

where is seulgi?

 

joohyun gets eased off the morphine as the days go by. trading immunity to the pain for a semblance of lucidity is a worthwhile trade in her opinion. at least now she stays awake for more than five minutes at a time.

 

a familiar face visits eventually, someone other than her doctors and nurses, the CEO welcomes her bodyguard with a small smile. the tall woman, dressed in her usual pressed suit, settles in the chair by the bed. her bloodshot eyes never meeting her boss’ gaze, instead they remain trained on the spotless floor. the hunched figure sitting by her without a single witty remark tells her everything she needs to know. 

 

but she’s looking for some sort of confirmation, something to reassure her that the worst hasn’t happened, any hint that she could still return home to seulgi.

 

“where is seulgi?”

 

the way sooyoung’s shoulders stiffen at the name tells her everything, the tightening of her bodyguard’s jaw tells her everything, the clenching of her bruised fists tells her everything. her memories return in one big wave. she recalls seulgi holding on to her, the smell of her blood and the bullet entering her head. she knows everything that she needs to know but she’s just afraid of believing it.

 

seulgi is dead.

 

seulgi is dead.

 

seulgi is ing dead.

 

she doesn’t need to hear it from sooyoung’s lips, she knows too well, she watched it happen after all. the optimist in her still wants to hold on to the hope that, maybe, just maybe, that there is still good in this world. her world.

 

losing the very axis her world spins on leaves her in a state of despair, the last thing she registers is a mumbled apology escaping sooyoung’s lips. this isn’t sooyoung’s fault, no.

 

this is no one’s fault but hers. 

 

---

 

the next few days pass in a blurry haze and joohyun wishes she’s still back on the ing morphine. at the very least, when she’s flitting in and out of reality, she wouldn’t be coherent enough to think of seulgi .

 

they spent two years together, two ing years. they’ve had plenty of warm, happy memories, so why can’t joohyun picture anything but that day? the gunshots and blood, the phantom feeling of seulgi clutching her, the way the painter falls to the ground with a soundless thud.

 

they haunt her in every waking moment, chasing her to the realm of dreams and infecting every good memory like a plague.

 

a reprieve appears one morning; a day before she’s due to be discharged. sooyoung had informed her that investigations were being carried out by the police, though it’s nothing that would risk their business activities. 

 

a cruel twist of fate has placed her in this position, to lose one love and have another return.

 

two detectives enter her private ward nineteen days after the incident. two faces she thought she’d left behind years ago when she became irene bae.

 

detective moon byulyi and detective kim yongsun.

 

if the circumstances were different, maybe she would have been glad to reconnect with them. but not this time, she supposed. she greets them as she greets anyone who enters her room, with a hollowed gaze before the tormenting thoughts of seulgi take over. sooyoung, who has been keeping her company, extends a hand out to greet them instead.

 

“miss bae?” detective kim tries softly, “we have a few questions regarding your attempted assassination and the murder of kang seulgi.”

 

the murder of kang seulgi.

 

that’s what it is in the eyes of others. a shooting in broad daylight; a philanthropic CEO and her young lover caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. she turns her attention to them and listens to what the two detectives have to say. truth is, she knows very well who is behind this, but finding out that nothing has been done ignites a feeling of resentment within her.

 

joohyun cooperates to her best ability; she offers up what she knows, feigning ignorance like the innocent heiress that she is. however, the look in her eyes tells sooyoung otherwise. the light in her eyes isn’t the same one as picking seulgi up after a long day of work, no, the look in her eyes is nothing but vengeful. irene bae is fuming and hurting all at once, it’ll only be a matter of time before she unleashed her wrath.

 

at the end of their questioning, detective moon leaves her number with pursed lips. call me if you ever need me , she swallows before trodding away with detective kim. 

 

the haze in her head is replaced with a thirst for vengeance. before she could start formulating plans, there are things that she has to do.

 

“has the funeral taken place?”

 

“no, i’ve made arrangements to hold her body till you’re ready.” sooyoung informs with a tightened jaw, “i didn’t think you’d want to miss it.”

 

a single tear slides down her cheeks and joohyun nods, “tomorrow.”

 

sooyoung acknowledges with a dip of her head and excuses herself to make the appropriate arrangements. 

 

tomorrow, she’ll be burying seulgi. this isn’t the end she pictured they have — how foolish of her to believe that they could defy all odds and come out triumphant. while this is the end, this isn’t her end.

 

she is human and she is limited, but hell, will she give the world a reason to fear irene bae.

 

---

 

sooyoung handles her discharge first thing next morning. her bodyguard has turned into a caregiver after she failed her initial duties, it seems that she’s trying to make up for her mistakes by staying by joohyun round the clock.

 

joohyun saves any sort of comment, sooyoung could do as she pleases but it’s comforting to still have someone after all that’s happened.

 

the funeral takes place on a bright and sunny day; it reminds her of days where seulgi would plead for them to stroll to the gallery instead of having sooyoung drive them. without seulgi, joohyun is dealt a harsh reminder of how cruel this world could be.

 

the burial process ends within an hour and people start to leave but joohyun stays rooted. she’s held back her tears for so long, she isn’t sure how or why she’s crying now. perhaps this is the confirmation she’s been looking for; all the good in the world is gone, buried six feet underground.

 

she drops to her knees, ignoring the sharp pain erupting from her wound. nothing could hurt more than watching her lover die in front of her, because of her. clutching her chest, her eyes trace over the headstone with shallow breaths. 

 

“go home, joohyun.”

 

home, where is it exactly? seven years ago, home existed in moon byulyi. three weeks ago, home lies with kang seulgi. now? joohyun doesn’t know anymore.

 

joohyun scoffs wryly, “ off, byul.”

 

“come on, sooyoung will take you home.” the detective mutters while she attempts to help the heiress up.

 

despite her wounds and size, joohyun still manages to shrug the cop away from her. the sudden push makes byulyi step back cautiously. seven years is plenty of time for change and neither of them are the same, this isn’t the joohyun she knew and loved. but it’s still joohyun, and moon byulyi will always have a soft spot for her.

 

“how can i? when she’s ing buried in the dirt?” joohyun mutters before it turns into a guttural cry, “how can i, byul-ah? that should’ve been me! those ing bullets were meant for me!”

 

a harrowing feeling settles in the depths of the detective’s chest when she realises it; this could have been her fate if joohyun didn’t leave her all those years ago. she crouches beside the heiress and pulls her into her chest. 

 

running a hand down her back soothingly, byulyi mumbles a promise that they’ll find whoever’s responsible. she’s no kang seulgi but her presence is enough to calm joohyun enough for sooyoung to take over.

 

a silent exchange of words takes place when byulyi hands a feeble and quiet joohyun over. while both of them notice the red blotch spreading across joohyun’s shirt, byulyi makes the choice to step away. this is out of her jurisdiction, she’d lost that right years ago.

 

yet, something tells the detective this won’t be the last they see of each other.

 

---

 

they’re halfway home when joohyun utters a request to head to the gallery. the bodyguard clenches the wheel while she glances at her boss through the rearview mirror. she has just been discharged and now she wants to head back to the scene of the crime? every fibre of her being is screaming that it’s a bad idea but if it could ease both their sufferings, then maybe.

 

please, sooyoung, joohyun implores with a sniffle. and that’s all it takes for sooyoung to turn back.

 

the bodyguard escorts her boss in through the back entrance, fearing that entering from the front would trigger the heiress. joohyun doesn’t really care, she only has one motive in mind.

 

shuffling around with sooyoung’s aid, she sees their life in all the paintings hung on the walls.  seulgi had been preparing for her first full exhibition and she pictured them going through each one, making comments and reminiscing at each fond memory.

 

now, these paintings exist to haunt her.

 

despite seeing every piece beforehand, the centerpiece remains a secret. it’s a surprise , seulgi would exclaim before chasing her away from her studio.

 

a surprise it remained, until now. joohyun pulls away the large cloth covering the piece; she could never be prepared for what lies underneath.

 

a portrait of her stood in the center of the gallery. she knew this picture, she knew when it was taken, she knew how cold it'd been that night.

 

she knows how much she loves seulgi.

 

it's almost like she's been transported back to that very night, how could she ever forget? she'd proposed earlier in the evening, over dinner that she struggled to prepare. and seulgi said yes .

 

an intimate night ensued and at the end of it all; while joohyun stared out into the distant city lights with a cigarette in hand, seulgi whipped out her camera and took a shot from behind.

 

she could remember the joy fluttering in her chest then. but if that feeling was absent, would seulgi still be here today? she finds herself tracing her memory for the exact point in time where she could’ve prevented this.

 

if she didn’t drop seulgi off that day, would she still be here?

 

if she succeeded in breaking up with seulgi, would she still be here?

 

if she didn’t get coffee on that saturday morning, would she still be here?

 

these questions remain unanswered as her eyes travel to the label. the centerpiece spoke for itself but, still she reads.

 

seulgi's final piece. seulgi's final work.  

 

there’s no title, just a simple caption.

 

kang seulgi

2022

acrylic on canvas

 

to joohyun, the absolute love of my life,

every moment with you is something i hold dear to my heart. it’s hard to capture it all but should i ever begin to forget, this piece will act as a reminder to myself, of all the reasons why i adore you with all my heart.

 

seulgi loves her.

 

seulgi loved her.

 

instead of finally fulfilling her dreams of opening her own gallery, seulgi now walks with the angels.

 

joohyun detests it. she hates every single brushstroke, every drop of paint, everything about seulgi's final piece. she didn't want seulgi's love in the form of a ing painting, she wanted her back.

 

but it's too late.

 

with the guilt weighing heavily on her chest, joohyun swears revenge. seulgi would never have wanted her to do this, but seulgi isn’t here anymore, is she?

 

“i’m going to ing kill them all.”

 

“boss?”

 

“i said, i’m going to ing kill them all, sooyoung.” joohyun grits her teeth, “i’m going to get those bastards.”

 

nothing could bring seulgi back — not money, not love, not the ing heartbreak or yearning. 

 

but someone has to pay for robbing the goodness from her world.

 

someone is going to pay.