“Again, we would like to bow our heads and apologize. We’re sorry.”

When the little red light on the video camera stopped glowing, everyone stood up straight again after their 90 degree bow, but the shaky breaths and sniffles could still be heard in the small room. Jiho couldn’t handle it. All through the recording, none of the members had looked up from the floor even once. He didn’t know who cried and who managed to hold it in, but he could hear that some of them weren’t able to.

His head hurt from focusing all his concentration on not breaking out into tears while speaking, from trying his best to keep his voice from shaking too much. Because he couldn’t cry. He was the leader; he was supposed to be strong. It was unacceptable for him to show weakness in front of the others. That’s why he was the first to leave the room.

As they were already at the company headquarters, he went to the one place he felt at ease; the recording studio. The place where he worked, where he created music. The music that had lost thousands of fans because of him. At least that was how it felt at the moment. He sat down on the couch, hunching forward with his face buried in his hands.

Jiho had been in the wrong, he knew that. That’s why he had even shaved his head. He was the leader after all, and it was his responsibility to act in a proper manner during interviews and make sure that the others did as well. The fault was his alone, yet the other members were receiving hate as well, and the guilt was eating him alive. It hurt him to see everyone’s faces, how blank their expressions were and how they were too scared to look anyone in the eye. But what pained him even more was that people were going to the extents of harassing his brother and his mother online. It angered him that this was happening to those close to him, even though they had done nothing wrong. They didn’t deserve any of it. He was the one who should be punished, nobody else.

This wasn’t the first time they had apologized either. But even after all the remorse they were feeling, even after each member writing a personal apology, there were still so many that wouldn’t forgive them. That’s the reason for how insecure he felt at the moment. If they couldn’t forgive them after that, who knew if they would now? What if they wouldn’t? What if they wouldn’t stop sending hate mail? What if they wouldn’t stop bothering his family?

He was awoken from his thoughts as he heard the door opening and closing before the sound of someone locking it after entering. He took a deep breath, pulling himself together.

”You okay?” Jiho didn’t have to raise his head to look at the person speaking. He’d heard that voice enough to know that it belonged to Kyung.

“Yeah…” he murmured, still not looking at the other boy. It was a lie, and he was sure that Kyung knew that. They were best friends, and the other knew Jiho like the back of his hand by now.

At first there was silence for a moment, then the footsteps of Kyung walking closer to position himself right in front of Jiho. Jiho still didn’t move, didn’t speak, as he was scared that he might break down if he did.

Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around him, pulling him in. His face was now pressed against Kyung’s chest as the other leaned down slightly to hold him close. Jiho didn’t know how to react. This was the first time the other had attempted to comfort him in a physical way. He didn’t like it. It made him feel weak, made his eyes sting with the tears he had been fighting to hold in.

“Stop…” He couldn’t voice it, so the word came out as a whisper. He wanted Kyung to stop making him feel like it was okay to be sad, that it was okay to be weak, because it wasn’t. People were hurting because of him, so he should be the one to take the punishment. He wasn’t allowed to feel like this, because he deserved it. The pain for the trouble he had caused the other members, the company, his family and even his country. He was a disgrace.

Maybe he really should die.

Maybe then the haters would leave his family alone. Maybe they would finally forgive Block B. Maybe his band mates wouldn’t be burdened by his mistakes anymore.

Jiho couldn’t stop the thoughts running through his head, and he didn’t even notice the warm tears dripping from his eyes until Kyung squatted down on the floor in front of him, removing his hands from his face to look at him properly. Jiho drew a shaky breath and turned his head away. He didn’t want Kyung to see him like this; he didn’t want to watch those concerned eyes studying his face as he cried. He felt pathetic. But Kyung put his hands on each side on Jiho’s face, turning it towards him again while softly wiping away the tears. Then he leaned in.

Jiho didn’t move when Kyung started placing soft kisses on his cheeks, his forehead, and his chin. This wasn’t how a guy comforted his best friend, it was something else. But he just closed his eyes and let it happen, because it somehow calmed him. He allowed Kyung to trail kisses all over his face until the tears finally dried out, until his body relaxed. He sat motionless, his eyes still closed, and his breathing had calmed down.

It somehow wasn’t a surprise when the other finally moved on to his lips, as he had just kissed every other part of his face already. So Jiho didn’t jerk away, didn’t open his eyes, and didn’t protest. He only hesitated momentarily before returning the gentle kiss, his body shaking slightly with emotions he didn’t even know he harbored for the other male. Kyung pulled away, only an inch, their foreheads and noses still touching as he spoke.

“It’ll be okay.” he said quietly, and Jiho could feel his breath against his lips.

Somehow it felt like he was telling the truth.