“Unnie, where do you think the ‘kissing under the mistletoe’ thing came from?”

She sits with Sooyoung by the windowsill, the struggling noises of their friends trying to open yet another bottle of alcoholic beverage like music in the background, while they watch the snow and the lights outside. The window frame is thoroughly adorned, with bows and shiny ornaments and red and green and stars and, of course, the mistletoe resting at the top. It really did look like ‘a child decorated it’, like Seulgi said. And even though it was said with an exasperated sigh, and Seulgi was a bit ticked off because it threw off her whole tumblr-girl-holiday vibes, Seungwan knew that even as Seulgi nagged her Joohyun unnie about how weird she made it look, it would end up staying that way. It would show up in the pictures they took and every time they’d look back on it, Joohyun would make fun of Seulgi and say she got ‘so angry! It was so funny!’ And Seulgi would laugh nervously and claim it was nothing like that, of course. And the worst is that Seulgi wouldn't even be nervous because she was lying—which she WAS—, but instead because Joohyun was linking their arms together and resting her head on Seulgi's shoulder and Jesus Christ, Kang Seulgi, you idiot, do you not realize she's flirting with you—

Somewhere further in the apartment, Yerim lets out a loud cackle, and Joohyun shrieks back a so well-known 'YAH, KIM YERIM'. Sooyoung still stares at her expectantly, one arm thrown around the back of the small couch they share. Her checkered red-and-green socks dig into the cushions, and she pokes at Seungwan with her foot to grab her attention back. They were both a bit drunk already, but Sooyoung demanding her attention was nothing out of the ordinary. To be honest, Seungwan had been a bit more out of it for the past hour, as she was trying to ignore the fact she was under a mistletoe with Sooyoung, who didn't seem affected by it at all. So Seungwan relinquishes her thoughts about her stupid best friend Seulgi and turns to Sooyoung, opening to answer; but she finds herself short of an explanation. Her eyebrows dip in concentration; she swirls her champagne glass to see if the translucid whirlpool activates her memory.

“I remember reading about it back in Canada. Or someone told me, I don’t know. Something to do with the Celts, maybe? Or not.” She huffs, and Sooyoung laughs. Sooyoung laughs way more openly when less sober and Seungwan appreciates whoever it was that decided that people should drink alcohol to celebrate things, because thanks to that she gets to hear Sooyoung’s unrestrained laughter. “It could be them but it could also not be, since the mistletoe is a sort of weed, right? Like, parasitic. That grows everywhere. Like, in several parts of the world.”

“Right, right.” Sooyoung nods, still smiling, and brings her own glass to her lips. Her plump, red, delicious lips, so inviting under the mistletoe—oh God, Son Seungwan, get yourself together. “I think there might be some association with fertility.” Seungwan swallows so wrong, the champagne almost goes into her airways. “At first I was thinking of how it’s a plant that survives well enough in the cold that people could use it in decorations, right? And how winter traditions are all about how everyone is waiting for it to end, and for spring to come so they could grow food again. So it could very well be seen as a symbol of fertility. Even more so if it’s a type of weed, spreading everywhere fast and out of control.”

Not really where Seungwan expected Sooyoung to go with this, knowing her teasing and flirtatious nature; however Seungwan gets so entranced by Sooyoung’s eloquence and by the way her hands move around that she forgets about her preemptive embarrassment. Sooyoung fixes herself on the couch, moving closer to Seungwan, and if her pout is indicative of anything, she's not really satisfied with this explanation yet.

"But why kissing, though? Under it, specifically." She taps her own chin with her free hand. "Most base agriculture depends on warmer temperatures, and we know this, but what does that have to do with human expression of uality?”

“A lot of animals reproduce around spring, don’t they?” Seungwan finds herself, yet again, going along with Sooyoung’s shenanigans. It had become almost an instinct, at this point; she couldn’t really help it. She couldn’t help wanting to know how far Sooyoung would go. Be it in her weird impromptu acting skits; or like this, when she wants to figure something out. Sooyoung is curious, but Seungwan is way more. “They were napping all through the winter and then when they wake up, they… Well.”

Ah, there you go, Son Seungwan. You did this to yourself.

“They what, unnie?” Sooyoung snorts, wiggling her eyebrows and shifting even closer to Seungwan, who currently doesn’t know if she wants to slap herself for digging her own grave like this, or to slap Sooyoung for making fun of her and being too pretty and too close. Regrets collect like old friends, as a wise woman named Florence once said, and dear GOD how did they collect.

“Ugh, you know what I’m talking about!” She tries to sound mad, she really does, but all that comes out is a half-laugh-half-anger-half-weird-accent. She does not realize that’s way too many halves. “You know it, okay? You do.” Her whines will not spare her from her merciless junior, who now laughs even harder and—luckily for Seungwan—can’t even keep her mock-seductive expression on. But her hand still finds Seungwan’s shoulder and shakes it half-heartedly. Okay. This is fine. Seungwan clears , drinks a bit more champagne for good measure, and tries to divert this conversation somewhere else. “But humans don’t even hibernate, so they don’t, uhm, reproduce specifically during spring! So! So it probably has nothing to do with that! Alright!”

“Okay unnie, okay. If you say so.” Sooyoung lets go of her, and runs a hand through her hair—okay why is that somehow worse for Seungwan’s sanity than to literally have her friend manhandling her? Okay, maybe ‘manhandling’ is a bit too much to describe what just happened, and maybe Seungwan's Christmas wish was that Sooyoung truly womanhandled her; and, okay, if she wanted Sooyoung to womanhandle her so bad, maybe she shouldn't have such an adverse reaction when her friend started to flirtatiously . Or teasingly flirt with her. WHATEVER. OKAY. It's not her fault she doesn't know to react when people flirt with her. Or just are nice to her. And it's not her fault that's even worse when it comes to Sooyoung.

Sooyoung who is so smart. And so honest. And so determined, so hardworking. And so scared of not being enough. Who loves animals and who takes care of her family. And who... suddenly gasps and covers in apparent shock?

"Unnie…" she whispers, with such a dramatic tone that Seungwan immediately knows she's messing with her. Again. Always messing with her head, that Sooyoung. God . Seungwan is starting to think she had one too many glasses of champagne. “What if the mistletoe was associated with fertility because it is also… An aphrodisiac?”

She's wiggling her eyebrows again and Seungwan is definitely about to lose it. Entirely. And you know what? Perhaps she should lose it. Entirely. Just this one time. Their eyes are locked on each other's and she's—she's doing it. She's gonna kiss her. It's gonna happen. Oh no. Oh yes. Oh no . She's not ready for this. She's so ready for this. Are you ready for this? She asks herself; her mind answers 'Zimzalabim!' and then, like clockwork, Seulgi is having a completely unrelated laughing fit in the kitchen, that will likely move onto crying very soon. Seungwan's heart is thumping so hard in her chest and one would assume she would have at least moved an inch closer to Sooyoung after all this banter with herself; but alas, she hasn't.

And so Sooyoung settles it for her, when her laughter dies out and she rests her head on her free hand again, a smirk still barely on her lips. And Seungwan is NOT thinking about her lips again, otherwise she's sending herself to jail. No impure thoughts allowed in this household, not now that she squandered her chance.

Sooyoung’s head is slightly craned to the side though, and her long neck is exposed, and—

"You're so red, unnie. Did you snack on a mistletoe, perchance?" That one nervous laugh is the one that comes out of Seungwan, and she's about to eat her entire glass out of embarrassment. But before she can do anything, Sooyoung nods towards Seungwan’s smartphone, abandoned by the windowsill after they tried to take pictures of the snow outside—of which NONE came out even remotely decent, and Seungwan just ended up with seventeen or so more pictures of Sooyoung on her camera roll because she would ‘look pretty with the lights around, unnie, please’. Or something. “Why don’t you look it up, Search King?” Seungwan still eyes her warily, so she adds: "Please? I really am curious about it."

She sighs, exasperatedly, and grabs the device which is soon unlocked and online, looking for 'the origins of western mistletoe traditions'. She guesses that's why she and Seulgi are best friends, in the end: exasperated sighs, pretend-reluctance when doing something for the ones they treasure the most, and the way they just keep pretending reluctance even though it's not believable at all since they always do whatever those women ask of them. Except Seungwan’s acting is a lot more, uhm, pronounced , than Seulgi’s.

One could wonder who rubbed off on who, but Seungwan knows that, if this is not just a shared facet of their personalities, she's the one to blame here.

“Here it is!” She announces, and in the blink of an eye Sooyoung is nearly glued to her side, trying to look at the screen as well. Okay, Son Seungwan, just focus on reading the thing. Just do it . She skims the article until some keywords catch her attention. “Hundreds of species… Parasitic… Around the world… Oh, look, Sooyoungie. You were right.” She turns her head and oh. Mistake. Sooyoung is way, way closer this time. But she seems really interested in the article and the article only, not even looking at Seungwan, which makes it easier to say what she’s about to say. “It’s connected with fertility, vivacity. And, for some cultures, it really was considered an aphrodisiac.”

“‘Considered’? Only for ‘some cultures’? That’s kinda funny.”

“Right? I mean, did some of them not even try to eat it? Did its potential only get activated if you prepared it a certain way? Was it all placebo because of the connection with fertility?”

“Who knows?” Sooyoung chuckles, and Seungwan almost forgets to be in awe since she’s also getting pulled in by this mistletoe mystery. Sooyoung scrolls down the screen herself—and Seungwan lets her—, squinting her eyes until she finds something worth mentioning. “Look; Celtic Druids were one of the first to follow traditions around the mistletoe… Ah, but they didn’t really kiss under it. You were close, unnie.”

“Aw, man!” Seungwan punches her thigh in mock-frustration, and Sooyoung laughs—probably because she’s already drunk enough to be affected by any and all of Seungwan’s clown behavior—, which makes Seungwan feel very accomplished. Who’s that woman who got so embarrassed she wanted to eat her glass literally two minutes ago? She doesn’t know her. “But hey, at least they were responsible for the custom of using the mistletoe for decoration in winter. Even though it had nothing to do with Christmas yet.”

“Yeah, you were so close.” Sooyoung repeats and, for a second, seems disappointed that Seungwan didn’t get to guess it right too. “Ah, here, look! It was the Romans. They’d kiss under the mistletoe during this festival called Saturnalia. And even weddings, later on.” The disappointment comes back to her voice, but for another reason this time. “So it really was just because of the fertility thing. That’s boring. But knowing it was a Roman tradition… No wonder it got intertwined with Christmas after a few centuries.”

“Saturnalia was held in late december too, if I’m not mistaken. Saturn was an agriculture god, after all…” Seungwan reads further, hoping to find something to lift Sooyoung’s mood back up. “Wait, hear this out: when in war, enemies would join under the mistletoe to sort out their differences. This is nice.”

“I really like it, too.”

Her voice still lacks excitement but when Seungwan checks on her, Sooyoung is staring so fondly at the screen; it’s almost as if she’s not looking at the screen at all, and is instead recalling something. Something bittersweet, yet heartwarming. Something from their past.

Seungwan smiles, sweetly.

"There is no disagreement that can't be solved with a good, honest conversation. Right, Sooyoung-ah?"

“No disagreement, no misunderstanding." Sooyoung giggles, but soon hides behind her glass. “You don’t even need a mistletoe.” She is usually the bold one between them, which only makes it sweeter when this Sooyoung makes an appearance.

Sooyoung teases and flirts; Sooyoung knows what she wants and goes for it. Sooyoung’s presence demands attention, and Sooyoung is always up for a challenge. But Seungwan’s seen her when she isn’t. When she’s quiet and when she’s tired, and when she just wants to be taken care of. It’s exhausting to be Park Sooyoung; to be the eldest sister, who takes care of her younger siblings when they’re young and of her parents when they’re old. And it’s exhausting to be Red Velvet’s Joy, to be a good singer but not like Red Velvet’s Wendy, to be a pretty face but not like Red Velvet’s Irene, to be hardworking and versatile but not like Red Velvet’s Seulgi, to be young and fresh but not like Red Velvet’s Yeri.

When they met, Sooyoung was all bark and bite, trying to carve a space for herself, to survive in this competitive industry. Comparing herself to others was unfortunately necessary, if she wanted to hone her skills in the right direction. Not trusting anyone but herself, while maybe not the most effective path, was definitely encouraged. Sooyoung was—and still is—just an insecure, introspective girl, who had to be confident and strong. Who had to rely solely on herself.

It’s no wonder she didn’t like Seungwan’s barrage of questions; didn’t want Seungwan knowing of her businesses, of her private life. It’s no wonder Seungwan’s will to learn about her felt so invasive. Seungwan stays up at night sometimes, anxiously thinking of a reality where Sooyoung never confronted her and just harbored this distrust for years and years, discomfort turning into hatred as time goes by.

But Sooyoung is sincere, more than she is scared. And because of that, Seungwan doesn’t regret being curious. Seungwan regrets many things; sometimes she even regrets regretting things. Sometimes she speaks too much because she doesn’t think and sometimes she thinks to much and doesn’t speak at all; and each of those times become a night she can’t sleep and food she can’t eat and focus she can’t keep and it’s like when a song is stuck in her head, except this song is a cacophony that sounds exactly like every mistake she's ever made, all at once.

But because Sooyoung is sincere, Seungwan doesn’t need to regret. Not this one time, at least.

"I'm thankful we talked it all out back then," She leaves her phone by the sill again and, with her now empty hand, she takes Sooyoung's; any embarrassment, long forgotten. "So that we can be together like this now."

"Stop..." Her voice is whiny but Seungwan knows that she likes it. "You're so greasy, unnie." She tightens her grip on Seungwan's hand. "I'm thankful too."

Sooyoung breathes out and blinks, slowly, and it's now, or never. Don't you squander this again, Son Seungwan! She needs to act before her brain kicks in and makes her overthink every decision she ever made and is making and will make and would have made in a different circumstance and— Enough! She leaves her champagne dangerously beside her smartphone and closes in to cup Sooyoung’s warm—oh God she's so warm—, flushed cheek.

“Sooyoung-ah, I…”

“You know, unnie, I really was curious about the mistletoe.” A part of Seungwan wants to plead Sooyoung to not interrupt her since this is very difficult for her; but her thoughts, even at their most chaotic, would always sit still for a little bit so she could listen to Sooyoung. “I was also really hoping you’d do something like this.”

Her own initiative makes pride swell in her chest—but not too much, since her ribcage is already nearly filled with love, and warmth, and Sooyoung. Mainly Sooyoung. Or is it love? She can’t tell. If she has a say in it, they’re the same. She closes her eyes when their noses touch; Sooyoung’s breath ghosts her lips. Finally. It’s happening.

Except it’s not; because suddenly, someone is barging into the room laughing like a maniac, followed by two more someones, of which one someone is trying to strangle the other someone, but is too short for it. And the strangulation-attemptee someone is just. Smiling. For some reason.

“Oh my God.” Says Yerim, climbing off of Seulgi, whose smiley-emoji face quickly turns into an upside-down-smiley-emoji-which-means-sad-emoji face when she realizes the very unfortunate timing of their entrance. Joohyun’s thunder-cackle also fell silent, but she has that face on, the one you can tell easily she wants to start giggling; Yerim has a flat-out grin on her face. And Seungwan WILL kill them. She’ll do it.

"Seungwannie, I'm so sorr—"

"Really." Sooyoung grunts, setting her glass down with a ‘klink’ and interrupting the apologetic Seulgi, who anxiously hides her fidgety hands behind her back. Seungwan had turned to stare at the trio but Sooyoung frames her face with her hands and brings her gaze back to where it was before. To where it belongs.

Sooyoung's own dark, deep eyes.

Yerim is the first one to holler when Sooyoung kisses Seungwan, who would be mad at the clapping that follows but it makes Sooyoung smile into the kiss so it's fine. It's great, actually. She loves it. She wraps her arms around Sooyoung's waist and doesn't even notice she is out of breath until Sooyoung pulls away.

"You guys owe me one." Sooyoung says, still holding Seungwan's gaze, her kiss-bruised smile brighter than ever. " She was going to kiss me if you didn't tear the house down on your way in."

"Yeah, sorry, Sooyoung-unnie." Yerim is way, way too happy for someone who isn't even one of the people who got to kiss her long time crush tonight.

Seulgi, on the other hand, is crying.

"You… You guys…" Seungwan literally doesn't know where Seulgi even found time to already look this disheveled. Red, swollen face; runny nose; the whole package. She can hear Sooyoung holding back her laughter; she really can’t help it when she sees Seulgi crying. If there’s a single reason Sooyoung is going to Hell, it is because she can’t keep herself from cracking up at Seulgi bawling her eyes out. "Please be really happy…" Seulgi's wiping her eyes with her sleeves and Joohyun's patting her lightly on the back.

"Yah, Park Sooyoung, Son Seungwan," The eldest calls, and Seulgi lets out a loud sob. Yerim laughs at her and Sooyoung can’t help but join in. "Don't make a mess on the couch." Joohyun wants to laugh so bad, it's almost painful. She grabs onto Seulgi and Yerim and pulls them back towards where they came from. "We're… Going. Yes." Joohyun snorts. It’s Seungwan’s turn to giggle. “You stay there with your lovely mistletoe and we’ll go. You’re welcome.”

“Isn’t it better if we go…?” Seungwan tries but Joohyun already dragged the other two away. They were all acting so weird. The last Seungwan hears of them that night is the faint sound of Yerim screeching ‘HELL YEAH’. “Did Joohyun-unnie know? Did she put the mistletoe up on purp—”

But Sooyoung is kissing her again, and it doesn’t matter what Joohyun-unnie knows or doesn’t know. About the mistletoe.

“You owe me one, too.” Sooyoung says between pants when they separate. “But I couldn’t really wait anymore.” She pecks Seungwan lips one more time before getting up from the couch and offering her friend—girlfriend?—a hand. “Still, I really wanted you to be the one to make the first move. Ugh.”

“Why even? You know how I tend to overthink everything.” Seungwan pouts, as Sooyoung starts leading her somewhere further into the apartment. “Even tonight, I still struggled so much.”

“I do know that. I could see your brain cells burning out the whole time.” She stops on her tracks, eyes diverting to the floor. “I wanted it to be your initiative, though. I…” Her grip tightens around Seungwan’s hand again. “I guess I just needed to be sure that you really wanted it too. That you wanted it enough to… Stop overthinking so much.”

She does. She wants her enough, more than enough; too much, probably. Sooyoung is still that girl after all, still scared of taking things for granted. And Seungwan doesn’t really mind being the one who shows her that she can trust others. That she can expect things from others, and want things from others. When she catches herself, her arms are around Sooyoung’s neck and Sooyoung’s fingers are tangled in her hair and they’re kissing and smiling and laughing and there really is no need to overthink, or to even think of anything else at all.

“Come on, unnie. Let’s go to my room; I know you really like my bed.”

“What—! Sooyoung-ah—!” She whines, but still takes the chance to bury her face in Sooyoung’s neck. She really thinks she is so sneaky.

“To rest, unnie!” The delight in her voice is palpable, and almost enraging—if it wasn’t insanely charming, that is. “You already used your brain too much tonight.”

“You’re so mean to me.”

“Am not.” They reach Sooyoung’s room, and before she opens her door, she pauses; that same fondness fills her gaze again. Seungwan’s heart could stop. “Hey, Seungwan-unnie.”

“Yeah?”

“Merry Christmas.”

Merry Christmas, indeed.