What a crazy night.

Hours ago, it was filled with congratulations from his friends and colleagues, as well as his family when he got home. His mother called, spiraling a long call from his father too and later his hyung. Then he showered, got ready for bed, cracked open a bottle of wine and headed to his bed. 

Jongkook carefully settles the trophy onto his nightstand right beside his bed, admiring it once more.

It’s surreal to think that he is now an entertainment daesang winner. There are legends before him like his own mentor and hyung Jaesuk that have won this ultimate prize, and now he’s been added to that list. He can’t match Jaesuk’s years of tenure and experience in making the nation laugh, for crying out loud — he’s just a singer! He could accept the high praise for his singing, but he would prefer to stay modest when it comes to his hosting and entertainment duties.

Jongkook sighs, taking a sip from his wine glass. He doesn’t usually do this, but with bars and restaurants closed by the pandemic, it meant he had to drink alone without the usual celebration with the Running Man cast and crew. No crazy parties thrown by Ha Ha, no bombastic drinks by Kwangsoo and Sechan, and certainly no wild dancing and karaoke...

Damn this pandemic. 

They say the worst thing to do is to drink alone at home, but he deserves this. There is no one else in the world right now that should be celebrating other than him. 

He scrolls down Instagram, past the congratulatory DMs, ignoring the chiming of his phone from text messages saying the same thing. Some from the members; they gave their own congratulations in person hours ago, but sometimes they liked to message him again afterwards.

He smiles, replying a quick thank you back to Jaesuk again once he sees the notification. The nation’s MC always gave the sweetest and longest messages; it would be rude not to reply to him. 

None are from the one he truly wishes to hear from though.

Back to Instagram. Jongkook mindlessly looks through the stories, scoffing at  Chulmin’s update. The man had a thing or two to comment about Sukjin’s remarks on stage, making it sound like it was all a harmless joke. Joke or not, Sukjin is very witty when he wants to, and perhaps he had a thing or two to say about the ex PD’s style of carrying the show. What a pity their oldest hyung already won the top excellence award previously! Looking back, most of them had — Ha Ha was a fine choice for the second best award of the night and he was proud of his dongsaeng for what he achieved.

He shakes his head, skipping through several updates and chuckling at Somin’s story. The young actress had gotten dolled up for the night in the prettiest dress furthest from Jihyo’s style. Those two were always opposites, but that was what made their friendship special. 

Speaking of Jihyo, he had a hard time straying away from her tonight.

She’s always beautiful, no doubt. She doesn’t need show-stopping gowns or layers of heavy makeup to look like a goddess. She always says that award shows make her nervous, especially when they show her on-screen, but Jongkook thinks that she handles it well. Even with those ridiculous masks they had on, she still looked regal in her women’s suit. She was sitting right beside him but it was difficult for him to look back at her. Easier in past years, definitely, but not this time. 

When she picked him over Jaesuk as the winner she’d like to see, he couldn’t wipe the silly grin off his face. It’s just a small statement, yet it meant everything to him. That was probably the moment when he was wishing hard that they wouldn’t call his name for the Producer’s award, but rather the daesang. How happy she would be seeing him win, an excuse for him to show her the award and linger around her for a few more seconds...

Taking another gulp of his wine, he wonders if she ever knows the effect she had on men like him. 

In the dim of his bedside lamp, he places his empty wine glass on the nightstand. He’ll wash that tomorrow; it’s time for bed now. He lies on his back, reflecting the day’s events in his bed that is too large for one person. How is it that he was surrounded by friends and colleagues just hours ago, basking in the glow of his award, but now he’s all alone in his apartment with nothing but a half empty bottle of wine to keep him company? Loneliness is not a good feeling. He thinks about his friends, returning home to their families and loved ones, so different from him and the quiet calm of nothing around. 

He is a daesang winner, damn it. He has many awards and titles to his name plus the popularity and riches he could only dream of when he first started out as a singer decades ago. 

He has everything, and yet, he also has nothing. 

No, that doesn’t sound right. He should be content with his victories. Social media is a disease for self esteem, but he’s not trying to prove a point to anyone else but himself. Yet, he takes his phone, opens up Instagram once more and snaps a photo of his daesang trophy in all its glory, the light shining bright enough to read his name and title.

Good night, friends. Thank you for the amazing night. Stay safe and be happy. 

Maybe he’s feeling the alcohol in his veins or he’s still high on the adrenaline of the night, but he types a comment he doesn’t usually write. It’s going into his close friend stories anyway, not like the public would see it.

If only I had someone special to share this award with... 

At most, Ha Ha the meddling fool will reply. But not today, he probably had some celebrations at home with Byul to attend to. God, that made him feel worse. He hovers his fingers near the keyboard, then finishes his story with another text.

It’s your smile that made me happier tonight. Thank you for choosing me.

Then he hits close friends and locks his phone. He should get some rest and sleep now.

Two more sleeps till he sees her again on Monday.

Jongkook wakes up at noon, something so rare his body takes longer to get used to the bright streaks of sun peaking through his drawn curtains. Yesterday’s crazy memories come flooding back into his mind as he takes his phone from his night stand, briefly eyeing the trophy standing tall beside the forgotten wine bottle and glass. He will have to chill that in the fridge and clean up later. 

Unlocking his phone leads to an avalanche of new messages, which he’s not surprised at. Glancing through the first notification though, it gets his mind racing. It’s Ha Ha — his mischievous dongsaeng messaging him again. 

Ha Dong Hoon (Nae Dongsaeng)

10:05 am: Hyung, that is one sad Instagram story. Just tell her already, I’m sick and tired of seeing you like a lovesick fool.

10:54 am: Did you see Bopil’s email? They are postponing filming tomorrow to Tuesday. We should celebrate!

With that, Jongkook scrolls down his other texts, finding one from his manager. Gapjin’s highlighted the schedule changes for next week. Oh, he has Monday free now. That changes things up. He quickly shoots a text back to Donghoon, ignoring his first message.

Kim Jong Kook

11.46am: Celebrate? We are in the middle of a pandemic, Donghoon.

Ha Dong Hoon (Nae Dongsaeng)

11.47am: Hyung, you can’t have just woken up?? Is the world coming to an end???

Jongkook scowls, typing a response back. This dongsaeng of his, always joking around and being disrespectful. Even Sechan and Kwangsoo never do that off camera! He should knock some sense into the penguin unless he wants the Ha kids to be equally as cheeky. 

He’s about to hit send when his phone rings. Speak of the devil... “Donghoon.” He growls into his speaker. 

“Hyung!” Ha Ha is awfully chippy for someone who’s been nothing for trouble. “You’re not still in bed, are you?”

“How on earth are you up so early? We wrapped at two in the morning.”

“Yeah, but I have three kids. You’ll understand some day.”

“Donghoon.” Jongkook grits his teeth, his second warning of the call. Maybe he shouldn’t have drunk before bed, it’s really messing his system up. “Why are you calling?”

“Can’t a good dongsaeng call his hyung to congratulate him again? Or is his hyung too big of a star now to answer?” Ha Ha asks slyly, and he can almost see him smirking on the other end.

“I recognize that suspicious tone anywhere, Donghoon.” Jongkook rolls his eyes. This is the same voice Ha Ha uses when he’s about to ask of a huge favour. Oh no, he’s not going to ask him to appear on Ha Ha PD again, is he?

“What if I told you that we are planning a gathering at Somin’s house? Tonight?”

“Tonight?” That’s real short notice. “And I already said we are in the middle of a pandemic—“

“We have to see each other on Tuesday anyway, might as well. Tonight’s a great time, it means we can drink and we don’t have filming so we have a free day on Monday. Plus, it will only be the eight of us. Under ten, see?” 

Under the government restrictions with room to spare — Ha Ha must really been thinking this through. Jongkook frowns, worried about the potential backlash or problems. “Somin’s house?”

“Yeah, she lives alone. It’s not too small, I promise.”

“What about Jaesuk hyung?” Jongkook tries again. “He has two kids and he’s hardly home, surely he wouldn’t want to do this.”

“I have three and Byul’s okay. Why are you worried? Anyway, he said yes already.” Ha Ha answers impatiently. “Come on, hyung. We all agree that we should celebrate.”

“Sukjin hyung?”

“Are you kidding me? Hyunwoo is old enough to enter the army and hyungsoo-nim would be more than happy.”

“Am I the only one left who hasn’t agreed?” 

“Mmm Jihyo hasn’t answered. But it’s only noon, you know how she is.” Ha Ha pauses. “You know, I’m not kidding when I said you should tell her.”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, hyung.” Ha Ha scolds, serious all of a sudden. “Everyone can see that you were talking about Song Jihyo! Well, everyone in your close friends list. Just because she doesn’t use her Instagram, it doesn’t mean that the rest of us don’t have eyes to read. Were you drunk?”

“Sorta.” Jongkook winces. He was feeling a little intoxicated when he wrote that. 

“Wow, hyung.” Ha Ha says sarcastically.“What are you waiting for? You’ve had a successful year, released a song, won the freaking daesang... And still no confession. Are you waiting for her to win a daesang too?”

“... That’s a poor joke and you know it, Donghoon.” 

“Don’t change the subject! Hyung, stop posting on your close friends story on Instagram so I don’t have to see your lonely posts. It makes me sad, you know?” Ha Ha sighs exasperatedly into the phone, frustrated. “Plus, I’m not the only one. There’s a video circulating on SNS when she pulled the mask off your back while you were going up on stage to collect the daesang.”

“What?”

“I’m not trying to say that she was looking at your the entire time, but maybe she did. Where the hell did you even get the mask anyway? We had to wear those ridiculous personalized masks the entire night and only Jihyo and Jaesuk hyung had the disposable ones underneath...”

“She gave one to me during the break.” Jongkook flushes, even though Donghoon can’t see him through the phone. “Yah, what ? Are you trying to convince me to go to your little celebration or not?”

“I don’t care, you will turn up at Somin’s tonight. Nine PM! Bring alcohol, or so help me God, I will burn your home gym down.”

“Yah, Donghoon—“

“No, no! I was tasked specifically by the maknaes to make sure you go. Don’t try to talk yourself out—“

“Donghoon!” Jongkook pinches the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on. And he didn’t even drink until he could give himself a hangover! “Yes, I am going, okay?”

“Really?” Ha Ha asks, almost skeptical. He was anticipating a bigger fight, if he was being honest. “Okay, good. Bring alcohol!”

“I don’t think—“

“Or I will burn your home gym down.” 

“That’s arson and you know it.”

“Whatever works.” Ha Ha says dismissively. “Any questions, hyung?”

“One.” Jongkook eyes the daesang by his bed, yesterday’s late night thoughts swirling again. He has everything, and yet, he also has nothing. Donghoon is annoying, but it’s worth a shot. “Is Jihyo going?”

“Hyung, I’m feeling sad again. Of course she’s going — how can it be a gathering if one person is missing? Kwangsoo’s going to force her to go once she wakes up from her deep slumber.” Ha Ha adds. “Not like she’ll pass up drinking anyway.”

“I’ll tell her you said that.”

“No, you’ll tell her your feelings! Seriously, hyung. I pity the person editing the footage from the camera in front of you and her last night. It’s for Mom’s Diary, right? Full of the between you two.” 

“YAH!”

“Okay, okay.” Ha Ha grumbles. This phone call is becoming way too long. “Anyway, I better see you tonight. Somin’s apartment, you know the address, right?”

“Got it.” Jongkook nods. “Nine, bring alcohol, anything else?”

“Nope. Oh, wait— Yeobo? Yeah, he’s on the line. Are they ready? Great, hold on, I’ll put us on speaker.” Ha Ha’s voice softens on the line, muffled in the background. “Kids, on the count of three? One, two, aaaand three!”

There’s some shuffling, then a chorus of happy kids shrieking through the phone. “CONGRATULATIONS ON THE DAESANG, SAMCHON!”

Jongkook’s heart swells three sizes, and he almost forgets all about Ha Ha’s childish teasing. “Thank you, Dream and Soul ah.” He beams. “And maybe Goeun?”

“Hi, oppa,” Comes Byul’s voice and an excitable shriek from the baby girl in the background. “I also speak on behalf of Song too when I say we’re all really happy for you.”

“Thanks, Goeun.” Jongkook grins. The Ha family, honestly. Some of his favourite people in the world. “Thank you to baby Song too!”

“Thank you to everyone but me? Aish. Whatever. See you tonight, hyung.” Is all Ha Ha says before the line goes dead. 

Damn it. He can never stay mad at Donghoon when his children and wife were so goddamn cute and likeable.

At nine sharp, Jongkook shows up at Somin’s apartment, a bottle of wine in hand. 

And as fate would have it, he bumps into Song Jihyo at the entrance of the lift lobby.

Her hair is up in a bun, no make up on. She’s wearing an oversized winter coat that hides her tiny frame and her favourite sneakers are on, a little worn out but he recognizes them immediately. Her eyes light up when she sees him, and he almost forgets to breathe.

“Hey, oppa.” Jihyo greets. “Or should I say, daesang winner?”

“Definitely the second one.” He grins, his smile wide.

“You’re worse than Jaesuk oppa.” She teases playfully. “Fame has changed you.” 

They laugh, stepping into the elevator in sync. This is strange, him and her. They don’t typically meet outside work, at Somin’s house of all places. 

“What’s that in your hands?” He asks, eyeing the bags she’s lugging. “Here, let me help.”

“Nope, oppa! I can handle bags.” She shakes her head. “Ooh trying to make yourself look good again after you won the daesang?”

“What can I say? Someone just said fame changed me.” He smiles, leaning over to take her bags anyway. “At least let me hold some. You still haven’t told me what’s inside them yet.”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Dried herring from Pohang?” 

“... No.”

“And something else for Sukjin hyung because he doesn’t like that?”

“Ah, oppa.” Jihyo hits him on the shoulder, flustered. She better not break the bottle of black raspberry wine inside her bag. “It’s Christmas next week, after all.”