~ I’m falling in love

  But it’s falling apart

I need to find my way back to the start ~

Dahyun’s hands fumble around the stereo shutting it down. Heaving a sigh, she leans back into the car seat, arms behind her head and closes her eyes for a bit, allowing herself to recover from the recent four-hour drive. 

The journey from Seoul to Busan is hectic as always. As much as she loves the night drive experience, she hates the traffic jams that come along with it, not to mention driving back home on a Friday when most people are out partying and packing the streets. The fact that she had also spent a grueling day of exams at the university doesn’t help her case as well. 

She could’ve chosen to travel the next morning, during the wee hours where the chances of being stuck in a traffic jam are reduced to a minimum. But then again, the last time she considered that option and allowed herself to succumb in her cozy bed and thick soft sheets at the dorm, she ended up sleeping all day, the plan of going home forgotten. School works and organization duties pile up here and there and soon she realizes four busy weekends have passed and that it has been a month since she last saw home. 

The thing is, Dahyun may be a lazy-, sleep-loving animal but she never, never ever forgets to go home at least once every two weeks, if not weekly. 

And nope, not for the sake of her parents. Dahyun could’ve swore they wouldn’t even mind.

Don’t get them wrong, it’s not that they don’t love her. It’s just that with career-oriented parents (a businessman for a dad and a lawyer for a mom), she’s kind of used to not always having them around and vice versa. Apparently, their equation for “Raising Your Kid the Right Way” purely involves giving Dahyun pocket money for school lunch and spoiling her with unnecessary expensive gifts on her birthdays. 

At least they remember her birthday. And they call to check up on her from time to time too.

So Dahyun doesn’t even spare a glance at their grandiose yet dark and isolated mansion (she knows it’s empty anyway), but rather turns her attention to their neighboring residence, because in that very house resides the sole reason why Dahyun endures all odds to travel back to Busan.

Her best friend, Mina.

Dahyun feels her exhaustion ease off at the thought of seeing her again. She may or may not have a secret crush on said best friend although she consistently brushes it aside for the sake of “friendship” or whatever sorry excuse her mind comes up with. Truth is, she doesn’t want to lose her so she merely contents herself with being her friend, shoving that teeny bit of (or is it?) attraction away from her system. 

Grabbing her car keys, she steps down from her Ford Ranger, a congratulatory gift from her parents for passing the highly sought Seoul National University, and makes her way towards their neighbor’s doorstep. 

It only takes her a few knocks before a woman in her fifties, her nearly gray hair tied in a bun and clad in an apron, opens the door for her. 

“Dahyun, what a surprise!” The older woman greets her with a motherly smile then proceeds to wrap her in a hug. ”It’s good to see you back, dear.”

Mrs. Myoui is her best friend’s mother and the mother she never had. Growing up as an only child with her parents usually gone, Dahyun spent most of her childhood in the Myoui household. Dahyun didn’t feel the need to be indifferent around them, their family is just so welcoming, treating her as one of their own kin. 

“It’s good to see you too, auntie,” Dahyun beams, enthusiastically returning the hug. 

Mrs. Myoui offers Dahyun a pair of slippers to wear and leads her inside. “Did you come straight from Seoul?” 

Dahyun nods as they enter the living room. She is quick to distinguish the enormous changes since her last visit, the king-sized sofa replaced with a smaller couch, a much older model of television resting atop the wooden counter, the priceless paintings and vases that used to decorate the once lavish household gone. 

Dahyun looks at Mrs. Myoui with a tight-lipped smile. She notices the dark circles that have formed in the older woman’s eyes, how pale and thin her build is now, completely different from a month ago. Things must have been really difficult for them nowadays.

“Auntie, you know if there’s anything I can do to help with Mina’s--” 

Mrs. Myoui cuts Dahyun off by placing a hand above hers. “I appreciate the offer, Dahyun-ah. But really, it’s okay. We can manage.” She offers a small smile. 

“But auntie…” Dahyun opens to argue. The Myoui family has given her nothing but love and warmth when she was young and the least she could do is support them, even if it means financially. 

The older woman lets out a defeated sigh, knowing full well that the younger girl won’t budge. “Okay, can you promise me one thing?” At Dahyun’s nod, she says, “Can you promise me that you will stay by Mina’s side no matter what happens? It’s all I ask.” 

Dahyun gently squeezes Mrs. Myoui’s hand, meeting her gaze, “Of course, auntie.” Even if you didn’t ask me to, I will always be here for Mina. 

Mrs. Myoui returns the gesture, smiling broadly. “It’s a promise then.” She shifts her vision to the kitchen. “I must get back to my cooking. Care to stay for dinner?”

“Sure, auntie. I’d love that.” Dahyun answers with a grin. She cranes her neck to peer at the staircase leading upstairs. 

Mrs. Myoui chuckles at Dahyun’s actions. “Go ahead. Mina’s in her bedroom. She’s been having a fit these days probably because you took too long to visit.” 

Dahyun stifles a laugh. When Mina is upset, she channels the five-year old kid within her, talking about irresistible pouts and a fiery temper.

“But don’t tell her I said that,” Mrs. Myoui winks as she disappears into the hallway towards the kitchen. 

As Dahyun climbs up the stairs, she can’t help but feel giddy at the thought of Mina missing her. She envisions multiple scenarios of Mina’s reaction when she sees her: Mina squealing in glee and jumping into her arms, Mina hugging her tightly and telling her how much she missed her and the like. However, all expectations went down the drain when she found Mina’s door locked.

That is odd. Mina rarely locks the door. She tries to knock. 

“Go away!”

Wow, guess I’m getting tantrums instead.

She knocks again. 

“Mom, I said I don’t want to eat!”

Yup, definitely not the scene I imagined.

“Mina, it’s me. Open up,” Dahyun calls affectionately.

She hears the shuffling of feet from the other side and within seconds, the door swung open revealing a girl around her age wearing an oversized grey hoodie and plaid pyjamas (Dahyun’s), glowering at her. 

“Dahyun-ah? What brings you here?”  

The question falls into Dahyun’s deaf ears as she barges inside, crashing on Mina's bed, face down. Closing her eyes, the fatigue from the trip creeps back in every bit of her muscle, almost lulling her to sleep if not for her best friend’s overly dramatic speech (rambling) and incessant pacing.   

“You finally remembered to visit AFTER a month. Things must’ve been so busy for you that you even forgot to call or text me -- I mean, it’s not like I’m forcing you to. I’m pretty sure you also have friends there, right? And maybe you have tons of schoolwork to do. So yeah, I kind of understand why it took you so long but I guess it wouldn’t hurt to text me--”

Dahyun turns to Mina with a cheeky grin, “Yeah sure, I miss you too, Minari.”

Mina’s rambling comes to a halt, hanging open. She tries to think of a snappy retort but fails due to the sudden heat crawling on her cheeks flushing them with a shade of pink. 

All of these go unnoticed by Dahyun whose attention is preoccupied by her surroundings. It is then she realizes that Mina had painted her whole room with white. White walls, white bookcase, white curtains, white desk, white everything. 

“What the hell? What happened to your room?” Dahyun squints, the brightness of the room was too much for the human eye, as if being directly poked with a stick.

Recovering from her flustered state, Mina drops sloppily on the bed and flatly lets out a “Why do you care?” She begins to kick Dahyun towards the foot of the bed so she can take up more space. 

Dahyun gapes at her in disbelief, or at least tries to because she keeps blinking her eyes, adjusting to the room’s brightness. “Excuse me? For someone who’s an adult now, I expect more than that attitude, missy,” she says, emphasizing the word “adult” to which Mina scoffs.

“Exactly. I’m an adult now. I can do whatever the I want.” Mina emphasizes the word even more and glares at Dahyun, egging her on. 

Dahyun sighs, acknowledging how useless it will be to argue with Mina right now, and moves closer towards her. Mina backs off from the other girl’s advances until her back hits the headboard with a thud. Determined, Dahyun continues to inch her face forward in an attempt to meet Mina’s gaze but the latter chooses to bring her knees to a hug and hangs her head low, like a turtle desperately hiding inside its shell.  

“I’m sorry.” 

It was all Dahyun could muster as she reaches out and pats Mina’s head endearingly. Mina pretended not to care, as if she couldn’t feel the warmth in Dahyun’s every caress, as if she couldn’t feel millions of unexplained jolts lingering in her stomach at every touch; but in all honesty, she’s loving every second of it.

“I’m not mad at you. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just-- ” Mina murmurs. Although with her head down, Dahyun could sense she was pouting. 

“It’s okay. Do you want to tell me why you’re upset?” Dahyun gently responds, continuously Mina’s hair. “Did you fight with your mom again?” she asks, her voice full of concern and worry. 

Mina is silent, unmoving but doesn’t complain when Dahyun lifts her head by the chin. Dahyun searches for Mina’s eyes, watches as her hardened orbs melt into her gaze. Slowly, Dahyun tears down the wall Mina built, the strong facade she’s been upholding ever since her best friend’s arrival. 

Averting her eyes, Mina admits out of nowhere, “I rarely eat these days. Mom’s been such a real nag about it.”

“But you have to,” Dahyun coos at her. “It’s the only way to keep you healthy.”

“What’s the point? I’m dying anyway.” Mina says it in a cold piercing way that if Dahyun doesn’t know that Mina is afraid of dying she’d believe her. 

Several months ago, Mina was having the time of her life; passing the same university as Dahyun with her dream major, planning the move to the city, outlining what the future holds for her. That is until she was diagnosed with a rare genetic brain disease, the same illness that took her father’s life a few years back. 

Dahyun remembers the doctor saying that although they discovered the condition at its early stage, the chances of survival are quite uncertain. The string of hope tying Mina’s life as of date are a series of chemotherapies along with a dozen costly medications. Ever since then, Mina has been trying to put a brave act in front of everyone, shielding herself away from people so as to avoid being pitied on. 

Wrapping Mina in an embrace, Dahyun softly says, “Sshh, Minari. Don’t say that.” She begins to rub circles on her back now. “You’ll make it. You’re gonna be okay.” As if the reminder is not only for Mina but also to herself. I’ll make sure of it.

Neither of them dare say a word. Just Dahyun holding Mina in the most delicate way possible. Just Mina savoring her sanctuary that is Dahyun’s arms. The silence lasts until Mina’s mom calls them for dinner. 

“I don’t want to eat, Dahyunnie.” 

It is a fact that whenever Mina pulls out the “Dahyunnie card” she always always gets what she wants. The moment Dahyun hears her nickname, she’s practically convinced it’s game over. Well, that and the way Mina looks at her with her signature puppy dog eyes. 

Dahyun purses her lips, fighting the urge to yield. She studies Mina’s features for a while, noticing how the past month changed her into a pale puny build. She knows better than to let her best friend skip another meal again. Who knows when was the last time she had her meal?

An idea suddenly crosses her mind. Dahyun mentally high-fives herself for being a genius.

“Want to go on a picnic?”

Mina raises an eyebrow, Dahyun has gone crazy.  

“As in right now? But where?”

Dahyun just grins as she tugs her outside the bedroom.

Xxxx

“If I only knew that your idea of a picnic is here, I wouldn’t have agreed.”

Both girls get out of the car. Mina takes in the view before her while Dahyun goes behind the car to get their things. 

Dahyun snorts, rummaging around their stuff, “I doubt. You’d even follow me to the ends of the earth, Myoui.”

“I’m not some lovesick puppy, you know.”

“I didn’t say you are.”

Mina huffs in defeat to which Dahyun snickers.

“Quit whining and help me set these up, will you?” 

Mina begrudgingly complies as she takes the mat Dahyun hands her and climbs up the hill while her companion gathers their picnic essentials from the car. They arrive at a familiar hillside not too far from their neighborhood. Atop the hill rests an old oak tree, with branches wide enough for shade and a sturdy trunk. Somewhere in the middle of its