It has been hard. Hard for everyone at the hospital. For the doctors, the nurses, the paramedical staff, the administration, the janitors, the technicians, the laboratory staff, the medical students, you name it. 
No one has had it easy. There is too much illness around the place, too much death, too much morbidity. 
Everyone has been trying their best to survive. 
Struggling to stay afloat amidst the depression.
But the frontline workers have had it the worst. 
Dr. Lee Hyukjae stands at the door of Isolation Ward No.4 which is just one of the many isolation wards that have been set up inside the main hospital building. He's been on duty for the past 42 hours & even though he's supposed to get off after 6 hours, his heart won't allow him to. His body is beyond exhausted, his muscles scream to be allowed to have some rest yet every time he looks at a patient who's struggling to breathe, he can't help but walk over to them & check their vitals to ensure they're alive. Or at least for the time being. 

Day 17 

However, there is one man who has made him smile through it all. It's been 17 days since the first case in South Korea emerged & from then on, patients have continued piling up, more of them going to the morgue than going back home. 
Yet a certain Lee Donghae has been there to build up his spirits. Without skipping even a single day.
Donghae is a paramedic. Some days he's the one who drives the ambulance which brings in the Covid patients. On other days, he's the one carrying the stretcher into the emergency, narrating the vitals of the patient to the doctor on duty so that the necessary protocol can be initiated immediately. 
And every time Donghae crosses paths with Dr. Hyukjae, he stops in his tracks. He smiles at him, one of his brightest smiles, which stays hidden behind the N95 mask he is wearing. But his eyes crinkle at the sides and his cheeks fill up, so Hyukjae just knows that Donghae is sending a smile his way??? 
And so, despite all the fatigue, he can't help but smile back at the man who's face he has never seen, but still knows he's full of kindness and love. 

Day 20 : 

Hyukjae just declared his 27th patient dead. He can't do this anymore. He might as well run away and hide behind the bushes in the parking lot. Or simply lock himself up in one of the basement bathrooms. He can't lost another patient. 
Too many death certificates he's signed. Young people, old people, even a few children. Healthy, happy people. People who had so much to look forward to in life. 
And they were all gone now. In the blink of an eye. Within a week of acquiring this stupid, evil virus who went easy on no one. 
If there was a way to put an end to all of this, he would. Even if it meant sacrificing anything he loved. 
His tears threatening to fall, he rushed to the nearest bathrooms in the emergency, shutting the door heavily behind him. He leaned his forehead against the cold tiled wall and let his tears fall. 
His heart physically hurt even though he knew it was all just emotional pain. 

As he cried, taking deep breaths to not collapse into a total panic attack, he felt someone enter the bathroom behind him. 

"Dr. Lee. It's Donghae. Please don't panic. I'll stand here. You can let it all out. I'll just be here with you" 

And Hyukjae just knew who it was behind him. Call it his sixth sense or his intuition. But right then, the feeling of being lonely and stranded vanished. Someone cared. Someone was probably in the same boat as him, watching all the death and dismay. And that someone's presence was making him feel less lonely, less burdened. 
A few breaths later, Hyukjae had his cheek pressed against the wall, sobbing like a baby would, crying his heart out because he wanted to be happy. He wanted the world to go back to normal. He wanted to breathe in the fresh air, hug the people he loved and not be scared of them dying any moment now. 
A strong pair of arms wrapped themselves around his waist and a head came to place itself on the middle of his back. 

Hyukjae wasn't ready for this. 
Physical contact?? What was that?? He'd forgotten the feeling altogether. He hadn't gone home ever since he'd started his Covid duties. Instead, he'd rented a room in a motel nearby, much like most of the doctors and nurses at the hospital. That meant not having met his parents OR his sister for almost a month now. 

And this relative stranger was now hugging him from the back and Hyukjae cried even harder.
Wasn't contact a basic need for humans? And truly so, he had been deprived of it. 

This was the most contact he could have for now, and so he held Donghae's hands which were resting on his abdomen while Donghae tightened the grip around his. They were both wearing gloves of course, including the rest of the PPE, and had Hyukjae been in his senses, he would have pushed Donghae away due to the standard rule of physical distancing. Yet, he knew he needed this so badly. And so he stayed. And that's how Donghae stayed too. 5 minutes. 10. And then 15.

Until his pager beeped and he was alerted about the arrival of another patient. 
Donghae withdrew his arms from around him and squeezed his shoulders once. 

"You can do this. Hwaiting!"he whispered as Hyukjae leaned his head towards him, wishing there was a way to tell Donghae how thankful he was, not only for his existence but for his attention and affection. 

But all he could do was nod as he left the bathroom and hurried towards the emergency, where he was needed. 

And it wasn't until a week later that he actually met Donghae again.

Day 27 : 

Donghae was exhausted. He was slouching over, his walk was too slow and fractured, and he was unable to speak more than a sentence at one time. True, he had been on duty for almost 36 hours now and the only reason he was back at the hospital was to catch a glimpse of Dr. Lee. 

He saw him treating a patient, bent over close to listen to what the patient was trying to say as she was intubated and probably couldn't say anything clearly. 

Donghae smiled softly. Every time he had seen Dr. Lee interacting with a patient, he had been sweet and kind and considerate. And maybe that's what always attached him to the man, despite not having seen his face even once. 

Donghae approached him with caution and called out his name. Hyukjae took his time conversing with the patient before he turned around and saw Donghae standing there, leaning against the wall, his dark circles clearlt visible even underneath the protective goggles. 

Hyukjae looked better, well rested, and well fed and Donghae could not have been more happy to see the view. 

Hyukjae signalled Donghae to follow him and soon they were both sitting a few feet apart on a bench in the parking lot outside. 

Hyukjae needed some fresh air, having been inside the building for almost 10 hours straight and so after he looked around to see no person close by, he removed his goggles and pulled down his masks. 

Leaning his head back, he closed his eyes and let out an exhausted sigh. 

Donghae was mesmerised. He moved a little closer to the other man, which he should not have but couldn't prevent, in order to take a look at his face. 

Dr. Lee Hyukjae was beautiful. He had a sharp jawline, and the most delicate lips he had ever seen. His nose was kind of button shaped which balanced the honed mandible, and his eyes were like almonds that shone under the bright sun. His mind had painted such a picturesque painting of Hyukjae inside his head and all he wanted to do was continue staring at him, in the hopes that his headache would go away and his eyes would feel refreshed. 

Hyukjae realised that Donghae was staring and turned to look at him. With his eyebrows raised with curiosity, he asked him a question. 

"Donghae-sshi, you're seeing my face for the first time even though we have known eachother for 27 days now, including today, but you couldn't have made it more evident."

Donghae chuckled. Hyukjae was right. He was properly staring at the other man, but his beauty did beg for him to be stared at. 

"Show me your face too, Donghae-ah" 

Donghae tilted his head and smiled at the other man while removing his goggles. He kept his mask on though. 

Going from formal to informal in one sentence had somehow made Donghae very glad. It made him feel like they had a connection. 

"You sound like one of those creepy men in the DMs who message girls and say, show me your babe. I'll make you feel so good. And then in 5 mins, only to vanish soon after. "

Hyukjae glared at him in surprise before he burst into laughter, slapping his thigh and throwing back his head, howling as he tried to control himself. 

"You know Donghae," he managed to say between breaths as he wiped away the tears from his eyes,"you sound so very specific as if you've personally been through this experience despite having no s obviously-"

And then Hyukjae stopped midway for Donghae had taken off his mask and placed it on his lap. 

In that moment, Hyukjae too, like Donghae was left in awe. 
The other man's face, despite looking tired and etched with marks where the mask had been worn too long, was exceptionally breathtaking. For all he knew, Donghae could be a model or an actor and not a paramedic. 

"You're so freaking attractive Donghae. Has anyone ever told you that?" 

It was Donghae's turn to chuckle. 
"Some people might have mentioned it occasionally. Over the passage of time." 

Hyukjae scoffed, "Now you're just being humble." 

"Should I show off instead?" 

"I probably would if I had that face." 

"Do YOU know how beautiful YOU are Lee Hyukjae?" 

The sound of Hyukjae's full name coming from Donghae's mouth sounded so different. An endearing in itself. 

"Say that again."

"Say what again?" 

"My name." 

"Hyukjae. Lee Hyukjae." 

Hyukjae closed his eyes and put his face in his cupped hands. It had been weeks since he had been called by his name. He was Dr. Lee for everyone at the hospital and he'd barely talked to his family at all. 

He wanted to ask Donghae to say his name over and over again. To help him gain a semblance of normalcy even if for these few moments. 

"Lee Hyukjae, I'm moving closer to you now" Donghae whispered. 

"You know we're supposed to stay 6 feet apart. " 

"Haven't we spent 27 days apart already?"

Hyukjae let Donghae slide across the bench bit by bit, without saying anything. 

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Hyukjae asked. 

"No. You?" 

"Nope. Boyfriend?" Hyukjae was careful this time.

"Had one. Broke up months ago. Thought I was too soft for him. You?" 

Hyukjae shook his head, smiling knowingly. 

Not only was Donghae's kind and caring, he had an interesting sense of humour too. 

"Any symptoms?" Hyukjae asked seriously. "Fever? Cough? Myalgias? Taste and smell?" 

"Hyukjae, I'm healthy." Were Donghae's last words before Hyukjae was pulling him in. 

They shouldn't have been kissing. Not when a virus was threatening the existence of mankind across the globe. But it was the longing and the desperation for contact, for belonging, for a connection which drew them closer. 

Hyukjae held Donghae's face between both of his hands as he kissed him slowly, experimenting, letting Donghae know that he was ready to hand over control if Hae