The moment Haseul takes a step into the flight of stairs up to the bus, she tells herself there's no turning back. 

Aside from the fact that her wrist already got stamped, every bus attendant already recognized her, and one of the bus rules compromises that a bus must and should be full.

She doesn't want to meet the manager of Honda Bus Lines of the Manila branch if ever she escapes. She got no connections there. And as long as what Haseul promised herself, she will never come across a city employee again, they're all intimidating and strict as hell. 

One time when Haseul kind of took some time to choose her order at a coffee shop and the barista rolled her eyes and talked to her offensively. She definitely doesn't want that to happen again. 

And Haseul is a hundred percent sure Eunbi would haunt her down once Hitomi tells her no Jo Haseul had come on that Saturday. 

Her freedom was taken and she has nothing to do to take it back. 

Not a bad thing at all. 

Haseul pulls out a fresh from the laundry soft neck pillow and places it on her neck. It's a miracle the universe is on her side today as her seat number was beside a window. A perfect spot to lean on her head. 

She closes her eyes and prepares to get asleep, preferring to zap her way to the dreamland than letting her negative thoughts absorb her exhausted brain during the whole ride. 

---

"If ever you see this Eunbi's friend, pls tell Eunbi I went home to our province because of an emergency. I'm sorry I won't be able to assist you in your stay here. But I already cleaned up everything and the room you will be using. I'm sorry again." 

As Haseul finished reading the note that was left by the house caregiver, instead of disappointment, there was a relief. Eunbi insisted on offering her house for her to use to stay in because she was aware Haseul sold her own. Aside from that, she also asked for their family caregiver to take care of the house one week before Haseul's arrival. It made Haseul wonder if her colleague planned all of this. From the rejection of the job interview for her to go back to this place again. 

If this plan comes to failure, she would go back to Manila and will never doubt beating up Eunbi, and if the other way round… 

Maybe that day when Eunbi came to her apartment to help her pack up would be their last meeting.

Otherwise, she should not conclude everything. Aside from she is destiny's greatest enemy, she doesn't know what her friends think of her. 

"Ma'am, I'm sorry but I will never accept this huge amount of money." 

From the caregiver's note posted on the moldy cream-colored door, she faces the tricycle driver who fetched her from the bus station, by Eunbi's request. 

"No worries, sir. Accept that as a tip if ever Eunbi already paid you." Haseul gave a heart-warming smile to the driver, who seemed to not give in.

Haseul holds both of the driver's hands that were grasping for the money she gave him, "I have a lot of baggage and this was a long ride. Take it." 

When the driver seemed to be still unpleased with Haseul's insistence, she said, "Well, how about help me with the baggage inside instead, and when I call you for a ride, I don't have to pay you anymore. For like three rides, how about that?" 

The driver gratefully nods and pulls up one of Haseul's boxes, and enters the house. Haseul could only watch him willingly doing his job. 

Haseul feels bad about lying. The man deserves the amount of money she gave him after all. 

No one changed in this old home of hers did not change it seems, they're still the same old polite and humble people she interacted with before. A smile never escapes on their lips when helping others. They deserve every good thing in this unfortunate cruel world. 

Someday, Haseul would make up to them all. More than this small gesture she did with the tricycle driver. 

---

"I already gave him a huge amount of money! Did I forget to tell you about it?"  Eunbi asks, Haseul could tell she's in the middle of a shoot right now because of the yells from the other line. 

"Even if you told me. I will still pay for him." Haseul grunts, shaking her free hand as she places her loaded file organizer on the study table Eunbi used to own.

"You really won't change, aren't you?"

"It's in my nature and you can't do anything about it." 

Haseul brings down her phone on the bed just a few steps away from the study table and puts Eunbi on speaker. Only one piece of luggage left for Haseul to unpack and she can call it a day. If this luggage won't make her spend a lot of time, maybe a visit to one of her friends is a nice reward for herself.

Before that, she needs to reminisce and check who is the most likely who isn't that much disappointed with her. 

Which is… a tough choice and would take her hours to decide.

"Hey, Haseul before I forget," Haseul finds it funny that Eunbi said this word for the nth time already. "I think I got Heejin's business card pinned on my corkboard. Maybe you want to check it out." 

Heejin. 

Jeon Heejin. 

Surprisingly, this girl has been on Haseul’s mind since she stepped on Baguio especially when she came across the art gallery where she brought Heejin before. That was the only bonding the both of them have. Therefore, the attachment they had with each other wasn't that connected but they still do. 

"Haseul? Still on the line?" 

Haseul snaps away from her train of thoughts with the sudden yell from Eunbi, the background noises of the other line are starting to get loud again. 

"Yeah? Yeah? I got it." Haseul approaches the corkboard that was on the wall in front of the study table. She sits on the swivel chair and takes a closer look at Eunbi's corkboard. 

Several polaroids are scattered on every corner, filling up almost the whole board. There are also a few old sticky notes, already vulnerable to falling and Haseul tries not to touch either of them.

Her eyes then land on a card with a familiar bunny doodle. Change isn't constant in this city and it includes Heejin's way of drawing a bunny. Haseul suddenly wants to see her drawings again, curious how much of an expert now is Heejin as an artist. 

Before she finally pulls out Heejin's business card, her gaze didn't fail to not notice the group polaroid beside it. 

Eunbi's picture with Enozi, everyone holding the gold trophy. Haseul could feel their happiness seeing the smiles on their faces. 

That could have been them. 

It should be them that was holding that trophy. Eunbi herself even said that their film was better than them.

If it wasn’t for what happened that day, they would have made it. The little demons wouldn’t pay a visit inside her and decided to stay if it wasn’t for that day. She could have stayed here and never leave. Maybe Idalso Prod could have represented Baguio in a regional film festival by now or even compete in an international competition. Maybe Skylight Productions would have hired them themselves because of their skills, not the other way round, like what Haseul wanted to happen.

Now that she’s back after years. Some of them may be got out of college already and pursuing what they really want. What is she doing here? Inviting them to a film festival that was the root of the tragedy that had happened?

She wanted to relive those old moments. But it never bothered her. Why would they want to do it? She would pay them money and then what? What else she has to offer? Experience?

Why would they want to relive the memory that causes them all agony?

 “Eun...” She swallows the lump that comes upon , her voice breaks, “I don’t think I’m supposed to do this.” The echo of her voice reflects along with the corners of the room.

“Hey what? Haseul? Where are you?”

Haseul looks back on the phone on Eunbi’s bed, where she’s supposed to be sleeping for months, where her demons would probably stay too, by the pillow on the headboard. She makes her way to the bed, she planned to go back to the study table where she’ll continue the conversation but the soft, sinkable mattress pulled her down.

She places her phone by her side before she speaks, “I’m here.”

“Oh, good Lord I thought you’re about to jump off the balcony! “

“I’m not like that.” Haseul uses her back palm to wipe off her tears, avoiding letting it fall in the fresh covers.

 “Maybe I should go back? I still have money in here—“

“And why would you?”

Shrugging off her breaking voice, Haseul tried to make herself sound firm and determined with her decision. Enough her colleague would be convinced, despite lacking in convincing skills.

“They loathe me for life.”

Based on the expressions of her friends’ faces that day, hating her would be such a weak response for what she did. They could have set her up in a dark room and torture her in any way they want to, their way to express their pain. It’s not unlikely to happen. Even though Haseul thinks she deserves that, she will never be ready for physical pain.

“I manipulated them all, Eun. Isn’t that enough reason for me to give up?” Her actions seem not to show desperation as her eyes were only following the cracks of the room’s ceiling.

“You’ve changed, right?”

Eunbi perfectly defines her other side of conscience, telling her there’s still hope. Telling her if she starts to proceed with her plan, she will see what her friends really think about her.

And it’s powerful enough to keep Haseul from doubting her declaration of giving up.

“Yeah... I do.”

“There you go!” Eunbi gushes. “They will accept you. Look at the chemistry of the twelve of you. You all click together. Destiny decided to gather the twelve of you!”

Yes, right. Say that to destiny’s greatest enemy.

“What about some motivation?”

Maybe Haseul can’t see Eunbi but she can picture the woman in front of her smirking. It was this kind of moment when the latter brings out her undefeatable asset and it’s a landslide win.

Like how she brought out her best manuscript when the Skylight Director asks her for one.

“The film festival I gave you? Film for Freedom? That’s one of Director Jennie’s favorite film festivals.”

Haseul’s eyes widen at the mention of the Director’s name that slipped off her mind.

“Skylight?”

“Yes! The Skylight Director! I can’t believe you forgot her name...” Eunbi’s head is shaking, Haseul was sure of that. “She is planning on going there and hires a crew for her Baguio documentary film by next year.

“And I’m coming! I’m expecting to work with the twelve of you so please don’t give up on this, Seul.”

Hot liquid stains the bed covers, this time, Haseul did not bother about stopping those from escaping anymore.

She should stop this now. This long time of hiding and pretending that part of her past didn’t exist, that it was just a nightmare and she woke up.

It’s another chance of getting a job on Skylight, which is her goal from the beginning of when she finally found out what she wanted to be. Thinking about it, when this becomes a success, she will benefit big time. A stable job at her dream company. Working with Eunbi, a part of her wants that to happen. Last but not the least, a reconciliation.

A perfect opportunity. After all, if she decides to move forward without resolving her issues with her friends, it will continue to haunt her forever. Haseul doesn’t want that to happen.

“Let’s have a deal,” Eunbi says, Haseul did not speak and only nods to her words. “This will serve as our last conversation.

“Call me again when you’ve gathered your team already. No advice. No giving up. I know you can do that, Seul. You have done it already the first time around when they are not interested in your field at all. Now that they tasted what the film industry is like, I’m sure you’ll get them back together.

Except the challenge this time is whatever issues you guys have.”

Haseul wants to open up about this to Eunbi. Now that the latter opened up her wounds again, there’s no way she’ll be healing this by herself. That was when she hadn't realized she needed to do this all alone.

She started this. She is the reason why Idalso happened. She resolves this all by herself.

“Do you get me, Seul? You promise?”

Haseul finds herself nodding along with Eunbi’s words, despite staring blankly at the ceiling, she absorbs these words and promises into her memory, along with her unwanted visitors staying in there.

---

“We’re here ma’am.”

The man’s raucous voice has woken up Haseul’s senses, it didn’t even sink into her she fell asleep in a taxi. A thing she hasn’t done before. Thankfully, she’s in a low-crime city. Haseul got down from the taxi after a few conversations with the driver with her rejecting the excess payment she gave again. The man was tougher this time but for the sake of ending the conversation, Haseul accepts half of her excess payment and they made it a deal.

The rumbling of the taxi slowly fades from Haseul’s ears, giving her the tranquil silence she needs as she is about to brainstorm her words to say to her first mission.

Jeon Heejin.

Haseul can’t help to admit but feel jealousy the moment she takes a closer look at the wide infrastructure in front of her, which happens to be Heejin’s workroom.

If Haseul didn’t know what kind of artist is Heejin but only knows her as an amazing one, she would think Heejin herself handled the exteriors of the studio.

But ironically coming from an artist, herself, Heejin hates measurements.  

Haseul worries about the roof being one-sided, it almost touches the ground that a robber might use that part of the studio as an opportunity to get in. But when she saw there’s no chimney at the peak where a potential robber might come in, Haseul feels relieved.

The windows almost cover everything in the front, only one side being left not tinted. A long wooden sofa sits in front of an open television. Aside from that, everything inside is a mystery.

That urges Haseul to walk her way inside of Heejin’s studio.

So, she starts.

She follows the rock patterns of the pathway, serving as her way of distracting from the loud thump she feels from her chest. Clueless about what to expect the moment the door opens.

“Haseul?”

A set of feet appears on Haseul’s visions, white as the hardware paint, obviously branded. Haseul is familiar with this one as she saw this exact style from a mall before.

“Is that really you?”

Well. She shouldn’t have expected this girl would cry out loud and make a dramatic scene. Not when they haven’t interacted much aside from that moment at the art gallery before.

Haseul finally raises her head, and Heejin lets out a light gasp.

“Two years…” The girl’s arms were loaded with scratch papers, Haseul concludes Heejin is on her way to the recycle bin just at the start of the pathway she walked on earlier.

“Can we talk?”

Heejin blinks her eyes slowly. One and two. Particularly asking herself if she hasn’t fallen asleep again while trying to finish an art.

“Come in. I will just…” Heejin raises her bunch of papers and Haseul immediately understands. The latter continues to walk inside of the studio, Heejin going the other way.

The monochromic color spills around the studio, oddly pleasing for Haseul when she hates these kinds of colors. She can’t even take a sight of what’s in the corner of the room as it was too far from where she was standing. Which is still in the rag in front of the door, her guilt stopping her from taking a step.

“Why are you just standing there? You should’ve taken a seat.” Haseul turns her head to the owner of the voice. Heejin’s remarkable beret is hanging around her head, severely torn out due to its long existence yet it’s still bearable to wear (at least, for Heejin) Her thin round glasses laying down by her nose bridge.

“You look like an artist now…” was all Haseul could say after that quite long examination.

Heejin giggles while humbly shrugging Haseul’s compliment, “It was a pleasure but no, I’m a mess!”

“I don’t think so.” She wouldn’t be surprised if Heejin would think her voice changed and then points out her sudden softness. It was still the same. But why would Haseul have the audacity to speak friendly after appearing in front of Heejin’s door after a long time?

“Wait until you see my table.”

Heejin leads the way inside of her studio. Haseul finally takes a step out of the rug but still conscious of every step she makes.

“Why are you here, by the way? Commission for a movie poster? Do you know I’m studying Photoshop for about a year now! I’m planning to open commissions for photo editing when I finally proved myself maybe you’re the perfect opportunity—”

“Heejin.”

It scares her.

The enthusiasm from Heejin terrifies her when Heejin isn’t like this at all. They may not be that close but Heejin isn’t known as the excited kid from the crew. She’s usually in the corner, improving her drawing skills when her 5-minute art piece is already an international art competition material.

“Yeah? Not for a commission then?”

No hint of surprise, eagerness, agony at all. Haseul couldn’t read Heejin and it’s making her panic. Heejin acting like she was only gone for a day scares her that maybe when she opens up about that thing Heejin explodes.

And the fact that Haseul is clueless about the younger’s emotional capabilities makes her chest to pump off harder than ever.

“I’m back.”

Heejin frowns. “And I’m happy for you! Finally!”

Something is wrong.

If Haseul knows she’s in a movie she would think this is a Heejin doppelganger and she would no doubt run away.

But no.

They’re not inside of a screen.

“And why are you not mad at me? Not asking me? Why are you acting like this?”

Haseul takes a step back.

“Your reaction scares me,” Haseul admits.

Heejin stays still. After a sigh that Haseul will never know what emotion Heejin was pulling off at that moment, the faded blue beret faces Haseul.

Is this the moment when Haseul finds out she is now a protagonist of a coming-of-age mystery film? A conflict starting the moment Heejin raises her head and she finds out Heejin is a monster?

“Is it really required for me to get mad when you haven’t done anything wrong at all?”

Heejin raises her head and no, she didn’t become a monster.

But her stepping frontward towards Haseul makes her feel Heejin is one.

“No one’s absent during that day, Heejin. You know what happened. You know what I did. You know what happened to—”

“You’re being too hard to yourself, no?” Heejin chuckles, a droplet comes out of her eyelids. It was a first for Haseul’s sight to see.

“I finally know why you only came back today.”

The distance between them suffocates Haseul. She feels embarrassed by her chest’s abnormal beating that Heejin already heard for sure.

“And I’m proud you did.”

The move Heejin did was supposed to suffocate Haseul more, but she didn’t. She instead felt relief. It was like the younger absorbs all the doubts and negative thoughts she had before going back to this place.

Haseul raises her arms to the younger’s back to reciprocate the hug Heejin gave. It was again, a first. And there’s no way Haseul is going to waste this moment with the sentimental Heejin who first accepts her, even when she hasn’t heard her side yet.

---

“Wait, is that our—” Haseul, with mouth slightly opened, points out a familiar sketch posted on Heejin’s wall.

“I managed to find the sketch of our movie poster, yes!” Heejin says proudly with a wide grin sketching up her lips. “Look!” Heejin’s index finger touches the paper, “Your signature.”

Haseul moves closer to look at the paper and manages to see the familiar writing, “It’s such a clapped signature! I already changed it!” She frowns while silently enjoying staring at her old little writing.

“Well, at least, I got the privilege.” Heejin placed her hands on both sides of her hips, posing like a superhero. “I got the first draft of Director Haseul’s signature, selling it for 1 million!”

Haseul pauses at the mention of her name with her desired title before it, she tries to shrug off the internal twinge she felt at that moment. “That’s not a first. I change my signatures every year during elementary.”

“Oh, is that so?” Heejin stops from her superhero pose and scratches her neck, “Business is all about lying, anyway. That’s your first!”

“Jeon Heejin!”

Haseul chases Heejin around the studio when the latter starts running away, initiating a tag game.

The fun took a while. Haseul’s foot almost stepped in every part of the floor’s first floor, given the first floor is uncommonly wide for an art studio. There was nothing to see much in this part of the studio aside from the “lobby” where the sofa and television were and Heejin’s “art corner” where her main workroom with the several art supplies and a computer are residing on.

The game ends when Heejin went to the second floor and suddenly announces they’re now playing “Heaven and Earth”. Haseul gives up and Heejin proceeds to go to the second floor.

While Haseul tries to entertain herself by watching the television (which mostly are music videos of the songs from Heejin’s playlist), Heejin’s footsteps made an echo through the room and subside when she reaches the final step.

“I’m tired and I know you are too.” Heejin offers a glass of water while her other hand was holding her own, Haseul gladly accepts and drinks. “Yeah, you’re surely tired,” Heejin comments when Haseul gives back the now, empty glass.

“I only went here for a conversation and I really did not expect a marathon at all.” Haseul says, crossing her arms and leans by the corner of the sofa, “Especially from you, Heejin. You changed a lot.”

“All of us did, Seul.”

The statement left Haseul in awe, especially with the serious tone from the younger’s voice.

The glass clinks against the crystal-clear table before Heejin sits down at the opposite corner of the couch, making them at least a person laying down away from each other.

“Do I deserve an explanation or…?” Heejin asks, trying not to hit the bull’s eye of Haseul’s emotions as she speaks gently.

“Yeah, yeah. You do.” Haseul stands up to get another glass of water from the dispenser behind her, when she gets back, she speaks again, “That’s why I’m here after all.” Then she drinks up.

The silence decides to disturb their conversation after that. Right after a solid while, Heejin sees Haseul fiddling on her fingers harshly. That’s when she chimes in. “You don’t have to think about it seriously, Haseul. Just tell me what really happened.”

From chopping off her nails that have been her grim habit when being set up on a hot seat, Haseul raises her head and faces Heejin who was smiling at her, enough to make her feel solace. That everything she will say will be alright for the younger because she will understand.

“I was scared that day, Heejin.” Haseul wasn’t able to gather the best and acceptable explanation other than this emotion she felt that day. But it was the only word that best explains her feelings. She was ready to be thrown out of the studio the moment she said that word as it would be a petty reason to escape and start a new life in the capital.

But Heejin did not say a word.

Haseul attempts to make her reasoning valid. “I know what I said that day was so stupid and harsh of me but it was late when I realized that.” There’s no way Heejin will accept this story. Why is she still listening?

“I admit as much as everyone, I also got mad that day.”

“But I tried to put myself on your shoes. Trying to connect everything why you did this and that. When I was upstairs earlier when you were desperate for me to push you away. I finally understood it.”

Heejin reaches for Haseul’s shaking hand resting on top of the couch, “I’m happy you decided to go back and face everything you left in here. You know… it’s hard to become a famous personality when everyone is mad at you.” Heejin tries to joke in the middle of the tension but Haseul’s tears just continue to escape from the latter’s eyelids while laughing at her joke.

“So, everyone’s really mad…” Haseul asks while using her back palm to wipe off her tears again, Heejin offers her the box of tissue from the table.

“Not everyone!” Heejin exclaims.

“Is that someone includes her?” Just by that mention and worried tone, Heejin figures out who Haseul was talking about. She takes a deep breath trying to find the right words.

“That girl doesn’t know how to get mad!” The younger slaps Haseul’s arm lightly, trying to losing up the drama tension running around the atmosphere.

That definitely did not lessen up Haseul’s worries about meeting that girl.

“Hey,” Heejin places her hand on top of Haseul’s. “They will understand. I’ve bonded with them for the years when you’re gone. Maybe they try to avoid talking about you but I’m sure they do it because they’re hiding the fact that they miss you.

“Knowing Jinsoul and Jungeun. Those girls always act like they’re tough.”

Haseul thanks Heejin for that mild clue. She now knows who she will visit the last. She needs to prepare a 1-hour speech explanation with everything connected. Jinsoul will definitely roast her, acting like they’re in the middle of a thesis defense but with personal feelings involved.

“I may sound rude but I really need to let this out… you’re planning something to do with us after isn’t it?”

Haseul’s eyes widen, thankfully she was only about to take another sip. “Don’t get it wrong! I really need you all! I won’t mess up with my feelings this time!”

“Are we going to benefit something with that or…”

“I’m paying you guys!” Haseul chirps that made Heejin pause, trying to contemplate what she just heard.

“Are we filming again? I’m rejecting if we’re not.”

A smile comes across Haseul’s lips.

Heejin changes her position from sitting formally to kneeling, “So, we are?”

Haseul closes her eyes before nodding.

“I’m in! Same role! Pay me big time I’m a pro now!” Heejin jokes.

“I definitely will.”

Heejin mouths out a yes and opens up her phone to reject every small commission she’s receiving for the entire month, leaving out the big deals before facing Haseul again.

“You’re impulsive.” Haseul chuckles and shakes her head. What if this won’t push through?”

“This will! I guarantee you that!”

Heejin shoves her thumbs up on Haseul’s face and did her weird wink, Haseul must say the girl improves comparing to the Heejin years ago that winces that it can pass as a meme when attempting to do the wink.

“Hey but seriously speaking…” The excitement in Heejin’s voice mildly abates. “Don’t use the money excuse as a payback. Not everyone will be excited as I am. Especially I’m not really sure what everyone feels about you by now.”

Haseul nods and mentally takes note of Heejin’s words.

“So… you’re helping me?” Haseul asks.

Heejin slowly brings her hand back to her neck and scratches it again, she starts to sit again formally. Seeing that move without a context will for sure make Haseul nervous the hell out.

“I got a big thing happening this month and I’m close to ending it so I still need to stay away from humans for a while,” Heejin explains.

“Wait, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt your—”

Heejin waves her hands. “Except for you! I’m only cleaning off my studio today so I guess this is a break from my isolation moment and you came at the right time.”

Haseul was ready to run away at that moment. Everyone knows how much Heejin hates people interrupting her while working on artwork, everyone and that includes her parents. The reason why she asks for the old art studio their parents own as a debut gift.

 “Good to know.” Haseul voices out her ease.

“Well…” Heejin lightens up her phone, “I’m actually closing at 4 but we’re already 15 minutes late.”

Haseul was about to apologize again but Heejin places her index on the older’s lips, “And again, you’re an exception.”

“But now we need to close this studio before a commission comes up.”

Heejin stands up from her seat and picks up the two glasses, Haseul waits for her on the couch.

After finally finding a way to kill the waiting time, Heejin yells from the second floor, “You can now go, Seul! I can handle this!”

Haseul did not respond, but that doesn’t mean she will follow Heejin’s words.

When Haseul takes a step out of the studio, a soft and tickly fur touches Haseul’s shoes that made her almost jump back inside. But when a certain meow tears down the nature’s silence, Haseul looks down, only to see a cat trying to off its wounded leg.

Haseul was left in doubt if she will carry the cat but she manages to get down to the cat’s level to see more of it. Aside from the wounded leg, the cat’s left ear was also injured but it wasn’t as fresh as the cat’s leg. Haseul looks up at the studio roof and wonders if that’s where the cat came from.

“Where did that cat came from?” The voice was followed by a thud and key creaks.

“I just saw it when I came out.” Haseul answers while her focus was still on the poor animal.

“I thought you hated cats?”

Heejin sits down at the same level as Haseul’s to also check on the cat. Haseul shakes her head, “I also did change, Heej.” She mimics Heejin’s resonating voice from earlier.

“I know who you will visit next.”

“She’s a vet now. Maybe a visit with the cat would be a good excuse for you.” Heejin picks up a business card from her wallet and gives it to Haseul.

“As far as I know…” Heejin pauses and tries to choose her words, “She’s kind of disappointed too, more than I am but not on a higher level. Good luck, Haseul.”