It was her second drink and now she is going for her third. She reached for the bottle on top of the table but she found that it was empty. Chaewon sloppily walked to the fridge to get another bottle of soju. Beer did not work for her anymore and she finished what she was supposed to be saving for celebrations and special moments. She opened the fridge to discover that there was only one bottle left, surprising her slightly but she knew why. She had been drinking nonstop for the past week and it was only a matter of time before she ran out of stock, all twenty-five bottles of it.

She was saving them for their engagement party. She planned to have them over to celebrate after she popped the question. She accounted for Sakura’s insane alcohol tolerance (the girl can drink up to five bottles on her own), Yena’s attitude of trying to keep up with the Japanese “rival” even if she couldn’t even finish one bottle of soju without throwing up, and Chaeyeon’s deceptively high alcohol intake once they’ve played dance songs. Everything was going according to plan until Chaewon messed everything up a week ago.

She should not have gone out to satisfy her midnight ramyeon craving. She should not have thought that it would have been better to buy kimbap to eat with the ramyeon. That way, she should not have seen Minju, her ex, go inside the convenience store she was in. The girl was drunk as hell and ready to down some more bottles. She should not have been concerned. She should not have sat down with her on the table.

She should have slept her cravings away. Instead, she slept with her inebriated ex. By the time she opened her eyes, she saw the familiar outline of her ex laying beside her in bed. Their bed. Before the regret even set in, she turned around to saw the actual co-owner of the bed standing in the bedroom doorway, tears running down her face, her hand covering in shock. The girl was coming home from a night shift judging by her scrubs. Chaewon jolted awake and stood up, not bothering to cover herself with the blanket, to try and explain what happened.

“Hitomi, I—”

“Don’t.”

Chaewon tried to move one step closer, hoping the crying girl would listen.

“Don’t come any closer,” the girl named Hitomi responded. “Was I not enough, Chaewon?”

She wanted to explain, but she knew there was nothing to explain. It was a moment of weakness. As to why it happened, Chaewon had no idea. Hitomi and Chaewon were happy in all five years of their relationship. They were there for each other, did things together, and planned for the future together. Hitomi provided Chaewon with all her needs whether it be emotional or physical. She could not think of anything that Hitomi did wrong. Chaewon simply ed up.

“Was I not enough?” The Japanese girl repeated after not hearing a response from Chaewon.  

“I ed up, Hitomi. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry. I love you.” Chaewon’s eyes were starting to water and it was only a matter of time when her tears flowed as well.

The Japanese girl finally stopped sobbing and composed herself after rubbing her swollen eyes. “I can’t believe you, Chaewon.”

“I’m leaving.”

Chaewon sat on the chair that she had placed in front of her apartment door. Since the incident, she has left the door unlocked hoping that a certain Japanese girl would come back to her. She was heartbroken when Yuri, Hitomi’s best friend, collected the girl's belongings instead of coming personally, but she understood that she had no right to complain.

She waited until Yuri had gotten the last luggage bag to the door before asking, “How is she?”

“Do you really think you still have the right to ask that?” Yuri responded, slamming the luggage bag handle as she returned it to its stock position.

“I know, but I’m just worried. She hasn’t returned any of my calls.”

“What did you expect, Chaewon? She has always put you first for five years. Five ing years and you threw it away for a night with your ex. Do you think she can easily forgive you for what you did?” Yuri couldn’t help but raise her voice because of the emotion she was feeling.

Chaewon could only shake her head. She could not speak, just like that day when she could only look on as Hitomi’s back disappeared after slamming the apartment door shut. It did not help that Yuri asked the question she was still searching the answer for.

“Why did you do it?”

Chaewon was speechless yet again, her mind desperately trying to respond to the question that was just posed. She heard the door slam shut, leaving Chaewon alone with her thoughts once more.

While waiting, Chaewon whipped her phone out and opened the gallery, revealing an album full of pictures of her and Hitomi. Their smiles reflected how happy they were in the past. She swiped through the pictures, her eyes getting blurry with each swipe. She started from their first date at Namsan Tower, where they had their first date. Sakura and Hitomi were international students at her university with Hitomi being two years Sakura’s junior. When Hitomi came to Korea, she met Sakura through the Japanese student club which led to her getting introduced to Chaewon. The rest, as they say, is history.

And now, that includes their relationship.

Her eyes went back to the closed door. Was Hitomi missing her like she misses Hitomi? Will there be another chance for them? Is there still something to wait for on the other side of this door? She didn’t know the answer to these questions. She could never know. Unless…

She went to her phone’s lock screen and opened her contact list. It was 1:15 AM and she can only think of one contact she wanted to call. She was desperate. She was longing for her. She wanted to know.

She took a massive swig of soju as she pressed the call button.

This might be the last time she will ever do this. At least, the last time for tonight.

The booming sound of the bass flooded the air as the DJ executed the drop perfectly in his setlist. If anyone were to ask Hitomi, she would dare say that this DJ was the best one she had heard this week. She would know since she had been out clubbing all week long with her supportive friends Hyewon and Yuri. She had gone to live with them after she left the apartment she and Chaewon shared. The fact that she discovered her girlfriend cheated on her was one thing, but that Chaewon and Minju did it on the bed that she and Chaewon shared was too much. She felt disrespected, treated like the lowest of the low. Wanting to keep her pride and dignity intact, she chose to leave instead.

Hurt was an understatement. Her mind was swirling with negative thoughts as she walked more than five kilometers to Yuri’s place. The sight left her completely and utterly destroyed.  She broke down as soon as Yuri opened the door to let her in. This seemed to wake up Hyewon, Yuri’s roommate and one of Hitomi’s closest friends, who joined Yuri in comforting the Japanese girl.

“What happened, Hitomi?” Yuri asked, worried about her best friend.

“Ch—Chaewon,” Hitomi managed to blurt out in between sobs, “M-Minju. My apartment—My bed. I—” Hitomi could not continue anymore as she gave in to her desire to just cry her heart out. She was not sure whether she even knew what she saw. There was some part in her brain that still insisted that the sight she saw this morning was just part of a dream. A nightmare, to be specific. Maybe she will wake up to Chaewon sleeping beside her in their own bed like nothing happened.

That optimistic thought was crushed when she felt a hard slap from Hyewon landing on her arm. It hurt, but it was not comparable to the heavy feeling in her heart.

“What did you just say? Chaewon and Minju? Your bed? What were they---” Hyewon was stopped by Yuri from saying any further. Yuri had already understood what her best friend wanted to say and she knew that repeating it will hurt her best friend more.

Eventually, Hyewon managed to piece things together and said, “I will kill Kim Chaewon. How could she do this to you?”

“I probably deserved it,” answered Hitomi. Her tears had subsided but her eyes were still blurry. The tears were likely to flow again anytime soon and she knows it.

“No, you did not deserve this. You literally lived for her. You have always put her happiness first even if it hurts you. So no, Hitomi, you did not deserve this.”

“But—”

“Stop!” Yuri interrupted, “Stop putting her on a pedestal. She screwed her ex. Not only that, they did it on your bed. The bed YOU paid for. She is to blame for this, not you.” Yuri knew that it was her best friend’s personality to look inward when it comes to placing blame. She was never going to allow her best friend to think she was at fault when her only fault was trusting and loving the wrong person. She gave Hitomi a tight hug, which prompted the Japanese girl’s tears to flow again.

“You can stay here for however long you want.” Yuri assured the Japanese girl.

“My things are still—”

“I’ll get your things from her this week. For now, we’re keeping your phone with us so you won’t text or call her in the meantime. Don’t you worry about anything.”

Yuri did get her things from their (now Chaewon’s) apartment, much to her gratitude. It took a while for her to recover. She started eating again a couple of days after the incident. She also went back to work after calling in since she did not want to tend to patients while her eyes were swollen and her mind was wandering somewhere else. To put it bluntly, she got her together.

The progress did not happen naturally. Under Hyewon’s influence, Hitomi started to go to clubs to dance her worries away. In her first weekend living with her two friends, she was convinced by Hyewon to let out her stress in the club. She scoffed at the idea at first, stating her inability to dance in front of a lot of people as the main reason why it wouldn’t work, but she gave in after Hyewon and Yuri offered to teach her when they get there. It turned out that Hitomi did not need help in adjusting to the club scene as long as she had her pregame of two tequila shots. She danced her heart out and even managed to get a couple of phone numbers in her first night out. It was exhilarating for her. It was the first time she had felt so powerful. She felt free.

This feeling was the reason why she has gone back to the same club nightly for the past week. At first, her two friends came with her for moral support. However, they had jobs too and could not call in like Hitomi did. So Hitomi decided to go on her own and she felt like it was the bes