it doesn’t really register at first, it’s almost as if she blinked herself into existence. that or she’d just been staring out of the window for too long, aftereffects of a prolonged daydream leave her a little disoriented. she becomes acutely aware that she’s on a train, but has no recollection of ever boarding one.

exhaling slowly, seungwan pulls her gaze from the window. a strong sense of déjà vu washes over her — she’s been here before. it reminds her of train rides back to daegu with joohyun, but she can’t quite put her finger on it.

the sound of a gentle flip of a page catches her attention. a woman sits across her, eyes trained on an aged book in hand. the raven-haired woman is dressed in a lace white top, baring her shoulders to the cold, along with a simple pair of black dress pants and black lace gloves. to top it all off, a net veil obscures the upper half of her face. her attire is odd, but it's stranger that seungwan's never noticed an entire living being before her until now, such a gorgeous one at that too.

seungwan tries to glimpse at the title of the book but she has difficulty comprehending it, like the words are in greek and none of it makes sense. she chalks it up to the haze she exited mere moments ago and shifts in her seat, hoping that it’ll aid in sobering her up. her movement draws the woman across her out of her reading and the imposing being looks up with a warm smile.

seungwan returns an apologetic smile and returns to gazing at the pastures. the amber glow of the setting sun accompanied with the gentle whirring of the train’s engines makes for a very soothing atmosphere. the ethereality of this moment is one she wishes to immortalize in her memory.

“it’s beautiful, isn’t it?” the woman comments while snapping her book shut.

seungwan glances at her seemingly sole companion and hums quietly, “my wife loves sunsets, she thinks they’re the most beautiful sight in the world.”

a quiet chuckle escapes the traveller’s lips, “she’s not wrong about that.”

they lapse into silence, the woman begins pouring herself a drink and seungwan allows her thoughts to consume her momentarily. she has questions at the back of her head but it takes a little effort to get the words out, it feels like her mind is being invaded with other intrusive thoughts and it’s hard to focus on the present.

“pardon me for asking, but where are we headed?” seungwan pipes up as the woman takes a satisfying sip from her glass.

the being before her lets a pensive smile slip, “you’ll know when we get there.”

though a cryptic response isn’t what she’s looking for, she has an inkling that any similar questions will be met with the same response. so she chances upon a different one, “when do we arrive?”

“just a little longer.” the woman reassures, “can i offer you a drink?”

“whiskey?” seungwan muses, “i’m not much of a drinker but it’s my wife’s favourite.”

her companion nods, handing the small glass over. “come now, indulge me.”

seungwan accepts the drink and takes a small sip, letting the burn settle before tasting the flavours on her tongue. joohyun would’ve liked it or she would go on and on about what it’s missing. meanwhile, seungwan couldn't tell if it's good or bad, it's just a drink to her.

“do you like it?” the raven-haired being inquires curiously, her blue eyes holding a tinge of melancholy despite the light smirk on her lips.

seungwan scrunches her face and offers a shrug in response, “my wife is the expert here, she could probably do up a whole pros and cons list.”

“i’m asking you now, not your wife.”

“i guess it’s okay, wouldn’t be my go-to.”

the woman hums softly, averting her gaze to the never-ending pastures passing by beside them. the tranquillity of it all causes seungwan to notice that the train is deadly quiet, she thinks nothing of it and takes another sip of her drink. the train continues on and fogginess in her head dissipates with each sip.

“tell me,” the traveller starts, returning her attention to the smaller woman across her, “are you happy?”

seungwan ponders over the question with furrowed brows, such a simple question only requires a straightforward answer like yes or no but there are so many considerations. she weighs each source of happiness in her life, judging if each one is worthy enough to be deemed a positive.

“yes, i am happy.” she finally concludes after much consideration. she has a great job, a loving wife to come home to and just about anything she could ever want. “though i think fulfilled would be more apt.” seungwan’s lips tug into a small smile as she continues to sip on her whiskey.

“care to elaborate?” the raven-haired being offers a refill, to which seungwan accepts with a bob of her head.

she leans back in her seat, swirling the liquid around gently, contemplating how she should share this intimate information as casually as possible. “it’s mostly my wife, her name is joohyun and i think she’s the best part of me.”

“what’s so great about your wife that you speak so fondly of?” her companion chuckles lightly, “her alcohol loving tendencies?”

seungwan scoffs lightly, “you could say that. if only you could see the way her eyes light up when she talks about the things that she’s passionate about.” she holds back on rambling on about her wife. she’s been told by friends that she can get a bit much when it comes to talking about joohyun, but how could she help herself?

the traveller lets out an understanding hum, “a sight to behold, i suppose.”

“what about you? are you happy?”

“i am,” the woman nods solemnly, “but it comes and goes.”

seungwan quirks a brow, “is happiness that fleeting for you? maybe you should consider getting yourself an alcoholic wife.”

her companion snickers at the sentiment, “maybe in my next life. until then, i will stick to my own broody drinking.”

a comfortable silence washes over them, the raven-haired woman offers more drink and seungwan obliges. with a clear head, she begins to notice how the same trees begin to appear in her peripheral vision — every ten seconds, a large tree, accompanied by a few smaller ones after. the orange glow that’s cast upon them hasn’t shifted an inch, it remains frozen in a distance, never changing, never setting, despite how long has passed. 

an epiphany begins to dawn on her, she starts to make sense of the intrusive thoughts from before. 

“how many times have we done this?” seungwan’s words come out a little shakily as the realisation kicks in.

“in this lifetime?” the traveller muses, “this is the first.”

she clenches the glass in her hand, “how many lifetimes has it been?”

“you tell me, seungwan.” her companion responds quietly, “how many times have we been on this ride?”

the answer did not present itself in the form of a sentence, but rather, an innate feeling. “one too many times, azrael .” she spits.

the woman stiffens at the sound of her true name rolling of seungwan’s tongue so casually. she forces herself to look the other woman in the eye, there’s no need to hide her anguish when seungwan won’t remember. “save me the cruelty, will you?”

seungwan nods with a tightened jaw, "is this for me to remember or you to not forget, joohyun?"

"seungwan …"

“you don’t know my name anymore, do you?” the mortal’s question comes off as a statement instead, "you know it's time for me to go."

joohyun bites down on her lower lip, “but i'm not ready to let you go."

"you never will be,” seungwan sighs, the anguish from a different time is bubbling to the surface with every minute she continues to spend here, “this is why i have to go.”

the angel of death on the verge of tears isn’t a usual occurrence, but it’s seemingly a ritual every time her beloved chooses to leave. “why do you always insist on leaving the only domain where the heavens have no power over us?”

“do you truly believe that we can exist in the in-between for all eternity? that abandoning our duties for a mortal feeling like love is the right thing to do?” seungwan challenges with a tint of sorrow in her voice. 

the raven-haired being grinds her teeth, shaking her head, she sets her glass down. oh how far they’ve fallen, from arcane angels to mere beings that succumb to the laws of the heavens. while she no longer remembers the true name of her beloved, in this limbo she’s created just for them, seungwan knows who and what they truly are. outside of this space, the angel of memory ceases to exist.

the fallen angel exhales through her nose, “don’t worry, the last thing i will take is your love for me. we still have multiple lifetimes ahead of us. you'll find me in my next life, just as you've done many times before."

"it gets harder to let go of you each time."

"but you still do it, don't you?"

just as joohyun takes life away, seungwan takes a piece of herself each lifetime. the next time they do this, joohyun might not remember her true face. and the time after that? perhaps the feeling of her touch on her skin. eventually, the angel of death will be rid of her predilection entirely, having forgotten that it was ever there in the first place.

"i suppose i do," joohyun smiles wryly, "another drink?"

"it’s time to let go, joohyun.”

with that, the angel of death concedes to her duty, guiding the soul she’s loved since the beginning of time to a place where she’ll be reborn anew. the train plunges into darkness, arriving at their final destination.