It’s never been a secret that I loved you. Ever since you were five, and I was nine. I mean, who couldn’t love you? You were perfect, a lovely little angel.

I wish I could have told you but I had a feeling you knew. After all, I never tried to hide it, to deny it. Why should I? You were mine.

At least you used to be. Until he came along.

It only took once glace and you were gone from my grasp.

How could you? On the day I was going to confess too.

But I guess I can’t blame you. He was everything I wasn’t: tall, dark, and charismatic.

Who was I to compare?

Even though I tried, I never could come close to his level. He was the unbeatable competitor in the race for your heart. The worst part was he didn’t even have to try. All he had to do was smile and you were gone from my side.

For the longest time, I gave up since I’d only be another hyung in your eyes.

It hurt, god it hurt so much but I stayed strong.

I’ll admit I wanted to die. To never wake up from this nightmare that had become my life. But I couldn’t, not when you started to crash and burn.

I never saw it coming. I thought you two were solid, destined, and cemented. But I guess that was before he saw Key.

I probably should have been happy. After all it brought you back to me. Yet I couldn’t, not when you were slowly dying inside. I’d rather you be happy with some other guy than to cry all alone.

I remember that night, he was supposed to pick you up but instead he called me. Said he was busy with something important but in the background I could hear Key demandinghim to hurry up.

Maybe it was then that I grew the courage. Maybe it was then that I thought I still stood a chance.

That night changed my life…

That night I stood by the door, watching you dance, choosing not to interrupt because I knew you were in some other world. It didn’t take long however, to see the tears in your doe eyes.

That night my body moved on its own accord. I caught you when you stumbled. I wrapped my arms around you as you sobbed and shuddered. I wiped away your tears as you stuttered, “why?’

I kissed you and replied, “Because I love you.”

To be honest, I was surprised that you responded in kind. Though I knew by the small delay in your response that your heart never would be mine.

It was okay though; I figured someday you’d love me back. Maybe not as much as him but anything from you was enough.

I guess that’s when everything changed. Your heart may not have been mine but the one that held your hand, and kissed you was I.

No one else.

I remember the day he gave me a black eye. Instantly you were by my side but not for long; in a moment you were standing there screaming at him. You kicked him out and told him to go to hell. When it was just you and me again, you sobbed and kept saying you were sorry.

Baby, I knew you were sorry.

Sorry that you loved him.

Sorry you couldn’t give me your all.

Sorry that you could kick him out of your house, but not your life and heart.

Baby, I knew and trust me it hurt but with you I could make it through that dark knowledge with my head held high.

For a long time we were okay and you grew braver. You started reaching out but you could never surrender completely.

Do you remember our firsts and only fight? Because I do. I made such a fool of myself. I know you’ve forgiven me but I haven’t…

I just cracked. I should have been more understanding. You’d already given me so much and your ity is yours alone.

I know you felt guilty that you couldn’t give me your whole. I knew you were saving it for him. And it was okay, because I didn’t want to anything from you; I only wanted to love you.

I guess you knew that and you wanted to make it up to me, to make me forget it wasn’t me, but always him.

Is that why you danced, moving side-to-side so alluringly. Was that why you slowly teased and slipped your clothes off one-by-one so carefully? Is that why you pushed me back and got on your knees? Is that why you took me in your mouth and swallowed my release?

I remember you were hard, and you begged me to touch you --- to love you. And I did.

You might not have given me your ity but you gave me so much more: your first kiss, your first relationship, your first ual experience.

That night was your way of asking for forgiveness, asking me to come back, to forget the two words I had shouted the day before.

You told me you were sorry and you asked me to come back, told me to stay by your side.

I asked you, “why?” and you lied so beautifully, that night you replied, “Because I love you.” Just like I had, so very long ago.

For a while we were fine. We got closer and I thought that your lie was finally true. But then you came to me one day after spending the night away and told me of your infidelity.

You gave yourself to him in a drunken one-night stand that he couldn’t even remember.

I knew you were sorry.

I knew you hated yourself.

I knew you loved him.

I knew you and I were nothing but a well-spoken lie.

I knew.

I knew, and so I cried.

I cried for the first time in my life.

I cried for you and your beautiful lie.

That night, I forsake my pride. I gave in and begged.

I begged.

I remember the pitiful words that crossed my lips as I gazed into your tear-stricken face, “No matter what I love you Taemin-ah. Promise me to stay, as long as he doesn’t love you, pretend to love me because I just can’t let you go.”

Now here we are, six months later and it’s our wedding day. It should be the happiest day of my life but a part of me is saddened by the fact that I’m trapping you into a life built on a beautiful lies.

Even though you’re the one who asked me, I know you still love him.

I know you still want him.

I know.

Walking towards me now, you look so beautiful, like an angel send down from heaven. An angel with a two-toned smile.

Now your next to me, and I’m scared but oddly happy.

Now the priest is calling for objections and my breath catches. I noticed you’ve tensed. We’re both waiting for him to speak.

Choi Minho will you take my bride from me?

Time seems frozen but like all moments, it cannot last forever.

“I object.”

My heart shatters because I know I have to let go of you.

I feel you turn away, only last apology on your rosy lips.

But this one’s is harder to accept than all the rest.

Without car to my image, I fall to my knees. Head bowed low but no tears nor sobs breaking free.

You’re walking away and I know it’s the end.

A part of me is happy because you’re now complete; yet, there’s nothing that can sooth the burn of twenty years of love gone wrong.

My heart’s in pieces. My body’s cold. My breath’s nearly dead and gone.

Yet, suddenly I can feel that there’s someone holding me.

And that someone’s Key.

A part of me wants to ask why, but I’m afraid of his reply.

But I can’t…because without you, love does not exist. And I can’t hurt someone like the three of us did me.

Yet still his name slips from between my lips, “Key…”

Minho’s taken everything from me but I guess I’m the real thief because you and I were never meant to be.

Sinking further into his arms, I repeat his name over name over and over.

“Key.

“Key.

“Key.”

And his voice comes, “I know. Trust me, I know.”