Important: Changes of time aren't direct flashbacks, Ryujin isn't thinking about that, is just a view to the past so you can understand better :D also, the whole story is in Ryujin's POV, I'll shut up now and let you read

"And in the darkest night

If my memory serves me right."
 

I wrote those words in a sheet of paper, as I sighed, still on my bed.

Will I ever forget you?

I felt my eyes burning, but somehow, I managed to calm down before tears escaped from them. I can’t believe I’m finally in the final step of the song about her, I finally got the courage after all these years, she was my first love, her eyes, her smile, her voice, the moments we passed, I remember them all, even if the photographs are long gone, but there’s a thing that I can’t remember, her name.

What was her name again? Mia? No, that wasn’t it.

"I’ll never turn back time

Forgetting you but not the time"

I wrote some more, I finished the song just for my concert today, yeah, I procrastinated a lot, but, hey, today seemed to be my inspirational day and how could it not? I dreamt about her again, about her still being with me, something that just couldn’t happen. I looked at the only ring I’m using and sighed again.

I remember clearly how we met; it was pretty cliché. Two teenagers running away from home, living the rebellious life.

I tried falling in love again, it didn’t work, I was in various relationships, but I just couldn’t forget her.

I wanted to be a musician, I always wanted to, my parents however, weren’t too sure that I would be successful, they wanted me to study something "safe", engineer, doctor, lawyer or something like that. Back then, I was so furious that my parents weren’t supporting me, I know that they wanted the best for me, but I was too confident in what I wanted.

— 5 Years Ago —

"Ryujin, you can’t be serious" My dad said, looking at me straight in the eyes, but I was not intimidated, not now.

"I’m being serious, dad, I want to be a musician, that’s what I want to do for a living. " I responded, determination in my eyes.

"No way, living? It’s too hard to be successful in the entertainment world, you’ll be penniless." My mom said, my dad just nodded in agreement.

"No, mom, dad, I know I can be okay, don’t worry."

"But we’re worried Ryujin, we’re your parents. And we said that you should study something realistic."

"And? Your my parents, but that doesn’t mean you have to choose every ing thing that I wanna do."

"Watch your language, young lady. " My father said, abruptly standing up from his seat at dinner. "And why don’t you focus on sports or something like that? It’s healthy and you can get a scholarship for college."

"Because I don’t want to do that, I want to try for myself, to pursue my dreams, I know it will be hard, but I can work it out, you’ll see. " I also stood up from my seat and walked towards the living room, fetching my wallet, my guitar, and my jacket.

"Shin Ryujin, where do you think you’re going? " My mom asks me, fury in her eyes.

"I’m going out to think and who knows? Maybe write a new song, don’t look out for me, and oh, I’ll take the Impala too."

"Ryujin don’t you dare-" I just shut the door, hopped in the car, put the guitar in the backseat, and went for a drive, I felt like crying, I didn’t want to be a brat, and talk to my parents like that, but this was my dream, I can’t just ditch it. For the first time, I felt love for something I did.

After driving for a while I arrived at a place that brought a smile to my face, I just parked in front of the speedway, I used to come here with my dad often when I was younger, I had so much fun, seeing my dad driving there, being happy, unlike how he is now, full of work and worries. I didn't want to end up like him. I wanted to do what I desired. The place was dark, except for a few lights here and there.

I stepped out of the car and sat in the hood, I inhaled and looked at the night sky.

"Maybe I should try racing it? " I turned towards the car, a black Chevrolet Impala from 1963. I chuckled; my dad would kill me if he saw me driving his baby recklessly.

"Why not? " Said a voice to my right. I was startled, I looked at the person who talked to me and… Wow.

She was slightly shorter than me, brown hair and the most beautiful brown eyes, her smile was really pretty. Scratch that. SHE was really pretty.

"Uh, who are you and what are you doing here? " I asked, even if she was strikingly cute, she was still a stranger.

"Oh, right, I’m sorry to scare you. My name is Jisu, or Julia, and uh, I ran away from home? I came to the first place that I could think it would be deserted, but clearly it didn't go as planned." She said, rubbing her arm and looking at the ground, kind of embarrassed.

"Oh, I’m Ryujin, and I actually ran away from home too. " After hearing my words, she looked up at me, surprised. I sat at the hood again and patted the place beside me. "Come here. Let’s know each other better, I’m intrigued."

She sat beside me and asked me. "Why did you run away? "

"Well, I wanted to be a musician, but my parents weren’t too fond of me doing that. " I said with a sad smile. "How about you?"

"My parents arranged me in a marriage with someone I don’t even know." She said looking at me, her sadness reflected mine.

"Arranged marriages? Do those things still exist?"

"Apparently."

"Damn, that ." She nodded at my statement and I felt an awkward silence coming up so I talked again. "Do you want to go for a drive?" I said smiling and winking at her, she just laughed.

"I’d love that. But by drive do you mean driving through the city or…" She suddenly moved closer. "Drive recklessly in the speedway? "

"Whichever you want. "

"I’ll take both." She said while going towards the passenger door and entering the car, putting her seatbelt.

I just shook my head and smiled, the next thing I did was getting into the driver seat, putting my seatbelt, starting the car, and pumping the gas pedal a few times before driving in the direction of the starting line.

"Are you ready?" I said, looking directly at her beautiful eyes.

"I’m always ready." She said with a challenging stare.

"You better be." I said as I put the clutch down, moved the gear stick into first gear and revved the car while lifting the clutch pedal.

The car accelerated as I passed the gears and I felt the adrenaline, I slowed down in the curves and went faster in the straight road. I just heard the girl beside me laughing and whooping, which made me laugh too. Hey, this was funnier than I expected.

After 2 laps I felt that it was enough, I got the rush of adrenaline and fun I needed. I parked in the same spot as before and looked at my passenger. She was smiling widely at me, her eyes turning into crescents, she looked so cute.

"That was so cool!" She said to me.

"I know right? I never tried it before, it was so funny." I said while shutting down the engine to let it cool a little. We talked a little after that, simple things, like birth dates, favorite colors, foods, or things like that, from that session of questions, I learned that she was a year older than me.

"So, tell me, can you sing a song for me, Miss Rock Star?" She suddenly said while turning towards me and putting her hands in her cheeks, I just chuckled.

"Miss Rock Star? Where did that come from?"

"You said you wanted to be a musician, right?"

"Okay, okay, but don’t call me that, dork."

She just gasped. "How dare you call me a dork; I give you cute nicknames and you call me like that." She then pouted.

"Ok, cutie, I’ll try to think in a better nickname."

"That’s better, now, my song."

"Woah, calm down, how impatient." We both laughed.

I started strumming the first song that came into my mind.

Hello, I’ve waited here for you

Everlong

Tonight, I throw myself into

And out of the red, out of her head she sang.

Come down, and waste away with me

Down with me

Slow how you wanted it to be

I’m over my head, out of her head she sang.

I strummed harder, approaching the chorus.

And I wonder

When I sing along with you

She sang that part with me and I looked at her with a smile, she had a wonderful voice. I liked our harmonies together.

If everything could ever feel this real forever

If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I’ll ever ask of you

You’ve got to promise not to stop when I say when

She sang

I stopped and stared at her. "Woah, you should’ve told me you sing so well; I looked like a fool."

"You sing well too, silly. And if you’re not confident, I’ll be your duet." She said while chuckling.

"That would be nice, honestly." I said truthfully.

She just smiled at me and nodded, but I didn’t miss the quick glance she took at my lips.

"So, Ryujinnie, do you have any more questions? If you don't, what’s our next stop?"

"You like nicknames a lot, don’t you?"

"You got it."

"Anyways, I think I don't have more questions, my brain doesn't work too well this late. And I didn’t have any plans, just that drive through the city, but, I don’t know, this place is comfortable."

"I agree" She said while nodding. "A cool thing about this place, is its lack of lights, well, there are some lights but you understand." It was my turn to nod. "So, did you know stars are seen better when you're in a place with little to no lights?, Have you ever stargazed?"

"Uh, not really, that’s too romantic? Nerdy? I don’t know."

"It’s not nerdy!" She pouted. "And yeah, you don’t look like the romantic type but, stargazing is beautiful, you’ll see."

"Hey! I’m romantic, I just sang a song for you, you know?" I faked being offended.

"You’ll need more than that to charm me, Ryujinnie." She said as she got out of the car and started walking towards the bleachers near the speedway.

I got out of the car, made sure that the doors were locked and followed her.

"But is it working so far?"

"Maybe." I just smiled after hearing that. She laid in one of the bleachers’ row and patted the row next to her. I laid down and looked at the sky, it was beautiful, I’ve got to admit that.

"Don't you feel relieved watching the night sky?" She started, I just hummed in approval.

"It’s not bad. "

"Not bad? Just admit you like it."

"Okay, okay, I like it, a lot actually. It’s very peaceful and pretty." I admitted.

She turned, facing me. "You know what else is pretty?" She asked.

"You?" I responded.

"Me- Wait, how did you know I was going to say that?"

"You’re too full of yourself." I said while closing my eyes and smiling.

"Or maybe you just have a crush on me." I could hear her mocking tone.

"You wish, little Lia." She chuckled at the nickname.

Lia taught me about constellations, she actually talked a lot about that, but I didn't listen to a lot of it, I was more focused on her face, she was really excited and she was really cute, the way her eyes shone under the starry sky, was a breathtaking sight. After that we just looked at the stars in complete silence, however, it was rather comfortable, I’m surprised that I got comfortable with her in just a few hours. I looked at her and she was sound asleep, I smiled at her cuteness and carried her, to the car, I tried to get her in the most comfortable position I could manage, it was hard because sleeping in a car isn't too comfortable.

The next day arrived and I woke up with the sun hitting me on the face. I was confused, because I didn’t know where I was, that’s when I remembered last night. I looked beside me, and I saw Lia shifting in her sleep. I took the sun visor from the passenger side down to block the light as much as I could.

I stretched a bit in my seat and started my drive to the city, I was hungry, and I knew Lia would be hungry when she woke up too.

Just when I was receiving my order at the drive-thru, the girl beside me woke up, she looked confused. I looked at her and smiled. Then, I started driving towards the parking lot.

"Hi there, sleeping beauty."

"Oh, so it wasn’t a dream, huh?"

"I know my face is pretty, but I didn’t know it was dreamy." I said and she weakly slapped my arm.

"And I’m the one who is full of herself?" She huffed.

"Ow, don’t be mad, baby, I bought you this." I said while giving her a burger, fries, and a soda.

"Baby? Are you flirting now?"

"Maybe." I winked at her.

We ate in silence, enjoying each other’s company, when we finished, we threw the thrash in a plastic bag and then I threw it out in the nearest bin.

"So, what do we do now?"

We can do whatever we want to

I just sang and smiled at her.

"Did you just quote 'Hey there Delilah' just now?" She said before laughing.

"You caught me."

"But no, seriously, what do you want to do?"

"Hmmm, nothing in mind, really." I put my hand in my chin, thinking about something to spend the time. "How about a concert?"

"A concert?"

"Yeah, I know a place where rock bands go, they aren’t known, but it’s fun to listen the music and spend the time, plus the tickets are cheap."

"Sure, why not."

"It’s a little far though, is that okay?" I asked her.

"Yeah, no worries, plus, rock concerts are better at night, we can spend some time on other parts in the way."

We bought lots of foods in the way, the backseat was full of plastic bags containing diferent snacks and drinks, she paid for everything, despite me complaining that I we should pay 50/50. When we arrived at the concert, it luckily wasn't very packed, I just took Lia's hand and guided her to the second floor, my favorite spot.

"Take a look at this." I said and she looked down.

"It feels like we're isolated." She chuckled. "But it's also calmer up here."

"Yeah, you can enjoy the music without those drunk heads spilling their drinks everywhere or pushing you."

"Sounds like you speak from experience." She said, clearly amused.

"You think so?" I said sarcastically, she just laughed.

We sat down, listening to the music, enjoying the moment, we even brought some snacks with us.

"Say, Lia." 

"Hmmm?" She hummed, her focus on the concert below.

"Do you think I'm pretty?"

"Pretty stupid? Yeah."

"Hey!"

"Just kidding, you're pretty, but why do you ask?"

"Oh, nothing, just dear Julia talking in her sleep about how gorgeous Shin Ryujin was."

She turned as red as a tomato and whipped her head in my direction.

"What?! You're lying."

"No, I'm not." I said with a smirk.

"Okay, fine, you're pretty, and the blue hair suits you, but there's no way I said something like that in my sleep."

"There's no way you said something like that in your sleep." I nodded.

"So you just- Hey Shin Ryujin, I'd sleep with an open eye if I was you."

"What is Choi Julia going to do? Kiss me non-stop?" I smirked and winked at her, she just rolled her eyes.

"Maybe, who knows."

"I'll look forward to that."

"Shut up and listen to the music, Ryujin."

I took her advice and listened to the song, it was nothing special, but it was a really upbeat rock song, I stood up and Lia looked at me quizzically. "What are you doing?"

"May I have this dance, pretty lady?" I said bowing a little and offering my hand.

"Oh, you may, how charming you are." She said in a monotone voice. I laughed at that. She still took my hand nonetheless, so I got her up. "But seriously, how are we supposed to dance this?"

"Just mosh-pit"

"What?"

"Just dance around and jump like nothing matters, that's the fun." I said while jumping and pushing her slightly.

"How romantic." She said sarcastically.

"Ow, did my baby want a romantic dance with me?"

"Yes." Lia said in a cute voice.

"Aaah, you're so adorable, okay, if a slow song comes up we'll have a romantic dance together, but for now. Mosh pit!" I screamed and I noticed that the people below us were starting to jump and push each other.

"You're crazy." Lia said while pushing me.

"But I'm fun!"

We were panting when we got back into the car, we danced a lot, and hey, Lia got her ''romantic'' dance, so everyone won.

"Want to do something else?" I asked her.

"Nah, just sleep, I'm so drained." She said while reclining her seat and closing her eyes.

"Okay then, good night" I laughed and she hummed.

I drove us to a safe spot to park and I fell asleep too.

The next morning, Lia suggested that we just drive and visit random places. I just nodded, agreeing to her idea. I had to refuel the car and after that, I started driving, we took some stops here and there, to buy food, drinks, or simply see things. The hours passed and we were blasting music, using some old CDs I hopefully had in the Impala, luckily, we also changed the radio with my dad, so I could connect my phone with an aux cord. That’s when I noticed, lots of messages and calls from my parents, I felt guilty, I was being so happy, and I forgot about the issue with them. Apparently, Lia noticed my sulky face, because she asked, clearly preoccupied.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, It’s just my parents."

"Do you have to come back?" I noticed the sadness and disappointment in her voice.

"No way, not for now at least." I sent a quick message to my parents, saying that I was okay. I smiled and took her hand, interlacing our fingers, our hands fitted perfectly.

"I’m glad, I don’t know what I’ve would done if you said yes." She squeezed my hand.

"I wouldn’t have left you alone, you know. I would’ve forced my parents to let you stay at my home."

"I would’ve felt awkward, but anyways, I’m glad you’re still here with me, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been." My heart raced after hearing her words, faster than the run at the speedway.

I just caressed her hand with my thumb, when a song came up, which expressed my feelings at this moment.

I visualize the first time we're together

I close my eyes and for a moment all I see is you

Lia just smiles at me and listens to me singing.

Turn off the lights

Don’t look outside

The world’s gone crazy

But it’s perfect here with you

I saw Lia for a moment, and she was taking air, she was doing it again, wasn’t she? Seriously, this girl knows all the songs I like.

I’ve never felt so alive

Like I feel right now at this moment

I’ve never felt so alive

Like I feel right here standing next to you

I don’t know when I stopped driving and I parked in the side of the road. I also don’t know when I started gazing at her lovingly. She also stopped singing and gazed at me, we just looked at each other for who knows how much. I got closer to her, and she did the same, our faces centimeters apart from the other.

"Are you sure about this? " I asked her for confirmation.

"Oh, shut up, would you? " She said while putting her arms around my shoulders, in the meantime, I situated my hands around her waist.

"Shut me up."

"Gladly." That’s the last thing I heard from her before her lips were on mine.

It felt so surreal, and I felt so weak, the tingling sensation in my lips and my racing heart were driving me insane. I caressed her and she did the same. We were on a full make-out session, just enjoying each other’s lips. I felt like a fool in love because I never felt like this before, was this love at first sight?

When we parted out lips, we were panting, with foolish grins on our faces, we touched foreheads and closed our eyes.

"I like you… A lot, Ryujin." She said in a whisper.

"I like you a lot too, Lia."

Our relationship only grew stronger, we had each other’s back, we were partners in crime, we did some stupid but funny things, we went to concerts, to an amusement park, we used to drive in the speedway, which was kind of our personal hideout, I even taught her how to drive, we shopped for some clothes, we sang songs together, and tried to compose, we even took polaroid-styled photographs. We spent nights in different motels, and in the day we would visit different places. Sadly, this adventure wouldn’t last too long, she had her life, and I had mine, I suddenly remembered that she had this arranged marriage one night, I was in the border of tearing up when Lia asked me what happened.

"You and I can’t be together." I said, the first tears slipping out.

"Why not?" Lia said with worry.

"You’re supposed to be married."

"I already told you, I’m not going to marry that person, whoever that is, you have nothing to worry about."

"But Lia, are you even sure that your parents are going to accept that? Have you even talked to them?"

I noticed that she was nervous, but she quickly changed her expression to a determined one.

"Don’t worry, we will figure it out, I’ll be with you no matter what, and if I can’t be with you at the moment, I’ll always love you and find a way to come running back to you." She said tearing up too.

"You stupid romantic" I said through tears.

"You love me."

"That I do."

We slept together and the next morning I woke up alone. All that was left was a ring and a letter which broke my heart like it was bombed.

I can’t take this place. I’m leaving it behind.

I can’t stand this town. I’m leaving you tonight.

I wanted to give you this. Please don’t forget me.

I’m sorry Ryujin. I love you. Till we meet again.

I cried and cried, I couldn’t believe it, did she really leave me? Why? Everything was okay, did she not love me anymore? I couldn’t stand it; I just went back home I couldn’t be living this rebellious life without her. Funny, my plan originally was to escape alone, to search for my own happiness, but it seems like she took it away. Something had to happen for her to leave so suddenly, but I was mad, destroyed, she left without an explanation. Still, I asked myself, was she okay?, What if her parents forced her to go back? What if they tracked her somehow? Or was she really sick of this town? I don't believe it, honestly.

When I arrived home my parents hugged me and told me how worried they were, I felt guilty again. But then they said that they would let me pursue my dream, and that they would support me no matter what, I cried both for the girl that left me and the change of mind from my parents.

— Present Day —

Yeji, my manager, called me, telling me that I should get ready, to do some mic and instrument check, as well as seeing the arrangements. My band was holding a great concert today, I decided that it would take place in that same speedway that I met her, even if I felt like crying, I had to get over her.

I remember that Yeji told me that a stadium would be a better place, and it would cut costs, since there had to be some changes done to the speedway, however, I was determined in my choice, this had to be the much needed closure I needed from that girl who stole my heart 5 years ago, whose name, for some reason, I can’t remember.

I just got out of my house and drove in direction of the speedway, the car I was using was not the Impala I drove that time, sadly, my father sold it, even if I did miss it, I think it was for the best.

When I arrived, I saw Yeji and the members of my band, talking to the people in charge of lights and audio.

"Hey, you finally arrived, just on time, we need to check some things up, hurry." Yeji said.

"Yeah, yeah, I’m going." I said.

"And Ryujin." I just hummed in response. "Good luck with that new song."

"Thanks, I’ll surely need it."

After everything was ready, we went to rest a little, eat something or just practice. People started to gather at the speedway. I looked from a place where the public couldn’t see me and I was amazed, this was what I always wanted, many people, gathered to listen to my music, I fulfilled my dream, I’m sure that my parents are proud of me now.

"Are you okay?" Yuna, the drummer of my band asked.

"Yeah it’s just, this is amazing, I never knew we could do this."

"Well, we’re amazing, what do you expect?" Chaeryeong, the bassist of my band came to join the conversation.

I chuckled and replied. "Of course, we are."

"Are you sure that you can sing that song though?" Chaeryeong asked clearly worried.

"Yeah, I put some huge effort on it. Those lyrics along with that riff, bridge and solo shouldn’t go unnoticed." I said proudly.

"That’s my RyuRyu." Yuna said, hugging me tightly.

"Thanks, Yuna I love you too." I laughed.

"But seriously, I’m proud of you, and the song was very emotional, but somehow, I’m kind of worried."

"Everything will turn out greatly Chae, you’ll see." I responded.

"I hope so."

When we came out to start the concert, the public erupted, I just smiled, I’m sure that my eyes were shining, I’ll give my best, Chaeryeong and Yuna were talking to the public while I waved at the fans.

"And our Ryujin just wrote a new song, which we will be playing just at the end, is a song that hasn’t been released yet, so wait for it!"

The crowd clapped, screamed and some other ooh-ed. I just laughed in embarrassment.

The concert went quickly, and we were at the last song, the song which expressed my feelings for her.

"Well, we’ve come a long way today, right?" The crowd screamed. "Sadly, it’s almost time for us to go, but not without the last song, I’ve been trying to release this song for some time, but I just didn’t have the courage to, hopefully you like it. This is Whatsername" The public roared again.

I turned around and took a deep breath as I heard the drums starting the song and Yuna staring at me. Soon after I started strumming some chords on the guitar and Chaeryeong started her bass line.

It’s now or never

Thought I ran into you down on the street

Then it turned out to only be a dream

I looked at the public, they weren’t doing mosh-pit or jumping in their place as usual, just standing there, kind of analyzing my song.

I made a point to burn all of the photographs

She went away and then I took a different path

I noticed that some people in the crowd were crying. Already? Seems like they have a similar story.

I remember the face but I can’t recall the name

Now I wonder how Whatsername has been

Then I started the riff I wrote one night with her when we were inspired. It was nostalgic. I could feel myself getting sensitive. Not now, Ryujin.

Seems like she disappeared without a trace

Did she ever marry old Whats his face?

I remember that she told me she had an arranged marriage, I’m still unaware of what happened with that issue.

I made a point to burn all of the photographs

She went away and then I took a different path

I almost broke down and did a note higher, but it sounded cool, I liked it, maybe I’ll keep that change for the studio version.

I remember the face but I can’t recall the name

Now I wonder how Whatsername has been

I did some changes in notes there too, just improvisation, again, I liked how it turned out, I’ll have to see a recording of this show for the studio version.

Soon the riff appeared again, I looked up and I saw that the public had their phone’s light activated, waving them in the air. I just smiled. And then the solo came up. By this time, tears were already pouring out slowly.

Remember, whatever, it seems like forever ago

Remember, whatever, it seems like forever ago

Yuna and Chaeryeong sang those lines, repeating it a few times more while I sang other lines above that.

The regrets, are useless in my mind

She’s in my head I must confess

I shut down my eyes, remembering all the times we spent together, why did it have to end like that? Maybe if I did something or said something else, things would’ve ended differently.

The regrets, are useless in my mind

She’s in my head from so long ago

I swore I saw her between the public, but I’m sure that’s just my heart messing up with me. Anyways, If you’re out here, hearing this, I love you; I still do.

Go Go Go Go

Go Go Go Go

I looked at Chaeryeong and Yuna, the three of us singing those Go, Yuna was bawling her eyes out while Chae was slightly calmer, but I could also see that her eyes were glassy.

And in the darkest night

If my memory serves me right

I remember writing that this morning, the perfect closing to this song.

I’ll never turn back time

Forgetting you but not the time

And that’s true, even if I wanted things to end in a different way, I treasure the times we spent together. The song ended and the public clapped loudly.

"Thank you so much for coming here today, we love you. We can’t wait to see you all again!" Chaeryeong said and we went out of the stage.

"That was… Oh my God, I’m so proud of you." Yeji said while crying loudly and hugging me.

"Thank you, Yeji."

"Let’s go eat something to celebrate!" Yeji said happily.

"Pizza! And you pay." Yuna said, back to her euphoric self.

"Oh no…" We all laughed.

 Well, that's it, I had some other endings in mind, but I prefered the angsty one, it fits the song and the end of the 'American Idiot' album the best. I'm sorry if it was too cringey or rushed, but hopefully you liked it. I'll continue writing more JinLia Fanfictions from now on, that is if I don't procrastinate :D. Let me know what you think, thanks for reading <3