“Ahh~!!!”

“Oppa~!”

A series of high-pitched girl screams could be heard echoing along the corridor.

I turned and looked in the direction of the commotion to find the most beautiful thing on Earth. It was Kim Myung Soo, my crush. He is perfect in his own way and flawless in my eyes. I have liked him since I don’t know when. Was it the first encounter? I don’t know. All I know is his small action makes my heart flutter and his gentle smile makes me feel like I am melting without fail. Frankly, he has never smiled at me. I doubt he even knows my name although we are in the same class. After all, he is the almighty Kingka of the school and I am merely an ostracised being in school. 

“Oh. Look. It is the fat, ugly and nerdy Park Soo Hee.” One of the girls said as she folded her arms across her chest.

“What a bad end to my day.” The girl beside her rolled her eyes as she twirled her long, smooth hair around her fingers.

Linking arms, the two eventually left. I took a deep breath and smiled. It was not the first time and I was kind of used to it. If I was hurt each time this happen, I would probably have died from severe bleeding coming out of those wounds.

“It’s okay, Soo Hee. You have a good end to your day by seeing Myung Soo!” I reassured myself and nodded my head before heading to the art class.

It was the last lesson of the day and I was really excited about it. Art is my favourite subject and I enjoy it so much. To be exact, art lessons are the most enjoyable times in school. I feel like art was a channel for me to express my emotions- regardless whether I was sad, happy or angry. Forgetting to mention, I actually do quite well for Art. Hugging my sketch book and drawing materials, I stepped into the classroom.

It was filled with students by then. I inhaled deeply and started making my way to the back of the table where I was usually seated. My oversized body knocked into one of the guys in class who stood up furiously. He eyed me from head to toe with his hand on his chin. I gripped onto my sketch book tighter than before.

“Hey pig. Look where you are going! Get your lumps of fats over there carefully and stop bumping into others. It is bloody annoying…” the guy said crudely and rolled his eyes. With that, he sat down, satisfied. He was Myung Soo’s best friend, Kim Joo Woo. Like the others, he dislikes me and frequently teases me. I bowed down and glanced at Myung Soo for a second. He couldn’t be much bothered by me and his best friend’s commotion. He didn’t shut him up like what drama normally would show. In such circumstances, the male lead was supposed to stand up against his best friend and protect the girl. However, it did not happen. It seemed like dramas were called dramas for a good reason.

I muttered a soft apology before making my way back to my seat. As usual, I earned glares and comments in the meantime as I manoeuvred past them, occasionally knocking into them. Don’t be surprised. That is what my dearest classmates are capable of. They step on those lower class and worship the higher class. Yes, students are classified in schools, face it or not. I, the fat and ugly nerd am obviously deemed as a lower class. On the other hand, Myung Soo with his wealth, looks and status without a doubt belongs to the higher class and earned the term ‘Kingka’. Then, the teacher stepped in. After greeting him, he began his lesson.

“Class, draw your self-potrait and finish it 15 minutes before class ends.” The teacher instructed.

“Ne.” The class chorused.

I took out my drawing pencil and began my art piece. Time passed with the ticking of the clock and the time given was up. I finished on time and was quite satisfied with my own drawing. I thought that the techniques taught last lesson were well applied and the shading was satisfactory. I smiled to myself before keeping my drawing pencil. Looking up from my drawing, I focused my attention back onto the teacher.

“Okay. Now, I will pick random students to showcase your work and explain the techniques used.” The teacher continued.

Everyone looked down, avoiding eye contact with the teacher. The students were silently praying inside that they wouldn’t be the unlucky chosen one.

“Park Soo… Soo… Ah, Miss Park!” The teacher said.

Everyone in class laughed secretly at how even the teacher couldn’t remember my name.

“How could you? I am in your class for 4 years…” I thought.

I inhaled deeply and stood up upon being called. Clutching onto my finished piece, I revealed it to the class. I could see their mouths widen a little as they looked in my direction. Feeling slightly happy, I managed a small smile. Myung Soo was looking at my direction too!

“That is… not a self-portrait at all! The double chin and tummy are missing. Hahaha~” One of the boys said as he hugged his stomach and laughed out loud.

The rest of the class erupted into laughter, including him. I was facing them and I saw clearly how he managed a small smile at the rude joke. Myung Soo smiled at his joke. I felt tears being produced by my tear glands. Holding my breath, I fought them back. Not a single teardrop must fall in front of the whole class or I would be ridiculed further probably as a fat, ugly, nerdy crybaby.

“Enough. You may sit down already.” The teacher said sternly.

He did not defend me and he did not tell them off. Maybe deep down inside, the teacher agreed with them and was laughing too. I felt my heart getting squeezed as the next girl stood up to present hers. Her technique was not better than mine but she got praised and applauded. It was unfair. Just because she was a queenka, everything she did was naturally better and awesome. I hated it. I hated everything- the teacher, the classmates, the smile Myung Soo had when they laughed.

Damn.

A silent tear escaped as I brushed it away quickly with the back of my hand. Looking down at my portrait, I sighed. That was my life. Someday, I wondered if I would become a beautiful swan too. However, I knew. Ugly duckling turning into a beautiful swan was merely a fairy tale. I was destined to be the ugly duckling, forever. I knew it matter-of-factly. Class ended and the students left after the teacher one by one. After some time, I was the last one left. Closing the self-portrait page in my sketch book, I left class. My footsteps became seemingly heavier or maybe it was my heart that got heavier.

I left school and headed home. Closing the door behind me, I sniffed that familiar strong stench of alcohol in the air. My father had been drinking again.

I sighed and notified, “I am back home.”  

“Park Soo Hee, you should go shed some weight seriously. You are growing fatter every day, don’t you realise? Look at those fats…” My father stumbled towards me and said.

He pinched my cheeks and laughed at me.

“Stop it, it hurts.” I yelled and pushed his hands away.

“I am showing concern to you and what is with your attitude?!” He scolded. His cheeks were red from all the drinking.

“If this is how you show concern… I would prefer you not to!” I rebutted before running into my room.

Shutting the door behind me, I ran into the toilet. Tears were flowing down my cheeks as soon as I was in the enclosed area. All the bottled up emotions from school and before came rushing out of me like an eruption. I could not control so I merely let them flow. After some time, I calmed down a little but was still crying slightly. Looking into the mirror, I saw the swollen red eyes on that chubby face. I was having an obvious upset face and I looked horrible. With the help of my stubby fingers, I forced a smile on my tear-stained face.

Why do I still feel the pain when I smile?

I washed my face with the cold running water from the tap and took a deep breath. I knew my father was drunk and probably didn’t mean to hurt me with his words. However, it pains me when even my family member despised me for being fat just like the others. However, who could I blame? Sometimes, even I detested myself. Looking into the mirror, I can’t help but hate the reflection in it being me.

How I wish I was pretty, slim and trendy…

However, I accepted the fact that the world was never fair long ago. Or perhaps, it was just unfair towards me. I lost my mother at a young age, have a drunkard father and am ugly, nerdy and fat. Sometimes, I wished I had a rich family, pretty face and the right curves. I hated my life. I hated my family. I hated myself. Hatred, my only possession.

Why do I have to be me?

After releasing all the pent-up emotions, I felt a lot better. Changing out of my uniform, I lay in bed. Shutting my eyes, I drifted off to dreamland. I loved sleeping because in my dreams, I could be who I want and I could do what I like. It was paradise to me when everything is opposite of reality. Also, I could meet Myung Soo in my dreams occasionally. With that, I would wake up blissfully the next morning with a retarded smile plastered across my face.

Over the next two days, I made full use of my weekend to make a gift for Myung Soo. It was Valentine ’s Day on the coming Monday. I searched up on chocolate recipes, tried it out for thousands of times before settling for the most satisfactory batch of chocolates. I smiled as I looked down at the heart-shaped chocolates. I wasn’t intending to confess but I just wanted to give him a token of my love. I swear I would be delighted for him to just try one mouth of them. Carefully, I wrapped the box with a pink ribbon.

Keeping it in my bag delicately, I smiled and climbed back into bed. Imaging his probable reactions tomorrow, I slowly fell asleep. The next day, I woke up hurriedly and prepared to get to school. Before leaving for school, I checked myself in the mirror once again. That was the umpteenth time I was before the mirror already. I flattened my hair, straightened my blouse and patted my skirt before leaving. Hugging my bag close to my pounding chest, I smiled like an idiot. The scene where he accepted them with a thankful smile flashed across my mind.

It was still early so I decided to drop by the coffee house.

“One black coffee, please.” I ordered with a polite smile.

“There you go.” The cute cashier said as she handed me the coffee.

“Thank you.” I replied after paying her.

“Happy Valentine’s Day.” She wished me with a sweet smile. I returned the smile and left.

Wrapping my fingers around the paper cup, I inhaled the fragrance of the coffee. I had never been a fan of black coffee until that day when I saw him. I knew Myung Soo enjoyed black coffee after spotting him at the coffee house drinking it several times. Initially, I hated black coffee. I mean, it is bitter and has no tint of sweetness in it. However, slowly, I learnt to appreciate the beauty of it. It is pure in its own way and is smooth to drink.

That day, I wanted to know how he felt and what he thought about when he drank it so I forced myself since then to try and appreciate it. That was how much I admired him. I could turn my dislike into my favourite just for him. I sipped another sip of the black coffee and continued my way to school. Reaching school, I spotted Myung Soo instantly. The crowd of girls around him making a big fuss certainly made him stand out among the students.

Kim Myung Soo, the guy who always make a grand entrance or appearance in any occasion. He never fails to rise to the occasion. Also, it seemed like the limelight follows him whenever he goes. He is always so shining and dazzling, like a star in the sky. On the contrary, I feel non-existence whenever I am near him. If he was the star in the sky, I am probably the dust at a corner. The dust-the one which irritates people and gets brushed away.

“Park Soo Hee, stop being so pessimistic.” I scolded myself mentally as I braced myself.

Taking another deep breath, I approached him hesitantly. The pretty girls surrounding him made way and looked down at me, disgusted. As I  took another step to move closer to him, I tripped on one of their shoes and fell to the floor. I landed right before him with a loud thud as the coffee spilled all over me.

“Oh, mianhae. That was unintentional.” The queenka exclaimed as she covered .

Obviously, that was a lie.

I took a quick glimpse at my embarrassing situation and mess I was in.

“Was that an earthquake a second ago?!” Joo Woo joked.

The rest of them laughed. I looked up and caught Myung Soo laughing along with the others. Indeed, he was laughing at the fat girl who made a fool out of herself before the one she liked. I felt ashamed of myself out of a sudden, as if I was exposed to the whole world. The hot coffee made parts of my skin swell a little and turn red but the pain was negligible because my heart was severely hurt. The pain was unimaginable. He was laughing… at me.

“Let’s go.” Myung Soo said coldly as he left with the rest.

I was left there, sitting in the puddle of coffee.

I wanted so much to cry but the tears refused to come out. I felt terrible and my state was horrible. Picking myself up from the mess I was in, I headed to the washroom to clean up. Looking in the mirror, I saw the disgusting self again. This time, I felt that even my reflection mocking at me too. The hair I done up today was all messed up. The uniform I ironed yesterday to leave a good impression was ruined completely. Everything was screwed up, including me.

I pressed the tap and took the water, smearing it on the coffee stains. I rubbed hard but the coffee stains refused to fade. It remained unchanged. I rubbed harder but it was still the same. Then, tears started to spill out of my eyes. I was frustrated at how hard I try but I still end up nowhere. I was angry at how embarrassing I am when I tried my best. I was hateful that I was Park Soo Hee, the one everyone despised, including myself.

My legs collapsed under me as I sat on the ground, crying my heart out. My fingers were still rubbing the cloth together in an attempt to remove the stains.

“Why…Why…are…you not going away?!” I yelled in exasperation as tears blurred my vision. I was just finding an excuse to be angry at, I know.

The coffee stains remained on my white uniform as I exited the washroom. I missed the first lesson but it seemed like the teacher didn’t even realise my absence. I was that non-existence it seems. I walked over to Myung Soo’s locker, wanting to drop my gift in it before returning home. Today, everything was in a mess and I couldn’t bring myself to go to lessons as if nothing happened.

The strong front which I put up all the time refused to be put in place today. I felt vulnerable as if I would shatter if I was attack another time, verbally or physically. I felt like I was dying on the inside. Then, I spotted Myung Soo and Joo Woo walking in my direction. I forgot that it was the change of period. They apparently saw me putting my chocolates into Myung soo’s locker.

“Oh, let’s see what we have got here…” Joo Woo said as he retrieved the gift I left in Myung Soo’s locker.

He clapped and smirked.

“Hey man. Did you check yourself in the mirror before disgracing yourself here? At least make an effort to re-do your unkempt hair, take off those hideous glasses and shed some weight before coming. Oh. I am sorry, it seems that you need a complete make-over with the help of plastic surgery before you have the right to give this present…” Joo Woo said harshly as he held the gift up with his right hand.

Tears were already forming in my eyes as I clenched my fists tightly. I was trembling a little as a tear slipped out of my eye.

“So Myung Soo are you accepting her gift maybe on the account of her courage?” Joo Woo asked as he patted Myung Soo’s shoulder and looked at him. I shifted my blurry vision to Myung Soo and anticipated his response.

Myung Soo had no expression on his face. He looked back at me who was crying before nodding his head and taking the gift coldly. However, he did not scold Joo Woo and he did not defend me like what I hoped. Indeed, who was he to go against his best friend for an unknown sub-standard female classmate? I turned around, ready to leave when I heard a sound. Turning back, I saw Myung Soo leaving with his hands empty again.

“Don’t tell me he…” I thought as I walked over to the dustbin.

Moving closer, I confirmed my prediction. I saw the red box with my pink ribbon lying in the midst of the rubbish inside. To him, he had thrown away merely a box of chocolate. However, he probably would never know he had thrown away my heart, my sincerity and my efforts. Everything was gone. Another tear overflowed my eyes and landed on the abandoned present. The discarded gift yanked me back into the harsh reality.

Park Soo Hee deserves such treatment.

Sitting before my study table, I picked up my drawing pencil once again and began drawing. After hours, I completed a life-like scene. It was a master piece where everything seemed to come alive inside. All the emotions, atmosphere and characters were well-portrayed. In the drawing, you would see a fat girl sprawled on the ground in the pool of coffee. Before her, there was a handsome boy smirking away with another good-looking guy looking at her with his eyes rolled.

The girl was drawn as a heap of mess and there was a big crowd in the background, pointing, sneering and laughing away. At the corner of the drawing, there was a dustbin with a box tied up by a ribbon lying in it. The picture I drew brought me back to the exact time when I faced the same humiliation, pain and shame. I placed my pencil down as a tear slipped out of my eye and landed on the drawing. Everything was coming back to me. I could see the scene right before me- my pathetic self, Myung Soo’s laugh and the thrown away gift,

“Kim Myung soo, I hate you for looking down on me like the others. Kim Myung Soo, I hate you for laughing at me with them. Kim Myung Soo, I hate it how you are so perfect. Kim Myung Soo, I hate myself…for liking you. I shouldn’t have fallen for you. I shouldn’t have hope that one day the prince would fall for the ugly duckling. I shouldn’t have forgotten who Park Soo Hee was. Don’t worry, I will remember from now on. I am the girl who liked Kim Myung Soo, without checking herself in the mirror…I will remember. I will…” I mumbled as I laughed sadistically at myself.

More tears cascaded down my cheeks as I crumpled the drawing in my hands and brought it to my chest. I felt pain, shame and disgust. Tears were flowing uncontrollably as if trying to wash away the wound in my heart. However, the only action I could manage from there on was crying. My mother told me before when I was a kid that tears were only meant for weaklings. I knew and remembered. However, this time I couldn’t help it.

“Umma, this time, just this time, let me cry. I promise you I will be stronger the next time. So just let me cry, this time…” I mumbled as I buried my face into the drawing and cried harder.

If only, ‘happily ever after’ did not belong to princesses solely…

 Author's Note:

How was the new one shot?:D I hope it wasn't too bad...:)
It was supposed to be a sad fic but I think I kinda failed at it :X Haiz.
Anyways, still hope that you enjoyed reading it and will comment/subscribe? (:
SPECIAL THANKS TO SUBSCRIBERS<3
Lastly, thank you so much for reading ~ ^^