Donghae wakes with a start; his eyes snapping open, breathing heavily with his body covered in cold sweat. Heart still pounding, he reaches over to the other side of the bed. Empty. Just like last night and the night before. Just like every night since the incident.

The nightmares started happening after the accident. The day he lost the love of his life.

Donghae will always blame himself for what happened. For being so relentless. So reckless.

Hyukjae was never fond of the sea, something about how endless it was—it scared him, but Donghae grew up near the ocean, always loved spending hours in the waters if the tides permitted it. He shouldn’t have pushed Hyukjae that day.

He always wanted to go to Hawaii for their anniversary. To hit the beach and ride the waves. Lose his inhibitions to the waters. Little did he know that he would lose something else entirely. Something—someone more important.

It was a warm and sunny day with a strong breeze that was just the perfect temperature. The water was gentle when they started. Donghae felt like he was dreaming with his eyes wide-open, watching the beauty of the ocean with his lover right by his side, aboard their own surf boards. It wasn’t long before the roar of waves came and it was time.

“Come on, Hyuk. Let’s go.” He shouted over the sounds of the water as he started to paddle towards the oncoming wave.

“But that’s too big of a wave!” Hyukjae protested, still straddling his own surfboard, watching with trepidation as Donghae comes closer to the wave.

Donghae didn’t hear anymore of Hyukjae’s words as he was already ready to catch the wave. Eyes up and forward, he lifted his chest and brought his left foot forward and with the other behind. He popped up on his board, his knees, and rode the wave.

He found himself laughing as he returned next to Hyukjae, who was still bobbing on top of the water with his surfboard beneath him.

“That was awesome, Hyuk!” Donghae exclaimed, shoulder bumping to Hyukjae’s. “The next wave’s yours.”

“I’m not sure…” He could see the hesitation in his lover’s eyes.

“Babe, I promise it’s the best feeling in the world!” Donghae urged. “Really gets your adrenaline pumping!”

“Best feeling in the world, huh?” There was mischief in Hyukjae’s voice, and a blush was already forming on Donghae’s face from the thought of what Hyukjae was going to say next. But instead, Hyukjae took a deep breath, reached a hand to cup his face. “If you say so.”

“Hyukjae?”

“Yeah?”

“There’s a wave coming.”

Hyukjae laughed before he paddled his way out towards another oncoming waving and tried his best to remember all those surfing lessons Donghae gave. The wave wasn’t intimidating, and he was agile on his feet, so standing up on the board wasn’t a huge difficulty.

And a few seconds later he was riding the wave towards Donghae with big-gummy smile.

They spent the next hour surfing the waves until they were both breathless with the experience and with every wave giving them different feelings.

But the joy didn’t last long. Soon enough, the clouds thickened and covered the clear blue sky with a shadow of gloom; the wind started howling and pushing the gentle waves into roaring mountains.

“Hae, let’s go back.” Hyukjae said, watching as the surrounding water became more aggressive.

Donghae nodded, “Yeah, but after one more?” He gave the best eager puppy dog look to Hyukjae. “The next wave is going to be massive!”

“What? Donghae, no! It’ll be too dangerous.”

“Please, Hyuk.”

Hyukjae rolled his eyes but nevertheless relented. “Fine, but you surf and I’ll just watch. After that we go back.”

“Promise.”

They waited a few more minutes until Donghae decided on the perfect wave to catch. It was a massive wave, the biggest one he has ever seen and dared to ride.

“No, you can’t be serious!” Hyukjae objected. “You’ll injure yourself, Lee Donghae!”

“Just watch and be amazed, babe.” Were the last words Donghae said to Hyukjae before swimming towards the wave.

The wind was frigid with the water turbulent and unforgiving, but Donghae took it as a challenge and got behind the massive wave.

He was able to pop up and stand on the board, but the wave came too fast and not long after, Donghae was knocked off his surfboard. He fell beneath the waves, expected himself to come back up, and he did. But the dark indigo water swirled around him, trapping him beneath the surface. He thrashed and flailed wildly in the water, calling for Hyukjae’s name.

It took a second more before he finally remembered what he learned about swimming in the ocean and drowning. He pushed his head up and gave his best to breathe normally, ignoring the water splashing against his body, lying on his back and tilting his head back as well. He does his best in relaxing his muscles.

It only takes another splash of wave to take Donghae under again.

But this time, the dizziness took over, and then he saw black.

Donghae stares at the ceiling above their–his; he was alone now–bed. Donghae remembers waking