I know. I'm trying to understand.
We can't... It's a definite ending. A tragic ending.
Ice on, with no lights on, but you're still shining.

Oh, I need you... you, the one who ruined my life.
You. I don't... I don't... I blame you.

Faded in my last song.

Don't know what I'm saying...
I have to let you go from my memory.
My last season called 'you', my last song.
Faded in my song...
I don't know what I'm saying...
Faded. Faded.

I love this song so much.

The lyrics above will be the basis of the story.

Please enjoy!

 

---

[Taeyong's POV]

 

"Again! Dasi!"

Casper, our choreographer yelled and stopped the music.

! I screamed in silence. I knew it was me.

"Taeyong-ah.. what's wrong with you?"

I was called out.

"Mianhaeyo, hyung." I bowed in shame.

Casper shook his head. "Ani, Taeyong. This isn't you. Is there a problem?"

The members were looking at me. They know why.

"Hyung..." Johnny suddenly addressed Casper. "This was... and today is..." Johnny was careful with his words, not knowing what to say. No, he was trying to find the right words to say.

"Oh, ! Why did I even forget?" Casper blurted out and scratched his head. "Okay. That's it for today. We'll continue this tomorrow." He then walked towards me and squeezed my shoulders. I knew what he meant.

 

Taeil hyung approached me. "Kwaenchana?"

I shook my head. I fell to my knees. Tears suddenly fell. I was sobbing silently. My chest was heavy. It was contracting, suffocating me. I couldn't breathe.

"Yong-ah, are you okay?" Doyoung, my best friend hugged me.

"I lost him the same day as today, Doyoung."

I couldn't help but lean my head on my best friend's shoulder, feeling sorry that I had to wet his shirt with my tears.

Doyoung's hand slowly slid my back. Up and down, comforting me.

The members crowded around me. 

"Hyung..." Jungwoo sat beside me and extended an embrace.

They were crying too. Because today was that day. The day we lost Jaehyun. The day I lost the love of my life.

"Do you wanna visit him today? Should we go?" Yuta asked.

"Can you already, hyung?" Haechan wondered, worried about me.

"We can come with you, hyung." Mark said.

 

It's been a year. A year since that tragic day.

 

Yuta and I were practicing the song Jaehyun and I sang a year ago. We were in a unit, just like Ten and I were with Baby Don't Stop. This was our last song together. Before the tragedy happened.

 

I lost Jaehyun in a car crash. He was on his way home from a drama shoot. I still remember that day.. the day I almost lost my mind...

 

 

"Hyung, you know I love you right?" Jaehyun asked me that day.

"What kind of question is that? Of course I do, Jae... you know I do."

"Please be strong even if I'm not with you okay?" Jaehyun suddenly said out of nowhere.

"What are you saying? What's wrong with you today?" I took his hand and hugged him.

"Nothing. I just wanna tell you that."

 

---

 

"Guys!" One of our manager dashed inside our dorm. He was in tears.

"Hyung, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" I had a bad feeling that day.

"Jaehyun.. it's Jaehyun" 

"What?" I screamed. It was not a good joke.

Our manager handed me his phone. A video of the accident was playing. I saw him, lying. Lifeless underneath a white blanket.

"NO!!!! JAEHYUN!!!!"

 

---

 

"Yong-ah, can you visit him now?" Doyoung asked, still trying to make me calm down from my crying.

"I should, shouldn't I?" I asked, lifting my head. "It's been a year."

I was a mess. Looking at my member's faces, I knew I was a ing mess.

"Jae..." I called for him. "Jaehyunie... I miss you, baby."

 

It still hurts until now. I know I need to go on with my life. I know I need to move on without him. But why is it so hard? And so the tears came again...

I can never forget him. Him, who changed me and my life. Him who ruined me. Him who I love.

 

My Jaehyun. Please come back. 

 

What am I saying? I don't even know what to think or say anymore. I know I can't bring him back nor is he coming back. 

 

"Doyoung-ah... " I called to my best friend.

"Yes, Yong-ah?"

I couldn't remember what I said or what happened next. I guess I passed out. All I remember was Jaehyun was in front of me, smiling.

 

"Jae..."

"Hi, babe."

He was so faint. Like a blur. 

"I'm okay now, hyung. It's okay. You can let go now."

I shook my head. "No..." I whispered. "I can't, Jaehyun-ah..."

"I love you, Lee Taeyong. Please live your life again. Goodbye, my love. Be happy now."

And then he faded as I was about to reach out for him. He faded as our last song played again.

 

"Goodbye, Jaehyun. I love you."

 

 

"The next performance is by Yuta and me." My voice was shaking.

I said to our NCTzens in that large dome where our concert was held.

"Jung Jaehyun, are you watching?" I said on the mic, voice cracking, looking up and around. "This is for you."

 

Our fans were in tears, like me.

 

"Our next song is 'LOVE'S LOST'. The song I did with Jaehyun. I hope you enjoy it."

 

Yuta and I performed with all of our might, with Jaehyun's last video with us playing on the screen. There were pool of tears. Including mine. When the song was over, Yuta squeezed my hand. "You did well, Yong-ah." He whispered as we bowed.

 

I couldn't bear to visit him that year, but I did the next year. It took me a while but I was able to finally say goodbye. I could never replace him in my heart. Even if his song faded with time. He could never fade from mine.