Play: Gracie Abrams- I miss you, I'm sorry

J U N G   A E R A

"Yeol, you can't possibly just let this go?" I heaved on the phone, my chest constricting in tight, aching waves. I held the phone against my ear, my hands shaking as my breaths began to go ragged. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to say those things to you. I didn't meant to break up, Yeol, I don't want to break up. I was just in a state of a mess, please listen to me    " My words were caught off mid-sentence when I heard him sigh on the other end of the call. 

Park Chanyeol.

My boyfriend of 4 years and my best friend since forever. We started dating at the fresh start of 9th grade, you can say that puppy love grew into something more meaningful and sincere. Chanyeol was the boy every girl ever wanted to date: he's athletic, he's smart, and he's friendly and kind. Me and Chanyeol were childhood buddies, having to live just right across the street from each other. Both our mothers were best friends since college, that makes me and Chanyeol the perfect-instant duo as if we're a set of ramen packs.

We were two sides of a coin, like spoon and fork, even like a pair of scissors, we worked better together. 4 years ago I remember jumping in my room full of happiness because Chanyeol decided to return my feelings, he liked me too. And that's where it started, best friends turned lovers.

My life was amazing, blessed and gifted. I really thought I had life planned out, I got into nursing school 3 years later at Seongi Doctors University, Busan while Chanyeol got into Yudong University, Busan as a Civil Engineering student. We both were happy amidst the fact that we no longer go to the same school anymore for college. Chanyeol still continued to treat me like a princess and I continued to shower him with all the love that I could possibly give. 

But things spiralled wrongly when, 5 months ago, Chanyeol had to move to Canada because his dad's business moved there, making all of them move aswell. Me and Chanyeol promised to communicate all the time, to give each other time although there was a huge time difference with South Korea and Canada, but we promised to make things work. 

"I don't think this will work anymore, Aera."

My thoughts were brought back to the present once I heard Chanyeol's voice on the end of the line. And by that, it made me think that maybe, probably, this was the end for the both of us. Tears started to stream down my face, my throat began to tighten even more as my chest contricted painfully than earlier. I was a mess, a total mess.

"Y-Yeol, listen, we can't end like this please." My voice was pleading, begging, I was begging. My mom once told me that no matter what the situation was given, I should never ever beg for anyone to stay.

"Aera, please. I'm tired of this, we're always fighting and everyday I feel like we're both going nowhere. I feel like I'm no longer growing as a person because everything I do is just worrying about you all the damn time, I'm letting myself down Aera and that shouldn't happen. A relationship shouldn't even break us to begin with, it shouldn't." 

Chanyeol was indeed right, everything he said was right. This relationship was slowly breaking us and it shouldn't even be like that, it shouldn't. I don't know if it was because of the long distance factor or was this about how we're not handling problems anymore. I began to feel hopeless, I began to give up, I knew that Chanyeol really wanted to let go     to let go of the both of us.

Was he hurting? Did he not love me anymore?

I wanted to ask him, but I felt like I might just add more problems and more negative emotions, so I decided to keep my mouth shut. "Will you be happy? I mean, are you willing to let four years of love go to waste just like that?" I had asked him instead, I heard him let out another sigh on the other end of the line, knowing all too well that he never liked the way my question rolled out from my mouth.

"I won't be happy, I'll be devastated Aera. I love you so much. But if letting you go means that I wouldn't break myself even more, then I would. I'm sorry but I have to choose myself this time. I love you, but I love myself too." Chanyeol said. 

And that was it, that was the end for both of us. Just breaking up through phone call, hard to meet up because of the distance. This was it, my west side story break up happens to be on the phone, just on the phone. Not even a rain break up or at the airport: just a plain, boring, phone break up.

"Okay." That was all I had said, nothing more and nothing less. I didn't know what to say anymore, he wanted to let go and he sounded as if he was begging for me to go too. I didn't want to put him through any pain anymore, as much as I wouldn't want him to go but I also don't want him to suffer anymore. I did not hear anything from the other line, but he hasn't ended the call yet. He was just silent. both he and I wouldn't know what to say anymore. So I ended the call, doing him a favor by making the first move. 

I stood still, just staring at my phone's screen. My tears still flowing down my fac