5 years have passed and I still miss you

5 years have passed and it still feels like yesterday

5 years have passed and this heart of mine is only beating for you.

I remember the time when we first met. We are sitting beside each other in the bus , and are both college based on our uniform. Our skin that were unintentionally made contact to each other send those tingling and electrifying sensation in my body. We are both using earphones , listening to the melodies that we accustomed to , tunes that lift up our moods and songs that we constantly fall in love with. And suddenly there's a weight on my shoulder.

"I don't like skinship but you are an exception, my love".

I observe you , and god what did I do in my past life to be in this position. I adjust my posture for you to be comfortable.

"I don't mind my stop , I just want to be here with you" I thought while looking at you.

After that occurence I search you through social media. I found out that you are taking a business major , and here I am an engineering student.

"This is it "

I encourage myself to at least introduce myself in front of you and your friends. I message you first , say my hi's and hello's in the first week but sadly we can't meet up because our schedules didn't click to each other.

As time passes by , our feelings become mutuals. Sometimes we met by the cafeteria or library if we have free time. Every time we are together , I become observant especially to you.

Like , how you hit me every time I make a cringe jokes

How your eyes glint with happiness , relief and love

How you become a very clingy one every time we are together

How you become jealous when I spend more time in my studies than you

And how I ask myself

"what did I do in my past life to deserve this kind of love and joy"

But as time passes by , you become so distant to me. We are legal on both sides because we are mature enough in this kind of relationship. One day , I didn't saw you on school , every time I contact you , you were unavailable. I'm not oblivious . I know that there is something wrong in you.

You don't want to tell me , so I beg your mother. She said that you have a have a coronary heart disease. You badly needed a heart as soon as possible. After hearing those words , I burst out in tears. Tears that are full of agonies. Tears that reminds me that you will be gone.

Every day I go to hospital just to see you. Every hour I wish you to be healed. Every minute I was worried about you and every second I miss you.

"Hey, love"

You said and smiled brightly like I suddenly become blind. Like a sunshine in my life. A sunshine that I constanly fall in love with.  How irony it can be because here you are , in a bed with many wires attached to your body.

"Hello love , how are you?"

I want to be strong but my eyes betrayed me. I don't want to appear a weak one with you. You hug me like there's no tomorrow. You kiss the tears away.

"Love" I know that change of tone of yours. A tone that are full of emotions.

"Love , you know our favorite band LANY will have a concert on saturday and oh my god it's your birthday on sunday." I speak out just to avoid your words.

"Love , hear me please. M-my heart is so weak right now. I want to g-give up.... but at the same time I want to be with you guys,   h-how? W-what will I do? I d-don't want to be burden to my family especially to you.I-i"

I cut off your words by kissing you. A kiss that reminds of our never ending love. A kiss wherein we put all of our emotions in it. A kiss filled with genuine love and longing for each other

"W-what are you saying"

I stated while my eyes where in verge of tears , of crying.

"Remember our promises to each other? We will attend every concer of LANY right? And also a family. We will find a donor okay? Y-you , I mean we can do it. Be faithful okay? "

I pecked your forehead and stay with you , in your embrace and we drift off to our dreamland.

It's saturday , our favorite band is here. It's also your birthday tomorrow. Despite of those happy thoughts , I know that your time will be tomorrow. I already saw it. Those signs , like you can't even breathe just like the usual. In spite of your sudden weight loss , I find you alluring , fascinating , captivating , name all those words. I love you since the first time I saw you. It never change .

Your parents gave me the permission to be with you. At the concert, we reminisce our moments together , the first time we first met up to this day. Those moments wherein we used to prank each other.

Like , those prank wherein you will put make up in my face when I'm sleeping

Those prank wherein I tried to break up with you

Those prank wherein  you put salt instead of sugar on my coffee and worst a soy sauce

How i miss those old days.

There's a sadness in every happiness they said. And right , I'm one of the evidence

"This is our last song, Hope you guys like it"

Thru these tears-LANY

🎵In the end I'm gonna be alright🎵

     "Love you are so beautiful. Are you for real? Hey Love,  did you see that?

🎵But it might take a hundred sleepless nights🎵

     "Love , just like them we will have a family. Ahmm , like 23 children because it's our day of anniversary"

🎶To make the memories of you disappear 🎵



     "Love , I will always be here."

🎵But right now I can't see nothing through these tears 🎵

       "I hope you will forgive me"

🎵Out of sight but you're not out of my mind 🎵

        "You're always in my heart"

🎵So it might take somebody else at night 🎵

       

         "I know what are you doing right now. See this? I will always hold your hand. I will accompany you everywhere. I will stay by your side even if your hair will turn out to be white , even of you can't stand anymore I will be your feet in every places you wanted to be. I will be your ears whenever the world don't want to listen to you."

🎵To make it feel like you were never here 🎵

         And suddenly , there's a weight on my shoulder. I cried silently. I already expected this to happen , but why it hurts so much "I love you so much" I said and pecked her head. I hold her hand even though it's cold and pale.

🎵 But right now I can't see nothing through these tears 🎵

       

        Just like our first meeting , your weight on my shoulder will be the first and last thing I want to happen.

     

         "I dont mind my stop , I just want to be here with you"

        "I don't like skinship but you are an exception , my love"

          "See you in afterlife , my love. I mumbled while leaning my head unto yours. Just like the songs , I promise you that we will fall in love and die on my shoulder




5 years have passed and I still miss you

   ~   It's been a long time how are you there?

5 years have passed and it still feels like yesterday

   ~   Yeah , I remember and feel everything like how they used to be

5 years have passed and this heart of mine is only beating for you

   ~   Even though, I don't have physically that heart. I know that you will operate it in more useful way. That you will take care of that heart because the owner of that didn't become a 'careful one' that  her brain were also affected.

And lastly , I don't want to 'fell' in love with you because you didn't become my past. I 'fall' in love with you because you are the present or gift in my life.

-Excuse me in my typographical errors or wrong grammas, I'm just a mere high school student. Lol