"I can’t cry all I want or even laugh all I want
At the end of a tiring day but still, if I’m next to you
Like a child, I can whine and then laugh
Till I run out of breath
I’m not used to seeing myself like this"

~ Jonghyun - End of A Day ~

 

It was a gloomy day with ominous dark clouds above her heads. Naeun was on her way home from school as she trudged along the streets with her earphones fixed, listening to Jonghyun’s End of a Day. She was hopelessly muddled by a text message she received. In fact, she felt betrayed and confused. Her eyes were filled with sadness, yet determination.  

It started to pour. The street vendors were busy packing and screaming as if they were competing against each other who was the loudest. Naeun heard faint noises through her earphones but it was not enough to distract her from her train of thoughts. She continued walking aimlessly while the pedestrians were running about looking for shelter.

Naeun jolted from the raindrops that began to hit on her skin like bullets. The sky was raging with no idea of ceasing. She looked up and wondered if they were tears or raindrops that flowed down her cheeks. She wiped away the raindrop-tears on her face and continued where she was heading - home.

“I’m home,” said Naeun, cold and drenched.

As if she entered an instant dungeon, she detected blood thirst and a menacing atmosphere that brought shivers down her spine. She went over to her grandmother who was sitting in the living room with her favourite TV program on.

“It’s happening again, huh?” she reckoned and insinuated in her head. “Bigger this time…” Her grandmother nodded with a look of defeat.

 

Few days earlier,

‘Bzzzzz’, Naeun’s phone vibrated in her pocket. Who would have texted her at this hour, she wondered? She excused herself from class and headed straight to the washroom. Her right hand swiftly reached for the pockets as she entered one of the cubicles, slamming the door shut.

“Your dad and I are getting a divorce,” the message read, with a picture of a divorce letter attached. “I told you he’s been cheating on me with that women.”

Her heart sank, not knowing how to react.

Naeun had always been the mature ones among her friends due to the situation at home. Although she had a few best friends who assured her that she could talk to them, she was afraid of being a nuisance and afraid of how she would be perceived. So, she chose to bury herself in her own world, allowing her subconsciousness to take over her mind and body.

Distracted by her thoughts, she was not aware of a boy who had been observing her the moment she returned to the classroom. More so, she did not realise his existence nor how the girls were causing a commotion in class.

Time went by slowly and every single classes was agonising. The bell rang, announcing that it was only recess time. Naeun isolated herself from the crowd who were heading to fill their stomach. She, on the other hand, had her serving of depression and frustration.

She sat on a bench, under a shady oak tree, watching the seniors playing basketball on the court. That moment rekindled her desire of how much she wanted to have a brother who would comfort and care for her.

“Are you okay?” a boy approached her with a banana milk in his hands, blocking her view from the basketball team.

Startled by the shadow before her, Naeun look up to see a boy in a gel up light copper red coloured hair, showing his dimples as he showed off a charming smile.

He laughed at the bewildered look on her face. “Did I startle you?”

She never expected to be approached by a boy in her twenty-one years of life. To add on, a handsome, idol-like boy. Who would have ever notice a plain and average looking girl like her when there were tons of pretty girls out there?

The boy invited himself to sit beside her without waiting for her respond.

“Who are you?” Naeun asked as she pluck up her utmost courage that was buried for ages.

The boy instinctively poked a straw to the banana milk in his hands, offered to her and answered, “We haven’t been properly introduced. My name is Jung Jaehyun.” As Naeun was collecting herself from the disorientation, he continued, “I’m an exchange student from Connecticut. I was introduced just now in class when you were away.”

“Nice to meet you, Jaehyun,” she greeted sheepishly. “I am Min Naeun.”

“I know,” Jaehyun caressed her hair. “Guess I’ll be seeing you around more often,” he grinned and strode across the field.

 

Naeun walked up the stairs to the common room, eavesdropping by the door of her parent’s room. It was silent with only occasional sniffing and sobbing was heard.

Like a strong power engulfing her, she felt her body trembling in frustration. The angel and devil in her mind were fighting against each other that caused a throbbing pain in her head. She ran out from her house into the pouring rain and found herself on the rooftop of a building.

She panted as she reached the top, with her hands on her knees she ached for more air.

“WHYYYYYYYYYYYY??????” she shouted to the winds. “All I asked is for a regular life, a regular dream to dream for. IS THIS TOO MUCH TO ASK?”

Naeun sobbed and screamed, and, screamed and sobbed. She felt lost and worthless with no one to turn to. She cared so much with nothing in return. Her elder sister, Jieun chose to escape from home, throwing her to the fire pit to deal with it all alone. Is that all to her life? To be blamed and to always take the blame…

She plodded towards the edge of the roof and stood on the parapet for a whole 40 minutes, contemplating about her life. She took a deep breath, extending her left leg forward.

“Why are you of so little faith, Min Naeun?” a sudden echoing voice came from behind.

Naeun turned her head to find a ray of light illuminating from the dark sky, shining onto ten young looking boys dressed in black.

“Am I dead? Has the devil come and take me?” she muttered to herself.

“No, you are not dead,” a boy in a medium champaign coloured mullet, specified.

“And no, we are not the devil,” a boy with a prominent red hair continued.

Naeun stood there, frozen. Who are these people? Devil? What are they? Her vision was blurred from the rain and she looked like a total mess. But the boys on the other side were dry and composed. As she scanned through the men from left to right, top to bottom, she noticed a familiar figure. A five feet eleven boy in a gel up light copper red hair was giving off his signature dimple smile.

He was Jaehyun.

Naeun gasped, not believing what she had seen and stumbled backwards. She thought this was it, the end to her life. A split-second memory with her family played in her mind, not realising she was floating mid-air.

She felt her body stiffen like a corpse and was dragged up steadily on her two feet. The rain stopped just as her feet touched the surface. She could clearly see that the boy in mullet was in action as he stood forward with his palm reached out as if there was an invisible string preventing her from falling. The boys had multiple expression on their faces, some were worried, anxious and some were unreadable.

Jaehyun especially, was agitated.

The boys came forward, with Jaehyun reaching out for her hand. She grabbed his hand, came down from the parapet and was pulled into his embrace.

“Don’t you ever do that again, you understand?” Jaehyun reprimanded with a tinge of softness in his tone.

Naeun trembled. Not because she was afraid of the boys who appeared out of nowhere but the near-death experience she had. It was clear to her that she was not ready to commit suicide but at the same time she felt uncertain for what is yet to come.

“Erk hem,” a boy in black hair with blue highlights cleared his throat. Naeun immediately pulled herself away from Jaehyun, remembered that they were not alone.

“Allow us to introduce ourselves,” the boy in mullet said. “1, 2, 3.”

“To your heart, here is NCT. Hello, we are NCT 127.”