Eunji,

Hi, this is Chorong. I don't know how to start this letter. I don't even know why I am writing this letter to you. I am staring at this paper for a long time now, but words are hard to come out. What should I write? Ah. Yes, maybe I should begin where we started. Let's reminisce our time together. 

Do you remember the first time we met? It was the first day of class and you were on your first year while I was on my third. You were sixteen and I was eighteen. I was in a hurry to go to the auditorium when I heard a piano playing. That made me stop and curious at the same time. So I went to the music room where the sound was coming from. There, in the middle, you were seated in front of the piano. Your eyes were closed while playing a melody that I am not familiar of. But the sound of it made my heart calm. The melody was so beautiful and relaxing. And then you started singing. Your voice was mesmerizing that I thought I heard an angel singing. Yes, I fell in love with your voice the very first time I heard you sing. I don't want to admit it but my heart faltered for a moment and it started beating fast every time you hit those notes. Maybe, I didn't realize that time that I fell in love with you. Maybe, it's a love at first note for me.

I can't forget the look on your face when you opened your eyes after you play. It turned white as a paper and you scrambled to get up on your seat. How intimidating do I look that time that you can't form a word properly? And when you gathered your wits, you explained your reason why you are there with that cute dumb face of yours. Yes, I found you cute that time. You don't know how hard for me to keep a straight face while scolding you for entering that room without anyone's permission. You don't know that my heart was still beating fast with your performance. And I can't believe myself that I am admitting these things to you right now. Yes Eunji, it was me who fell in love first.

I thought our encounter that day will be our first and our last one. I was not expecting that if ever we meet again, we will gonna acknowledge each other presence. But our paths crossed again. An encounter that became a reason to become each other's constant. I can't believe my eyes when I saw you standing outside my dorm introducing yourself as my new roommate. And when you smiled widely and even showed your eyesmile whenever you talk, my heart leap in nervousness. Why do I feel nervous? Why do I feel giddy? Why do I feel this way? Questions that I asked myself whenever you were in front me. 

Our times together in that small space was so precious for me. Memories that I don't want to forget. Treasures that I want to cherish. And moments that I will love forever. We have our differences. Our style doesn't match. We bicker. You love to tease me. But because of these moments, we became close in no time. We learned to adjust for each other.

Do you remember that one night? I was busy studying for my exam when you suddenly barged in in my room. You looked nervous. You looked uneasy. And you made me worry. I thought something bad happened to you. Imagine my shock when you blurted out of nowhere that you like me. That you wanted to date me. And I laughed it off. I thought you were joking. But your face was so serious and I saw a flash of hurt in your eyes when I told you to stop joking. So I stood up and went to you. Held your hands and asked you why. Why do you want to date me suddenly? Why did you confess suddenly? You averted your gaze. You can't look me in the eyes and you bit your lip while thinking what to say. Do you know how tempted I am to kiss you right there and then? You were seducing me without even knowing. You were seducing me without even trying. And when you gathered your courage. You told me that you like me the first time we met. That you were happy when we became a roommate. That it was your chance to make me like you. A chance for us to know each other better. And that you were jealous of Joohyun. I laughed at you when you said that. And your face turned crimson. I can't believe that "The Jeong Eunji" was blushing in front me. And that made me giggle. You thought I was making fun of you. That I didn't took your confession seriously. You were ready to walk away but I stopped you. Do you know how fast my heart was beating that time? My heart was fluttering and my insides were in shamble. You were the only person that could make me feel that. That night, I also confessed to you. That I like you. That I want to date you too. And you don't need to be jealous of Joohyun, she's just a friend and a study buddy of mine. Your face lit up when you heard my confession. You jumped in glee. Your look was still engraved in my mind. Those smiles that will be forever in my memory.

Do you remember the times that we explore your adventurous side? I told you that I was afraid of heights. I was afraid of water, that I don't know how to swim. And I was afraid of extreme rides in the amusement park. But you never listened to me. Whenever we went out on date, you always bring me to these places. You helped me conquer my fear. We did bungee jumping. I thought I'm gonna pissed in my pants when we were on top. I wanted to smack your face when you made fun of me. You kept on teasing me until I forgot where we are. And when the time that we need to jump came, you pulled me closer and hugged me. You asked me to trust you. That you will never let me go. That I don't need to be afraid because we will face my fear together. We both jumped and I screamed at the top of my lungs. While you, you were laughing at my face. I didn't know how could you still laugh while we were falling. Ah, of course, you are 'Jeong Eunji' as if that explains everything. The only thing that you feared of is someone named 'Park Chorong'. And when our feet touched the ground, I thought I'm gonna cry. But you hugged me tight. You comforted me. You said that I did a good job. And I realize that time that there's nothing I should feared of as long as you were on my side.

Do you remember the first time you met my family? It was on a weekend and we were just lazing around the dorm. We were so lazy to go out and decided to just cuddle while we watched some sappy movie that you don't like. Someone knocked on the door and we were not expecting any visitors. We didn't had a plan with our friends either. You volunteered to open the door. Your hair was a mess. Both of us wearing our comfort clothes. Yes, we were not dressed to receive any visitor. When you opened the door and seconds passed without you talking, I removed my gaze to the movie that I was watching and looked at you. You were standing there like a statue. Blood was drained on your face. So I stood up and went to you. Lo and behold, my parents were there standing opposite of you. You immediately knew that they were my parents because I am splitting image of my mom. I welcomed them with a warm hug and let them in. While you, you were still standing at the door and you looks like that you wanted to runaway. But I dragged you to my parents and introduce you to them. My dad stared at you while you were so tense standing on my side. You stammered a few times while talking to them. I realized that my cute confident puppy was not that so confident. Your nervousness doubled and I really thought that you will walked out that time when I told them that we were dating. But you stayed and my dad asked you to talk one on one. Both of you went to your room while me and my mom prepared our food. Honestly, I was nervous and scared that time. What if my dad won't like you? What if they asked me to move out of the dorm? What if they will banned me to see you? But my worries vanished and I was surprised when you went out of your room and both of you were laughing. My dad even messed your hair and patted your back. I didn't know until now what did you say to him that you easily made him love you like her own daughter. He even favored you whenever we have our small fight.

Speaking of fight. Do you remember our first huge fight? We were dating for over six months then when Jieun transferred in our school. She joined the music club that you were part of. A musical was being organized and you were picked as one of the lead. I already knew the moment that you auditioned for the lead role, that they will picked you. Jieun, eventhough she's a transferee and new to our school, got the other lead role. You became partners. Our usual weekend routine lessened. You need to go to school to practice. You spend more time with Jieun while you spend less to me. And whenever we were together, there's no time that you didn't include her in our conversation. I was jealous of her but I didn't voice it out. But my last string of patience snapped when I came to your practice room. I was supposedly surprise you. I even packed you a lunch because I wanted to spend time with you. But I never thought that I will see you and her alone in that practice room. You pinning her on the wall while kissing her. I wanted to shout that time to the both of you. I wanted to throw the packed lunch that I made for you. But I didn't. Instead I ran out of that place and went to our dorm. I cried my heart out on my bed, thinking where did I went wrong.

That night when you came home. You were on your usual bubbly self. You told me your day and how great Jieun as a singer. You kept on talking about her. And that made me snapped. I threw my notebook at you. You were shocked when it hit your head. You glared at me and asked why did I do that. Everything that I bottled up exploded. I told you that I was jealous of Jieun. That you can't stop talking about her even if you were with me. That I saw you kissing her when I went to visit you earlier that day. And when I stopped shouting, you were standing there staring blankly at me. You didn't try to come near me. To comfort me. To explain yourself. Instead you walked out that night after you said "Did you really think that I will hurt you Rong?".

I was waiting for you to come back that night. I already cooled down. And maybe I misunderstood what I saw that day. But you didn't came. I was worried sick until Bomi texted me that you were with her. That I shouldn't worry about you. That she will take care of you. The next day, I was waiting for you at the front gate. You were with Bomi. But you looked like a mess. Of course, the hung over was kicking in because you drunk that night. I wanted to take care of you but you didn't looked at me. You just passed by and Bomi told me that I should give you space. And that made me pissed. I should be the one who's getting angry. You should be the one that's comforting me. Why do I need to make the first move to fix our mess? But at the back of my mind, your last words that night was bugging me. So I distanced myself and give you space. But the day was not yet ending when I heard that you backed out on the musical. The music club was on disarray. They didn't know what to do and you won't budge with your decision.

Days passed and you were still not coming to our dorm. You were still staying at Bomi. The music club was still looking for someone to replace you. And me, I badly wanted to talk to you. To convince you to do the musical and to fix our relationship. Jieun went to me. We had our talked. She knew that we had a fight because of her. That you backed out because I was jealous of her. She explained to me that I misunderstood what I saw. That both of you were just practicing a scene wherein you need to fake kiss her but you need to make the audience believe that you were really kissing. And I guessed both of you were really a great actress. Both of you fooled me.

Bomi and I had enough of your tantrums. She immediately agreed when I asked her to help me to meet you. Of course, it's been a week since you barged in in her dorm and she and Naeun can't deal with you anymore. When I already cornered you, I didn't know where to start. My jealousy hurt you. But words were so hard to form. I didn't know where to start. I didn't know what to say. And you beat me to it. You apologized to me. For being dense. For neglecting me. For unconsciously hurting me. You didn't know that I was jealous and still kept on mentioning Jieun. You thought that it was ok for me because I never said anything about it. I realized there and then that communication was one of the important things we need to do if we want our relationship to lasts. I apologized to you for being immature. For doubting your feelings to me. For being jealous. You said it was ok. We reconciled that day and our relationship became stronger. I was able to convince you to do the musical. I knew that you really wanted to and your just taking my feelings into consideration. Both of us went to the music club and apologize for the ruckus that we made. They immediately accept you back, but as a punishment, we treat them for a snack.

Do you remember the biggest mistake that I ever made? Ten years had passed since we met. I was twenty eight and you were twenty six. We were still together. We were still living in the same apartment. Our families bond were stronger. A wedding. That's the only thing that we all need. But both of us were just starting to make names in our chosen career. Me as a lyricist and you as a singer. So we set aside the thought of wedding.

Ten years with you was a pure bliss. We were happy. Yes, we had our small and big fight but we always resolve it when we talk. But I didn't know when I started to feel cold in our relationship. I didn't know when I started to feel suffocated. I am used to with our relationship. I am used to with your presence. You became a constant in my life. And at some point, I wanted to be free. The thrill in our relationship was gone. But I didn't have the courage to break up with you. I don't want to hurt you. But I still did, didn't I? I hurt you. I broke you. I cheated on you. And I am still mad at myself. Until now, I am questioning myself, why did I cheat on you?

We broke up when you learned about it. We were a mess. My family, our friends, they were all mad at me. But you stood up for me. You asked them to talk to me. That I need them now that you were not by my side. That they should take care of me now that you can't. I hated myself more for hurting you when Joohyun told me that you talked to her. You told her what I like and dislike. My favorites. My fears. My dreams. What she should do when I am sick. What she should do when I am tired. What she should do to make me happy. Everything that you know about me. You asked her to take care of me. And love me and cherish me. How selfless can you be Eunji? You were worried about me that you forgot yourself. Who will take care of you? Who will mend the heart that I broke? You should have think of yourself first. You should be mad on us. You should have resent us. But you never did. And my guilt was eating me up. Joohyun and I finished whatever we had. In the first place, it shouldn't had started. 

Months had passed and I was trying to fix my life. I buried myself in my workroom while I shut out every news related to you. But that one time, while waiting for my coffee. Your voice filled the shop. It was a new song from you. But the lyrics shot me straight through my heart. And I didn't knew that I was crying. Your voice, it was full of sadness. The lyrics, I know it is about us. And that night, I locked myself in my room while your song was echoing in that four walls.

All my words were right, you would change.

I shouldn't have trusted you, I shouldn't let my heart opened fully...

Love is a thing which ends to be a one sided love eventually.
Like this, if I love once again, at that time, I won't forget that I shouldn't love too much.

Those words hit me like a bullet train. And everything dawned at me that I broke you so much. If I was drowned in misery for the past months, what more of you. And I don't know how to fix that.

I mistook that this might be different

I was in the sweet illusion
Everything's my fault
I was the one who was a fool

...

At first, we talked about eternity
I was anxious, and I was right
I fooled myself
That our love would be different

And you blamed yourself when we both know that this was solely my fault. I was weak. I tried to find something that was forbidden for me. When in reality, it was you that I really wanted. And I was too late to realize that. Or was I?

Our first encounter after our break up was unexpected. I was on my way to meet Joohyun. I knew that I should have distanced myself to her after what happened but she was the only one I can lean on that time. I didn't have any face to show to our friends. I saw you coming out on the bar that me and Joohyun agreed to meet up. And I was frozen in my place. I didn't know how to act in front of you. You looked mad that time and when you saw me, your face darkened even more. You came to me and grabbed me. You started to dragged me towards your car. And I didn't protest because I wanted to be with you. You drove away in that place. I should be scared that time. It was my first time seeing you that mad. But I knew you will never hurt me. So I let you dragged me wherever you want me to be.

We ended up in front of my new place. It's been minutes but no one started to speak. I was planning to get out when you broke our silence. And that was totally unexpected. You, saying that you punched Joohyun. And I didn't mean to raised my voice when I asked you why. But I saw the flash of hurt in your eyes. I hurt you again. But you immediately masked it. You averted your gaze and said that you caught her kissing another girl. That she's cheating behind me. You looked at me again with your vulnerable eyes. You didn't tried to hide it this time. Your eyes, it screamed pain and sadness. And I wanted to hug you badly. I wanted to comfort you so much. And so I kissed you. I didn't care about anything else that time. You were the only one that matters to me. And things happened so fast, I didn't know how we ended up on my bed that night.

I thought we were already okay. But I was wrong. Of course one night will not fix anything, right? I badly hurt you. The scar that I left in your heart was so deep. It will not be healed with just a few kiss and make up. And I decided that morning when I woke up and saw the empty space beside me, that I should try my best to mend your broken heart.

So with my new resolve, I started to court you. I started to show up on your workplace. I started to bring you your favorite food. Your favorite drinks. Your favorite flowers. I tried everything that I can. But you, you ignored me. You didn't throw me a glance whenever I showed up. You didn't tried to touch the food and drinks that I brought. And the flowers, they just ended up in the trash.

And then one day, maybe I reached your limit. You dragged me somewhere where we could talk privately. You asked me to stop whatever I was trying to do. That I should leave you alone. But I told you that I love you. That I regret hurting you. That I realized that I can't live without you. But you just stared at me and smiled sadly. You told me that it was so hard to trust my words now. And I realized that whatever I will do, you will always doubt me. So when you walked away that time, I let you. We need time for ourselves and the only one who could heal us was ourselves.

We walked on our different ways. I focused on my job. I wrote lyrics that will touched the people's hearts. Everything that I wrote was loved by the masses. While you, you became a superstar. You shined brightly whenever you sing on stage. You are well known and well loved locally and internationally. And I was there in the corner watching you shined even more. I was happy for you. The regrets were still there but I moved on and I was all healed up .

After two years, we met again. I don't know how in that span of two years, we never crossed paths with each other. We work in the same industry. We have same circle of friends. Did you purposely avoid me? But you can't runaway that time right? It was Bomi and Naeun's wedding afterall. Of course Bomi was your best friend and you can't be absent on this important event of her life. Unlike us, they stayed strong and ended up with each other arms.

Unexpectedly, you sat beside me. And I can't believe when you smiled at me. Those eyesmile were back. And I realized that I missed you so much and that I still love you. My feelings didn't changed. It was just hiding in the corner of my heart.

I thought that our first meeting will be awkward. Our last one didn't end well. But when you started talking to me. Telling me what you were doing in the past years. Your experience in every country that you visited. I knew that we were back in the old times. You invited me to go out after the wedding. And then we started to spend our time every weekend. Everything was getting back to normal. And when you asked me to start all over again, I just cried on your arms. You didn't know how happy I was. Maybe time heals all wounds. We just need to be apart and let ourselves heal. And I know that we are good when you started to tease me on how ugly I look when I cry.

I didn't expect that I'll be writing a letter this long for you. We came a long way, didn't we? But I wanted to say thank you for still accepting me even if I am full of flaws. Thank you for forgiving me after I broke your heart. And for someone who has a wedding to attend, I can't believe that you reached until here. But nonetheless, I love you baby. I can't wait to see your face on the altar. Be sure that you are not crying *wink*

Love,

Chorong.

-----

Eunji folded the letter and she slid it back to the envelope. She glared at the person seating beside her while she wiped her tears. Bomi is laughing at her and she's not trying to hide it.

"Laughed it out Yoon Bomi. I can't believe you delivered this letter right before my wedding."

Bomi grinned at Eunji. "I didn't expect that you will really cry."

Eunji just shook her head. She looked at the letter once more and smiled. She can't believe that both her and Chorong had come a long way. Their journey was tough but it was all worth it.

The bell rang signalling that the wedding has started. And when she saw Chorong walking down the aisle. She knew that a new journey will start. She knew that it will not be easy. They will make some mistakes along the way but she's sure that they will survive it. Afterall, their trust and their love for each other was already tested so many times. It was stronger now than before.

-END-