A/N: Thanks for the comments and upvotes, everyone! They make me very happy, heh. Credit to K-drama "It's Okay to not be Okay" for one part of this chapter that's inspired from it.

-----------------------------------------------

Joohyun first fell in love with movies when she was six.

She still remembered the day clearly; the one that had gotten her younger self snapping up to attention in front of her TV and realizing with wide eyes that: this is it. this is what I want to be when I grow up.

It was a Chuseok holiday when her mother’s brother had come to visit them from another town with his wife, bringing with them a lot of food and gifts that had Joohyun so excited, she had latched onto the stuffs with glee and forgotten to say thanks.

Her mom had scolded her briefly afterwards, but her uncle had merely laughed and kept producing more and more gifts for her as if he was carrying a magical Santa’s giftbag.

“What is this?” Joohyun had asked with curiosity when she accepted a thing that looked like a bookcase, clueless as to what it was and how it would just change her life forever. “Is this a new kind of book?”

“No, sweetie.” Her uncle had chuckled. “That is a DVD bookcase. Open it up.”

So, Joohyun did as she was told and was surprised to find out that the bookcase was filled with nearly 20 discs of movies instead of papers. They ranged from action, fantasy, and adventure, and they weren’t only animations like what her mom allowed her to watch.

Joohyun had screeched so loud with happiness that her uncle and aunt had to cover their ears as they laughed.

Then, her mom had given a word for her uncle – saying how it could negatively affect her or something – but Joohyun couldn’t even hear her over her joy.

All she knew was finally, after years of being envious of her friends who could watch so many things so freely at their homes, she could too.

She had spent the rest of that day and the day after that watching all of them religiously in her bedroom, using the DVD player that her uncle had also gotten for her years prior.

When she’d finished all of them, she felt like she had gone through 20 different lifetimes.

She had been a superhero, a secret agent, a president, a successful banker, and she had been to five different countries without even taking a step out of her bedroom.

She had seen the big world and all its different people without even actually seeing them.

Joohyun was in awe.

And she decided right then and there that she wanted to be that person: the one who got to be anyone she wanted to be, without limits.

So, that was what had found her in this very nerve-wracking situation, where she was pacing back and forth in her bedroom, years later, biting her nails anxiously.

Sometimes, Joohyun hated herself for not dreaming of something less stressful like herding a flock of sheep on a peaceful mountain or something alike.

“Hello, good afternoon!” She answered her phone a tad too quickly – the thing hadn’t even rang yet and had only just started flashing, she swore – her voice high and scratchy and nervous in all the bad ways that made her cringe at herself.

She slapped a hand to her forehead and willed herself to calm.

Sounding desperate was not a good way to impress any potential employer.

“Good afternoon.” The female voice at the end of the line sounded surprised, possibly stunned that someone could have answered a call that quickly. “Am I speaking to Miss…Bae Joohyun from Sokcho?”

“Yes!” Joohyun’s voice came out too high again, and she had to slam a hand to her chest to slow down her heart rate before she could choke on her own spit and die pathetically in her bedroom. “Y-yes, I mean, that is correct, I’m – I’m Bae Joohyun.”

The woman on the line sounded confused by her commotion but then cleared up . “Hi, Miss Joohyun. It’s a pleasure to speak to you again. I’m Mrs. Yoo, the casting director from Edge of Freedom which you auditioned for last week.”

Joohyun nodded quickly and then realized a second later that the lady could not see her so she needed to speak. “Oh yes! I mean, yes, I remember who you are, of course.”

The hand on her forehead slid up to pull her own fringe.

God. She was so, so stupid.

“Well, I’m calling you today because as we have promised everyone during the audition, we will be announcing the casting decision today.”

Joohyun’s pounding heart ceased in her chest and so did her breathing.

This is it.

She could get it, right?

She had come so close to perfecting that scene she was asked to enact – at least when compared to several other girls before her – and the casting director and the producer had given her a positive reaction back then.

It was a really good project too, telling the story of 5 teenagers trying to weave their ways through personal and family’s problems and finally getting to places where they wanted to be. It was hopeful, smartly written, and perfect for her age. She would love to do it.

“I’m sorry to say that while you were really good, we happened to find another candidate who fit the role better afterwards. Please, do not be disappointed, because you were really great for someone new. Someone else just happened to fit this one role better.”

It felt like Joohyun was living underneath a giant tank and it had just shattered over her head and rained down merciless, cold water on her.

She froze on her spot for a moment, her phone numbly pressing against her ear. The world seemed to stop spinning.

“Miss Joohyun? Are you still there?” The lady sounded mildly concerned. “I understand that it must be disappointing but –”

“No, I’m alright.” She lied through her trance, her voice firm and convincing despite her eyes just blinking blankly and rapidly. “I’m actually alright.”

She wasn’t. But even though she wasn’t because she had failed another casting again, lord forbid her to fail concealing her emotions to the casting director.

Emotions were good for the camera, but they were not so good in real life when people in the industry might take it as a sign of weakness.

Like now.

“Okay, Miss Joohyun. That is good to hear. I wish you good luck in your next projects.”

“Thank you. You too.” Joohyun sounded like a robot as she clicked off the call and let her hand fall limply to her side.

It was a miracle that she didn’t drop her phone too.

“Joohyun! I’m so sorry! I’m sorry that I’m late. My mom made me do the dishes – did you get the call already?” Seulgi burst in through her bedroom door, nose red from the chill of November and eyes widely blown with adrenaline.

She was panting heavily and was clearly running to get to her house.

Joohyun blinked at her too, still in her heavy trance mode.

“Oh.” Seulgi didn’t seem to need her answer to know how the announcement went. Her eyebrows fell into apologetic slide as she watched Joohyun. “I’m sorry. I thought for sure that this time –” She cut herself off and fidgeted on the doorway, not sure of what to say.

If that correct guess had come from anyone else, Joohyun would have been alarmed that they could see through her that easily. She had spent so many hours taking acting classes that being read on so easily when she didn’t want to would just be an insult to her skill.

But this was Seulgi.

Seulgi, who was her closest friend and who had grown up with her since she was 8 up to now when she was 17.

Seulgi, who of course, could see through every smallest change in her face and knew exactly what had happened to her even without a word.

And Joohyun was unsurprised that she didn’t mind. Because Seulgi was also Seulgi who never perceived her less-than-boisterous moment as weakness, even though that was what had gotten them to be friends in the first place. Joohyun’s liveliness.

She ended up heaving a sigh and beckoning for her to come inside. “Come inside and warm yourself please. Your face is all red from the cold.”

Seulgi did as she was told but still looked uncertain of what to say as she closed the door behind her. And well, Joohyun didn’t blame her.

After all, how was she going to keep comforting her after she had failed another audition for the, probably, 20th time? Even the wordiest of people would have run out of words for comfort by now, and Seulgi wasn’t even wordy.

She was sweet but quiet, just like how she had always been since they were little.

“God, I failed it again.” Joohyun attempted to say it evenly just for the sake of lightening the moment, but she just ended up feeling even sadder.

She wounded up frustrated at herself and decided to just go to Seulgi. Pulling her taller friend in by the lapel of her coat, she dropped her forehead on her shoulder and just kind of banged it on there repeatedly.

Seulgi let her commence her silent, weird head-banging on her shoulder for a moment.

Then, when she was done, Seulgi raised her arms to wrap around her and give gentle pats on her back.

“You’ll get another chance, Joohyun. I believe you.” Seulgi’s voice was soft against her ear, and Joohyun wanted nothing but to believe her, but she also couldn’t.

Would she really? Got her chance at all?

How many times did one have to fail before they succeeded?

Seulgi squeezed her tighter and then her back firmer when she didn’t give her an answer. “You will get your chance, Joohyun. Don’t you try to doubt it or start thinking of something funny.”

Joohyun smiled against her coat despite her condition. “What? Are you a soothsayer now? Can you see into the future? Where is your mysterious crystal ball?”

Seulgi chuckled and pushed her back slightly – just slightly – to look at her in the eyes. Warm brown eyes, a shade darker than her own lighter ones, locked with hers with solid conviction that was rarely there. “I’m serious, Joohyun. You will get it. It’s just a matter of time and you just have to keep trying. You are amazing at acting and you have learned so much over these past few years.”

Joohyun smiled and felt her held-back tears threatening to well up, because damn, she really had worked so hard for her goal these past few years.

She had never missed her acting lesson even though it was 2-hour bus ride away from their small town, and she had always allocated all of her wage from her part-time job with that mean restaurant owner downtown for it.

She had missed out on so many things girls her age could enjoy, like those pretty, new dresses or nice, new bags to replace her old, worn-in ones.

“I’m sorry you wasted that train money to go with me all the way to Seoul for nothing again. Maybe next time you don’t have to come with me to my auditions.”

Seulgi looked at her as if she was being silly. “Don’t be funny. Of course I will go with you. I’ve always gone with you. Besides, you can’t even read a map to save your life. You will get lost in Seoul alone.”

Joohyun chuckled and felt a bit of her sadness melt away at last. She pulled Seulgi in again, burying her head deep into her shoulder for the second time but with a lighter heart. “Thank you,” she whispered, smiling and squeezing her friend close. “Thank you for always supporting me.”

Seulgi patted her back and she could feel her grin against her head. “A smart kid once told me that this is what friends are for.”

-------------------------------------------

Joohyun didn’t really feel like having dinner that night, but with Seulgi staying there for an impromptu sleepover that she deemed necessary to cheer Joohyun up, she was bound to get her ears nagged off if she didn’t have anything to eat.

So, here she was, hours after her mini meltdown, sitting on her small dinner table with her mom and Seulgi and trying to eat her food with more appreciation than she felt.

Usually, she would have wolfed down the sujebi her mom made for her, but now the poor little dish only got a halfhearted poke from her spoon.

Joohyun sighed and it took her a second to realize that she had actually done it out loud instead of doing it in her head.

Her mom stopped eating and looked at her.

“Are you okay? You look very upset tonight.” She took some of the grilled beef from a plate and placed it on Seulgi’s plate.

Joohyun laughed softly despite her state. “Maybe I’m sad because you are giving her more meat than your own daughter.” She joked, earning a soft grin from Seulgi who only nodded at her mother gratefully.

“Th