Jennie was a mess.

 

As soon as she stepped out of your apartment, the tears flowed freely. She sunk down against the door for a few moments to collect herself but soon got to her feet, adjusted her mask, sunglasses and cap so as to stay incognito in the New York streets, and walked to her waiting car in the street.

 

She thought that giving the situation some space would help her think everything through, but the only thing on her mind was how she thought she might’ve made the worst decision of her life. The 14 hour flight didn’t help either, and when she landed back home, she couldn’t even bring herself to dial your number and let you know she made it home, instead opting for a “made it home” text free of any emotion, written more so out of courtesy than anything else.

 

Jennie knew you were trying to call her. She heard the voicemail left after the first call and almost called you back, but she figured there would be no way to get over you if she did that, so she deleted the call from the log. The second time you called, Jennie stared at her ringing phone in her hand and debated on whether or not to answer the call, going through everything that might be said if she did answer. As soon as she pressed her finger to the answer button, the call screen disappeared, signaling you had ended the call. The third time, the call came through in the middle of the night. Jennie was startled awake by the vibration on the nightstand and without thinking ended the call only to realize in the morning that it was you that had called. She almost wondered if there was some emergency that would explain why you were calling with no regard to time zones, but she was supposed to be ridding you from her life, so she pushed that thought to the back of her mind. After that, the calls ceased.

 

Jennie spent some time off after returning from the States. For the first few days, she sulked around in her apartment, her group mates only coming by to bring food and make sure she was still doing well. On the inside, she really wasn’t, but she put on a smile so they wouldn’t worry as much.

 

Midway through the week, she figured she needed to do some cleaning. As she did so, she tossed every single thing that belonged to you in a box that she labeled, “Y/N’s THINGS” in thick black ink and placed it in the corner of her room, having every intention to ship it back to you in the next few days. A few more days passed before she realized that not being able to see your things didn’t really help with getting rid of thoughts of you like she thought it would.

 

In the following few weeks, she threw herself into work, thinking that maybe if she had something to occupy her time with, she wouldn’t think of you as much. Or how you’re doing. Or what you’re doing. Or if you’re thinking about her as much as she’s thinking about you. Jennie went out with friends and drank to try to wash the memory of you away, but it never seemed to work. It only left her with a headache the following day, and embarrassing stories from her friends about how she wouldn’t shut up about you. Again.

 

“How are you doing, Jennie?” Jisoo asked sincerely while walking out of a particularly difficult dance practice. Jennie assumed she had been asking about that when she replied.

 

“Pretty good. A little tired. These practices have really been kicking my .” She stopped when she noticed Jisoo had stopped walking and turned to face her.

 

“You know that’s not what I mean.” Jisoo said accusingly.

 

Jennie took a deep breath before plastering a smile across her face and lying.

 

“I’m doing ok. I’m figuring it out day by day.” It wasn’t a total lie, she was figuring it out, but she didn’t know how “ok” she really was.

 

Jisoo squinted at her. “I don’t really believe you,” she paused, picking her step back up and moving past Jennie, “but if you do need anyone to talk to about it, I’m here.” And it was really nice, Jennie thought, to have friends that cared so deeply for her, but the wound was still so fresh that even bringing up the situation made her feel like salt had been thrown directly on it. She didn’t want to talk about you or how she felt about the situation because she didn’t wish to be faced with the harsh reality that she did miss you because there was nothing she, or anyone else, could do about it. You guys were over.

 

Another week passed before she received a phone call from an old friend from New Zealand saying, surprise, she was going to be visiting in a few days for the first time in a few years and staying with Jennie for a few weeks. The timing was perfect. Jennie had a pretty open schedule for the next few weeks and she was grateful to have someone else around to fill her time and hopefully this would be the kind of therapeutic presence she needed to start getting over you.

 

Jennie was ecstatic, nearly floating through the airport and scooping her friend up in a long hug as soon as they reached each other.

 

“Oh my god, babe! I missed you so much!” Her friend exclaimed rather loudly in the bustling airport.

 

“I missed you too! It’s been too long!”

 

For the first few days, everything was going good. Jennie found herself wrapped up in everything her and her friend were doing together. She genuinely smiled for the first time in what felt like weeks. She thought maybe time actually could heal.

 

Everything was going good until she started asking hard questions.

“Is everything okay?” She asked on an afternoon coffee date. Jennie had been zoned out for a few minutes, staring out the window. Jennie shifted her gaze to her friend who continued, “You’ve been a bit distant today,” her brows furrowing in concern.

 

Jennie didn’t know if she could tell her friend that the reason she was distant was because she had ordered what you usually ordered, and Jennie couldn’t stop thinking of all of the sweet coffee dates you two had been on in the past two years.

 

Without thinking, she spoke up.

 

“I broke up with Y/N.” She said flatly, looking directly into her friend’s eyes.

 

“Sheesh,” her friend replied, clearly taken aback by the news, “I mean, I wasn’t going to ask, but you usually only talk about her so I was kind of wondering….” Her voice trailed off.

 

Jennie peered into her cup of steaming tea, waiting for her friend to continue.

 

“Jennie, what happened? From what you told me, it really seemed like she was the one?”

 

Jennie looked up again before replying, “distance” and leaving it at that.

 

A silence sat between the two friends and Jennie was almost glad that her friend didn’t ask her anything else. She was fine with that for a while until she felt the words bubbling up her chest, threatening to escape.

 

“I still love her.” Jennie said. Her own eyes widened as she heard each word leave . Well, it was out there now.

 

Her friend looked sympathetic for a beat before responding, “Have you tried reaching out yet? Maybe you both should just talk it out?”

 

“No, we haven’t. You’re right. Maybe I should.” Jennie said, emotionless. Yeah, she had opened this line of conversation, but now she wanted to close it and she hoped her friend would catch on. Thankfully, she did, and soon both of them were heading back home.

 

Jennie sat up in bed that night, kept awake by the thought of you and the box she seemingly had forgotten to ship in the corner or her room staring back at her in the moonlight. She didn’t know what to do at this point. She wanted you back, but it had almost been a month. What if you moved on? What if you were already over her and thriving in the U.S.? Her brain was flooded with scenarios of what would happen if she were to talk to you again, and all she really wished for before she closed her eyes to sleep, was a sign.

 

The following evening, Jennie and her friend decided to cook dinner at home. Jennie appreciated the night in.

 

“Hey! I don’t know if it’s even possible, but please don’t burn the pasta. If my memory serves correct, you were no Gordon Ramsey back in the day.” Jennie said teasingly.

 

She loved being able to talk to someone with no pretenses. Her friend didn’t ask her questions about you and it made Jennie feel so free.

 

“Har, Har, Jennie! If MY memory serves ME correct, you did burn the bacon this morning so you have no room to talk.”

 

Jennie laughed out loud. She couldn’t remember the last time she laughed so freely. Probably with you, she thinks, and then swipes the memory away.

 

Just then, she heard a knock on her door, looking toward the door and trying to think if she had invited anyone else over.

 

“Let me get that,” She said while moving to unlatch the door, throwing one last thing over her shoulder before making eye contact with whoever was on the other side.

 

“And if you do burn this, you’re sooo buying brunch tomorrow.” Jennie giggled, turning to face her guest.

 

Immediately meeting your eyes, Jennie squinted, trying to make sure what she was seeing was actually reality and not a hallucination. She couldn’t believe it at first, blinking a few times to make sure she hadn’t manifested this very situation with all of her thinking about you.

 

She realized she had been lost in her thoughts for too long when she heard a weak “surprise” leave your lips. All she could think was you and all she could see were your eyes staring back at her, pleading. Yet, she felt paralyzed in her spot, not able to move, not able to speak.

 

Jennie felt her friend walk up behind her and say something, but it sounded so far away that she couldn’t decipher what it was. So, she kept standing, frozen in her place.

 

And, now what are you doing? Are you crying? Jennie couldn’t figure out for the life of her what was going on but then she heard you speak again.

 

“um...this was a bad idea, I’ll just be going. Sorry.”

 

Jennie heard you clearly, thoughts running wild at the thought of you leaving again. Jennie had asked for a sign and this was a pretty ing big sign. No, no, Y/N, wait! She was saying the words but nothing was coming out. burned with the words that ached to be said.

 

You turned and headed to leave and Jennie could hear her friend asking her something, but again she couldn’t make out what it was. All she could think about was how she couldn’t just let you leave this time.

 

“Y/N! Come back!” Her voice strained out. You didn’t turn back around and Jennie grew even more confused. Did you not want her after all? She pushed those thoughts aside and turned to run back into the apartment, grabbing her car keys and a jacket and turning to leave again. She didn’t make it past the door before her friend grabbed her arm.

 

“Jennie, what’s going on?” she asked, voice laced with concern.

 

A single tear fell down Jennie’s cheek as she looked back at her friend.

 

“That was Y/N.” They stared at each other until her friend connected the dots.

 

“THAT was Y/N?” She instantly released Jennie’s arm from her hold. “Jennie, what are you waiting for? Go get your girl!”

 

And with that, Jennie turned and bolted to the door at the end of the hallway, sprinting down the stairs to the parking lot and hoped she wasn’t too late.