"The Saddest part in Life is saying goodbye to someone you wish to spend your lifetime with." -Anonymous 

 

Yena has always feared that that would happen to them, unfortunately it did. 

 

Two hearts facing each other, one beats for the other, and one beats for another. 

 

Yena saw this coming, still the pain is unbearable. Yena wonders since when did they start being like this, they seemed uncomfortable, like they were strangers. 

 

"We need to end this. It'll be better for the both of us." After hearing what came out of Yuri's mouth, like a ticking bomb reaching the time limit, Yena exploded. She was furious. She felt like she was played with.

 

"You went out on dates with someone else on our special days. You brought someone else to OUR place, where we promised each other to keep this place to ourselves. Unfortunately promises are meant to be broken, right? You would never forget my birthday. Throughout our years together, we never forgot each other's birthdays, but why did you? Oh right, you were on a date." Yena sighed, she's hurting so much, she hates it. 

 

"It's so frustrating, joyul. I don't know why you'd keep all of this from me. You made me feel like I was a chain on you, you made me feel like I was the only thing holding you back from your happiness. If you fell out of love, you should've told me. I'd understand. I can't be selfish."

 

Yuri was frozen in place, she was caught off guard. She never knew that Yena knew everything. Of course she wouldn't, it wasn't like Yena would want them to know that she knew their not-so-secret dates. 

 

Yena thought that if she finally told her lover the truth about her knowing what she does behind her back, would lessen the weight on her chest. However, the weight on her chest seems to be quadrupled. She didn't know what to feel after seeing the look on Yuri's face. She felt stupid. She was frustrated, but most of all she's hurt.

 

It was like getting shot to death, but the only difference was that she wasn't dying, she felt every bullet crash into her, the pain was unbearable. She couldn't fight the tears threatening to fall. "Jo Yuri, the person who made me feel euphoric, the person who I learned to deeply love and care for, the person who deserves the best, the love of my life." 

 

"I'm sorry if I wasn't enough. I focused on working to provide our needs but I forgot to give you what you really need. Time. I'm sorry I made you feel like you weren't important, joyul. I realised my mistake too late, now you've slipped away. I can't do anything about that now." Everything's numb for Yena. 

 

Yena tried to wipe her own tears, but failed when there's just too much pouring out from her eyes. She calms her breathing, facing her lover with a sad smile. Infront of her, Yuri couldn't look at her, she was guilty. Why did she do that? She had just broken Yena's heart. 

 

Yena's crying a lot, she knew she isn't stopping anytime soon and it would be bad, very bad.

 

"Yena, I'm sorry. I just didn't feel anything anymore. I thought you'd be the one I'd spend the rest of my life with but when Hyewon came, I realized that I was wrong." Yuri reached out to hold Yena's hand. 

 

"Please don't get me wrong, Yena. Throughout the four years of us being together, I truly did love you. I was happy, I was. When you started working, you barely paid attention to me and I was hurt. I needed something to distract me and that's where I met Hyewon. At first I thought I would only be using her, but then feelings came and I wasn't able to stop it."

 

Yuri explained, hoping that at least if Yena heard her side, she'd understand. Although Yena couldn't hear anything clearly but the last words.

 

"Are you sure you weren't able to stop it? Or you didn't bother stopping it? You see, whatever situation happens, at the end of the day, it's always your choice, your decision. You could've stopped your feelings before they grew any stronger but you didn't and I understand. I barely had time for you and that's where I went wrong, it's my fault."

 

Maybe they both ran out of things to say, or maybe they're waiting for each other to speak up first, or maybe they just need this, everything surrounding them is silent, except the calm sound of the waves, crashing into the shore, considering the place they're at is the seaside.

 

Yena took this chance to think things through. It finally sunk in, Yuri's not happy with her anymore so why would she hold her back when all she wanted was her lover's happiness, and it meant leaving her. She ignored the excruciating pain in her chest, sighing, she took Yuri's hands into her own.

 

"As much as I want to stay with you, marry you, build a family with you, if what you want is to separate, then so be it. I figured I can't give you what you want and need anymore." Yena smiled, a sad one. She feels her heart beat slowly, something's wrong.

 

"You'll be happy, right? Take care of yourself, although I know Hyewon would." She chuckles, "Thank you for loving me, even if it came to an end. Even if we came to an end. I love you. I'm letting you go now, my love."

 

A hug, their last hug as lovers. It hurts, but Yena couldn't do anything about it. Yuri breaks the hug and mutters a quiet thank you. Yena stares at Yuri's back, the distance between them getting wider and wider. 

 

She diverts her sight and looks at the sea before her instead, hoping that it lessens the pain, but it fails to do so. 

 

Yena's tears are falling, she doesn't even try to wipe them away. She feels pain all over her, breathing hard. Clutching her chest, hitting it, thinking it would stop the pain. Her head is spinning, eyesight blurry, hearing muffled, breathing shallow. 

 

Yena stops hitting her chest, putting aside the excruciating pain she feels all over her body, she stares at the sea before her and thinks, "She's finally free." Laying on the sand, struggling, she closes her eyes, fully knowing that they wouldn't be opening any time soon. 

 

-----

 

"Don't you think studying is so hard? How about let's just go to sleep."

 

"Don't be lazy, Yena. You're already a senior, please act like one. You really should be studying, you need to go to a good university, and for you to be accepted, you must have good grades, hmm? Now pay attention and listen to me."

 

"You're so bossy ugh, fine. If studying means you'll be beside me, then let's study all night long."

 

-----

 

"Yuri! Over here!" Yuri hears a loud voice coming from across her, the sight of her lover in a toga, her diploma on her hand. 

 

"You made it! I'm so proud of you, ducky! I told you studying is good." She says against Yena's chest. Yena breaks the hug and cups her face, staring at her lovingly, "It's all thanks to you, my love." 

 

-----

 

"You're finally here! I've been waiting for hours, what took you so long?" A pouting Yena says, Hands forming a circle while dragging the letter 's', her attempt at being dramatic. 

 

"What? Stop exaggerating, you texted me you just arrived 5 minutes ago. And stop pouting geez" 

 

The two planned to hang out today to celebrate their anniversary as best friends, it's their 8th. Yena met Yuri when she was 11 years old, Yuri was 9. 

 

They met at the park, the younger was riding a bike when it's chains came off, and cue Yena's loud voice from afar asking if she needs help, confidently saying she knows how to put on chains. Right after Yena put on the chains she offered the other to play with her, lucky for Yena she agreed. 

 

"Hurry up and order the usual, ducky. I'm hungry." Yuri says as she takes a seat in front of Yena. 

 

"Why do I have to do it? I came here first, you know our rule." Yena complained. 

 

Rule? Oh yes, their rules. They made them on the day they started celebrating their anniversary. 

 

Rule no.1: Always be there for each other. Physically or Emotionally. 

 

Rule no.2: Don't let anyone else use nicknames we made for each other. 

 

Rule no.3: Always have each other's back. 

 

Rule no.4: Serotonin-cuddles. That's the rule. 

 

Rule no.5: The person who comes late pays for the food. 

 

And lastly, 

 

Rule no.6: Your Happiness comes first. 

 

"Fine, but you pay for my ticket." 

 

-----

 

"Yuri! Why are you crying? Hey, tell me." Yena stared at the younger worriedly, 

 

"Alright don't tell me now, let it out, Joyul. I'm right here, you'll be fine. You're strong, you know? I've always admired that in you. No matter how hard the obstacle is, you always get through it, that's why I know that this obstacle is no different from the others, I know you'll get through this." 

 

Yena keeps the vulnerable girl in her arms, right hand rubbing her back and the left her hair, this always calms Yuri down. 

 

Yuri sobs in Yena's chest, unable to hold back her tears. Clutching unto her shirt, she hugs the older very tight. Yena's words make her cry even more, she doesn't deserve her, Yena's too good for her. 

 

Minutes after Yuri's breakdown, she finally gets herself together. Yena guides her to the couch, "Joyul? What's bothering you? You can always tell me." The older gets more worried as seconds pass. 

 

"Don't you think I'm worthless? I mean what else could I do except become my parent's puppet. I'm losing myself whenever I'm with them. I can't seem to find myself. I'm lost." Yuri stares at the view outside the window, although her mind isn't focusing on it. 

 

Yena sighs, she never really liked Yuri's parents, all they do is boss Yuri around, like she's some kind of a puppet. They made Yuri learn a variety of instruments, until she perfects them. Yuri did, now she's a music prodigy, however her parents still aren't satisfied. They made her study, threatening her that if she doesn't top the school, she'll have no place to stay and no one to call her family. 

 

"Joyul, look at me," Yuri does, "I don't think you're worthless, you aren't. You're not a puppet. You're Jo Yuri, and Jo Yuri is the greatest person I've ever met. The music from the instruments you play? They make me happy, comforted, and I can always feel the way you put your heart into playing music. That's because when you learned to play the instruments, you learned to love them, and that's the most important key in perfecting an instrument." 

 

Yuri listens very closely, she feels warm inside after hearing those words from Yena's mouth. 

 

"When you study, I always look forward to it. I mean who wouldn't when they get to witness Jo Yuri's ethereal side-profile. The way you concentrate on a certain topic, scrunching your nose whenever you find it difficult to understand. Though at the end you'll be able to understand it clearly. You see, not only do you have beauty, but you also have the brains. Beauty and brains don't usually go together, but when they do, it's Jo Yuri. Your intelligence enhances your beauty, Joyul. Don't forget that."

 

Yuri smiles, a genuine but not a big one, yet it makes Yena want to roll on the floor from happiness. 

 

"Don't worry about losing yourself, Joyul, everybody does. Besides, I'll be here to guide you in looking for yourself. I'll be with you every step of the way. I won't let you fight a battle, you aren't sure you'd win, by yourself." 

 

Yuri calms down and snuggles closer to Yena, inhaling her scent, making her feel at ease. She's thankful that she has a best friend like Yena. 

 

-----

 

"Ducky! Help me please, what should I wear? Do these match? What perfume should I use? Do I look presentable with these?" A series of questions asked by a panicking Yuri. Dress after dress, yet she couldn't find something that would satisfy her. 

 

"Joyul? what's this all about? Where are you going? What occasion is it? And can you please stop panicking, I'm getting dizzy from you always pacing around," A very confused Yena comes in the room. "Here, these look good together." Yena hands her a dress. 

 

"Really? Then, I'll wear this. Thanks, ducky. Oh Chaewon asked me out, I'm glad you forced me to go to that party with you." She made her way to her bathroom and changed. 

 

"O-Oh really? Well goodluck on your date, Yuri." Yena flashes Yuri a smile, although it was fake. 

 

'I'm in love with her.' Yena thought to herself. 

 

-----

 

"Well, she broke up with me. Apparently she's in love with her bestfriend, Kim Minjoo. I can't do anything about that anymore, might as well agree." Yuri sighs and stares at the ceiling.

 

Yena lays beside her, "Yeah, now why don't you lift your head and let me put my arm under it hm?" Yuri does as told. Yena pulls the younger's head towards her chest and hugs her tight. 

 

"I know part of you is hurting, Joyul. C'mere it's time for our daily serotonin-cuddles." 

 

-----

 

"Joyul! Let's go on a date! You've been locking yourself in this room, binge watching series after series, you need fresh air. Seriously, you'll turn into a vampire at this point. I'm not taking a no for an answer, Ms. Jo."

 

"Fine, I'll be out in 10."

 

-----

 

In front of Yuri is an obviously nervous duck. You can really tell from the fidgeting of her hands, legs bouncing up and down, and lip pursing. 

 

"Uh-uh and what must this be for you to assume that I'd be weirded out and might not talk to you for months? You're a nervous wreck and as much as I want to laugh at your state, it's making me nervous as well so start talking you duck."

 

"Alright, Uh how do I say this... Apparently after you've been out with Chaewon I've been having time with myself and in those times, I-I've realised my feelings." She couldn't make herself look at the curious woman in front of her. 

 

"I like you, joyul. I'd understand if you don't like me back."

 

Silence, it was frightening to Yena. After confessing to her best friend about her feelings for her, she'd really be frightened. 

 

"Woah, wait what? You like me?" Yuri appears to be as confused as ever. 

 

"Yeah and I plan to court you, of course only if you'd allow me to." Yena was nervous. 

 

"Of course! Why not." A smile appeared on Yuri's face, 'Yena likes me and is courting me, what the heck'. 

 

-----

 

"Why isn't she here yet?" Yena grew worried, they were supposed to meet here at 10 but it's been 20 minutes past 10 and Yuri's nowhere to be seen. 

 

'I should check on her, maybe she's still in bed.' 

 

"Joyul? Joyul are you up?" Yena called, however there's still no signs of Yuri. She used her spare key for Yuri's apartment and went inside. 

 

Reaching Yuri's room, she was right, Yuri was still in her bed. The only difference was that Yuri was shivering, 'she's sick' Yena thought to herself. 

 

Making her way to Yuri, she placed the back of her hand on Yuri's forehead and felt that she was very hot, She grabbed a towel and wet it with water. 

 

Yuri woke up to a cold feeling on her forehead, realising it was a towel neatly folded placed on her forehead. She looked to her side and found a sleeping Yena, lips pouting, mumbling incoherent words. 

 

"Yena, hey Ducky." Yuri's voice was hoarse, luckily Yena woke up. 

 

"Huh? What? Who's there? Show yourself, I won't hesitate to beat you up," Bolting from her seat and stood on a fighting stance, looking like she was about to fight someone. 

 

Yuri burst out laughing at Yena's silliness, Yena looked beside her and found the reason she woke up. Instead of getting annoyed because her sleep was disturbed, she found herself staring at Yuri with a soft look and a small smile on her face. 

 

"Hey, joyul. How are you feeling? Does it ache anywhere? Do you need anything?" Yena snaps out of her trance and asks Yuri worriedly. 

 

"Chill, ducky. I'm fine now, thanks to you. Come here give me a hug." Yena gets in between Yuri's arms and snuggles close. 

 

"I was wondering why you were late, you didn't tell me you were sick. Next time tell me if you aren't feeling well, okay?" 

 

-----

 

"Ducky? What's this? Is this yours?" Yuri approaches Yena, a sheet of paper on her hands. 

 

Yena turns to look at the paper, turning pale. 'How do I say this?' Yena coughs, clearing . 

 

"Uh… t-this is uh.. mine. It's from Dr. Park, she's uh.. a c-cardiologist and I-I went there for my m-monthly check up. It's because I have Bradycardia, a heart disease. My heart beats slower than normal. B-But it's okay! It's curable, joyul, don't worry." Yena explains, she never planned to let Yuri know like this. 

 

Yuri's speechless. She lets everything process, next thing she knows, she's crying and hugging her ducky. 

 

"Why didn't you tell me? You had to let me know by myself, you stupid duck!" Yuri cries on Yena's chest. 

 

Yena's guilty, "I'm sorry, joyul. I won't be doing it again. Please stop crying, it hurts to see you like this." Yuri sniffles and breaks their hug. "I'm okay, See!" Yena poses like those weightlifters, Yuri can't help but laugh at her lover. 

 

"There you go! Please always laugh for me, joyul. I don't ever want to see you sad." Yena cups Yuri's face, wipes her tears, and pecks her lips. 

 

-----

 

"Yena, we can't always be playing around. We need to find a job, now that we're living together." Yuri argues. 

 

"I don't always play around and I am looking for a job, if you haven't known. Now can you calm down? I don't want us arguing, we can talk calmly." Yena goes to engulf Yuri in a hug, rubbing her back in attempt to help her calm down. 

 

"I may seem like I always kid around but trust me, joyul. I don't forget about our situation." 

 

Yuri exhales and hugs Yena tightly, "I'm sorry, ducky. I was just worried we'll be in trouble soon." 

 

"It's okay, I still love you nonetheless." Yena kisses Yuri's cheek and cuddles her.

 

-----

 

"Yena? Hey, ducky look at me. Ducky? Are you listening to me?" Yuri pokes Yena's side. 

 

"I'm working, joyul. What is it?" Yena replies, not bothering to look at Yuri. 

 

"Oh.. it's nothing, ducky. I'll just.. just be in our room." A disappointed and hurt Yuri leaves the room. 

 

-----

 

"Can you stop working and pay attention to me? It's always 'I'm working, joyul.' don't you think it's time we pay attention to each other?" 

 

Anger. Frustration. Pain. 

 

"Well I'm sorry if I work just to provide our needs. I have to work, Yuri."

 

Sarcasm. Exhaustion. Disregard. 

 

-----

 

Yena was working on her laptop when her thoughts wandered to her lover. She realised she's been neglecting Yuri ever since she decided to be serious. 

 

"Yul? Where are you?" Yena checks their room and finds Yuri on their balcony on a the phone. Yena was about to talk to her when she sees her laughing, the more Yena stares, the more she realises the look on Yuri's face. 

 

'She looks in love. That's how she looks at me.' Yena knew then how big of a mistake she's made. 

 

-----

 

For weeks, Yena always finds Yuri on her phone with the same look on her face. She can't help but get hurt, she blames herself for everything that's happening. 

 

"Hey joyul, you up for a walk?" Yena asks, they've always had walks whenever they want time for themselves. 

 

"What? Oh okay.. I'll grab my coat." Yuri stands, heading to her room. "Alright, let's go." 

 

Their walk on the seaside was supposed to be of holding hands, random hugs, and unexpected kisses, but tonight, it's just a few inches apart and an awkward atmosphere. They sit on the sand, looking at the sea in front of them. Silent, until one decides to speak up. 

 

"Joyul, I'm sorry. I've been treating you wrong since I got the job. I thought that what I was doing was right but ever since you stopped talking to me while I was working, it just felt empty."

 

Yuri listens.

 

"I just wanted you to give time for us, Yena. Just that, but you couldn't. I was hurt, I'm still hurt." Yuri feels tears on her eyes. 

 

"Let me make it up to you, joyul, please. You deserve better and I'll be better." Yena's scared, she doesn't like what she's feeling. She's thinking of a huge possibility of what's about to happen. 

 

The seaside, the place they consider their safe haven. The place where they started. The place where they ended. The place where Yena's heart breaks, and stops. 

 

----- 

 

They say your life flashes in front of you if you're on the brink of death. Yena never believed that saying, 'How can your entire life flash in front of you that fast? Impossible.'

 

Well now, Yena definitely believes that. 

 

Yena stares at the sky, 'the stars look amazing tonight, we could've enjoyed this together.' She thinks. 

 

Every passing second, Yena feels her heart beat slower and slower. 

 

I'll see you on our next life, Yuri. I won't make the same mistake twice.