Chaeyoung stirs awake, her mind still processing the dream she just had. It’s not unusual for her to dream about Mina, the girl plagues her dreams all the time, but this one felt… real. She could feel Ray’s heartbeat thumping against her arm, Mina’s warmth when she threw her arms around her. She sighs, shaking her head in an attempt to clear her head. That is all it is, a dream. Mina wouldn’t hug her anymore, she had successfully changed everything.

When she got back, Dahyun was still her best friend, who fussed over her incessantly. But when probed about her girlfriend, Dahyun just looked at her as if she had problems with her mental health too. And that’s how she knew, that she had changed the past, and consequently, her present. She no longer had a girlfriend in this timeline, and Mina was free from the heartaches caused by her and her illness.

Life is already hard with a chronic illness that can kill her any second, but it’s even harder, even more unbearable without Mina by her side. But she cannot be so selfish, to keep Mina by her side when there’s such a huge possibility that she might not be able to be together with her till the end. That is why she doesn’t regret her decision, even if she’s here nursing a heartbreak over a girl nobody but her knew existed. Her phone starts ringing, and she picks it up to see that it’s Dahyun. Before she can answer the call, her doorbell goes off. Thinking that it’s just her impatient best friend calling her to get her to open the door, she declines the call and finally gets out of bed, trudging slowly to the door.

Pulling the door with more force than necessary and ready to sass her best friend, “Can’t you wait-”

But it’s not Dahyun at the door. It’s Mina, who smiles at her gently. Chaeyoung just gapes at the girl in front of her, the words dying in . They just stand there, staring at each other for a few seconds until Mina breaks the silence first.

“Well, you can look at me later, let’s get inside first, yeah?” Mina says in jest while pushing past her to get into the house.

Chaeyoung is unable to move, still stuck at the door. What is going on right now? She double checks the calendar with her phone; maybe she accidentally time travelled back to the time before she took the time machine to try to change her present, back to the time where Mina was still her girlfriend. But no, it’s two months after her trip back in time, so Mina shouldn’t be here in her apartment, taking out the groceries from the bag like she does it every day. The device in her hand rings again, and she knows if anyone has any answers, it will be her best friend.

She picks up the call, “Unnie, something-”

“You didn't accidentally walk into the time machine portal, you went back so that you won’t meet Mina-unnie, and you guys won’t end up dating!” Dahyun interrupts her, but it confirms the fact that something has changed in the past, causing things to revert back to status quo.

Chaeyoung peeks at Mina, glad that she doesn’t seem to have heard Dahyun even though she was screaming over the phone. Walking into her room, “Yeah, is this the ‘butterfly effect’ you have been going on about? Or is this just a glitch in the matrix?”

Dahyun had warned her that there may be consequences that come with altering the past, going on about the ‘butterfly effect’. She didn’t care then, not if she could ensure Mina’s happiness by doing so. But now she’s not so sure anymore, feeling her nerves growing like a wildfire, spreading throughout her whole body.

“No, I don’t think so.” Dahyun has toned down her voice, obviously calmer now. She can almost hear the gears turning in Dahyun’s head. “If it’s really the butterfly effect, it would have been instantaneous. But this is only happening now, when it has been two months since you came back.”

“Then why?” Frustration doesn’t even begin to explain what Chaeyoung is feeling, does this mean all her efforts during her time travelling episode was all for naught?

“I think… something happened after you left, causing history to change again.”

To Chaeyoung, Dahyun is someone with brains rivalling the likes of Albert Einstein and Isaac Newton, but even she doesn’t have any answer for this baffling situation they are in. The only solution she could give her was: ask Mina. She probably had something to do with this change; she was the only one who knew who Chaeyoung was, and the only one left in that timeline who could rewrite what happened then. Simply said, she’s the only variable in the equation they couldn’t control, didn’t even account for.

Chaeyoung emerges from her room after gathering her courage, walking to Mina who’s busy cooking something over the stove. She doesn’t head over to her to give her a back hug like she always does, preferring to linger behind the counter so that there’s some distance between them. It’s weird, seeing Mina in her kitchen again after two months. She feels so foreign looking at this Mina in front of her, like this isn’t her Mina from before.

Mina doesn’t seem to mind the distance. “Lunch will be ready in a bit, it’s your favourite pasta.”

“Minari,” even calling her feels weird, but Chaeyoung pushes through, “how did we meet?”

Mina halts her stirring on the stove, turning to look at Chaeyoung with a raised eyebrow, as if not understanding why Chaeyoung is asking her this. But it’s like something clicked in her brain, causing her to turn off the stove and walk over to Chaeyoung, taking her hands in her own.

“I was walking Ray when he ran loose and attacked you. He was so happy to see you, like he has seen you before.”

Her head hurts, she knew Mina and her met at the florist, both of them reaching for the same flower together, but why does Mina’s recount sound like it happened in her memory too?

“And so was I. I finally found you after two months, after you claimed to be my daughter from the future and disappeared right in front of me.”

So Dahyun’s big brain didn’t fail them. It was really Mina who rewrote their history again. Thankfully Mina is holding her, because she stumbles, her legs going jelly. Mina pulls out a chair for her, gently helping her onto it. When she finally organizes her thoughts, she splutters, “But… why? You had a chance with Jeongyeon, and you liked her so much!”

“I realized I didn’t. After you left, I did go out with her, but all I could think about was you. I only wanted you, still want you.”

She was trying to stop Mina from meeting the Chaeyoung in that timeline, but didn’t realize that future-her meeting Mina had piqued her interest, had made Mina fall in love with her too. But she warned her. “I told you I will break your heart, didn’t I? I told you Jeongyeon wouldn’t. Why didn’t you just listen to me?”

“Don’t you understand? I chose you back then, and I will continue to choose you no matter how many times you travel back in time trying to change the outcome. Even if you break my heart, I still want you.”

Yes, Mina’s words are touching, but Chaeyoung can’t find it in herself to appreciate it. “Mina-ya, I’m a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. And when I do, you will be left to pick up the pieces. I can’t let you do that; I can’t be so selfish.”

“Who said you will?” Mina’s eyes start to well up with tears, and she wipes them away before it can flow down her face. “The doctors said you have a 50% survival rate, that’s really high. Why are you acting like it’s only 1%? Even if it’s 1%, you should still fight to the end.”

“If you ever break my heart, it’s not because of your illness, never. It’s because you just give up without even fighting. The Chaeyoung I know will never give up so easily, she will fight till the end, make sure she is in the positive 50%. You have lost all the fight in you, and that’s what breaks my heart.”

It’s hard to be positive and optimistic when you have a chronic illness that can cause you to drop dead any second, but she knows Mina is saying the truth. She’s behaving as if she’s definitely going to die, when there’s still a 50% chance she can pull through. And she understands how taxing it must be for Mina to be beside her and see her give up so easily, to deteriorate, physically and mentally. She lifts her hands to Mina’s face, wiping the tears that are falling down furiously now. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want your apology,” Mina sniffs, “I want you to try harder.”

Chaeyoung pulls Mina into her embrace. “Okay, I will. I will try my best to fight it, so that I can stay by your side for a long, long time. Okay?”

 “Promise?” Mina mumbles into her neck.

She smiles, leaning in to kiss her on the forehead. “I promise.”

But her answer doesn’t satisfy Mina, who pulls away to look at her. “Then let’s get married.”

“I-” Thousand thoughts swarm her mind immediately, of course she wants to marry Mina, but does she have the right to? She did promise Mina she will fight, but it doesn’t mean she will necessarily win. And in that case, what’s going to happen? Mina is going to end up alone, widowed. She can’t let Mina be a widow just because of her own selfishness, no. “I can’t.”

“You promised you will try!” Mina retorts.

“Yeah, but some things just aren’t within my control! I can try my darn hardest but what good would that be if the one above decides it’s time?” She knows she has gotten too agitated when her chest hurts, immediately clutching at her chest and crumpling in pain.

“Chaeyoung!”

Mina immediately runs to her bedroom, coming back with her pills. She barely remembers taking the pills, only sees Mina looking at her worriedly in her blurry vision. She doesn’t know how long it takes but when the pain finally subsides and her senses are back to normal, Mina is by her side, holding onto her tightly, tears in her eyes. She brings her hand up shakily to wipe the tears off Mina’s face.

“See? I’m a bomb waiting to go off. And when I do, everything in my vicinity will be destroyed. I can’t let you become a widow; I can’t be that selfish.”

“Who says you are selfish? I’m the selfish one. I don’t want things to end without being yours officially. I just want to be known as your wife, even if it’s one day, one hour, or even just one minute. So, please help fulfil my wish, hmm?” Mina is pulling those puppy dog eyes that she can never say no to, but this isn’t about giving in to Mina when she wanted to eat yukhoe instead of pasta for dinner.

“Let me think about it, okay?” This is the best answer she can give Mina now, hoping that she will forget about it with time. But it seems to satisfy Mina, who pulls her back into her embrace, and she gladly melts into the older girl’s embrace, one that she had missed sorely for the past two months.

--

Dahyun finally stops her furious typing on the computer, leaning back in her seat as she laces her hands over her chin. “Amazing.”

She had just finished recounting her whole incident to Dahyun, the girl wanting a full walkthrough on what happened.

“It’s amazing how everything went back to its original state despite alterations to the past. This is very interesting indeed.”

Chaeyoung rolls her eyes at her best friend geeking out. “Am I done being your lab rat already?”

“Yes, sorry about that. But I’m not done being your best friend. So, how do you feel?”

Frankly, Chaeyoung doesn’t know what to feel. Happy that Mina is by her side again? Or upset that despite everything she did (she literally time travelled), nothing changed? She ignores Dahyun’s question, answering with her own instead. “Do you think the outcome will be different if I stayed longer?”

But she will still meet Mina in the past, and the girl will still fall in love with her. “Or you can go this time, so she won’t meet me at all.”

Dahyun sighs, not sure what she has to say so this stubborn mule in front of her will finally get it into her head. “Changing things in the timeline will come with severe consequences, so we should actually thank Mina-unnie for making things right again. And don’t you get it?”

“Get what?”

“That no matter what you do, Mina will still find her way back to you. Like fate, or destiny, if you have it.”

“How can a scientist believe in fate?” Chaeyoung snorts.

“Well, scientists believe in conclusive results, and I will be a fool if I don’t when they are right in front of my eyes.” Dahyun taps her laptop screen.

Chaeyoung sighs, leaning her head back against the chair, looking up at the ceiling. So, they were destined to meet, but is it in her destiny to leave Mina early too? “She asked me to marry her.”

Dahyun gasps, almost dropping her pen. “Congrats! When’s the wedding?”

“I told her I will think about it.” Before Dahyun can scold her, she continues hurriedly, “Unnie, you know I can’t. What if I… I will leave her behind all alone.”

Dahyun clenches her hands into a fist, pulling back before it flies towards Chaeyoung. She shouldn’t hit a sick person. Pulling out a piece of paper, she draws two arrows, writing 50% on both arrows.

“Look here. You have a 50% chance of surviving past thirty-five.” She traces along one arrow, drawing a happy face below it. “Then are you going to make her wait for you until then when you guys could have done it earlier?”

She draws a sad face below the other arrow, “And fine, you have 50% of going. Then you are just wasting what little time you have with her, time that could be better spent together as a happy, married couple. So, the conclusion is,” she is unable to stop herself this time, sending a knuckle to Chaeyoung’s forehead, “stop being an idiot and just marry her.”

Chaeyoung yelps, rubbing her forehead.

“Don’t let the present pass by just because you are worrying about your future.”

--

Chaeyoung sighs, dragging herself into the hospital. She gets tired easily because of her medical condition, but she feels exceptionally tired today after the talk with Dahyun. Dahyun’s last words keeps looping in her head, so much so that she doesn’t even look at where she is walking.

“Chaeyoung!” It’s Yena, and Yuri is beside her, holding onto her arm, not sure if she’s helping her to walk or just wanting to be as close to her as possible.

When you stay in the hospital for an extended period of time, you can’t help but get close to the other patients who are also there long term. That’s how she got to know Yena, both of them getting close by lamenting about their sad lives of getting struck with a disease so young, robbing them of their futures. At least Yena’s prognosis looks good, lymphoma can be eventually cured with chemotherapy and medication, but hers? It’s really a 50-50 chance, up to whichever deity above, whether they pity her enough to spare her.

“Hi guys.” Chaeyoung greets them, her eyes falling to the sparkling ring on Yuri’s finger. “Is that…”

“Yeah, this idiot proposed a few days ago.” Yuri grins bashfully.

“Excuse me, you are marrying this idiot, so make a guess on who the bigger idiot is.” Yena sasses back without a bite, smirking at Yuri.

Chaeyoung smiles, the couple’s happiness is infectious, she’s so happy for them too. “Congrats guys.”

Yuri hits Yena on the arm before doing a 360 and thanking Chaeyoung so sweetly. “I’m going to collect your medicine. Nice seeing you, Chaeyoung-unnie.”

Chaeyoung waves at Yuri, before looking back at her friend, giving her a thumbs up. “Wow, Choi Yena.”

Yena waves her hands as if telling her to stop it, but the proud smile on her face says otherwise. “You should propose soon too, don’t let Mina-unnie wait any longer.”

“You know my condition, how can I do that to her?” Why does this topic keep coming up today, she’s so tired.

“Do what to her? Make her the happiest person alive by letting her marry who she loves the most in the world?” Yena’s gaze turns stern.

“You know what I’m talking about.”

Yena knows exactly what she’s talking about, but she also knows Chaeyoung shouldn’t be thinking like that. “Don’t worry about the uncertain future, but make the most of the present. You may not be able to promise a future with her, but you still have now. Instead of worrying about something you can’t control, why not focus on something you can?”

Yena sees Yuri waving at her from the counter and she gives her a nod before turning her attention back to Chaeyoung again, patting her on the back. “Today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present, treasure it so you won’t have any regrets.”

Chaeyoung’s thoughts are more jumbled than before. Is she really the one making things more difficult than it is?

--

Chaeyoung flops down on her bed, utterly exhausted after the long day. Turning to look at the bedside table, Dahyun and Yena’s words become even more prominent in her mind. Sitting up, she opens her bedside table, stretching into the depths for a small box. She purposely hid it deep in the cupboard, and had totally forgotten about its existence until now. Finally grasping it, she pulls the small square box out, holding it like it is precious gold. It is not gold, but definitely precious.

She flips it open, looking at the shiny ring in the middle of the box. She had the same thought as Mina of course, already having an elaborate plan in her head when she went to get the ring. But the day she collected the ring was also the day she went to the doctor office to receive the prognosis on her frequent chest pain, receiving a death sentence instead.

At that time, she thought it was a good thing she didn’t propose yet, that she didn’t lock Mina in to a life of pain and suffering with her. But now, she realizes she might be wrong. She’s so engrossed in her thoughts that she didn’t hear Mina entering the house.

“Baby, are you here?”

Mina’s footsteps get closer, and Chaeyoung’s eyes widen, looking around before deciding the best place to hide it is to stuff it under her lap, causing her to sit stiffly at the corner of the bed. Mina smiles as she pops into the room, bending down to give her a forehead kiss.

“How’s your day?” Mina asks her, but she barely hears it, too engrossed in staring at the perfection in front of her. There are a few things she’s certain as she locks eyes with Mina. One, she loves Mina, so much so it hurts and aches. It’s the type of love that is endless, unceasing. Two, she will never love another person as much again. Three, Mina and her are inevitable; they are each other’s happy ending, even if their story may be a little short.

“Don’t let the present pass by just because you are worrying about your future.”

“Today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present, treasure it so you won’t have any regrets.”

“Minari.” Chaeyoung calls out resolutely. The box underneath her lap burns.

“Hmm?” Mina is nervous at the steely look in Chaeyoung’s eyes.

She’s not going to let all the ‘if’ and ‘maybe’ spoil her story anymore. Chaeyoung pulls out the box under her lap, flipping so that it’s facing Mina before opening it.

“I can’t promise you that I can grow old with you, but I can promise you that till death do us part. Will you marry me?”

Mina is quiet, even when crying. Her tears fall soundlessly, and she just retorts shakily, “I asked first, you idiot.”

“So, are you going to marry me or not?” Chaeyoung teases, wiping tears off Mina’s face.

Mina just sticks her hand out, and Chaeyoung removes the ring from the box, pushing it onto Mina’s ring finger gently. Finally, the ring is on its owner. Looking up, the adoration for her shines through the tears in Mina’s eyes, and Chaeyoung is sure her own eyes reflect the same affection. Pulling her fiancée down, she gives her a proper kiss.

“I love you, Mrs Son.”

“I love you too, Mrs Myoui.”