Reading guide~

 

Regular prose will be in this font. This story is told in first-person, from Sana's point of view. I highly recommend reading the dayeon piece that this work is paired with either before or after cause there's more narrative there.

 

Sana’s thoughts will be italicized. 

 

The words Sana speaks will be bolded, italicized, and left-aligned.

 

Dahyun's words will be bolded, italicized, and right-aligned

 

Happy reading (:

 

-kit.

 

 

 

I get by…

 

I get by knowing that I am your best friend and that you are mine. We've known each other for years now. And look at us, we even live together. 

 

I get by thinking that my feelings for you are completely normal. Because it's really not that hard to love you. And who hasn't fallen in love with someone they shouldn't?

 

You make it so easy, Kim Dahyun.

 

 

I dropped you off at the curb, and you were still a little sleepy, groggy from the late night we had spent watching Disney movies together. Per your request, of course.

 

I didn't realize things could change so fast. Maybe I should have held on tightly to those last fleeting hours-- when it was just you and me, and my secret. 

 

Little did I know, you had a secret too. 

 

And somehow I was the last to find out-- well, almost last. 

 

--

 

Jeongyeon was certain you had feelings for Nayeon.

 

Why didn't I see it before? Why didn't you tell me? 

I would have stopped playing this silly game a long time ago.

 

Jeongyeon said she wanted to help you two get together. But not everyone was on board, so we left it to a vote. 

But who was I to stand in the way of your happiness? 

 

I was just your best friend. 

 

But of course, we didn't actually know if this was what you wanted. So they asked me to ask you. 

 

To be honest, I didn't know how to begin. So I chose to wait for the right moment. Or maybe I just wanted to prolong the bliss of ignorance a little longer.

 

--

 

But when we hopped into our respective cars, with you, and me, and Nayeon in the back; and you-- just as you had done many times before-- rested your head on my shoulder and slept, I thought maybe they were wrong.

 

Maybe there was a chance that you weren't in love with her. Maybe you loved me as much as I loved you. 

 

I could have gotten by just fine believing in that. 

 

But it wouldn't have been fair. Because I looked at Nayeon and immediately knew that she was madly in love with you too. How could she not? 

 

You made it too easy, Kim Dahyun.

 

--

 

When we got to the campsite, I helped you pitch your tent, hoping that I could steal you away for a second or maybe two if we finished fast enough.

 

And we did. So we walked. And talked.

 

Hey, we're best friends, right?

 

What kind of question is that! Of course, we are. We've been living together for how many years now, Sana!

 

So why didn't you tell me you were in love with Nayeon?

 

Why didn't you, Dahyun? Why did you keep something like this from me?

 

Where is this coming from?

 

My aching heart. The one that you held so precariously in your hands without knowing how fragile it was.

 

Please don't break it.

 

Is it true? The others all seem to know. How come I never did?

 

I never told anyone, if that's what you think.

 

So it is true then? You are in love with her?

 

You hesitated. But just for a second.

 

I guess…well, yes. I am. In love with her.

 

Then you tried to hide your smile. But I could still see it. 

I should have known.

 

I should have noticed how much happier you are when she's around.

 

I am. Happier, I mean. When I'm with her.

 

That's good. I'm happy for you, buddy.

 

Buddy …that's all I could come up with.

 

--

 

You should really tell her, you know?

 

No, no way! She doesn't feel the same about me.

 

You are a fool, Kim Dahyun.  

 

She was head-over-heels in love with you.

 

You obviously haven't seen how she looks at you. She loves you too. I'm sure of it.

 

You're saying that because you're my best friend.

 

Yes, I am. 

 

Because I was just your best friend. 

But also because it was true. 

 

I know 'the look' when I see it. Plus, I'd be surprised if she didn't like you. 

 

You're an amazing person, you big dork.

 

You really shouldn't have made it so easy to love you.

 

How did you just compliment me and call me a dork at the same time?

 

--

 

I knew I couldn't be alone with you any longer. My heart had had enough. So I took you to Jeongyeon instead.

 

She had quite an elaborate plan-- the forced separation, the distraction, the hike, and the fake injury. And though you were hesitant, you still agreed to everything in the end. 

 

It just confirmed what I already knew even more. 

 

You must have really loved Nayeon.

 

--

 

As the day passed by, all of us played our role to help you and Nayeon get together. Ironically, we had to first keep you apart. It didn't make sense to me, but then again, a lot of things didn't.

 

Then I heard from Momo that you took an unexpected dive in the lake. She and Mina were supposed to be watching you, but you slipped away to dry off and never returned.

 

So I went looking for you. Why did I go looking for you?

 

I should have just left you alone. In your tent. 

 

With Nayeon. 

 

But of course, I had to ruin your time with her.

 

I didn't mean to. 

 

I'm sorry, Dahyun. 

 

Sana…

 

Why did you run after me, if not to give me false hope? You should have stayed with her. 

 

Hey, it's not what you think.

 

Why, Dahyun? Why are you making this difficult?

 

Nothing was going on.

 

It wasn't nothing to her and it definitely wasn't nothing to you. I saw it in your eyes.

 

I understand.

 

I lied. You lied. I guess we were even.

 

--

 

When I saw you look at her, I knew there wasn't going to be a happy ending. 

 

Not for me, at least. 

 

But as your best friend, it was my job to make sure you were happy. You would have done the same for me.

 

So I agreed to go with you on the hike. Which I never really expected you to go on; but hey, the things we would do for love, right?

 

You were very eager, which kind of made me very worried. Mina also shared the same sentiment. She asked me to watch over you. I could only try. 

 

She asked you to watch out for me too.

 

I promise no harm will come to my

dear darling Sana.

 

You didn’t know it, and it wasn't really your fault, but I was already hurting. 

 

--

 

All hiking trails should come with a warning. 

Something like: Turn back. Land not flat. 

 

And I could barely walk on paved roads anyway.

 

My legs were already tired but we were just at the bottom of the trail-- hadn't even gotten to the incline. 

 

We were two (not so) little lambs and Chaeyoung (who was actually smaller than us) was our shepherd.

 

Before we set off, I looked at you again. Just to see how you were doing. 

 

Having second thoughts, Dahyunnie?

 

Huh? Oh...no-- I uhh-- I just--

 

Of course, you weren't. I knew that.

 

I'm kidding. 

I know you're ready and you've been waiting.

 

Right. I'm ready!

 

You didn’t need to worry, really. She loved you. A lot. 

Even though you were a big goofball-- who somehow managed to fall on the ground.

 

But I guess being silly was one of your greatest charms. You never failed to put a smile on my face, Dahyun. 

Just by being you. 

 

Although when you remained lying on the floor, Chaeng and I began to worry. 

 

Dahyun, are you okay?

 

No…

My pride is a little bruised.

 

Dork.

 

For a second I was really worried about you.

 

But I couldn't help but laugh.

 

Hey, you're a terrible best friend for laughing at my misfortune!

 

Maybe, but you were far too adorable. 

 

--

 

We eventually kept climbing further up the trail. My lungs felt like they were on fire. No matter how much water I drank, it still wasn't enough. 

 

You held onto me for support, so I tried to be strong for both of us. 

 

I can't feel my legs anymore.

 

But Chaeyoung still had plenty of gas left in the tank. She laughed at both of us. 

 

Why did I sign up for this again?

 

We all knew why…

 

For Nayeon. For the girl you loved.

 

--

 

Thankfully, I didn't have to tease you for it because Chaeyoung beat me.

 

It's the things we do for love.

 

Ah…why do you have to say it like that?

 

You plopped yourself down on the ground, trying to hide your smitten smile, but it was no use. 

 

I deflected the pain I felt in my chest by scolding you for blocking the path. I even carried you to the side.

 

You're such a child. Don't block the path, Dubu!

 

There's no one else here.

 

You called me out on my bull. 

 

You never know. Someone might come running.

 

But then you decided to let it go, waving me off. 

 

I can't believe we aren't done yet!

How much longer?

 

Chaeyoung reminded you that you had agreed to the plan and this was part of it. She was proud of you for getting thus far though.

 

Well, I didn't come to this trip thinking I would be confessing my feelings to someone I've liked for a few years now.

 

I didn't plan for it either. I guess we were both blindsided.

 

But damn, a few years…