"I'll see you later. I'll chat with you a lot as promised. Bye!"

Sana wrapped up the live stream that evening and let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding in a few seconds too long.

For a moment she sat still, letting herself get lost in her thoughts. She did tell ONCEs that she would get herself something to eat, but her appetite had suddenly left her earlier, right in the middle of her live—she knew why, of course, but she didn't want herself mentally going down that road.

Not again.

"Come on, Sana, you're not new to this anymore, you can deal with it," she told herself firmly, pushing down the familiar, daunting swirl of emotions on to the back of her mind out of habit, and out of necessity.

Before she could so much as take off her earphones, kick off her blankets, and get herself together, she heard a few hasty knocks on her door, and a loud voice she knew all too well calling out to her.

"Sana-yah!"

Sana blinked, surprised at the agitation in the way the person on the other side of the door said her name. She didn't do anything wrong, did she?

When she heard her name a second time, she quickly shook her head and made her way to her door, opening it to reveal an Im Nayeon who was red in the face, looking like she was ready to pick a fight. For a quick second, the younger girl dreaded being at the receiving end of it. (If it were any other moment, Sana could easily have let slip that Nayeon looked disturbingly pretty even then, when it seemed like she was about to bite someone's head off.)

"Nayeon unnie? What's wrong?" Sana asked, laying a hand on top of the slightly shorter girl's shoulder, the light in the room bouncing against her bright blue nail polish.

Nayeon slowly exhaled through her nose, Sana's hold seeming to calm her down the smallest bit. Still, she sounded tense when she answered. "I texted you, didn't you get it?"

"Sorry unnie, I was doing a Vlive—"

"I know, I was watching," she blurted. "And I was looking for the 'weird' comments you were talking about and..." she trailed off, wringing her hands, looking conflicted. "I don't know, it just made me mad."

Sana patted down her bed, taking her phone from under the blanket and opening it to read Nayeon's message from some minutes ago, which simply said, "What weird comments?"

A grateful smile made its way to her lips despite herself. She made her way back to Nayeon and lightly bumped her unnie's shoulder with her own. "Aww, is Nayeonnie worried about me?" she teased lightly.

Nayeon made a face, the one Sana knew she did right before replying with one of her usual sassy comebacks, but this time, at the last second, she decided against it.

"Actually," she hesitated, her gaze softening, "Yeah, I am."

The younger girl's chest couldn't help but fill with warmth at Nayeon's concern and protectiveness, and at the same time it ached at the thought of adding to the older girl's worries.

She pulled Nayeon to her room and sat her down on the side of her bed, plopping down beside her.

"I'm okay, really," Sana said lightly, but the sad smile on her lips told Nayeon otherwise. "It's just words, you know? I guess, maybe I'm just tired from all the filming and all the schedules, and I wanted to go on Vlive to get the stress off but..." she halted, ending with a heavy sigh. "I don't know."

"Those words, they got to you, didn't they?"

Sana fell silent. How, of all people, it would be Nayeon who knew just how to get Minatozaki Sana's real feelings to come out of hiding behind a wall of carefully-maintained positivity, she would probably never figure out. Right then, Sana found herself both loving and hating Nayeon a little for it.

"I... I guess I'm just tired," she repeated after a while, laying her head on Nayeon's shoulder. "Tired of ignoring all the things people say about us and pretending it doesn't hurt."

"I know," Nayeon muttered, laying her hand on top of Sana's and rubbing her thumb across the back of it in what she hoped was a comforting gesture.

They both sat in silence like that for a long moment, Nayeon not really knowing what to say to make Sana feel better, and Sana not really needing any words as her cheek rested on the other girl's shoulder.

After what seemed like five minutes or fifty—neither one could tell—Sana looked up at Nayeon, eyes glassy with unshed tears.

"I never got to thank you for last year," she said almost inaudibly, briefly remembering another run-in with negative comments on Instagram for posting her thoughts about something that happened in her own country, and how Nayeon never left her side for days. How Nayeon had held her hand, much like she was doing right then. How she'd made her feel safe and a little less alone, even without saying a word.

She remembered how Nayeon made Sana feel at home in her arms, and how the smallest of voices in her head had wished for Nayeon to hold her just like that, just a little longer.

Nayeon smoothed the younger girl's brown hair affectionately. "You don't have to."

Another moment of silence stretched between the two of them before Sana decided to speak. She might or might not have noticed Nayeon's lips part in surprise—and perhaps something else—as she reached out and started tenderly running a hand through the other girl's short hair.

"You'd look so good with highlights, Nayeonnie," she  said, her voice silky and low, a small, almost seductive smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

Despite the touch of narcissism that Nayeon constantly channeled into her on-camera personality, she couldn't hold back a soft, insecure, "You think so?" as she found herself inching ever closer into Sana's touch, her gaze all too easily gravitating towards the other girl's pink lips.

This was turning into a familiar push-and-pull that had already happened two times between them over the past year, since Sana's Instagram incident: One would become unusually withdrawn and distant, the other would seek her out to try and make her feel better, and they would somehow find themselves kissing each other well into the morning. (They came to an unspoken agreement to never talk about it afterwards.)

The first time, Nayeon swore she only pressed her lips against Sana's because, in a panicked moment, she thought it was the only way to effectively muffle the sobs she knew the other girl didn't want the rest of the group in the dorm to hear.

"I've got you, Sana," she murmured countless times that night in the darkness of the room they both shared with Jihyo, never once letting go of her since Sana had all but broken down in her arms. "I've got you."

The second time, Sana had only latched her lips on to Nayeon's to stop them from trembling in fear, that day they'd found out that a man who was stalking the latter for some time was on the same flight as the group was for one of their schedules.

"You're safe, Nayeon unnie," she whispered as she held the other girl, who seemed to have shut down that night, hiding under the covers on her bed, incapable of speaking with anyone. "I'll never let anything happen to you. I promise."

The third time, they really only had Momo in the next room to worry about, but neither Nayeon nor Sana could bring themselves to care if she or anyone else saw what they were doing. Not when they were both tired of molding themselves, their whole personalities, according to people's expectations of them. Not when they thought the only way to hang on to what was left of their sanity was to hang on to each other.

So, right then, when Sana leaned in and silently asked permission with her honey-dipped eyes, Nayeon could only nod and wait with bated breath for the other girl to close the distance between them.

The taste of iced coffee and orange-flavored lip gloss invaded Sana's senses as she felt Nayeon's soft lips close in on hers for the third time. She fell back on the bed, pulling Nayeon on top of her.

"You know," Nayeon whispered in a daze, her fingers curling on the hair on the back of Sana's head, "Jihyo would probably tell us that... this is a terrible coping mechanism..."

Sana gave a gentle tug on to Nayeon's shirt collar, her short, shallow breaths and the low whine she let out enough of an indication that she didn't feel like talking anymore. She raised her head just enough for their lips to collide again, her arms circling around Nayeon's shoulders and pulling the other girl close so there was no more space between them.

Sana had her share of accidental pecks from all her previous attempts to playfully kiss the other TWICE members—she'd had one too many "accidents" with Dahyun—but none of those kisses made her lips tingle for days the way Nayeon's did. None of those other kisses left her both warm and cold all at once the way Nayeon's lips did.

Thinking about Nayeon's kisses made her think about romance and fuzzy feelings that she'd only ever heard about in some of their group's own songs, or seen on the late-night dramas she'd been watching with some of her other group members every so often. The rational part of her had told her, ever since the first kiss, that she had to put a stop to this... whatever it was that she and Nayeon were doing, before one of them ended up hurting the other—or hurting each other.

How could she, though, when, ever since the past year, she had been all too ready hand over the entirety of her heart to Nayeon, and let her do with it what she would?

After catching herself more than once staring at Nayeon much longer than she used to, finding herself smiling at the other girl's antics, and paying a lot more attention to the things she said and did, Sana realized too late that she'd fallen hard, she'd fallen fast, and she'd fallen without a second thought.

She just wouldn't be who she was if it had happened any other way.

"Can I ask you something, Sana-yah?" Nayeon asked, breathless, the next time they parted for air. Sana hummed, delicately trailing her finger on the other girl's face, stopping at her reddened, slightly swollen lower lip. For a brief moment, she saw Nayeon's eyes flutter closed at the contact, before they opened once more, determined hazel eyes looking right at her.

"How long are we going to keep doing this?"

Sana knew this question would come out sooner or later, but it caught her off-guard and left a sinking feeling at the pit of her stomach just the same.

"I—I don't know." Sana answered, a twinge of pain beginning to tie a knot in her chest. "Do you think we should stop?"

"Do you..." Nayeon seemed to lose her nerve, and had to swallow thickly before she started again. "Do you want us to stop?"

"I think we should..." the younger girl whispered, turning her head to the side, not wanting Nayeon to hear her voice crack.

"But do you want to?"

"Does it matter?" Sana said weakly.

"Of course it matters!" Nayeon snapped, unintentionally raising her voice. Eyes widened, her lips immediately curled into a tight-lipped apologetic smile. "It matters. Because..." she muttered, looking away, "Because you matter. To me."

Sana knew that, unlike her, Nayeon was not the type to wear her heart on her sleeve. She had a penchant for hiding her feelings behind snarky remarks and harmless teasing. So for her to tell Sana what she just did... The younger girl was sure that it would be the closest thing she'd ever get to a confession.

Another sad smile made its way to her lips as she cupped the side of Nayeon's face and gently traced a finger across her eyebrow, "Then... Then we definitely should stop this, Nayeon. You deserve someone who can give you everything. Not this, not—" she let out a shaky breath, the hurt that flashed in Nayeon's eyes piercing through her chest, "Not someone who can't even be in a normal relationship with you."

As she peered up at Nayeon's pursed lips, it took all of her self-control to stop herself from taking back what she'd said and pull the girl in for another kiss.

Nayeon sat up, and before Sana could panic and think she was leaving, she made herself comfortable next to the other girl on the bed and propped her head on her elbow, looking up at Sana with an expression the latter couldn't quite figure out.

"Listen, if I wanted a normal relationship, I would've never trained to be an idol." Nayeon felt a halfhearted smack on her shoulder, courtesy of Sana ("Don't say that!" she said sternly, her lower lip jutting out.), and let out a little laugh.

"I'm going to sound so stupid," she began, taking a deep breath and fixing her eyes on the stark white ceiling, "but I need to say this before we stop and go back to pretending all of this never happened."

"I... I really hate seeing you sad, Sana. Because I know that I'll only ever see it when it's too late. When you've already been hurt so much you can't hide it anymore."

"I hate seeing all our members sad too," Nayeon continued, "but I definitely never thought of kissing them to make them feel better." She paused, letting out a nervous chuckle. "But you... You're different. I can't be around you and not feel some sort of way. I can't keep pretending that the thought of kissing you doesn't do anything to me. One day, I thought of the sun," she said, a smile of longing on her face as she turned her head and met Sana's gaze, "and for some reason, I thought of you, too."

"Nayeon... I..." Sana stammered, her eyes watery. She wanted so badly to tell Nayeon about her own feelings, how her heart felt so full and yet so light, after knowing that she wasn't the only one who'd been falling, after all. She wanted to speak, but a tangle of emotions were caught in and she suddenly couldn't say the words in the language Nayeon could understand. "I..."

The older girl bit her lip, trying to hide the sting of what she thought was a rejection behind a pained grimace. "It's... It's okay, you don't have to say anything. I told you it was stupid. I just... I thought I would tell you how I feel. And let you know that I don't regret any of it."

"Can you promise me something though?" Nayeon asked, gently wiping away the tears trailing down the other girl's cheeks while fighting to hold back her own. "If you... If you ever do kiss me again, kiss me because you feel the same way, okay? Don't do it because one of us is sad, or scared, or lonely."

Sana stared at Nayeon, her nose and the rims of her eyes red from fresh tears. She muttered something softly in Japanese, and although Nayeon didn't know what it meant, she recognized the emotions—the very same ones she was sure Sana would see in her own gaze—swimming in those honey-brown eyes.

And so, when Sana slowly tucked some of Nayeon's short brown locks behind her ear, leaned towards her and captured her lips with her own once more, Nayeon closed her eyes and let it happen.

It felt familiar, but it also felt like the first time.

They held each other in their arms, letting the cold fire of desire run through their veins, making an unspoken promise to not let go of what they felt for each other when morning came.

As the night turned into dawn, they both laid in each other's embrace, Sana lazily Nayeon's hair and the other girl listening to the steady thump of Sana's heartbeat. Nayeon asked Sana what she'd said before in Japanese, and what it meant.

She let out a little giggle, and looked at Nayeon with an adoring smile that the older girl would keep in her memory for as long as she possibly could.

"You matter to me, too."

-----

Sana and Nayeon woke up to each other's sleepy smiles, soft, slow kisses and raspy "good morning"s the next day.

That, and to both their phones ringing with a flood of message notifications at the same time.

"Ugh, what the hell..." Nayeon groaned, reaching for her phone and opening TWICE's group chat, despite her better judgment.

"What's going on, Nayeonnie?" the other mass of brown hair said groggily, her early-morning voice not failing to summon a blush on the older girl's cheeks, not to mention a strong urge to kiss Sana senseless yet again.

"Well," Nayeon stalled, reading through the rapid exchange of chats between most of the group, "It looks like the members made a bet or something. Momo's telling Jeongyeon and some of the others that they owe her ten thousand won."

"A bet?"

"Oh. Oh! Seriously? They were betting on which one of us would confess first!"

Sana, who'd taken her own phone, laughed at the plight of the three youngest members, who'd placed their bets on her because she was "so bad at hiding what she feels", as Tzuyu had so tactfully put it.

Sorry to disappoint you, maknaes, she typed, adding three puppy-eyes emojis at the end.

"Yah! You are so dead, Hirai!" Nayeon yelled, knowing full well that her voice would go through the thin wall between this room and Momo's—something she'd failed to think about the whole time she was with Sana the night before.

"Even Mina made a bet! Mina!" she gasped, feigning offense. "Isn't there anyone I can trust in this group anymore?"

"As if you wouldn't make a bet yourself if you could," Sana commented, trying and failing miserably to keep a straight face.

"I hate that you're right," Nayeon whined, rolling her eyes. She met Sana's gaze, and the pout on her lips eventually widened to that smile of hers that made the younger girl feel like she was right where she belonged, "weird" comments be damned.

"Next bet is gonna be who is more whipped!" Momo's voice rang through the wall. "I bet five thousand won on Nayeon unnie!"

Even with Nayeon red in the face and looking as though a vein was about to pop out of her forehead, Sana would fondly look back on that moment and think of how she still looked so incredibly beautiful.

She took Nayeon's hand in hers, and as she felt the other girl fill the spaces between her fingers, she knew in her heart that she'd found her home.