Mark surveyed his reflection in the mirror. He'd put so much effort into his look for the day, but he had no idea if he'd gotten it right. He'd been on dates before and had his share of girlfriends, but this felt like the first real date of his life. It was his first time going out with someone after coming out, and he was terrified he was going to get it completely wrong.

 

Getting to this point had been agonizing to begin with. He'd known the truth about himself since high school, but had persisted in dating girls because it just seemed easier, and in many ways it was. When he'd finally given up pretending in university, he'd been faced with the challenge of suddenly being unable to ask anyone out because he had absolutely no idea who would even be open to the idea of dating another man and was pretty sure he couldn't take the risk of guessing in the kind of environment where most people refused to accept people like him. He'd spent his entire first year of university debating whether or not he should ask out the sweet and adorable guy he really liked from his marketing class, Park Jinyoung, but eventually wound up chickening out since he was almost certain Jinyoung only saw him as a friend.

 

In his second year, he'd finally broken down and set up a dating profile on a gay website. He hadn't been expecting much from it, and had wound up being completely shocked when his first message was from one of his university classmates, Choi Youngjae, who sat across the room in economics.

 

“Fancy finding you here!!!” Youngjae's message had read. “I had no idea about you being just like me!!! Small world!!! Hey, I'm actually kinda concerned about the safety of this site, so I think it would be really great to go out with someone who I actually know instead!! You're not a psycho, are you???? HAHAHAHA!! Anyways, wanna meet up and talk about it after class??? I wouldn't mind getting to know you!! ^^”

 

Mark had been pretty excited to receive the message. He wasn't sure if Youngjae was his type—he was much louder and more excitable than someone like Jinyoung, for example—but he definitely did think he was cute and fun and would make an excellent first date. So the next day he'd invited Youngjae out for a quick coffee in the school caf after class, and they'd made arrangements to go out to dinner the following weekend.

 

Now, here Mark was, freaking out over whether or not his smart casual outfit of dark wash jeans and a nice button down shirt was appropriate or too pre-planned. He missed the days of showing up to his dates with girls wearing the first thing he pulled out of his drawers because he didn't actually care if they liked him or not.

 

After deciding to just go with his outfit and trust that Youngjae didn't know very much about fashion, he hopped into his car and drove out to the restaurant they'd picked. He was pleased with it overall—it was the perfect happy medium between being too upscale and being too casual, and it had a good mix of global foods on the menu so they could both easily find something they liked. The environment was relaxed enough to where no one looking would assume they were on a date, and neither of them would have to feel very stiff and formal with each other in particular.

 

Youngjae was waiting for him at the front of the restaurant, looking very nice in a form fitting black ensemble, complete with a stylish wide-brim black hat. As soon as Youngjae saw him, he smiled and waved, and Mark smiled back. He didn't immediately get any heartfluttering feeling, but Choi Youngjae was certainly cute. He was pretty sure he could do a lot worse for himself, and it gave him a very optimistic feeling that everything today would go very well.

 

“Hey, Mark!” Youngjae said brightly. “Right on time!”

 

“Of course, I didn't want to keep you waiting. Ready to go on in?”

 

“Uh-huh! Let's eat!”

 

The restaurant didn't accept reservations, but luckily they didn't have to wait at all, and were immediately ushered to a table near the back by the waiter and were handed menus. They both gave theirs a cursory glance, but Youngjae seemed more eager to start talking right away.

 

“Seriously, I was not expecting to find you when I downloaded that app,” Youngjae said. “I didn't think I was ever going to find anyone at our university, you know? I was pretty terrified of trying...I mean, I made an attempt to ask a guy I liked out last year, but it didn't go so well. It was pretty much just 'I like...your forehead' and he just looked at me like I was crazy.”

 

“I know exactly what you mean,” Mark said sincerely. He’d once worked up the courage to ask Jinyoung out, and had gone as far as to text him asking him he was free one evening, but as soon as Jinyoung had responded that he didn’t have any plans, Mark had gotten too nervous to go through with it and texted back with a lame response about how there was a drama airing that night he should watch since he wasn’t busy.

 

“Have you been on the dating scene very long?” Youngjae wanted to know.

 

“No, you would be my first. How about you?”

 

“Same. So, you know...please be kind to me. I kinda don't know what I'm doing. But I just gotta say, it's a huge relief to finally, finally talk to someone I don't have to hide from. I could get used to this.” He smiled again, and Mark thought it was a really nice smile, though it would have been even nicer with eye whiskers, which Mark really liked. He also felt unbelievably comfortable, which was a huge relief since he'd been afraid he'd spend the whole first half just grunting blankly as Youngjae talked.

 

“So, I know we have economics together, but I'm not actually sure what your major is,” Mark said. “What are you studying?”

 

“Ah, I'm actually in performing arts. But my parents are making me take 'practical' classes as a back up. What about you?”

 

“I'm in business. Still not sure what I want to do with that. Maybe it's dumb, but I've been kind of fixating on the dating thing a little too much.”

 

“Yeah, I completely get it. We need to get our personal lives together before we can worry about our professional lives. And it would be so nice to get a boyfriend after a lifetime of never having the pleasure.” Youngjae swept his hair back for a moment. “You know, it's so cheesy, but I have all these dates I wanna do because I've never gotten to date before. Things like going to a carnival or stargazing or taking a long nature walk with my dog...”

 

“You have a dog?” Mark asked, perking up a little.

 

“Yeah, wanna see?” Youngjae whipped out his phone and opened an Instagram page almost entirely devoted to a curly white haired little dog. “Isn't she cute?”

 

“She's adorable! I have a dog like that, too. They should totally meet.”

 

“Totally! Coco doesn’t have any friends; she needs to go out even more than I do.”

 

A few minutes later, a waiter stopped by to ask for their orders. They still hadn't really looked at their menus, so they just ordered drinks for the time being so they could have more time to decide.

 

“Everything looks so good,” Youngjae murmured. “I can't decide.”

 

“I'm thinking the shrimp fettucine,” Mark said. “I'm in the mood for some pasta right now.”

 

“Oh? Where is that? I don't see it.”

 

“It's in the pasta section, of course.”

 

“I don't see the pasta section either?” Youngjae said, trailing his finger in circles around the menu as he looked for it.

 

Mark reached out and guided his hand. “It's right here.”

 

“Aha, I see.” Youngjae glanced up with a smirk. “Kind of smooth, grabbing my hand there.”

 

“...I actually wasn't trying to be smooth,” Mark admitted.

 

“Still, it was nice, at least coming from you. There are plenty of guys out there who do things like that with zero intentions, and it's like ugh, don't lead me on. There's a guy in my Business Analytics class who used to do that, the one with the nice forehead. Sometimes, I just really wanted to smack him for flirting and being so damn straight.”

 

“Yeah,” Mark said with a nod. Jinyoung was always doing things like that. He had a thing for grabbing people's hands. And touching the back of their necks, randomly. At least, he'd used to do it to Mark a lot.

 

“Anyways,” Youngjae said. “I'm thinking steak right now, and-”

 

He trailed off, his face turning suddenly pale.

 

“What is it?” Mark asked.

 

Youngjae didn’t answer. He was staring over Mark’s shoulder with a crestfallen look on his face, a total reversal from his previous bright smile. Mark turned his head to see what had disturbed him so much.

 

The sight that greeted him was indeed an incredibly disturbing one. Because right at that moment, a waiter was seating Park Jinyoung and a guy Mark vaguely knew from one of his business classes, Im Jaebum, at a table close to theirs.

 

Jinyoung met his eyes momentarily, one of his eyebrows arching as if to say Yes, I’m here with a guy, what of it? So are you. Then he glanced at Jaebum, with a radiant smile, squeezing his upper arm before taking a seat.

 

Oh, OK, Mark thought, heart sinking. So Jinyoung would have dated another guy after all. And Jaebum’s the one who figured that out, not me. Wonderful.

 

He turned back to Youngjae, who was now looking everywhere but the table where Jinyoung and Jaebum were now sitting. He was being so blatant about it that Mark couldn’t keep himself from commenting on it. “Do you know them?” he asked.

 

“Y-Yes,” Youngjae answered quietly. “Um…Jaebum…happens to be the guy with the nice forehead. The one I wanted to ask out but didn’t because I thought he was straight. And I guess…he’s apparently not.”

 

“Oh.” Mark swallowed. “Well…in the interest of honesty, the guy he’s with is one I was considering asking out but didn’t because I also thought he was straight.”

 

“So I guess you and I are a dumb, huh? Maybe that means we’re meant to be after all. We both have crap intuition, we both love dogs…I mean Jaebum’s a cat person, it probably wasn’t going to work out anyways…” Youngjae bit his lip. “God, I just don’t get it. I was giving off gay vibes so hard at him last year, but he gave me nothing! And now he shows up lovey-dovey with another guy out of nowhere? that!”

 

“Yeah…” Mark played with his napkin. “It was pretty much the same with me and Jinyoung…I guess he just wasn’t interested in me, even if he was interested in other guys.”

 

“Guess that’s how it is with Jaebum, too. Huh.” Youngjae grit his teeth. “Well, there’s really no accounting for taste. His loss. Completely his loss. Let’s just enjoy our date as if those two don’t exist, huh? Ready to order?”

 

Mark nodded, a bit numbly. He didn’t foresee this going well. He could practically feel the closeness of Jinyoung’s presence as if he were standing right behind him and breathing against the back of his neck. How could he just pretend he didn’t exist when Mark’s default state around him was hyperawareness of everything having to do with him?

 

Still, he plastered on a smile when the waiter arrived at their table and ordered the shrimp fettucine he wanted. When their orders were jotted down, the waiter made to leave but was stopped by Jaebum clearing his throat at the next table over.

 

“Hey, this restaurant has coloring tablecloths and crayons for children, right?” Jaebum asked, rather louder than what was necessary.

 

“Yes,” the waiter said. “We do.”

 

“Can we get that for our table?”

 

“Oh…do you have children that are planning on joining you?”

 

“No. I just have a passion for coloring.”

 

“Er…well, it’s not restaurant policy for us to give those to adults.”

 

“We’ll pay you extra for it,” Jinyoung said.

 

“Well…in that case…” The waiter hesitated for only a moment. “I’ll go get you a tablecloth, sirs.”

 

“What the hell?” Youngjae hissed to Mark in a whisper. “What do they want crayons for?”

 

“No idea. Does Jaebum really have a passion for coloring?”

 

“Not that I know of.” Youngjae’s voice increased in volume. “Not that I know him all that well, since someone never gave me the proper chance.”

 

Jaebum’s voice from the next table also got louder. “Wow, Jinyoung, I really love that you’re not passive aggressive all the time like someone.”

 

“Jinyoung’s totally passive aggressive, which you would know if you actually liked him,” Mark muttered under his breath.

 

“What was that, did you hear something?” Jinyoung asked loudly. “Someone has problems speaking their mind freely as always.”

 

Case in point, Mark thought. He dug his fingernails into his palm.

 

Youngjae got a maniacal smile on his face and reached out to take Mark’s hand. “So, Mark, tell me all about your dog. I love someone with proper taste in animals.”

 

There was a strange noise from the Jaebum/Jinyoung table at this, but Mark wasn’t sure which one of them it was coming from and wasn’t about to turn around to see. “Um, well, Milo’s still really young, so he’s-”

 

“Jaebum, you shouldn’t touch my leg like that under the table~” Mark heard Jinyoung saying. Mark’s hand jerked out in alarm, knocking over the shaker beside him and spilling salt all over his wrist.

 

“Oh no, let me clean that up for you!” Youngjae said, grabbing a napkin and jumping to his feet.

 

“Uh…it’s just salt, it’s not going to stain,” Mark pointed out, though his mind was very much still fixated on the knowledge that Jaebum was touching Jinyoung’s leg.

 

“No, I insist.” Youngjae then proceeded to wipe Mark’s wrist with the napkin in a comedically affectionate way—comedic, because the salt all came off in his first wipe, but he continued to wipe nonetheless, fussing over it as if Mark had just spilled pipping hot coffee on himself.

 

While Youngjae was dragging this out, the waiter arrived with the white children’s tablecloth for Jaebum and Jinyoung. “Perfect,” Jaebum said. “I’ll do the font if you do the background art.”

 

“What kind of art were you thinking?” Jinyoung asked.

 

“Hellfire.”

 

“OK. Pass me the orange crayon.”

 

“Seriously, what the hell?” Youngjae whispered as he stood up, finally dropping Mark’s hand. “What do they think they’re doing?”

 

“They have to be doing this on purpose,” Mark whispered back.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, if it wasn’t on purpose, they wouldn’t be talking so loudly and acting so stupid, right?” Mark asked. “I think…” He swallowed. “I think it’s probably Jaebum.”

 

“Jaebum?”

 

“I bet he’s angry you’re on a date with me and asked Jinyoung to help him get revenge.”

 

Youngjae looked momentarily hopeful before his frown returned. “But what if it’s Jinyoung who’s mad that I’m going out with you and Jaebum’s just helping him?”

 

Mark exhaled and shook his head. “Nah, there’s no way. This isn’t Jinyoung’s style. He’s more sensitive.”

 

Youngjae snorted. “Doesn’t seem like it to me.”

 

Mark glared. “Don’t insult him.”

 

“I wasn’t. I just don’t appreciate him being all over Jaebum.”

 

“Well, I don’t appreciate Jaebum groping him under the table.”

 

“Excuse me, but Jaebum’s a perfectly decent guy when he’s not being the minion to your jealous crush.”

 

“Oh come on, Jaebum’s totally the one masterminding this to make you feel guilty.”

 

Youngjae opened his mouth to interject again, but it suddenly snapped shut and his eyes bulged out in shock. A second later, he had leapt to his feet, finger pointed accusingly towards Jaebum and Jinyoung’s table. “Y-YOU!” he yelled. “You have no right!”

 

Mark whirled around. Jinyoung and Jaebum had draped the tablecloth so it was displayed like a banner on a table. On it, “WHAT’S GOOD, CHEATERS?” was written in angry red letters, with orange hellfire decorating the background.

 

“Who the hell are you calling a cheater, Im Jaebum?” Youngjae yelled.

 

“I don’t know, the guy blatantly out on a date with someone else right under my nose?” Jaebum snarked back.

 

“Like you’re not totally on a date yourself!”

 

“You started it.”

 

“As is my right, considering you’re not even my boyfriend.”

 

“Yeah, but we were 100% in a ‘some’ and about to take it to the next level, so I don’t know what you think you’re doing messing around with other guys when I was two seconds away from making it official with you.”

 

Youngjae blinked. “We’re in a ‘some’? No one informed me of this!”

 

“That’s the point of it being a ‘some’!” Jaebum huffed. “You knew were it was going! I don’t flirt with guys I don’t plan on dating.” He glanced at Jinyoung out of the corner of his eyes. “Genuinely flirt, I mean.”

 

“Then why didn’t you just ask me out like a normal person?”

 

Jaebum turned a little red. “Ya, who asks out a guy like you in Business Analytics class? I was saving up money for a Han River cruise, but you just had to go for someone buying you a cheap dinner before I’d gotten enough money!”

 

Youngjae’s eyes widened. “Y-You were going to buy me a Han River cruise?!”

 

“Yeah.” Jaebum folded his arms over his chest. “But I don’t know anymore. If you’d rather date someone else-”

 

“No!” Youngjae yelped. He looked at Mark apologetically. “Sorry, Mark, but, um…” He bit his lip. “Look, Jaebum, I just…misunderstood, OK? I thought you weren’t interested in me and that I would be better off moving on, but…if you like me, then…I want to go to the Han River!”

 

Jaebum looked like he was really struggling back a pleased smile. “What’s the point if it’s not a surprise anymore?”

 

“I’ll erase it from my memory! What’s the Han River?” Youngjae bounced on the balls of his feet excitedly. “Don’t be mad at me anymore, Jaebummie, I seriously like you so much, not just your forehead.”

 

Mark smiled, although he couldn’t help feeling disappointed. He’d been right; Jaebum was the one who’d planned this out of jealousy, not Jinyoung. Youngjae was the one with the confession, not him. Still, he was at least glad that things had worked out for Youngjae, and was fine ending their own date. He and Youngjae would still make good friends, even if they weren’t meant to be lovers.

 

“You should go over and have dinner with him,” Mark urged Youngjae. “I’ll tell the waiter to bring your food to the other table when it arrives.”

 

Jaebum’s eyes shifted to Mark, his expression turning stony. “Don’t think I’m about to forget about you holding his hand earlier.”

 

Mark lifted his hands up in surrender, but before he could say anything, Jinyoung cleared his throat. “Come on, Jaebum. Let it go. Mark’s just a friendly guy like that.” He rose to his feet. “Here, Youngjae. Take my seat. I’ll keep Mark company for the rest of his dinner.” He looked at Mark. “If you don’t mind.”

 

Mark did kind of mind, but there was no denying he was hungry, too. Even if he went home, there would be no dinner waiting for him, so he was better off taking advantage of being at a nice restaurant. All he would have to do was survive a meal with Jinyoung, who now knew he was gay and on the dating scene…like hell he would survive that! But Jinyoung was already sitting down in Youngjae’s place, commandeering his glass of cola and staring at Mark with an expression that could only be described as pissed.

 

“I never would have guessed you’d have the audacity, Mark Tuan,” Jinyoung said, his lips turning up in a smile that didn’t reach his frosty eyes.

 

“The audacity to do what?” Mark asked.

 

Jinyoung snorted in disbelief. “Seriously, the audacity. I know you’re someone who has a hard time doing things the straightforward way, but don’t you think this was a little much?”

 

“I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about. You and Jaebum were the ones who were going overboard over there.”

 

“But that’s what you were aiming for, right?”

 

“Aiming for? Look, I had no plans of anything happening today other than trying to go on a date with someone to see how it went. You and Jaebum showing up was not on the agenda or something I was aiming for. I don’t know why you would think it was.”

 

Jinyoung’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t play these games with me, Mark. I mean, I could pretty much tell you were waiting for me to come to you. All that flirting with no follow up? The obvious way you acted like you were going to ask me out then played it off? Deliberately asking out another guy when you knew I was sitting right behind you in the cafeteria? It was so obvious you were trying to make me jealous because you’re tired of me waiting for you to say that you love me before I tell you that I love you too.” He smirked. “How do you like me turning the tables on you and enlisting Jaebum to make you jealous? If you like me to the point of going through with all these games, you should just ask me out instead of trying to trick me into making the first move, OK?”

 

Mark stared at him, both bewildered and not even sure which part to be most bewildered by. There was certainly a part of him reacting to the fact that Jinyoung apparently liked him, but what the hell? The rest of it was all so convoluted that he could barely wrap his head around it. Jinyoung thought he’d been chickening out on purpose in some kind of preplanned mind game scheme? Jinyoung was the one who’d come up with the idea of bringing Jaebum to the same restaurant to disrupt Mark’s supposed scheme?

 

“Jinyoung, I had no idea you were in the cafeteria when Youngjae and I arranged to come here,” Mark said, shaking his head. “I wasn’t trying to…I wasn’t trying to bait you or anything by going out with Youngjae, OK?”

 

Jinyoung looked disbelieving for a moment before his cheeks gradually began to turn a vivid shade of red. “Y-You mean…your date with Youngjae was genuine?”

 

“Er…I mean, I arranged it with him in good faith. We were going to try and get to know each other better and stuff.”

 

Jinyoung looked at him, horrified. “You…oh my god…I…” He winced. “Mark, I am so sorry! It was a genuine date and I…I’ll fix it, I swear! I’ll bring Youngjae back.” He tried to get to his feet to go to Jaebum and Youngjae’s table, but Mark reached out to grab his arm and stop him.

 

“Jinyoung, clearly Youngjae doesn’t want to resume this date,” Mark said wryly. “It was a genuine date, yes, but both of it went into it painfully hung up on other people. And I don’t think either of us are really upset that it ended up with us with the people we actually wanted to be with.”

 

Jinyoung settled back into his seat, looking at him cautiously. “So…I wasn’t wrong about you liking me?”

 

Mark sighed and shook his head. “I guess that was more obvious to you than I thought it was?”

 

“I thought you were trying to make it obvious.” Jinyoung bit his lip. “If you liked me, why did you ask Youngjae out? That’s why I assumed you were trying to make me jealous. Because if you want to go out with me, there’s no reason you’d choose someone else, right?”

 

“That was me trying to move on.”

 

This time Jinyoung looked mildly offended. “Why would you try to move on from me? Is there something wrong with me?”

 

“Of course not! I thought…” Mark cleared his throat awkwardly. “I thought you didn’t like me back. Actually, I thought you were straight and since I’m not, I’d be better off finding someone who was actually compatible in that way.”

 

“You thought…I didn’t like you back? Are you kidding me?” He shook his head. “Mark. Did you completely forget about all the times we got ice cream last year?”

 

“How could I? I gained weight for the first time since I went through puberty thanks to you and your damn ice cream”. His marketing class with Jinyoung had been a night class that took place in the same building that housed their school's coffee and ice cream cafe. On their way out of class, Jinyoung would always invent reasons he needed cheering up—he'd missed a single point on his exam, his haircut hadn't turned out well, the stars weren't aligned properly, the moon was too bright, whatever—so they could grab ice cream as a late night snack.

 

“You always ordered the same thing every time,” Jinyoung said, grinning. “Chocolate and caramel and peanuts.”

 

“And you always ordered a different flavor every time,” Mark shot back. “You didn't want to student worker behind the counter to get complacent.”

 

“I just wanted to make a different memory each time. I still remember all of it, too. On mint chocolate chip day, you told me some really funny stories about growing up with your siblings. On cookie dough day, I helped you study for a finance test. On cookies and cream day, you had a cold and croaked at me the whole time.” He paused. “I don't know why, but I'm very good at remembering what happened the last time I ate a certain food, especially if it's not something I'm eating constantly. So that’s why I picked a different flavor every time. So each memory with you would be unique and vivid in my mind, so I’d never forget.” He looked into Mark’s eyes. “And you thought I didn’t like you? Mark. I would have invented a million stupid excuses just to spend an extra few minutes with you every day. I don’t just like you, OK? How did you not realize that?”

 

 

“I may…be a little stupid?”

 

 

“Really? Because you’re incredibly clever most of the time. Which is why I thought you’d planned this whole thing out. It seemed like the kind of thing someone mischievous like you would do.”

 

 

“Turns out you’re the real mischievous one when it comes to crazy plots to get someone to confess,” Mark said with a grin. “What’s good, cheaters?”

 

 

Jinyoung flushed. “Can you forget I did that?”

 

 

“Never.” Mark’s smiled faded a little. “Honestly…maybe it’s not me being stupid, exactly. I’ve just never done this before...being with a guy, or confessing to a guy when I had no idea if he swung the same way as me or not. I didn't know what it was supposed to feel like or how it would happen. I knew that I liked you, but I just couldn't easily imagine you being the same, that I would ever be so lucky as to have you like me back.”

 

 

“That’s my bad, too. I should have picked up on that instead of leaping to weird conclusions. I know you’re not the kind of guy who would mess with me in a way that might actually hurt me. But I also know you don’t express yourself a lot, so you might have wanted to lead me into confessing because that kind of thing is difficult for you.”

 

 

Mark’s smile returned. “Well, even though I didn’t set out to do that at all, I did still manage to get you to confess first, huh?”

 

 

“Huh?”

 

 

“Back when you were being all smug about trying to make me jealous, you told me you loved me before I said anything about loving you, right?”

 

 

Jinyoung frowned. “Did I?”

 

 

“You sure did.”

 

 

His frown deepened. “So…I wound up confessing first…which means I could have just confessed to you normally when I fell for you last year if I was going to wind up doing it first anyways?”

 

 

“Pretty much, yeah,” Mark said with an innocent shrug. “But if you think about it, this way was funnier. You went ahead and exposed your petty, devious side in all its glory in the name of getting together with me. Honestly, I’m both terrified and touched.”

 

 

Jinyoung buried his head in his hands. “Seriously, I will pay you to forget about this.”

 

 

“Not a chance. We should totally get ice cream after this, a flavor we’ve never tried before. Something to leave a memory so unique and vivid in my mind that I’ll never forget that hellfire and cheaters tablecloth.”

 

 

“OK, that part was Jaebum’s idea not mine!”

 

 

“Sure. Was the groping under the table his idea or yours?”

 

 

Jinyoung lifted an eyebrow, looking pissed again. “You know, I originally thought that bit where you were touching Youngjae’s hand was you acting to make me jealous, but now that I know you weren’t acting, I’m the one who has the right to be pissed.”

 

 

Good point, Mark realized. “How about we just forgive and forget, then?”

 

 

“Oh, so now you’re all excited to forget when it’s convenient for you! You really are mischievous, Mark Tuan. Even if you weren’t trying to trick me this time, I’m still going to watch my back around you.”

 

 

“Trust me, Park Jinyoung, after today I’m pretty sure I’m never going to have the guts to try and pull a fast one on you ever again.”