Author's Note: I'm dumb and wrote this in google docs and copy pasted here so I have no idea how to make this text not bold. Enjoy reading tho!

Cloven hoofs turned to dainty little feet, glowing red eyes the colour of flames turned into doe eyes, and what had been a bone white band of hair became the long, smooth inky black of a human woman.

I'd be spending decades in this insufferable feminine body, with its weak limbs and annoying annual functions. (Really?! I have to go to the toilet multiple times a day?!)

In the grand scheme of things, I suppose half a century wasn't so long, I'd been alive for an uncountable millennia before, but this would no doubt be the longest 'break' I've had during all that time. And for no pay either.

The woman that summoned me was a strange sort of human with monolid eyes, hair that had been dyed a fiery red and a body of average height and so thin enough that she looked like something my hellhounds would gnaw on after dinner. Her home was a mess of trash, disorganized books and garish decorations that suited a middle schooler going through a phase rather than the 25 year old novelist that she was.

"So? What now?" I ask her, lounging on an unmade bed.

She was still in those dumb robes and the summoning circle was still smouldering. I wasn’t an incuubai, and nor did I have any interest in the matter of , but I could endure it for a while. 

Damned if I let one pitiful human pull a fast one on me and make me lose my perfect deal-making track record.

"I...ah...well, how about a date?" She suggests, her face a bright, luminous pink. "I was thinking about this nice ramen place I know. It's pretty good for the price."

"A date?" I ask, eyebrows raised. "You summoned the lady of all hell and damnation...for a date?"

"Well...yeah."

I sigh, moving to a stand and pushing her towards the door. "Bathroom, now. Get in the tub."

"W-what?! T-this is a-a little forward, don't you think?!" She stammers, trying to resist me as I push her. I am still significantly stronger despite my smaller stature.

"You are five different types of disgusting, I'm not going anywhere with you looking like that. First bath, then haircut, and nail t and while you're doing that, I'm going through your wardrobe." 

I say firmly, shoving her out the door and closing it behind her .

She’s gone for the better part of three hours, and in that time I've sorted through her disgusting laundry and tossed out more than half. It's all second hand clothing and I could still smell other people on them. I haven't started cleaning the room, but I imagine I'll have some time in the interim 50 or so years.

She returns, hair back to black and freshly shampooed,still wearing her unwashed clothing. 

"Here," I say, tossing her a new set. "Put that on, and then we'll go."

"You know, you're a lot more pushy than I imagined." She mentions, turning towards the bathroom again.

"According to your anime preferences, I assumed you like the pushy type."

"W-what?! What did you see?!"

"You've replayed that Natsuki route in Doki Doki Literature Club several times over, bub."

"I-I just wanted to save her from her dad and monika! It's not because she's mean!"

"Sure. Go change."

She cleans up nicely I had to admit. She’s still a toothpick, but there's only so much the lady of hell can do.

We leave. The second I cross the threshold of her apartment door, my outfit changes to match hers.

The...date...goes as well as expected. She gives what few 'rules' she can come up with, that I stay her girlfriend and don't cheat on her, and treat her like how any ordinary girl would her girlfriend. 

There, she also gives me a name- Bae Juhyun.

The days bleed into weeks, and weeks into months.

I'm living with her full time now, and I've been doing as bid for the most part- taking care of her health and her living space as 'any ordinary girlfriend' would.

After the first year, she starts looking better. With more complete meals, she's started gaining some muscle, she showers regularly and she hasn't let her shaggy hair return or gone for another extreme dye job. Though there was a time when she brought up colouring her hair orange, which was quickly thrown out of the window after I shot her a baffled look.

Her hobbies are still...out there, he cries over 2D characters a lot but she still gets her work done.

Her second book is a smash hit, and she asks if I had anything to do with it.

"You asked for a girlfriend, not fame and fortune." I tell her simply, setting a cup of tea in front of her. 

"That success is yours."

She smiles. "After I finish my trilogy, they're asking for a book tour. Think you'd be up for some traveling?"

"I suppose I could manage." I sigh. "Just tell me when."

Two years later, we're on the road.

She’s almost 27 at that point, and on the final stop, she kneels down in front of her audience and asks for my hand in marriage.

She really wants to play at the whole 'being in love' thing, doesn't she?

I agree with crocodile tears sliding down my cheeks.

We don't get married in a church, or have a priest officiate. No, it's done in a courtroom, and I'm wearing jeans and holding a supermarket bouquet in my hands.

Only then, four years after knowing me, does she finally have full and proper with me. 

Don't get me wrong, there has been touching, but it has been more her taking lessons. I thought she was just getting pointers for when she brought an actual woman home, but no. It was so she could please her little wife, me.

Days go on and soon, she's 29. She asks me for a child.

"Any child I have through IVF will be the antichrist." I tell her, eyebrow raising. "Do you really want that?"

"...Maybe not. I don't want my son or daughter to be exorcised by the pope." She says, laughing slightly. "How about...adoption? Let's look into adoption."

Fine. Okay, whatever. Adoption.

Ten years pass, and we live in a suburb with three children, none of whom know that 'Mommy Joohyun” is actually satan.

They're all monsters. Not even demons! I know demons, and every day is a struggle.

"I've done enough writing, I think we can live off the royalties for a while, with the movie coming out soon." She sighs, lounging on the couch with her youngest spawn. 

"How about this? I'll stay home with the kids, and you can be the breadwinner."

"I hope you know what that means." I said with a shake of my head.

"I have an idea of what your job is. As long as you come back for dinner and help me with family things, I can live."

I roll my eyes.

I'm returned to hell from 9 to 5, and get started on the back log of deals I haven't been making over the past two decades, and return to the homestead to a full dinner and cries of 'mommy'!!

That goes on for years more.

High school graduations, proms, seeing the movie that my wife wrote, grandchildren…

Finally, at the age of 87 years, she died. In the hospital, with myself and her entire family surrounding her . She never had parents, she was a foster child herself, so it's only me, our children, and some writer friends and an old publisher pal she kept in contact with after retirement. Our youngest is 23, and in absolute tears.

I stay with her until everyone is gone. A nurse comes in. "Mrs.Bae? I think it's best that you leave." 

She said softly. "The undertakers have been waiting patiently outside for the better part of the night. It's time to let go.

"Cut the crap." I say stonily. "I know who you are."

The nurse looks shocked, for about half a second. Then, she sighs. "I was wondering why you weren't eating her soul. Did the devil fall in love?"

"Dont be so ing stupid. She bested me in a deal, years ago. I have no right to her soul."

"Satan is, at the very least, a woman of her word." The nurse comes around, and taps her forehead.

 A  white mist comes out, and it gathers into a small, blue-white diamond. Hersoul. She's her reaper.

"So? What's your plan now? You're about...what? 85 in that body? Are you gonna stick around for the remaining ten years?"

"I've got a plan, nut." I sigh, head laid on the bed. "Just get going. I have hell to run once this is finally over."

"Whatever you say, Satan." She says, leaving the room.

The actual nurse comes in, and touches my back. She's trying to get me up and out so the undertakers can take her .

Jokes on her. I stopped this body's heart hours ago. I'm absolutely cold.

She calls for the undertakers, and they call for an additional herse and body bag. Mrs Kang and Mrs Bae are dead. Mrs Kang from a and Mrs Bae from a stress-induced cardiomyopathy. Literally a broken heart.

I'm returned to my kingdom, still not shedding the womanish disguise I made for myself. What can I say? It's grown on me, and it's funny to see a PTA mom on the throne of hell.

I'm about to start sentencing, when a familiar person is put in front of me- my wife.

"Turns out, making deals with the devil is a sin. Heaven is out of the question." She says, kneeling with burning chains around her wrists. She’s smiling.

I smile back. "Kang Seulgi, I hereby sentence you to an eternity of hellfire as Satan's concubine."

"I think I can live with that." Sh esays, standing as the burning chains dissipate. She comes to me, kissing the top of my head like she did when I was sitting on the couch, watching soap operas. "I missed you, dear."

I sigh, leaning into the gentle touch. "I missed you too..."