Haseul's POV.

 

My heart ached for them everyday. 

 

I wanted to be with them again. If I could rewind to the time I left them, I would. But I can't. My fear now is that they are with someone else—better, and happier perhaps. 

 

I missed the way they hugged me from behind when I was at my lowest. 

 

Their warm touch made me better knowing that they were there for me.

 

When it was hard for me to be the strong one in the group and look after the rest of the members, they helped me and supported me all the way through. 

 

Through all our hardships—five words—five words that destroyed everything we had together. It was me. I did that. 

 

How can I love them when I don't even love myself? 

 

How can I be truely happy when I am always dependent on them to make me feel okay again. 

 

I knew that it wasn't a healthy relationship when they would always look after me and never had time for themself. So I had to do what was best for us. 

 

I regretted it but now I am a better version of myself. 

 

Even till this day. My pathetic heart tells me that I still love them—

 

I slammed my personal journal shut, locking all my shattered feelings in it, and walked over to my single, plain white bed and placed it under my mattress so none of the other members would find it.

 

"HASEEEULLLL—HaSeuLlllllLlllll." Yeojin the ann—very not so annoying maknae barged into my room with her yogurt—of course—puffed out as she came running. 

 

"What is it?" I have her my best 'annoyed' glare but a smile couldn't help but make its way into my lips.

 

"They-s—she's," she puffed, "h—here." I stood up from where I was, shocked.

 

"What do you mean she's here?" I asked in disbelief.

 

"You know who! Quickly before she leaves." Yeojin said in a hurry before pushing me out with of the room to the living room where 'she' was laughing with Jinsoul and Vivi.

 

I stopped in the middle of the hallway before entering in the room.

 

My heart—oh it ached hard—as my breathing sped up. She looked so beautiful—her dyed blondie was still there. Her eyes sparkled like the stars at night as she gave her infamous smile and laughed at whatever joke Jinsoul was telling.

 

I haven't seen her in two years since we broke up. After the break up, the group decided to also have a hiatus break since it was the best for both of us and everyone else. 

 

We haven't decided on our comeback yet.  

 

I haven't seen anyone after her. Everyone I saw reminded me of parts of her. 

 

Yeojin aggressive whispered to me in the ear, "what are you doing!! Go up to her and say hi." She shoves me into the room and ran off. That little—

 

Her focus shifted from Jinsoul to me and turned her head to the side in confusion to why I was in the room but greeted me with a warm smile. 

 

I gave her a half hearted smile because I knew I didn't deserve that smile.  

 

Jinsoul and Vivi quietly walked away for the two of us to talk. 

 

"Haseul, come and sit down. You know it's time for us to talk." She said to me in a serious tone. 

 

I slowly walked up to her and sat on the side where she was sitting and didn't look at her. 

 

"Seul—Look at me. I know you are hurt but it hurts me more that you can't look at me." Her soft melodic voice lingered into my ear. I slowly turned my head to face her and locked into her coffee brown eyes which gave me flash backs of when we had our happy moments. 

 

I started to feel something wet on my cheeks as it rolled down to my chin and continuing. I knew it was tears but I let it go on. She gave me an aching smiling knowing that I was crying and she was hurt from it.

 

"Uhm," I coughed, "what do you want to discuss." As I turned away for a bit and wiped my tears and face her

 

"You know it's time that we should have a comeback." The distinctive smell of shea buttered lingered around her which was always the smell of her. 

 

"Oh yeah—um sure. I am okay with that." I said disappointedly but I knew that I have changed for the better. I learnt to look after myself before the rest of the members and they were okay about that and told me that I didn't need to worry too much because they had each other and knew to look after themselves. 

 

Of course she left our house that we owned from BBC and went to the country side to help her grandparents. I guess that now I am a better version of myself. I still wanted to be with her but she was probably with someone else now. 

 

Her perfect shaped eyebrows lifted as she was unconvinced. 

 

"Why don't you say my name Seul or look at me in the eye. Can't you see my heart is breaking so much? I know that you hurt me but that doesn't mean my heart ached for you everyday. I still love you can't you see! I still wear our silly necklace we got for each other for our second anniversary! I see that you aren't wearing it because you don't care anymore is that right!?" She stand up in anger and frustration as her tears spilt down quickly like a waterfall.

 

"That's not it! I love you so much that I can't look you in the face without reminding me of how your face was bursting into tears when we broke up! I was so hurt that I cried myself to sleep every night reminding me of how you cried because of me! I still am! Everyday everyone I see reminds me of a part of you! Your love for red! The silly damn oranges that you drew on with my face on it! Everything! I can't move on without everything still reminding me of you knowing that I ruined everything." I said out loud but only enough for her to hear as I collapsed onto the floor crying. 

 

"And the necklace—I made it into a ring because I was scared of losing it." I pointed to her on my forefinger before I placed my hands onto my face as I gradually kept crying. 

 

I felt her going to the floor and she wrapped her warms around me. The smell of her invaded my nose as I choked up crying more. 

 

"Shh it's okay." She placed my head onto her shoulder as I wet her plain white T-shirt. 

 

"We can start again. You know that." She rubbed my back in comfort. 

 

"Y—yes I k-know." I hiccuped from crying as her slender pale fingers wiped my face. 

 

I was at my most vulnerable point and she was here to see it. It scared me because she could leave me at any moment but I always know she won't.

 

"I promise–e to be there for you always." I looked into her warm eyes. 

 

"Oh darling you have always been. Always. I don't know why you always think you aren't but you always have been." She smiled at me sweetly and gently cupped my face with her hands  kissed where my tears was on my cheeks and led to where to my lips before I closed in our gap and pressed on her soft delicate lips with mine.

 

I broke apart from our kiss and I looked at her with my eyes. 

 

"I love you Kim Jeongeun."