Dear Mark Tuan,

When this letter finds you, it means that you are now married and I decided to stay away. I sent this letter to tell you the words I wasn't able to tell you a long time ago.

 

You are the one I've always wished for. Yet, here I am, stuck in the line I drew that I cannot and will not cross.

 

If you are happy with Yeri then all I can do is to be happy for you. I can see the way your eyes shine so bright whenever she walks in the room or how happy you sound when you talk about her.

You look so happy. You look at her as if she was the universe. You are so whipped.

 

Funny, because I am too.

With you.

I am whipped and ing in love with you.

 

You don’t know how it hurts when you laughed it off and made fun of me when I called you and learned that your name in my contacts is, “My World”. For starters, this our inside joke but I hope you know that it is true. Because I look at you, Mark, as if  you are my world.

 

I regret everything.

I regret drawing that line between us.

I got scared.

Scared to the see the ending, an ending to us both walking away from each other.

 

So, here I am, stuck to my fanciful disposition wherein we ended up with each other. Happy and contented.

Me, as the reason for your smiles.

The twinkle in your eyes.

And not the reason for your tears.

 

Maybe, the spaces between your fingers were created so that another's could fill them in.

Someone who is not me.

Someone who is brave.

Someone who is willing to take a risk.

 

If I’m given a chance to go back in time, I will definitely be brave and choose you.

But for now,

I will be with you, as a friend.

Because I know in this lifetime, I'll love you till death, and then some.

 

With you forever in my dreams,

Son Seungwan