You’re my waking thought , 

my sweet dream, 

and everything in between

-Perry Poetry

~

If there is one season that makes Jeongyeon excited most, it’s winter. The amount of clothes she can wear, mix and match, and go out on makes her blood race in joy and thrill. Aside from that, the major factor is seeing Mina, her wife (ah yes, she loves the sound of calling Mina her wife), wear winter clothes. In their five years as girlfriends, it has become their tradition to go Christmas shopping for their loved ones for a straight week. And the best part of that is dressing up to be the power couple that they are.

“We really appreciate your help in this, Mina,” Sana breaks Jeongyeon’s daydream. “Jeongyeon, thank you so much,” she continues. Jeongyeon gives the girl a nod and tries to go back to that world she was in before Sana spoke to her.

She feels Mina pinching her leg in a not-so-sweet manner. She automatically flashes a smile, “Anything to help you and Eris here.”

Momo gives the sleeping two year old girl to Mina, who happily carried her. “She doesn’t cry much but when she does, just sing Mary had a Little Lamb to her and she’ll stop.”

Jeongyeon stares at the child. “We got this,” Mina tells the couple. Sana gives them both a kiss on the cheek while Momo hugs them, “Enjoy your weekend getaway!”

Right, Sana won a weekend getaway from their company’s annual raffle draw so she and Momo are going to enjoy their weekend skiing while they, Mina and Jeongyeon, are babysitting. Not that Jeongyeon hates kids. She loves them but only because they aren’t hers. But being with the child for more than eight hours is a little too much for her. The mess, the noise, the crying? Jeongyeon just... doesn’t want that in her life.

As soon as Sana closes the door, Mina turns to her with a raised eyebrow, “What’s your problem?”

Her defenses automatically rise up too, “Nothing. Why?” she sits on the couch and opens the TV, watching FRIENDS.

“You’ve been out of it since this morning,” Mina says, sitting beside her with Eris still sleeping in her arms. Jeongyeon looks at the child, adoring the gentle young face with bubbly cheeks. The cheeks mostly reminded her of Mina’s, which is adorable.

“You two look alike for some reason,” she chuckles and carefully touches Eris’ small hand. Instantly, Jeongyeon feels better. The comfortable silence between the three of them makes her relax, which is something she needs.

“Well, I remember Momo being overly clingy to me during her pregnancy. Maybe that’s it?” Mina answers her softly. Their friends already gave them a runthrough around the house. Eris’ room, where her clothes are, the diapers, the socks and mittens, even her milk. Jeongyeon memorized it all, honestly.

Eris opens her eyes and gives a soft giggle, a baby giggle to be exact, “Tongnyon!”. Jeongyeon laughs out loud and pokes the child’s nose.

“Yes, it’s Auntie Jeongyeon again,” she tells Eris. The child looks at Mina, “And Auntie Mina, of course.”

“Mita!” Eris hugs Mina and snuggles to her warmth. The winter season is all about cuddles and Jeong will give anything to cuddle with Mina.

“Okay, now that you’re up, go play with the toys we bought for you,” Mina puts Eris inside her playing area and gives her the toys. When Jeongyeon said that shopping is their bonding, she meant it. When they went out yesterday to buy something for Eris, they kind of went overboard and bought almost all kinds of barbies, cars, and the likes. They also bought toy cars because toys should be gender fluid. Jeongyeon strongly believes that the stigma that cars are for boys and dolls are for girls should be stopped.

“Children should be allowed to play with whatever they want,” she whispers to herself. She notices the mess Mina and Eris left on the table so she stands up and starts cleaning the living room. She can hear the laughs and giggles from the girls inside the play area. “Momo and Sana really put a lot of thought into this parenting thing,” she says. She looks around and sees all the corners of tables, chairs, and anything that Eris can possibly bump into is covered with a rubber like soft thing.

“Jeongyeon!” Mina calls her from the play area. As much as she loves Mina, she’s scared of what the girl’s request will be. She hopes it’s not related to Eris.

She peeked through the door and found Mina covered in milk, same with Eris. “Mina, I leave you two unsupervised for less than fifteen minutes and you two become a milk bomb tragedy,” Jeongyeon scolds her wife who just gives her a wide smile.

“Can you fix Eris while I go for a quick shower? It’s icky,” Mina stands and leaves Eris smiling at Jeongyeon.

“Tongnyon,” Eris calls her, gesturing that she wants to be carried. Jeongyeon goes inside and looks around, avoiding eye contact with Eris. “Tongnyon, ew,” the child looks like she’s about to cry. The surge of panic takes over the woman. She doesn’t know the first thing about carrying a baby. Every time they hang out, Eris is always with Sana, Momo, or Mina. But never with her,

She squats, “I’m gonna carry you. Yell if it hurts.” Jeongyeon picks up the girl, waiting for a cry of pain. None came though. She proceeds to Eris’ room to have her washed up and changed into clean clothes. “How come you and Mina get yourselves into a mess but none of you cry after?” she asks the child while washing her body. Of course, she made sure that the water was warm for Eris.

Eris looks at her with a confused face. She spreads the soap on Eris’ back, scrubbing it lightly. Her hands are still shaking because of the fear that she might put a little too much force and hurt Eris but she’s also scared of what Mina will do if she lets the child just be dirty.

“This parenting ’s scary,” Jeongyeon says.

“,” Eris repeats, looking at her with an innocent smile.

“Nooooo,” she rinses Eris and carries her again, gently as possible, “Don’t say that, baby. Mina will kill me.”

“Kirr.. ..” Eris says with a giggle. Jeongyeon feels her soul leaving her body. Oh how Mina would strangle her if she hears Eris say those words.

As if the heavens want her dead, Mina appears inside the room, all clean and smiley. “Jeong, Eris is a child, not a trash bag,” Mina takes Eris from her and makes her sit on the bed. “Why are you carrying her like how Sully carried Boo in Monsters Inc.?”

“Nothing. I’ll go cook lunch,” she exits the bedroom faster than Mina could even react. She escapes and settles inside the kitchen. Jeongyeon takes out the ingredients for Kimchi fried rice and bulgogi. Considering Eris, Jeongyeon saves some plain rice. When she finishes, she calls Mina. “Baby, lunch time. Bring Eris too.”

Mina appears with Eris in front of her, walking. “Tongnyon!” Eris runs towards her, scaring the hell out of Jeongyeon again.

What if she tips? What if she hits her head? Hundreds of scenarios run inside Jeongyeon’s head in a split second.

Eris struggles to climb her legs. She hears Mina’s laugh, “She wants you to carry her,” she said.

Jeongyeon looks at Eris with a confused frown, “I don’t know how.”

The Japanese woman walks towards them, picking up Eris and handing her to Jeongyeon. She awkwardly accepts the child, scared of how fragile the little human is in her arms. “Stop being awkward!” Mina chuckles.

“Take her,” she tells Mina but Eris wraps her arms around Jeongyeon’s neck, as if not wanting to let go.

“She wants to stay with Auntie Jeongyeon. Isn’t that right, Eris?” The girl hugs her tight and hums in agreement. “See? She likes you. I think she likes you much better than she likes me.”

Jeongyeon doesn’t see the sense in liking her more than Mina. What’s not to like about her wife? Mina’s perfect. But then again, kids don’t know those kinds of things at such an early age. She settles down on one chain, Eris sitting on one of her thighs, “You eat food, right?”

Mina laughs heartily, “She’s human, Jeong! She eats, obviously.” The girl proceeds to put food on Jeongyeon’s plate. “No spicy food for her, okay?” For the first few seconds since Mina started eating, Jeongyeon was staring at her plate and then on Eris.

“Tongnyon, ah!” Eris opens , wanting food. Jeongyeon lifts the spoon full of food and puts it inside Eris’ mouth.

“Jeong! That was too many!” Mina scolds her when she sees Eris’ cheeks puffed out because of the food Jeongyeon gave. “You’ll overfeed her,” the girl continued with a playful smile.

“Hey, she didn’t complain,” she answered Mina while looking at how Eris enjoys chewing the riec and bulgogi she gave. She takes a bite and lets out a satisfied sigh, “It tastes nice!”

“Nice!” Eris repeats, surprising both Mina and Jeongyeon. They look at each other and laugh. Jeongyeon continues to feed Eris until the girl shakes her head, signaling she’s full.

“Make her nap, Mina,” Jeongyeon tells the girl when Eris yawned. “I never noticed but she has Sana’s eyes,” she says.

Mina looks at Eris’ expressive eyes and agrees, “Such a cutie isn’t she? She takes after both her moms. Sana’s expressive eyes and playful character plus Momo’s temper. Deadly combination when she grows up. I think that’s why she likes you.”

“I don’t get it,” she answers as Mina takes Eris from her. The kid automatically leans her head on Mina’s shoulder, closing her eyes and waiting to fall asleep.

“Sana and Momo, they both adore you, remember?” Mina starts swaying slowly from left to right. “We all do. I just love you more than they do because I’m your wife,” a proud smile spreads on Mina’s lips, mirroring Jeongyeon’s shy one.

When Eris is sure to be asleep, Jeongyeon takes this chance to spend time with her wife. A comfortable silence wraps around them. Their hands interlocked, breathing with the same tempo, it’s all good.

“Baby?” Mina breaks the silence first. She turns to Jeongyeon with hopeful eyes, “Hey, listen to me.”

Jeongyeon, sleepy as well, looks at her wife, “What?”

The way Mina smiles is enough to make Jeongyeon’s heart race. Through their years of being together and finding out something more about each other each day, they find comfort in knowing that they way they were when they started dating hasn’t changed much. The excitement with each time they hold hands, contentment when their lips meet, all these little things didn’t fade through the years.

“What if we have a baby?” Mina’s excitement overwhelms her. Of course it came to her mind that one day they will have a mini version of themself or maybe a male version of them running around the house but Jeongyeon didn’t think it would be this soon. When Mina notices Jeongyeon’s frozen face, she quickly drops the subject, “Of course it’s not something soon. Just a thought. Don’t worry.”

Jeongyeon remains mum throughout the whole day. In her mind, she’s thinking of scenarios that can ruin her relationship with Mina. That scenario includes a baby of their own. What if she turns out to be a bad mother? What if she becomes too strict or too lenient to their child? What if the child grows up following a not so nice way of living? Jeongyeon can’t imagine how heartbroken she and Mina will be if that happens.

Time flies by and soon enough they were all preparing to sleep. Mina already changed Eris’ clothes and read her a book to sleep. Sana and Momo were kind enough to prepare their guest room for the newlyweds. They have been quite silent ever since the conversation about the baby thing was brought up. Jeongyeon hates to admit but she could’ve just told Mina about her fears and she’s sure that the girl would understand. But she also couldn’t bring herself to admit out loud that the idea of being the worst mom in the world scares her the most. Sure, Eris likes her but what if their child doesn’t?

Mina settles in beside Jeong, her back facing the latter, “Hey, I love you.” Jeongyeon snakes her arm to Mina’s waist, hugging her from behind. The younger girl holds her hand and places it on top of her heart. Jeongyeon can feel Mina’s heart beating evenly.

“I love you so much,” Mina whispers back.

Jeongyeon wakes up feeling cold. She finds the spot next to her empty. Panic rapidly takes over her body. She stands up, slippers and glasses and then exits the room. Her feet take her to Eris’ room. She finds Mina sleeping with Eris all cuddled up between her arms. The kid must’ve woken up looking for her moms so Mina made sure Eris would sleep soundly.

The ache in Jeongyeon’s chest only worsens as she stares at her wife and niece. She knows how Mina wants a child of their own but since Mina respects her choices, she pushes the thought aside, waiting for Jeongeon to be okay with the idea herself. She’s willing to wait as long as she can. Of course there will be factors like the age. As much as possible, Mina wants to conceive t