"Goodbye, Jessica-ssi! Take care on the way home!"

"Bye, Seungwan-ah! Take care as well!" she heard her colleagues say before closing the door to their office, walking the short distance to the biometrics placed near the security's desk; she nodded at the man behind the desk before proceeding to punch out.

"Bye, ahjussi!" she received a nod in reply; was about to walk off, but the person behind her stopped her on her tracks.

She didn't expect to see her. 

A beat.

And a stare.

Memories flashed like a broken film.

It's been awhile after all.

"Seungwan-ah, going home?" the same voice she's been longing to hear for months; the person whose voice is attached to every 'I love you's' that echo inside her head in everything that she do; 'I miss you's' heard along the pit patter of the rain on her roof; and the warmth from the blanket she left that cocoons her during sleepless nights with her faded scent that it can never imitate.

"Joohyun-ssi." 

The person visibly flinched at the sound of the formal greeting; eyes behind gold-rimmed glasses dimmed; Seungwan ignored the pang of guilt that pinched her heart, steeling herself to be the first to walk away.

 "I'm going first, bye,” and with a stiff smile; she passed her by, catching a whiff of that familiar lavender scent.

She wiped a hand to her nose; sniffing as she tried not to inhale more of that scent that she’s always associated with her, to stay for even a moment and ease her tired heart.

Seungwan strode towards the transparent double doors; was just about to pull the glass door open when she heard her call again; the hand reaching to the handle freezing mid-air,

"Seungwan-ah!" 

And Joohyun was next to her.

She must've immediately punched out, Seungwan thought; hearing the girl’s call not even turning her head to look at her. "I'll give you a ride. Come on," Joohyun pulled the handle to open, and her hands fell helplessly on her sides.

They were out of their building in an instant but she still hasn't responded to her offer; choosing to go the other way instead of following Joohyun to the parking lot, walking off with her heart heavy (but at least she could feel that its hers and hers still – her heart). She ignored the calls and just trudged the short walk to the bus stop; heaving a deep sigh to stop her shoulders from quaking; eyes burning behind heavy eyelids; tired – drained out from that single interaction.

She'll stop eventually.

The sound of her name falling from lips she’s longed and desired for so long, growing fainter and fainter along with her heavy footsteps on the empty sidewalk.

And she did. 

She stopped, faster than expected.

The echoes of her voice in the parking space gone; streetlights casting an eerie glow on the hollowed and empty path; it must be some sort of a sick joke that universe made; the quiet environment making the erratic beating of her heart sounding like big drums against the chambers of her heart. It should make her feel at ease; now that the silence has replaced those loud echoes from a voice that’s been haunting her dreams; familiar hands that should be warm, cold and distant.

Why does her heart feel heavy; every beating sounding more and more like the echoes of her name that came out of Joohyun's mouth?

She squeezed her eyes shut; willing the ache that latched into that beating organ away; not noticing the lone tear that fell down her cheek.

Not noticing the car that pulled up next to her on the sidewalk.

"Seungwan-ah! Get in! It's late!" the voice pulling her out of her reverie; eyes wide open in surprise before glaring in anger.

"I can walk home, Joohyun-ssi," she grit out, unable to hide the poison that escaped from .

She thought the quarantine would do her good; the months-worth of forced vacation that they took because of the pandemic. She thought her stubborn her heart could finally learn to stop beating the same name she's been trying to get over for months; that her mind could finally stop replaying years-old memories of a love returned and nurtured until fear of judgment; fear of being under the eyes of scrutiny; tainting a supposedly beautiful with the dark colors of pain; eventually ruining it. 

That's what she thought.

And in the back of her mind, she hoped that Joohyun's stubborn nature could stop charming her; making her fall into the abyss of this delusion that maybe, just maybe they could still happen.

"Come on, Seungwan, the bus stop will be deserted by the time you get there."

Her hands formed into fist on her sides; nails digging into her palm hoping, merely hoping the physical pain can wake her up (and her heart) from these thoughts of being in an enclose space with her; beside her; mere inches away from her; of what a ride with Joohyun could entail.

But who is she kidding?

She missed her.

And she pulled the passenger side open rather forcefully; mildly satisfied at the surprised look on Joohyun's face. 

She never changed. She's still the same.

The ride was going smoothly; the space quiet; with only the soft whirr of the engine filling the atmosphere. She thought Joohyun could learn to play a bit of music.

"I hate listening to music while driving," Joohyun said, jolting her out of her thoughts, unexpectedly answering her (did she say that out loud?), 

"It's a poor excuse for company, besides I got you right here."

She sat up straighter on her seat; ignoring the smile Joohyun gave her; ignoring the flutters that it left on its wake.

"How are you, Seungwan-ah?"

She swallowed back the reply that her mind automatically came up with: 'I just miss you.'

And the same ‘I really miss you’, the only line that seem to run nonstop in her head; in a broken reel of memories with those same words uttered; the images rather sweet and yet painful.

She swallowed that lump that formed in , (swallowing those lines along with those non-existent lumps).

"Never better," she opted for a more generic answer; not wanting to disclose the mess that she is during the four months of quarantine. Not wanting to give Joohyun the joy of knowing she’s been a  mess without her.

"I see. That's good." 

What does she see and what's her definition of good; Seungwan felt dry at her words; if only you knew.

"How about you, how are you?" she thought she could at least be a decent person and make small talk (but deep inside she wants more than just 'small talk', she wants to know everything).

"I've been doing great," Joohyun sent her another smile; the word great making her stomach drop, "Been learning how to cook better recipes through Youtube and reading those books I bought a few months ago."

Seungwan knows of those books.

She was with her when she bought it.

She remembered the smiles they shared behind romance books with cheesy titles, their hands intertwined as they shopped down every aisle, laughing at dares of flipping random pages to read sentences that reflects what’s inside their head.

She remembered that one line that she didn’t expect Joohyun would read and reenact:

He caught her by the wrist, brought her hand to his bare chest. Splayed her fingers over his heart. It beat against her palm, like a fist punching its way through his sternum.

‘Break my heart,’ he said. ‘Break it in pieces. I give you permission.’

The way Joohyun said those words; voice low and husky; eyes staring straight at her like she could see her soul if she wills it; as she did what the book says, replaying the same lines through sheer memory. She remembered how her own heart beat erratically in her own chest; feeling it rampage as her palm met Joohyun’s clothed chest feeling the latter’s heart beat wildly; mesmerized, captivated at the feeling that she was the cause of this.

Only now, did she realize that it’s her own heart that actually broke. That she willingly entrusted the keys to her heart without reservations, nor an ounce of doubt to someone who’ll break it mindlessly, selfishly. Had she known, she would’ve thought rationally over it; but being an intellectual, despite the number of awards and academic A’s she’s received can never prepare nor train her to what ‘being in love’ and ‘being heartbroken’ can do to a person.

‘Did I ever cross your mind, Hyun?’ she wants to say, but she clamped shut and just nodded her head in response; swallowing back her yearning for anything remotely close to an answer to all her questions.

"I've been learning how to bake recently," she turned her head, surprised at her words.

 "I should send you some one of these days," Joohyun laughed, as if reminded of all the attempts she's made; Oh how she felt her heart mend at her words; she nodded numbly, mind unable to form coherent words that could pass as an answer.

"I'm not as good as you, but maybe you could give me reviews and stuffs?" Joohyun self-consciously added; and the timid smile on her face didn't escape Seungwan, her heart thumping harder in her chest; she clutched the seatbelt around her, the material digging on her palm giving her courage to do something her old self would probably never dream of doing.

"Hyun,"

The latter sent her a look of surprise, car swerving a bit upon hearing her old nickname come out of Seungwan's mouth. "Do you mind if we stopped someplace quiet for a bit? I'd like to talk with you."

And Joohyun bit her lip, unable to respond at the intensity in Seungwan's eyes; making her nervous; grip on the steering wheel white-knuckled and tight; her heart drawing to a familiar beat.

It made her thought if it was a good idea to approach the girl and offer her a ride.

She hoped not.

Joohyun didn’t know what’s gotten into her but when she asked Seungwan if she wanted to go anywhere specific, her vague answer of ‘anywhere is okay; unknowingly made her drove for almost an hour; leading her to that special place they dubbed, ‘their place’.

She was ready to hear Seungwan say mean words that would stab her heart (she deserves it, she knows). 

She was ready to take the left turn and drive to a different place but the latter remained quiet; just looking out the window; watching buildings and lights pass in a blur; and all her overthinking just evaporated, her grip on the stirring wheel slackened; unable to stop the sigh of relief that she let out when she parked and turned off the engine.

“Why did you take us here?”

Joohyun jolted from her seat when Seungwan spoke up, reluctantly turning her head to look at the latter; her grip on the knob dropped. She didn’t know how to answer her. Just that her mind took her to the one place they deemed their own; untouched and unmarred by the cruel hands of on-looker’s who knew nothing about them.

(But Joohyun didn’t know that the same fear would be the one to drive away the one good thing in her life. She was in love, naïve and blinded by the rose-colored glasses she wore with Seungwan; mindless of the stares and the judgmental eyes because all she sees and hears is Seungwan – Son Seungwan.)

“I couldn’t think of any place else to take you, other than this place,” so Joohyun opted for honesty; something they both lacked months ago, she ignored the way her heart thumped anxiously against her ribs, half in belief that Seungwan still holds a bit of affection for her despite what happened between them; while half of her just wants to know how it feels to go back to the place that held so many memories together with her.

Seungwan didn’t answer and just pulled the door to open; stepping out of the car with an ease that conceal the nerves fraying at the seams of her stubborn and fickle heart. She heard the other side open and the soft breathy sound of her companion’s exhale; inhaling the fresh, crisp air of nature so high atop a mountain top; the wind blowing just right this night. 

Guess she wasn’t the only one feeling the stifling tension inside the car.

They started out as roommates during a two-week’s long MT their company held. They went to a camping site in Seoraksan; one of the highest mountain in Gangwon Province, known to have a great mountain trial that’s good for hiking and other activities.

There were about twenty of them from different departments; their four supervisors will handle four groups with four members. They said, to establish connections with their peers all of them were shuffled and was paired with a person from a department – she ended up with Son Seungwan, who came a little later into the company. 

She seemed like a pleasant enough person but she couldn’t be sure really, Joohyun thought then, she tried to be a little friendlier with her, since they’re not only roommates in this MT but buddies all throughout – which means she’ll do every game and whatever shenanigans planned with Seungwan in tow (she doesn’t look like a clumsy person, she observed then).

The camping site has ten bungalows each space contains five rooms and bathrooms in each room. Their company rented two of them; Joohyun was glad that they'll stay in one that overlooked the lakeside, making the experience a whole lot better despite the budding feeling of tiring sets of activities planned for every single day.

They were given the keys to their rooms, each pair going about the place in murmurs. Joohyun felt someone skip next to her, balls on her feet making creaky sounds on the wooden floor they're standing on.

Son Seungwan sure can sure be so overly excited, she observed.

"Shall we go, Joohyun-ssi?" she nodded her head and followed the girl to the second floor, towards their balcony room that she love at a first glance since their group meet up outside their bungalow.

They padded the creaky wooden stairs of the bungalow; the sounds adding a more rustic feel to their camping experience. They reached their room and inserted the key to enter, Joohyun pushed the mahogany door open; the cool surface pleasant on her palm, and they were greeted with warm sunlight filtering through the curtained open floor-to-ceiling windows; the curtains billowing with the wind.

Joohyun dropped her bags by the bed and parted the curtains; inhaling the musky scent of the trees they're surrounded with; natural oxygen provided filling her lungs with healing energies, rejuvenating her tire limbs making her appreciate the place better. 

Five minutes.

That's how long she stood outside the wooden rails of the balcony; glorious jet-black mane windswept but the contented smile on her face glowed under the rays of the sun peeking behind the leaves of the trees.

Five minutes.

That's how long it took her to realize that her 'buddy' has been so quiet since they entered their room.

Joohyun turned around and went back inside, noticing Seungwan standing by the foot of the bed, glaring at it like it offended her.

"What's wrong?"

"There's only one bed."

"There's only one bed?"

"Yes, there's only one bed," Seungwan emphasized the word one, and turned her head to look at her, staring right at her, like she couldn't accept the fact that there is only one bed. Not bunk beds, or twin beds; just plain queen-sized bed with velvet maroon comforters and blankets; the pillows possibly made of goose feathers.

'Is this a joke?' Joohyun thought, gaping at the object and at Seungwan, who looked as distraught as she was.

Their supervisors clearly said there'd be bunk beds and twin beds in each room. But why is there a queen-sized bed here?

"Joohyun-ah, Seungwan-ssi," the voice by the open door called out, knocking next to it lightly, they both turned towards the source.

"Minyoung-unnie," Joohyun walked towards her, and bowed her head followed by Seungwan. 

Park Minyoung is their department's supervisor; she was also their team’s leader; one of the two heads who’s staying in the same bungalow as them.

"You two must be surprised to find a queen-size bed in your room," she started, chuckling when the two nodded, "Apparently, there was a family who rented this place a few weeks ago and requested that for their parents. The staff wasn’t able to change it since we rented it out as soon as they left."

The two stared wide-eyed at their supervisor; who in turn just smiled good-naturedly at them, "Besides, you'll be fine. You’re both girls anyway."

 
And she bid farewell with that; her last words hanging over them.

That same night, they lay in bed staring at the ceiling that glowed with luminescent stars they didn't notice was plastered above them; both wondering if sleep would ever come.

It shouldn't be too hard but.

Sunlight peeked through the parted curtains; casting shadows; caressing slumbering figures. Seungwan blearily opened an eye; her periphery mildly irritated at the light that hit the side of her face, she turned to her left blindly; burrowing her face to her pillow, trying to get back to sleep; all those tossing and turning leaving her with only a couple of hours to shut her eye; nursing an incoming headache from waking up prematurely.

Seungwan forced her eyes to close, ignoring the heat that touched her skin but unable to ignore the scent that invaded her nostrils when she yawned; of lavender that seem to ease the creases that formed between her eyebrows. Her ears heard a groan, then felt a hand splay beneath the hem of her shirt that rode up when she turned around; she ignored it; mind too tired to comprehend what’s happening. 

Cold palm caress abdomen; seeking warmth unconsciously by rubbing on it; the soft and firm texture of skin beneath her palm. Joohyun s an arm around warm, soft cushiony pillow; pulling herself closer to it; latching on it as her blanket left a side of her body vulnerable to the cold that blew from the air conditioner in their room. She buried pert nose to it, unable to stop herself from caressing it with its tip; the vanilla-and-rose scent making her sigh contentedly; going back to sleep peacefully compared to earlier.

“Bae Joohyun! Son Seungwan!”

Joohyun pressed her eyes, trying to open it but failing; ears straining to hear the calls and the knocks that followed.

“Bae Joohyun! Son Seungwan! Come on! Get up!”

Seungwan pulled her hand, weight pressing it down beneath the mattress; she groaned, pinpricks attacking her right arm as she tried to pull it away with eyes closed. She heard her alarm set off, ringing blaringly loud: she turned her body towards it, patting the bed for the annoying sound; feeling a limb brush along her torso; she sighed, as she felt her phone, blearily opening her eyes, stare at the time displayed before turning it off.

7:30 AM

As she squinted at the display, her eyes caught sight of an arm placed along her exposed abdomen; casually draped over it like it belongs there. A part of her wants to push it away; as her eyes scanned the arm towards the owner; pale expanse of skin with pink hues coloring it from her slumber; turning her head as gently as she can, gulping at the sight before her.

To say Bae Joohyun is pretty is an understatement.

She’d be downplaying the older girl’s beauty; categorizing her under ‘pretty things’ which for her, consist of freshly baked goods with smoke still steaming from its surface; oversized sweaters and pullovers that she buys during shopping sprees (her mind nagging at her that there are probably about ten of them; unused, still sitting in her closet waiting to be picked up and worn); or that ink pen she’s been meaning to buy after seeing an Instagram post of a friend using it for calligraphy’s.

Those are just a few down on her list; but Joohyun – Bae Joohyun – she’s not … pretty.

She’s ethereal yet simple; the sunlight peeking behind the curtains that gently swayed along with the air conditioner, casting a warm glow on pale smooth skin; soft long lashes dusting the skin beneath her eyes; tall pert nose that crinkled making Seungwan wonder what she’s dreaming off; plump pink lips parted as she breathed steadily, evenly, that she can’t help but stare and lift a hesitant hand, wondering if it’s as soft as it looks; dark brown locks fanning under a pillow making her look innocent as she slumbered; completely different from the cold blank expression and haughty air around her.

Seungwan stared in awe; louds knocks from the door falling on deaf ears, as her lips parted in the shape of ‘o’. She stared with stars for eyes; hand twitching to tuck away stray strands of hair away from her face.

She was so utterly entranced with even the light movements fanning in Joohyun’s face that she didn’t notice that her eyes has been staring at soft swirls of chocolate brown; bleary and daze from her slumber.

“S…Son Seungwan.”

“Bae Joohyun! Son Seungwan! We only have 30 minutes left before breakfast!”

“Son Seungwan, what are you doing?”

“Huh?”

Twirling a lock of hair between tentative fingers, as her ring and pinky brush along Joohyun’s temple; no wonder the latter stared at her like she committed a crime.

“Uh – Oh! I’m sorry!”

Seungwan almost fell off the bed; legs caught between the sheets, if not for the hand that reached out to keep her from falling. She could feel her cheeks grow warm, almost hot; heating up because of such an embarrassing thing that she was caught doing. She couldn’t bear to look at Joohyun, eyes cast down to the blanket draped over her legs.

Joohyun let out a sigh, running a hand all over her mussed up hair, mind wandering to that moment they shared earlier; Seungwan looking at her so softly as she played with her hair; if not for her feeling the tickling sensation of the gesture, she wouldn’t have disturbed the latter from that stupor (as Joohyun, herself can’t help but get lost in those orbs). She didn’t expect to be greeted by enchanting pools of brown.

It took her awhile to find her voice; uttering the girl’s name in a voice still groggy and husky from sleep.

Joohyun coughed, feeling dry up at the memory from earlier.

It happened a few more times after that, but each time, waking up in each other’s arms grew comfier and easier. It’s like their bodies just gravitate towards each other; pulling each other closer during games; keeping each other safe from obstacles; from an arm wrapped around petite waist to fingers intertwined between them. They never talked about it, as these things just seem to escape them whenever they’re nearby the other.

Then on the tenth evening, Seungwan was alone in the room for the first time.

Joohyun was called down for their department’s meeting; her colleague, Jennie, picked her up so they could go together. She recalled the smile of assurance on Joohyun’s face; lips stretched warmly, eyes sparkling under the artificial light of their room; not a word a single uttered but she could hear it anyway, I’ll be back, I won’t take long; that was it then – she felt her heart beat loud and clear that her ears could hear thumping like the sound of the drum against her sternum.

She doesn’t know how she looked, then.

It’s been an hour.

She stood leaning on the wooden rails of their balcony room, gazing at the stars that peeked behind umbrella leaves blowing along with t