Have you ever met that one person that just attracts you from the very first second you see them? It’s not how they look, or what they’re doing, it’s the energy they give off. That positive energy that simply attracts you to the very end. They can be doing nothing, just talking, or just sitting, but the moment your eyes fall on them, that’s it. You know you’re doomed. You want to talk to them, you want to be close to them, you want that energy to go through your body every day. You want them. Simply. In whatever way possible.

That’s what Joohyun was feeling right now. It was Friday, approximately four days into her new job at the restaurant. She got the call last week, signed the papers fast because she really needed the money and here she was, wearing a blue shirt, black pants, black shoes and watching the girl making herself a pizza in the kitchen. Joohyun hasn’t seen her the past four days, she still had difficulty remembering all people’s names but this girl, she didn’t know her. She surely hasn’t seen her because she would remember her. She was laughing while telling something to the chef, something Joohyun couldn’t hear but wanted to. Her face lit up and the chef was genuinely laughing too. She could hear the faint laugh thru the window separating the open kitchen and the restaurant. This girl entered and it felt like the whole restaurant lit up. Her nametag read ‘Seungwan’. Cute name. Cute girl. Joohyun knew she was attracted to the so called Seungwan. She was very much into girls. She had a type this girl did not fit in at all, but Joohyun was itching to try. She was still very timid and shy at work, her dialect stopping her from talking too much, as if she was embarrassed, but she was willing to try for this girl. She didn’t thought. That was the first day she met her. The first time she wanted something for herself.

-

The first time the girl talked to her was maybe a couple of days later. Joohyun had just entered her 2pm shift and she went to the bar for a coffee booster. She had to wake up early for classes and she was grumpy. Coincidently, Seungwan was appointed at the bar position today. She looked cool, the same blue shirt fitting her just right, ironed perfectly and tucked in her black pants.

“Can you make me a double coffee with a little bit of a milk, please?” Joohyun spoke up, trying hard to not let her Daegu accent come out. The girl looked up from filling a cup with ice and smiled. She turned around and smiled to a girl that Joohyun remembers was named Seulgi before speaking up directly to Joohyun.

“Are you here for the coffee or are you here for the bartender?” before winking cheekily, making her friend laugh.

“Wow, Hyuni, that is the first time you come up for a coffee since you entered to work here.” Seulgi spoke up. “Makes you think.”

Joohyun scraped her neck awkwardly, it was a relatively chill day, only three tables were occupied during lunch time. She chuckled awkwardly, not knowing how to react. “I’m here for both?” she replied and Seulgi laughed out loud.

“Good reply. I would be too, Seungwan is a catch and she makes great coffee.”

So this was the first conversation they had, short but very meaningful for Joohyun. It opened a window for her, she was hooked. That girl was cheeky, she was bold and obviously she was into girls. The whole night after, she occupied Joohyuns mind.

-

With time, Joohyun became very close friends with Max, the guy who usually only worked morning shifts. She doesn’t know how it happened, they talked very little at work, then one time he invited her to get a drink and from there on they found they have a lot of things in common. Max was considerably older than Joohyun and he gave her great advices. He was also Seungwan’s closest friend apparently. Something Joohyun did not know until one day she mentioned to him about the comment she did and Max laughed and said Seungwan is like that with everyone. That disappointed Joohyun but it didn’t change anything about her feelings. She learned that Max is straight but he fully supports the same love. He told her Seungwan is biual, she’s 32 and he told her she is very flirty, very friendly and always joking around. Joohyun wanted to experience that, she wanted to get close to Seungwan.

-

Joohyun had her dark secrets. Dark past, dark moments. She had her dark days where she simply didn’t want to get out of bed. Her face was very much saying it all, she had this poker face during that time, it was something she couldn’t control. After her last experience with love, she fell too deep. The darkness took over her bright days, she was probably at her worst state. Her anxiety increased, she cut off her friends, she stopped using her phone, stopped eating, stopped going out of her room. She simply stopped functioning. Being used as an experiment to find if you like girls was something she couldn’t imagine happening to her. Not with the girl she fell in love with. At the end she felt like nothing more but an experiment, she felt like nothing more but a cigarette you smoke and once you get bored throw on the ground. Her life became meaningless, her purpose lost, her family didn’t know anything about it, the little friends she had tried picking her up from the ground. It took months of isolation, months of crying and months of hating herself to start healing. It took her two years to heal properly. But she still wore the scars and had days she fell in the hole and her wounds opened. She knew she will live with it forever.

Today was one of these days. Where she felt no purpose in her life existed, and the worst news than any other - she had work. Of course that meant forcing yourself to talk to people, to smile, to attend clients. It drained her to no extend. Fridays were the busiest nights, people literally waiting for someone to get up so they can sit. Long queue of people wanting to take a bite and chill. It means a lot of running, a lot of talking and a lot of food to serve. Lots of everything. Seungwan was the waiter taking notes and seating people. Joohyun was a helper of the waiter. Serving the food and drinks, cleaning tables. Something about the fact that Seungwan was there gave energy to Joohyun. Working with Seungwan was way better. It was refreshing, it was strict, it was professional but it was also friendly. It made Joohyun smile genuinely on a day she didn’t feel like smiling. At the end of the day though, Joohyun was drained. She was barely breathing, she was taking her second cup of water when she felt someone patting her shoulder.

‘’Great job today, Hyuni.” Hyuni was a name that stuck around the restaurant thanks to Seulgi and now almost everyone here called her that. It was a cool new nickname. She liked the way Seungwan was saying it the most tho. “It was quite busy, wasn’t it?”  Joohyun swallowed the water before nodding. “Summer is creeping in, the nights are hotter so people go out more.”

“I guess.”

“Summer nights are like that every day. For now is only weekends but once summer hits fully it’s every single day. It doesn’t help we have a big open terrace.”

“I can imagine.” Joohyun said only.

“You seem tired. Go change up and go home early.” Seungwan patted her shoulder once again before smiling at her. “Rest well, you are going to have one of these nights tomorrow, too.”

-

With time, Joohyun fell deeper into Seungwan. She knew it. She wasn’t close to her, they were still where they were from the start, colleagues, but Joohyun had a lot of time to observe the girl. How she acts and what she does. She noticed many things. When she’s happy, Seungwan sings out loud. When she is annoyed, she sings lowly, mumbling to herself. When she is making jokes she is covering up that she is anxious and when she doesn’t talk much it means it’s a bad day. In many ways, they were similar. With time Joohyun opened up and now she was much more talkative, she was joking more and she was much more comfortable. Everything changes that one faithful Monday.

Summer heat has been hitting new high, temperatures showing 40 to 42 degrees, it felt like a fire was falling on the ground, doing nothing but sweating, breathing felt impossible. Wearing masks at work was even worse. New rules after the pandemic. Joohyun had noticed. She had noticed Seungwan looking unwell. Like she is two seconds away from passing. It was the girl’s meal break when it happened. She passed by the eating room when she saw Seungwan staying there, doing nothing. The food untouched. She raised an eyebrow.

“Everything okay, Wan?” but there was no reply. Just a head shake to indicate no. It took couple of seconds before a reply came.

“I think I’m getting a heart attack.” Was all Seungwan said. She looked deadly serious, she wasn’t moving, she seemed to be breathing hard. Joohyun immediately recognized the signs. She was having a panic attack.

In a second, Joohyun was taking a water bottle from the fridge and flying back to the eating room, prepared to help. She knew what to do when she herself had a panic attack but not when it was someone else. Approaching slowly, Joohyun looked at Seungwan before speaking softly while opening the water bottle

“Okay, Wan, I’ll leave the bottle next to you, I want you to take a sip.”

Seungwan shook her head lightly. “Can’t move.”

That gave Jooohyun an option to come closer. ‘Okay, I’ll touch you now, don’t get scared, okay?” and two seconds later she was helping Seungwan take a sip of the water. “That’s it. Now try-“

“Joohyun, where did you go-“ Samuel, another guy came in.

“Get out, I’ll explain later, do not close the door. Bring me a fan, now.” Was all Joohyun said, her tone very much demanding. She heard footsteps before speaking up again. “Okay, Wan, I want you to take a very deep breath, as if it’s the last breath you’re taking before diving in, okay?”

Seungwan nodded and took a long breath, holding it in. Joohyun tried moving her hands, doing light massage. “Okay now release.” Samuel came back with a huge ventilator. “Put it in and go out. Tell the others Seungwan will be going home after this.”

 Time passed slowly. Could have been 10 minutes but it could have been an hour. With time, Seungwan calmed down. She was breathing normally and she was able to move. The water bottle half empty, laying on the table, Joohyun in front of her on the table.

“What was that?” Seungwan asked after a while.

“You just had a panic attack.”

Seungwan looked at her, head tilted, as if in a question. “Panic attack?”

Joohyun simply nodded. “You feel like dying, you can’t move, you can’t breath. It feels like you’re drowning. It’s when your nerves reach the panic nerves and stimulate them and you get into a panic mode.”

 Seungwan listened. She didn’t say anything for a while. Then she spoke up. “You seem to know a lot about it.”

“I used to get them regularly, now I know how to deal with them.”Joohyun shrugged.

“Really? Why?”

Joohyun looked up, titling her head a little before smiling a little and saying “We all have our own demons, Wan.”

That was the day everything changed. From casual acquatances, Joohyun and Seungwan become casual friends. From text messages, to little jokes at work, to their own little jokes. Joohyun was happy. Her favorite person was finally being a bit more in her life.

She knew. She knew very well she was in love. That type of love that keeps you grounded but makes you happy. The type of love that you can control, not the dangerous one where you barely breath and you’re ready to give your last breath for the other person. That was foolish love. That was suicidal love. No, Joohyun knew the love she had for Seungwan was special. It was the type of love she didn’t mind hide because she knew wouldn’t ever happen but the type of love that she could express in a way of a friendship. In a way her special person would appreciate. Something that seemed so casual but that Joohyun knew helped Seungwan a lot.

Their little conversations over texts become long deep conversations until 3am in the morning, time fled in sharing experiences and funny stories, stories about their past and dreams about their future. Little things they liked and don’t and new things that unite them. Joohyun was down. She was down but she was also up in the sky, she became liver, her voice became louder.

The things Seungwan was doing to her were dangerous. Cute selfies first thin when she woke up, food photos, songs she likes. From casual friends they became very much closer than ever. Back hugs, casual cheek kisses, smiles and touches, outside as well as during work. People started to notice, started to ask and started to tell them they’d look together. Seungwan would laugh and say “yeah, if she as like 10 years older, or if I was 10 years younger.”

That is how Joohyun know there is no chance. The age difference was something impossible to ignore. Almost 10 years, with Joohyun having the very young age of 22, not really unexperienced when it came to love, but obviously too young for the girl she wanted. Joohyn was honestly really indifferent about age difference when it’not a 16 years old girl with a 40 years old man, of course. There are things that are simply no, and that’s it. She didn’t care about the fact that Seungwan was older and she had mentioned it many times when the age difference was brought up. Love is love, you can’t help who you fall for. But sometimes things aren’t meant to be.

The day Joohyun found that Seungwan is interested in someone, she acted as if she doesn’t care. It was that boy she always mentioned during conversations, that she always texted with over the phone, sometimes ignoring Joohyun’s messages in favor of his’.That boy that gave her the idea about ‘traveling with a caravana’ around the world. It didn’t surprise Joohyun. But it did hurt. Of course it did. Joohyun closed up once again and of course Seungwan was the first to notice.

“Is everything okay, Hyuni? You’ve been quiet today.”

 Joohyun looked up from the coffee machine, she was appointed at the bar today.  Forcing a smile, she nodded. “Yes! Just tired II guess. Classes and all, you know.”

Seungwan hummed, nodding and Joohyun turned back to her work. Couple of seconds later she felt someone back hugging her. “You know you can always tell me what bothers you, I’ll listen to you!”

 Joohyun patted her arm, smiling. “I know, Wani, but everything is okay, really. Just tired.”

-

“Why are you avoiding me?”

Jooyun turned around, surprised. It was the end of her sift, another day finished at work. They had all changed and Joohyun was just leaving, ready to catch the bus home.

“What?”

Seungwan just shook her head. “Why are you avoiding me, Hyuni?”

Joohyun signed and turned around. “What are you talking about, Wan? We just talked last night?”

“Exactly! Last night!”

Confusion completely took over the younger girl and it showed up on her face. “I don’t understand?”

“No texts this morning, nothing until we entered work.” Seungwan replied.

Joohyun laughed. “So you think I’m avoiding you because I didn’t send you a message this morning? Or this evening?” Joohyun crossed her hands in front of her chest, ready for a conversation. “Let’s talk then. What about the times I text you and I get a reply hours later when I know you’re not busy? Or the fact that it’s always me who texts first?”

Seungwan blinked. “Wait-“

Joohyun stopped her. “No, no. Let’s see who is ignoring who here.” Joohyun continued. “I’m completely okay with the fact you have someone you like talking to more, I don’t mind you replying me hours later and I completely don’t mind texting you first every single day. But God forbid the only day I feel insecure about it to be told I’m ignoring me, Seungwan!”

“Joohyun, I didn’t mean that, it’s just that you were acting strange and-“

“Of course I’m acting strange, Seungwan! I think it’s pretty clear where I stand with you. I’m in love with you. I don’t need to tell you that, because you know it, I know it, everyone in the damn restaurant knows it. Probably God himself knows it. You have someone you’re interested in and most of the time I’m okay with it, I’m happy for you, but God forbid I have my bad days, right?”

Silence. Seungwan was staring at Joohyun, speechless. It took a minute for Joohyun to calm down and to regain her breath before she spoke up again, more calmer this time. “Look. I’m sorry. It’s just one of these days, okay? It’s not your fault. I’ll be back to being myself tomorrow, after a good sleep.”

The older girl response was a hug.. A hug that said s many things, so warm, so calming, Joohyun took it all in. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t love you the way you want me to. But I love you with all my heart.”

Joohyun patted her back, laughing. “It’s okay Wan. That won’t change the fact you’re my person.”

“Your person?” Seungwan distangled herself from the younger girl, looking curious.

“That one person who you just know it’s your person, you know? You might date and break up, might never date, might just simply be friends or ex-lovers. That one person that you see from afar and you recognize. Their energy their soul. Like a soulmate, but not exactly. You just know they’re important. Your special person.”

Seungwan nodded her head before agreeing. “I can tell you that you’re definitely my person too.”

**************

A/N: This one is very much personal. It happened to me, it's all real situatuions and conversations. Only thing I changed is the names. Honestly, the fin I wrote is very much imagination, the girl and I are still talking, she doesn't know what I feel and I inted to keep it that way. I wanted to share the story because I feel like we all have that "special person" and maybe you met them and you don't know they are, or maybe you do.. who knows. I hope you enjoy the story. Leave comments!!!