Chapter 1 : BROKEN PAST

Rating: NC-17

She never imagined that one day she would be sitting across from her and discussing this, saying, "This is getting away from what we had before." She hears her sigh and nods, not even knowing how things got worse and ended up this way. There is no turning back from a circumstance like burning your boat.

"Surely, we could at least resolve this?" The likelihood of receiving a good response from the other person ranged from twenty to eighty, so she asked in the hopes that she would say yes. She could only hope to hear thet twenty. However, upon hearing her inhale deeply, she is aware that the eighty percent will win out. She still hopes, though, that she comes clean about something. "How many times did we try? Again?" Yes, she knows they have been trying repeatedly, and stuff just will not work anymore. She did her best to manage her time and work, nevertheless fate will not cooperate with what you long for. 

She has not called her that for a long time; she hears the chair moving and the way it scrapes the wood floor. "We always try, Jess." She hears the utensils striking the porcelain plate plainly. To her ear, it was unbearable. How is it possible for someone to bite off more than she can chew?

"We can't stay like everything is all fine when in fact we are drifting apart," she said, sounding quite natural in her speech, as though she had been practicing for a long time. Not shocked, but disappointed. Even though she anticipated it, she still wishes it had been a nightmare instead of a dream.

"Are we? or you?" She is aware that stating those things will not do anything and that starting the conversation is risky—it would be like throwing gasoline on a fire. She remains defiant, though, as she always is. She is aware that she is agitating a hornet's nest. She can hear her laugh.

"Are you really taking your best friend's words at face value? Im Yoona, I am your ing girlfriend!" Her voice tone was different from how she usually spoke to her, and she was aware that she was about to lose control and yell at her. It is a new beginning.

"You're breaking up with me, making Taeyeon unnie better. If you are doing this because finally you find the guy you ever wanted to have family with, then I am letting you go." No, there is no hate in her words or even tone; she was all sincere with what she said. She always dreams of having a family with her, but she cannot deprive the woman she loves of something she dreams of having. Even though it could mean that she is out of the picture.

"Yoona. Look. My reason is not for that. Please hear me out." She knows how she tries to find words to say and words to explain, but she does not want to hear anything. She just wants her to accept this and go and leave her alone.

She grinned and did not wait for her to say anything. "Just go, Jess. I cannot give you your dream. I cannot even tell my mom the stuff between us. You can now go." She follows her foot outside the diner and stops there, staring at the flashing red light, unsure of whether or not to go. Is this the last one? or simply a fresh start. She wants to rediscover who she is because she was lost.

*****

"How many years were it again?" She shrugged off, but she knows clearly how many; she just keeps avoiding going to that conversation. But she hears her counting, and she claps when she finally remembers.

"Five years, we have been workmates for three years, and you told me about that two years ago. So yes, have you heard any news about her? She has a husband now?" She was annoying, but she is her friend. She let her be. She shrugged it off again, not planning to answer any of her questions.

"Maybe she even has a child," she chuckles. Hearing the other woman answer on her behalf, she gives them the cup of coffee she ordered. "I’m not talking to you, Taeng." The said woman only laughs as she opens her laptop and starts working on the presentation they had, for the same reason they are here.

"As if you’ll get something from Yoona, for three years you should’ve known that up until now she's avoiding that topic." Exactly, Yoona has been avoiding that; she does not have enough courage to think about her first love, the one that got away, and true love; furthermore, having another lover, even married now.

"You have a point, but you know they said if it was for you, then it is." That caught her attention. She looks at the taller woman. Taeyeon, the little person, caught that reaction from Yoona.

She remained silent as she contemplated what Sooyoung just said. "And here we are, Soo; you are giving Yoona so much hope again." What could have happened? What if their growing apart is only an inevitable component of the process, and they were intended to be together after all? Thus, they need to develop autonomously.

"What if?" Yoona mumbles those two words, and the other two overhear her and realize that Yoona has lost on her trance of thoughts once again. Now the wall she created is breaking apart.

*****

"Look, Jess, it has been three years already; why don't you date again? So, our little Jennie can now have his new dad?" The woman named Jessica looks at her friend; they are currently working in the kitchen after long hours of office work.

"Tiff, it's not easy as that, you know; I can't just change Jennie’s dad just because I feel to." She answers solemnly, giving the facts in her tone. Accordingly, her friend thinks for a while before answering.

"Don't tell me you are still holding back just because of that man? Can I remind you that after he impregnated you, he suddenly disappeared? Yeah, all things are going to what you actually wanted, but he suddenly ditched you after that; if I only knew this would happen, you know, I should've suggested to you and Yoona to just look for a donor, you know; maybe you two are living happily now." Then she suddenly stops realizing what she just said. She sees the looks Jessica has given her. 

"Hold your horses, Tiff. I am not in a rush. Plus, why are you suddenly dragging Yoona’s name here?" Tiffany knows she cannot escape that question, and she also knows that Jessica will not stop unless she gets the answer she ever wanted.

"Look, Jess, I just suddenly remembered..." But even before she finished her words, Jessica had already cut her off.

"Are you meeting her best friend? again?" She knows how dangerous that tone is; additionally, she knows she would get mad if she knew. For many years, she has known Jessica. The woman avoids any possibility of meeting her again, her first love. After the turmoil she had gone through—that poignant night when the two parted ways— Jessica Jung was never the same again.

"Jess, Taeyeon has been good to me all the time, plus do you still hold grudges against that woman? She is a great friend, and..." She was looking for more words to say, but Jessica did the honor of finishing it.

"Girlfriend? All this time you have been keeping secrets away from me. We are ing best friends, don't we?" The woman can only nod, but then she returns with a more composed answer. Accordingly, she would try her best to at least persuade her best friend.

"Yeah, we kind of have a thing now, and Taeyeon says all this time it was still you, Jess." Hearing that, Jessica does not know what she is going to say; she does not know how to react after hearing that her first love still loves her, after all the she has done to her. Tears start forming in her lovely eyes. Emotions have been mixing all over her body. This is not just something you hear every day; this is something she always wanted to hear but was afraid of taking action on. Up until now, she was afraid of contacting Yoona after that man ran away. Up until now, she was afraid that Yoona would accept her again, and she forgot to love herself again. Jessica does not want that. She always wanted Yoona to be someone better, even without her. 

She left the woman without any other choice; subsequently, she broke her heart. She lifts her apart into pieces so that there is no one who can fix her up again. She messes up big time, and with that in mind, she was afraid that she would do it again when Yoona welcomed her back into her life.

She never once thought of leaving the woman; nevertheless, she still did. She broke her heart apart and ran away; she pursued her dreams without Yoona, and she knows how selfish that was.

"No, Tiff, I won't break her heart again."

"Jess, try again."

"I already had my chance, so no." She was so sure with her answer that she never wanted to hurt her again, ever again. Not again, not with Yoona.

*****

"You can check this out again and might consider getting the project again? You know, I have been aiming to get you this project, Miss Im." Yoona has been thinking a lot about this; at length, she got so much on her plate already. She does not know if she can still manage to do the project. Since that breakup with Jessica five years ago, she has been killing her body with tons of work. She is hoping that such activities will cloud her mind instead of a certain Jessica Jung.

"This is big time; just drop some little commitments you already have. I could talk with the directors about those; they can talk about giving it to another. We need you for this project. You know how big that telecom is; if they agree on investing, we can finally finance all the lined-up projects you all wanted, so please, Miss Im." Yoona knows how the project could benefit the whole company, and it is an honor that one of the VPs has been asking her personally. Yoona is someone who stays on the course; that might be the same reason the VP for Finance was asking her personally.

"I love this company a lot." She answered simply, and she saw the smile on the man’s lips. The said man knows that Yoona is not hard to talk with. Plus, it is a big favor that would benefit both. A win-win situation, at least. In fact, he does not want to give the said negotiation to just anyone in the company. Yoona is the ace of her team, and from here on, he knows that Yoona will never fail him.

"I know that's why I have been asking you personally; I can't trust this to anyone but you." Yoona smiles and offers her hand to the man; the latter smiles at her and shakes her hand as a sign of the agreement they just had.

*****

She was now sitting in the café where they had set up the meeting. Yoona was always early; she hates being late. She was always thirty minutes earlier. Her laptop was already set up to discuss the proposed project for the biggest telecommunications company in the country. She fixes he