“Hi, I’m Junmyeon. How are you?” Sehun stared at the man with expressionless eyes. Seriously, why did he feel triggered for being challenged by Chanyeol? He didn’t even have a wish at the moment that Chanyeol could fulfill, he just felt like proving him wrong by saying that going to a psychologist will help. The man was looking so nice really, with a super wide smile that seems so fake. Sehun already felt like puking. He took a seat in front of the man.

“How can I help you today?” Sehun sighed at the question, he already felt like escaping.

“Chanyeol asked me to come. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me though.”

“Why Chanyeol suggest you to come?” The younger understand about this, the psychologist was luring him in so he could tell him about himself. Same old, same old, it was the same with the psychologists that he was forced to meet by his Dad due to the passing of his Mom. Sehun really would like this to get over with, it’s pointless, should he even tell his story with this man.

“Tell me, Sehun, so you could get over this and leave this room as soon as possible.” Anxiety, discomfort, that’s what Junmyeon saw in the younger. He could obviously see that the younger felt the whole ordeal was stupid and pointless, but without the younger cooperating, he couldn’t help Sehun, and he promised Chanyeol he will help.

“Chanyeol is concerned, because I might have been too honest, confessing that I never believe in relationship in which I was just want to be the second guy, the escapade, the whole fun and no worries kind of thing.” Junmyeon smiled at the information Sehun let out, even if he knows the younger just saying things because he wanted to go home as soon as possible.

“Why you want to be the whole fun and no worries?” Sehun clucked his tongue, he felt very dissatisfied with this session, psychologists are annoying.

“Because you don’t have to have any expectations. And it won’t work.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Mom. Where is dad?” Little Sehun asked his mom.

“He has a work, honey. He will come tomorrow.”

“But it’s always tomorrow.” The kid felt dejected and his mom felt even more sad at the statement. It’s not only Sehun that yearns for the Dad, she was also miss her husband. Silently, she let her tears streamed down her face.

“Mom, don’t cry, Why are you crying?”

“No, Honey, it’s okay, there’s a dust on my eyes.” Despite what she said, the tears were not stopping, and even though Sehun was still four years old, he was not stupid. He knew his mom was crying.

“Hey, Sehunnie, I miss you.” His Dad said as he carried the kid to be in the same eye level with him. Sehun was glad of having his Dad near because it’s a rare occasion.

“Me too, why don’t you go home often? Daddy should play with me more often.” His father was having a nervous cough and glanced at his wife, whom also averting his gaze.

“Some days ago, Sehunnie saw Mom cries. Maybe because Mommy miss Daddy.”

“Ohh, really?” He said awkwardly and put Sehun down.

“Dad, let’s go somewhere in the weekend. It’s been awhile.” Sehun said while clutching his Dad’s shirt.

The weekend came, but it’s different than what Sehun was picturing. He thought he was going to go with his Mom and Dad, but instead he was going only with his Dad. He was confused and his Dad assured him that they will have a father and son bonding day. Sehun didn’t think much about it because he was too excited that he will be able to spend his time with the Dad, however there’s a woman came join them. She’s Aunt Hyeri. However, it’s weird, Aunt and Dad was holding their hands, isn’t holding hands supposed to be for Mom and Dad? And he was forbidden to talk about her in front of his mom.

“Mom, why Dad is not coming home again?”

“Because he’s busy, love.”

“Mom, don’t you miss Dad?”

“I miss him all the time.”

“Mom, why do you seem sad?”

“No, I’m not, honey, I have you and I’m happy.”

The next time his Dad take him out of the house, he was meeting the aunt again. Sehun didn’t hate the aunt, he was indifferent, however he felt weird due to the closeness of his Dad and that aunt.

“Dad, who is Aunt Hyeri?”

“Don’t you like her, honey?”

“She’s okay, but who is she, Dad?”

“She’s my very close friend, remember, don’t tell mom about her.”

If it’s a friend, why should it be kept a secret?

Several months later, Sehun could see his Dad’s car on his house, he was so elated because it’s been months his Dad not coming home, only taking Sehun somewhere and send him back home later in the evening. It was not usual for him to see his Dad meeting his Mom. They were talking in the room and Sehun could hear his Mom crying sadly from inside the room. When his Dad left, his Mom was looking for him and cried in front of him, telling him that she couldn’t be together with Sehun for long, and he loved him. They were having a divorce and his Dad threatened his Mom for him to have the child custody, or else he won’t take care of Sehun’s education and won’t send any money for his son.

Sehun’s Dad was rich of the rich, or you can say a Chaebol, while his Mom came from a normal family. Hearing his condition, there’s no way his Mom was not giving up for the child custody.

“Dad, why are you divorcing with Mom?”

“How do you think if Aunt Hyeri becoming your new Mom?”

“Why? I like Mom.”

“Don’t you like Hyeri too?”

“Why are you divorcing with Mom, Hunnie wants to know.”

“You will understand when you grew up, Hunnie, we just couldn’t work, I’m not happy with your Mom, but I’m happy with Hyeri. I would like to be with Hyeri, so I have to leave Mom. Don’t worry, it’s just that you will have two Mom.”

“Okay.. Will you leave Aunt Hyeri in the future too if she stops making you happy?”

His Dad kept mum.

His mom was losing weight after his Dad visit and declaration of divorce. A week after, Sehun was told to live with his Dad on another house. Sehun felt sad, he supposed to have Mom and Dad, why was he leaving his Mom and old home behind?

“Sehun, I love you, so much.. I’m sorry that I won’t be there for you. Please be a good son, visit me sometimes, let’s have a call often, asked your Dad for a phone call.. or maybe asked the maid. Please be happy. Your happiness is everything for me.” His Mom hugged him tight on their separation.

Happy. Dad wants to be happy so he left Mom, and Mom told him to be happy.

Happiness..

What’s happiness?

Several years has gone by, Sehun was nine. He frequently visiting his Mom, and they would spend a day or two together each month. As he grew up, he could see what his Mom felt, it’s loneliness and sorrow, always asking him for the Dad’s update, while at the same time he saw his Dad and his new Mom, Hyeri was living just fine and is happy.

One day, out of a sudden, he was told that his mom passed away, he went to the funeral, cried for days. But his Dad didn’t seem to care. He still remembered her mom told him when he was seven that she loved his Dad, and it even if they were not together, she never regrets because she has a chance to be with his Dad even for a short while.

Love. What is love? Is it worth it, at all? When it hurts so bad that you take your life for it?

“Yeol, I think Sehun’s case is pretty deep.” It’s the first sentence that he let out as Chanyeol received the call.

“What happened to Sehun?” Chanyeol furrowed his eyebrows as he clutched the phone to his ear. However, the man on the taller’s laps instantly became stiff.

“I’m not supposed to tell you things, as I’m a psychologist and it’s—”

“ it, just tell me.” Chanyeol let out a low chuckle. “I’m just worried for the boy, he’s pretty young, you know?”

“It’s my work ethics, I can’t—”

“Myeon Hyung, shut it, tell me. I don’t ing care about your work ethics, it’s not that I’ll tell the world about it.”

“He never understands what is love, and he thought happiness is everything, because his Dad chased for happiness, and his Mom told him to be happy, while he felt that she also took her life due to her failure of reaching happiness, so it’s all about happiness.” They both sighed.

“At least he’s cooperating and told you his story. Do you think he’ll be better?”

“Yes, but if he also found somebody that he loves, who can give him a tremendous amount of support to make him understand about love and happiness. I can only help him for so much Yeol.. I can convince him to try love, but he has to experience it himself.”

“Please help him, he’s actually pretty nice, I cared for him a lot.”

When they hang up, Baekhyun was kissing him hard. He tried to stop and would like to talk about it to Baekhyun. But he was kissing him harder and not letting Chanyeol talk. It was pretty hot, but it’s not what he wanted in the moment. Suddenly the smaller kneeled in front of him and playing with his bulge. The taller stopped his husband’s hand.

“Baekhyun.” The smaller eyed him with frightened eyes. His hand was slightly trembled. He suddenly remembered Sehun, this was how Sehun distracted him, for him not to talk about whatever life problems that he wanted to share. Chanyeol grabbed Baekhyun’s small wrist and pulled him to his laps.

“Don’t talk. I don’t want to hear.” It broke Chanyeol’s heart, he knows that the elder didn’t expect him talking about Sehun in front of him, and that he’s jealous, but should he be angry rather than being.. this way?

“I love you.” Chanyeol whispered as he hugged him tightly.

“Will you betray me again? At least I could have some of my feeling spared, so I could not be—” A big palm covered his lips.

“Baekhyun.” He stared at the smaller with a serious look. “Listen, I love you. I really do, and I never will leave you again. I promised to only will love you until the day I died.”

“Do you still love Sehun?” Baekhyun braved himself and asked.

“No, it’s just that I care, I cared of him. Baek, his family is pretty messed up, and I just found out that he never committed with anyone, he just wants to be the secondary person, the escapade, how ed was that. I sent him to Junmyeon Hyung.” The smaller kept mum though, as much as he tried to care, he didn’t feel like he could feel any empathy to a guy his husband cheated on with.

“Look, can we just stop talking about him? You don’t expect me to care of the guy who you cheated on with, right?” Baekhyun clearly seemed agitated and the taller huffed a sigh, he really hurt his husband that much and he was feeling disappointed upon himself.

“Okay, I won’t talk to you about him ever again.” The smaller then pinched his side waist and punched his chest hard.

“Aw Baek! The .”

“Seriously please don’t break my trust.” He whispered and hugged Chanyeol tightly as if he’s a Koala, but the taller didn’t complaint and just ruffled his hair.

A year passed by, Baekhyun was trusting his husband more, as he could see Chanyeol was even more loving and dedicated to Baekhyun. He also gave him a lot of little surprises that made sparks in their relationship. He never again talked about Sehun or another guy. Their relationship was changing, because they both were changing, Chanyeol were not taking his husband for granted anymore, and Baekhyun was also changing, he put his husband’s opinion to consideration but not agreed on it blindly. He was always ready to fight his ground. Like how Chanyeol missed his original hair color but Baekhyun was still dyeing it to different colors, and how Chanyeol hated some of his wardrobe collection, but Baekhyun was not giving up all of it, just a few, that’s revealing and see through. Few of them which were not so provocative or revealing, just make him ‘more desirable’ as his husband said, he was not giving up on it. In the end, Chanyeol gave in, even if it’s hard for him to see his husband being so desirable and not for only him who sees, but he wanted for Baekhyun to feel a little bit more of liberty, because the later also never control him much.

He forgot how it feels, on how he could freely fight Chanyeol back, three last years of his marriage, he subconsciously gave in to him because he was too afraid his husband could leave him. It feels good to finally being his own self, arguing with his husband like the old time.

What he never expected was when he and Chanyeol invited to their friends gathering, he realized the head counts increase, Junmyeon bring his introverted wife, Irene, Kyungsoo was bringing Kai, and Yixing, he was tagging along a tall handsome guy. It’s Sehun. The very Sehun that Chanyeol cheated on. He was appalled on seeing him, at the hand shake, he could feel himself trembled. Baekhyun thought that his husband will be surprised upon seeing Sehun, but apparently, he didn’t seem fazed. Did he know about this beforehand?

“Wow, as Yixing’s plus one, huh?” Chanyeol smirked at him and he got back with the same sentiments.

“Yeah, like, why not?”

“Stop it, it’s my boyfriend.” Yixing then said teasingly and hugged the younger openly which Sehun shrugged it off coldly. His demeanor didn’t seem to change, still the cold person that Chanyeol know. But in fact, he wanted to go somewhere with his boyfriend’s circle, means he was getting attached and he suppose it’s a good thing.

“I’m happy to see you here.” Chanyeol said, to his ex, but Baekhyun couldn’t stop eyeing them back and forth and went to the table with Kai and Kyungsoo instead, leaving Yixing, Sehun and his Husband.

“Seriously, I think Chanyeol know he will come, but he didn’t even warn me! And he seems happy to see his ex.” A slap from Kai landed on Baekhyun’s back.

“Ya! He has Yixing, stupid .” Kai said as Baekhyun hissed and rubbing the spot that the slap landed, it started to stink.

“But if I were Baek, I will feel pissed as well though… But yeah, he’s here as somebody else’s you know.”

“Isn’t there any other person for Yixing, though? I mean it’s Sehun.” Baekhyun pouted, and just when Kai want to opened his mouth to comment on it, he stopped because Chanyeol hugged Baekhyun from the side as he took his seat.

“Love.” He whispered and pecked Baekhyun’s ear. The smaller shrugged him off.

“Don’t show too much PDA.” The smaller glared while blushing.

“Cute.” Chanyeol muttered and Kai together with Kyungsoo, acting out a puke.

Baekhyun was feeling down, because he felt that seeing Sehun’s face was ruining his mood, and he was forced to be in the same table with him. All of his friend seems accepting of Sehun, thinking that he’s cute in his own way, and he was also throwing some witty remarks that could make the whole table laugh. Once in a while, Baekhyun could felt that the guy glancing at him to look at his expression, and he felt tired, knowing that he was observed by the person who once ruined his relationship with Chanyeol. What kind of expression should he gave?

However, Chanyeol could feel his husband sentiments, he kept him close, making sure to hug his waist most of the time and he whispered softly, “Baek, we’ll talk at home, okay? Cheer up, love.”

There’s one more unexpected thing happened that night, he thought that seeing Sehun was the only surprise for the night, but he was wrong. Apparently when he was excusing himself to the toilet, the younger followed him and waited in front of the toilet door, as he finished and stepped out of the toilet, he grabbed his wrist softly.

“Hyung, can we talk?” Sehun asked him with an unreadable face, well Baekhyun has observed that the guy’s face was quite expressionless. He tilted his face a bit to see the younger. He’s so beautiful, and tall, no wonder Chanyeol was swayed.

“I promise I’ll be short.”

“Okay.” Then Baekhyun and Sehun went to the outdoor part of the bar, before they were in the indoors.

“Hyung, I’m so sorry.”

“Okay.” Baekhyun said and he kept reprimanding himself to keep a straight face, trying to be tough.

“Chanyeol dragged me to Junmyeon a year ago, because I was always the second person in the relationship, the one who was ruining other relationship, and I never felt guilty about it. I thought it’s pretty normal. I never believed in love.” He looked guilty when he said it. But Baekhyun felt his blood boiled. The is wrong with this guy.

“I had a trauma so I never seek love, I just seek for fun and enjoyment and I got that from Chanyeol, and he were too.. at the moment. But then Chanyeol realized his love for you were more than that and I was only an infatuation which faded in a short while. And he persuaded me to see Junmyeon when he knew about my past. And I realized how big of a sin had I committed. I’m so sorry, I never considered your feeling as I snatched the love of your life.” Baekhyun could feel his heart sympathized as the younger seem earnest in the way he apologizing. He closed his eyes and let out a deep sighed.

“You believe in love now?” The shorter looked at his eyes firmly.

“Yes, I do.”

“With Yixing?”

“Yeah, I felt very regretful for you and others as I experienced love and how I thought I’ll die if I lose Yixing.”

“I don’t give a about you, Sehun. But Yixing is my best friend, and I cared of him.” Sehun nodded while biting his lips.

“If you hurt him, I’ll make sure I’ll kill you.”

“I won’t. I promise you.”

“Okay.”

“You know Sehun was going to be there!” Baekhyun shouted at his husband as soon as they were home.

“I know.”

“And you don’t tell me. What the is wrong with you.”

“Baek, you forbid me to talk to you about Sehun or any other guy.”

“But he was about to be in our gathering. Chanyeol.. , I.. ! I’m pissed.”

“Baek, love.” Chanyeol tried to approach his husband but Baekhyun gave him a warning glare, stopping him as he about to step closer.

“You should have warned me! I should have prepared myself!” Baekhyun said as he pulled his own hair, Chanyeol looked at his husband guiltily. It’s his fault, he thought to himself. Slowly, he came closer to his husband again and hugged him.

“Baek, I’m sorry.” He said as he felt his lover’s body trembled. Baekhyun always trembled when he was angry.

“Did you think it was ing nice to give me a shock therapy like that? Did you consider my feelings, of how I would feel being in the same table with the same person that you left me with? Did you consider my feelings, seeing the guy you ed with?” The smaller finally cried and Chanyeol felt his heart broke.

“Baek.. I don’t know what to do. He’s Yixing’s boyfriend, I couldn’t tell Yixing not to tag him along.”

“Then we shouldn’t have come!!!” He yelled and his face got red. “You should leave me with choices!” Chanyeol felt his husband was wetting his clothe with tears.

“Baek… I’m sorry. I hurt you again and I’m sorry.” Baekhyun pushed himself away from Chanyeol.

“I’m going to calm myself down.” He left Chanyeol and the later could only see Baekhyun’s sorrowful back. He felt like the biggest idiot ever live.

When they settle on their bed that night, Chanyeol felt like he could be suffocated with the heavy tension. His husband was turning his back on him, and he was only looking at him, contemplating his next move. He was somehow glad that they had a promise that they will not ever sleep in a different bed no matter how mad they were for each other, but it hurts him to see his husband so close while it felt far away. Braving himself, he was scooting closer to the smaller and spoon him.

“Love.. I’m being so inconsiderate and I’m sorry.” He whispered and Baekhyun was biting his lips, his tears started to fall again.

“Please turn around. Talk to me.” Chanyeol pleaded but there’s no way Baekhyun wanted to show his husband that he was crying again.

“Baekhyun-ah.” The taller pecked his hair and Baekhyun couldn’t hold his cries any longer. Then he turned around and hid his face on his husband strong chest and clutched his shirt tightly.

“It hurts.” He cried brokenly.

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry! It’s agitating.” He was still not calm, and Chanyeol knew he won’t listen to anything he was saying until he cooled down. Silently caressing the smaller’s back while pecking his hair now and then, Baekhyun’s cries finally died down, he was no longer clutching his husband’s shirt, but face was still buried in it.

“I heard from Myeon Hyung for updates regarding Sehun. He himself was getting closer with him and told me he grew fond of him. I knew since the beginning of their relationship, how it starts, and how they seem to fall for each other… But I never told you, because I never think it’s necessary, besides it’s not like I could tell you about him. I promised.” The smaller stay still, knowing that his husband quietly listened to him. He continued.

“Yixing called me two days ago. Telling me if it’s a good idea to take Sehun along. He felt that Sehun was the one, and he really would like to tag him along to the gathering, as we all promised to bring our significant others. And I just couldn’t say no.”

“But you could have told me.” Baekhyun said in a low tone, seeming so tired about it already.

“I don’t know how, and as I was anxious, I thought to myself maybe it’s better for you to just discover on the spot. I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry, it’s tiring to hear.”

“Sehun was just a little kid, Baek. His mom was deadly in love with the dad, but the dad cheated on her, and divorce her, while he was ended up with another woman. The mom took her own life years after due to her broken heart and loneliness. That boy didn’t believe in love. He believed he just need to seek of happiness. Always being the second person on the relationship made him felt happy, as he felt he was what makes his partner happy and he won’t be left feeling hurt like his mom.. It’s crazy… So I persuade him to see Junmyeon. And I’m so happy that he’s putting himself out there, finding love.”

“I hated that it was Yixing. Out of thousands of people, it just has to be our closest.”

“Yeah. I get it.” They were engulfed in silence.

“I love you.” Chanyeol whispered and his husband looked up to him with tear-stricken face.

“I hate myself for hurting you deeply.” The taller said again.

“Yixing was a great person. I’m also worried of him. Sehun