“You know, Veronica, if you wanted him this badly, the least you could do is just talk to him,” Cindy sighed, trying her best to take both your track record and his into consideration.

            “Or you could just ask him on a date, skip the bull,” your other friend, Starr, who was never one for subtlety or patience, blurted out before taking a gulp of her soju.

            “Not all of us have the balls you do, Starr,” Lila sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, “But you know, Veronica, maybe she does have a bit of a point,” she continued, only for Starr to scoff halfheartedly and nod in full agreement though she could think of no other alternative. “No one is saying go all in, but maybe, there are little hints you can drop here and there. I don’t think he’s an idiot~ He has to catch on sometime, right?” she suggested.

            “Yeah! You have all these cute little mannerisms of yours. You just have to spice them up a bit when he’s around. He is sure to take notice!” Cindy concurred.

            “Boys are total idiots. You just need to get straight to the point once, maybe twice, maybe even a third time for them to get the point. After all, that’s how I got my boyfriend,” Starr countered matter-of-factly.

            “Look, guys, thank you for the encouragement, but if I were to take either one of these paths, what makes you so sure that he would even like me? I mean, look at me. What on Earth could possibly make him attracted to me?” you groaned, tossing your head back against the leather of the booth, wishing you could disappear into it.

            “Like Cindy said, there’s tons of cute things that you do! Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Lila pointed out.

            “Yeah, like what?” you challenged, raising an eyebrow and your head just enough to look her in the eye, watching her squirm as she scrambled for anything to come to mind. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. I have nothing. I’m just your normal, run-of-the-mill potato and that’s all I’ll ever be. I have nothing to compare to him, star of the company, star of the show, star of my heart,” you sighed, sinking further into the leather, wishing it would consume you as strongly as your self-doubt did.

            “That’s not true, daughter!” Starr spat. “Look, we~ can’t speak on what’s cute or not ‘cause we’re girls and we’re your friends. We don’t count. What we think is cute, like the way you get all excited when you’re about to start a new project or dance or how feisty you are when you do~ curse, doesn’t count. We don’t think of you that way. If anything, since you guys are so~ diametrically opposed to getting his~ advice, then we have to take it from another guy. You know, all guys think alike to some extent, at least when it comes to cute,” she shrugged, pounding down the last of her soju. “, I’m going to need some more of this if this gets any more emotional,” she grumbled, though you knew, like everyone else, she meant the best for you and if it involved emotions, would do all in her power to make you feel better.

            “She’s right. We don’t really have an expertise in that field because we don’t think that way. Is there anyone else you could think of who might be able to guide you along?” Cindy suggested, rubbing the back of her neck.

            “Yeah, what about that one guyfriend of yours? The one you’ve been friends with basically since birth?” Lila reminded you, sending shivers down your spine. You loved Jangjun dearly, but you knew him better than anyone at this table, himself, even. Asking him for help was social suicide for, while he was a man, he acted more like a boy, mind roaming wildly, sometimes to lands no mere mortal even thought of. He meant the world to you and you to him, but he simply was not like who you wanted. He was no Prince Charming, no sophisticated gentleman. He could easily make you laugh but could never be in touch with your or his emotions. He was a jester in the court of your life, someone much needed for the dark days, but no one you could imagine spending the rest of your days with.

            “Nope, not a chance,” you responded bluntly, jerking to sit up and cross your arms.

            “And why not?” Cindy implored.

            “Yeah, judging by a reaction like that, I would think there’s something you’re not telling us,” Lila insinuated.

            “You may as well spill it now,” Starr egged on.

            “Look, it’s not that. It’s just that Jangjun isn’t my type. He’s too dorky, sometimes I just want to strangle him because he just seems so out of it. I love his energy, but I sometimes have to wonder what on earth is going on inside that guy’s head. He just doesn’t make any sense and how he can keep a constant smile on his face is beyond me. He just seems to let life pass him by, go with the flow as if there’s not a set place for him to be, for him to get to. He’s great to have around when I’m down, but he’s just too unreliable, too out there for me to really trust him with something like that. Plus, like I said, he’s not my type, so why would I need his advice?” you explained, your voice laced with pity and remorse as you reflected upon your lifelong friend, vilifying him to an audience who had never met him. You wanted to say positive remarks about him and hoped that emphasizing his joyfulness was enough, but you knew you were doing him a great disservice by describing him as only a jester, only a comedian, only a friend. You knew the Jangjun only you saw, but could not imagine there was a complexity to him beyond the smiles, beyond the jokes, beyond the laugh. You couldn’t convince yourself whether you could not imagine him as such, or you would not.

            “Oh, yeah, then what is your type? What is this Joochan fellow like?” Starr probed.

            “Well, Joochan is just Joochan. He’s everything a girl could want, you know. He’s the star of the company, on his way to being promoted and he works with the bigger, aggressive kids. He’s sweet, considerate, a great listener, just such a big soft boy. I really don’t know how to explain it but it just seems like he’s the kind of guy who would leave you kisses through the little things like laundry or doing the dishes. He seems like the type of guy who would cook you dinner if you got back from work too late or the type of guy who would serenade you to sleep if you were exhausted. You might be able to catch him at a library or volunteering in his free time. I don’t know, I don’t want to say that it feels like home when I’m around him, but I am at ease,” you sighed dreamily.

            “So, you’re at ease around the guy, but not at enough ease with the guy? That just doesn’t make any sense,” Lila questioned, cocking her head to the side.

            “Look! I’m a potato! Potatoes don’t have to make sense! I just can’t talk to him because he’s perfect!” you ranted.

            “Almost too~ perfect if you ask me. Something’s off about him for you to feel this type of way about him without even really talking to the guy? I think you might have your signals crossed,” Starr shrugged, beckoning for the waitress to bring her another glass of soju.

            “And what is that supposed to mean?” you inquired, genuinely curious.

            “Well, don’t you think it’s odd that you can have this huge fantasy about him, right down to fanfic clichés, but you guys have barely done anything together? Sure, you work in the same place, but last time I checked, you don’t usually find your Prince Charming in the same peer group as you. Either this is an intense case of infatuation, or there is someone else on your mind, someone you’re confusing this Joochan guy with,” she explained confidently, much to everyone’s confusion.

            “I don’t think it’s fair to write her feelings off as just infatuation,” Cindy panned. “However, I think you should do some more digging into this guy, get to know him a little bit more because it’s never good to get your hopes up so high based solely on the smoke and mirrors of it all,” she advised, placing a hand on your shoulder gingerly.

            “Yeah, and it could be fun! Just take it easy, but have fun with it. If it works, it works. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t but at least you had a good ride,” Lila encouraged.

            “Or I could get my heart broken, but I guess I was already prepared for that, anyway,” you cheered caustically.

            “Well, you know a place where you can have fun and not have to worry about any broken hearts?” Starr interjected blindly. The table raised an eyebrow at her.

            “O, c’mon, we’re reading too much into this as is! Veronica, maybe it’s time you learned to go with the flow and have a bit of fun. We can all reach a friendly compromise here and that starts with self-love and self-confidence and you know the place for that?” You hummed though you all knew what she was hinting at. Considering Cindy’s struggle to escape the mounting English papers from her Korean students, the mental toil of crime on the rise for Lila and her law firm, and the burden of cranking out chapter after chapter for Starr, the club was not a terrible idea. While none of you were old, youth seemed to be fleeting with the in and out of your daily routines. Hardly now could the four of you sit like this, dine like this, live like this.

            “Alright, I’m in,” you agreed with a confidence that stunned the table. Just as you knew only the Jangjun you saw, they knew only the Veronica they saw, usually reserved, consumed by self-loathing, yet always dedicated to her craft, her passions, and her clients. You had all gone clubbing once before, but it proved to not be your scene considering you had binged too much to drink and was confined to the cold bathroom floor for most of the night. This time was different. If they told you you had to go with the flow, perhaps, you could listen for once. Life was already moving too quickly for you and for only one night, if at all possible, you wanted to slow it down, you wanted to live. You were far from unhappy with your life, your job as a behavioral interventionist, your lot, but for the night, you wanted to live another life, finally understand what it was like to be someone like Jangjun, to show only smiles, to live only on rainbows and in the clouds.

            “Well, , I thought you guys would never say! What are we still doing here? We have a boy to forget and several more to get to know!” Lila exclaimed, pushing Starr out of the booth as the two of them squealed. You looked at Cindy, who, though always attracted to the club life, was more reserved. She placed a hand on your shoulder and nodded with a bright, warm smile.

 

 

            “Whoa, whoa, there, don’t you think you’re getting a bit up there on your drinks? You’ve down more drinks than songs I’ve danced to already,” Starr warned, trying to swipe the sparkling alien green drink away from you only for you to swat her away.

            “O, lighten up. We’ve only been here like 20 minutes,” you retorted, twirling your straw in your drink, thoroughly hypnotized by the bubbles of this liquid courage and happiness.

            “Yeah, that’s the point,” Sttarr groaned, trying once more to snatch the drink to no avail. Though your mind was numbing, your reflexes, fortunately or unfortunately, were still sharp—and you had paid nearly 15$ for that drink.

            “I know you can handle your liquor a lot better now, but what about your tab? You don’t want to go into debt over tonight, do you?” Cindy attempted.

            “It’s fine. I get paid Friday. This is nothing. C’mon guys, why so tense? It’s not like we can always go out and do things like this, so what’s the big deal? This was all your idea and now that I’m finally letting loose, you want to look at me like I’m the bad guy,” you whined, tossing the straw from the drink and chugging about half of it in one confused, rage-driven dive.

            “Well, it’s not that. But, we didn’t just come here to drink, did we? After all, we came here to have a good time, right? We want you to have a good time out on the dancefloor, too,” Lila interjected, tugging at your arm and pointing to the horde of people dancing the night and their problems away. Your eyes widened as your heart pulsed with the music and lights. You yearned to be as carefree as everyone in there seemed to be, let the night pass by before you had to return to the monotony of living, the recurring, humdrum cycle of a job well done at work, him, and then the seemingly never-ending self-doubt and self-loathing.

            “You know what, you’re right! I don’t need anyone but me to have a good time! I don’t need these drinks to be the person I want to be!” you slurred haughtily, jumping—almost tipping over—from your stool.

            “Maybe we should take it easy for the night, you know, just vibe?” Cindy proposed. “Like you said, we don’t ever get to be like this very often, so it would be great if we spent the night together.”

            “Yeah, I’d love to see how you let loose here! It’s been so long since we all had a family trip to the club like this,” Starr coincided, her voice eager as her heart raced as you slumped through the doors of the dancefloor.

            “I think we should all just do what we do. Don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself.  I won’t be too far off,” you assured them, struggling to break free from Starr and Lila’s grasp on your shoulders.

            “Do you really think it’s a good idea to split up? Clubs aren’t exactly the nicest place for us to get lost in,” Cindy pointed out, her voice shaking hoping that you would come to your senses though, like the five drinks you already had, were already gone.

            “We’re all adults here. And, we have each others’ numbers. You guys have fun. I think I’m going to make my way up to the main stage. Go big or go home, right?” she chuckled, finally breaking free of your loosening grasp to get lost in the sea of faces, hearts, and lies.

            “Do you think we should go after her?” Lila recommended.

            “No, let her be. Let’s keep an eye on her but if she’s just on the main stage, I think that’s where she wants to be. She’s experimenting. She doesn’t always get the chance to do so, so who are we to take the opportunity away from her? We should let her have her fun. Moreover, it’s better if we’re here in the background than if she did something like this on her own,” Starr explained, her eyes never once leaving you as you shimmied your way to and up the main stage, the fire in your rising, the hate in you dimming. The other two joined, a proud smile stretching across all their faces though their hearts continued to ache for you and your safety. Yet, they knew, like them, you were still growing, embarking on the long journey to self-acceptance and self-love so, as long as you did it safely, they were willing to make this trade-off with you.

           

 

            “Hey, little lady, what do you think you’re doing dancing like that with no partner?” an oddly familiar voice startled you though the stranger it was coming from respectfully kept his distance as a coy smirk stretched across his pink lips.

            “I’m just letting the world go by on my own now, just vibing. You wanna join me?” you crowed flirtatiously as you continued to feel the beat in your veins, the bass in your soul.

            “Well, you got me. I’d be an if I said no and was playing so hard to get,” he chuckled, inching closer to you, not at all feeling the urge to trail his fingers along your curves, place his chin on the crook of your neck. “So, what are you doing all the way out here in the club district. Sorry if I sound rude, but I wouldn’t have taken you for the type.”

            “And what is that supposed to mean?!” you huffed, sick of the assumptions about your character, who you were, sick of everyone thinking you were some goody-two-shoes with no time for feeling, no time for healing.

            “Relax, little lady. I just assumed since you’re not really dressed for the occasion. Sudden trip with the girls?” he responded, looking you up and down, snickering at your flats and your work slacks. Your cleavage and midrift were covered, not a single accessory to highlight your features nor hair was out of place. “You must work with kids or something like that, am I right?”

            “Yeah, how did you know? It’s like you could read me like a book!” you giggled, backing closer to him, grabbing for his arm to snake it around your waist. You were met with a resistance that startled you, but also left you wanting more.

            “Are you the shy type?” you cooed, turning to look him in all three pairs of eyes as your vision worsened. “Cute and shy? What a combination,” you chuckled as you fawned over his jet black hair, the sheer swagger he exuded as he beamed in his royal blue jacket, blue paisley bandana scarf, black tank top and black skinny jeans.

            “No, no, not at all, well, sometimes but I don’t like to let people know. I just know how to respect a lady,” he responded, fumbling his words as you ground against him shamelessly, his hands in the air.

            “Ah, so you’re just like, you’re just like Joochan. O, what a man, what a man,” you sighed romantically as you crashed into his strong arms, taking him by surprise though he held you for dear life.

            “So, that’s why you came out? To get your mind off a boy? What’s the issue?” he asked, his voice almost melancholic, though you convinced yourself it was just your drunken mind playing tricks on you. A random stranger couldn’t care for you, a drunk girl on a dancing rampage after trying to drink her problems away. You were sure he would go home and sleep, forget about you, just another girl alone at the club, spiraling out of control. You were sure someone as handsome, as comforting as him had seen many of those before. Yet, you wanted to think something about him made him care. He was inviting, respectful, his embrace, though steady and tight, like home.

            “I just- I just really like this guy and there is literally no way in hell that he will ever like me back. Who am I trying to kid? I’m probably nothing to him. What am I to anyone? To you, I’m probably just another body that you could have if you want. It’s time that I just moved on, but I can’t,” you wept into his chest, your body loosening as he continued to hold you, the smell of his cologne intoxicating, the soft beating of his chest relaxing.

“Well, I don’t know much about this Joochan fellow but you seem almost like a little sister to me is all even though we just met,” he replied truthfully, his voice cracking as you continued to bawl into his tank top.

            “Would a little sister do this?” you moaned, mustering what little courage and sense you could before tipping on your toes to kiss him , your tongue desperately wanting access that he kept denying.

            “O, so you really are the shy type. I should have known with how nice you were being but with a look like that, I wouldn’t think you were the type.”

            “And you were wilder than I thought. Listen, I-“

            “What the hell do you think is going on here?” Cindy shrieked, pushing the stranger out of the way.

            “You tell me. I think your friend is getting a little ahead of herself. You know, it’s not safe for her to be kissing strangers,” he shrugged all too nonchalantly with a calm confidence that made Lila and Starr want to fight. “Hey, hey, lovelyz, don’t get too worked up, now. I want her to be safe as much as you do. Take her home and make sure she sleeps well. I’d be heartbroken if something were to happened to her,” he explained as Cindy escorted her off the stage. “But, o, do me a favor, doll,” he enjoined, grabbing Starr by the arm. “I’m a friend of hers from work. Name’s Jangjun, nice to finally meet you. Do me a favor and tell her that she is in for one hell of a teasing come tomorrow morning,” he chuckled as she yanked her arm away, desperate to get back to you and the others.

 

            “Hey, little lady!” the same familiar voice pounded your eardrums before he draped himself over you, arms around your neck as you sat at your desk writing up a report on your last client.

            “Holy , what the hell is wrong with you? I have a pounding headache and you do this to me?” you grumbled, all too willing to throw your laptop at him.

            “Well, after all that drinking and dancing you did last night, I would assume so. Sorry, I should have been more considerate,” he chuckled, nearly guffawing as the realization overcame you, your eyes widening, your mouth agape. “What a night and performance you put on! Definitely one I will never forget,” he jested as you whipped around in your chair.

            “What do you know?” you whispered, pouncing to your feet, grabbing his wrist and heading to the hallway.

            “What don’t~ I know? You really don’t remember a thing, now do you? Do you want me to start from the part where you blabbed about your little crush on Joochan or where you thought it was a good idea to make out with me and the best friends in all of existence decided to save you from a complete and utter-friend?”

            “I didn’t!” you gasped, bringing your hand to your lips as you quaked in place, your eyes darting about everywhere but on Jangjun.

            “Didn’t what? Tell me your dirty little secret or try to make a move on me, because believe me, honey, you did both. I’m just here to remind you. What? Did you think this was going to be a slow burn where you spend months trying to find the guy you fell in love with on the dancefloor in an excruciating “will they” “won’t they” thing? Well, I did all the guesswork for you. You know I don’t do slow burns. You know how I am. I don’t have the patience so-“

            “What do you want to just shut the up?”

            “You to compliment me the way you did last night? Maybe I should wear that outfit more often to get you a bit hot and bothered from time to time,” he quipped, tracing your neck with  his finger until he got up to your chin and forced you to look up at him.

            “Over my dead body,” you growled, immediately nearly snapping your neck to look away.

            “You’re right. That’s too boring. I already know I look too good and there’s really no need in me getting you all hot and bothered. Whether I liked you or not, you already have your eyes set on Joochan and that is definitely a fight I cannot win.”

            “You’re bluffing. You don’t like me like that and you know it! I know it!”

            “You also thought you knew that I wasn’t the shy type, but hey, what do I know? I’m just the funny guy, right?” he retorted, his voice casual but laced with an almost undetectable amount of pity though you couldn’t begin  to understand why.

            “So, you like me? May as well get all the drama tropes out the way right now, right?”

            “I’m not saying I do; I’m not saying I don’t, little sis, but that’s not the point. If only you had this amount of fire when talking to Joochan,” he tsked, rolling his eyes playfully as he crossed his arms.

            “Yeah, about that. What do you want?” you repeated, hissing.

            “It’s not about what I want. I just suggest a mere quid pro quo.”

            “Which entails?” you mumbled, raising an eyebrow as you too crossed your arms. He slumped against the wall, eyeing you cockily.

            “Simple. I help you get Joochan with my expert~ advice. That’s it.”

            “First of all, that’s not a quid pro quo. You must want something in return and I’m scared to know what that is and two, expert advice? How could you possibly help me in getting Joochan? You guys are two different specimens! He’s the man of me dreams and you…. You’re the joker I somehow got stuck with.”

            “Don’t be so harsh! One, I was all man to you yesterday and don’t you forget it and two, maybe that’s just what you need, a different perspective! You’re so used to fantasizing about this guy, you don’t even know what he really wants. No matter how different we are, we might very well think the same! Why don’t you just give it a try. The worst-case scenario is you just stay as you are now, the shadow behind me,” he teased, ruffling your hair.

            “You’re not going to let me live that down are you?” you huffed.

            “Nope, but that’s what friends are for. I get to tease you just a bit!”

            “So, that brings me back to the question. What do you want?”

            “Nothing, nothing, I swear. Don’t worry about what I want. It’s about what you want and how to get your man! All you have to do is listen to my advice and you’ll have him in no time!”

            “So, what do I have to do, Cupid?”

            “We’ll start tomorrow! Meet me at the boba shop across the street after your clients and we’ll go from there. Since I am such a cheerful, loving Cupid, I’ll buy you some boba, too!” he chuckled, abruptly embracing you, the same cologne as last night swarming your senses. For a moment, you thought you were in Heaven again, safe, comforted, wanted. You felt yourself humming to the beat of his heart before you forced yourself to come back to your senses. You tried to push him away but you knew those arms better than anyone and would be lying to say you didn’t want to be in them if only for a few moments longer.

            “I hate you,” you grumbled into his chest though he was your everything and regardless of his idiot advice, it was worth a shot. Maybe he and the girls were right. Maybe, you needed a change.

            “I love you, too,” he smirked before placing a gentle kiss to the crown of your head.

           

 

            This was your change.