Dami slowly stumbled into the apartment that she shared with her girlfriend, Handong, as she struggled to hold back her tears. She wished that she was numb. That she couldn’t feel anything anymore. Everything was too much for her right now.

She slowly looked to the left of the door and spotted Handong’s packed luggage and sunk to her knees as the tears started to flow down her cheeks. She had struggled to hold it all in for so long, but now she was at a breaking point.

She clutched the luggage to her like it could bring Handong back. Like she could walk in like nothing is wrong and smile that smile that Dami loved so much, but that wasn’t possible now.

As Dami’s sobs grew stronger, she heard something fall out of the luggage and looked down. There was an envelope with her name on it in Handong’s delicate handwriting. It seemed to have fallen from the partially opened luggage.

Dami carefully opened it to find a memory card and a handwritten letter. The ink was blurred from what looked like Handong’s fallen tears as she wrote it. Maybe this would explain everything Dami wondered as she looked at the first line in the letter and read it aloud softly.

“Please don’t hate me. This video will explain everything. I love you…” Dami read as her chest ached with emptiness, but after a while, her curiosity got the better of her as she slowly stood and shuffled over to her laptop and popped the memory card in.

Her laptop was set up to a projector for when they would have movie nights, and soon an image of Handong appeared on the white wall in front of her. Already Dami could see that Handong looked like she was struggling with something.

“I… I don’t know how to start this…” Handong said as she nervously looked at the camera before looking away. Her tears were clearly visible. They were so close to falling already.

“Just please don’t hate me…” Handong said as Dami took in all of her features. This had to have been filmed a week or two ago judging from her outfit. She had been planning to leave her for weeks.

“I, I won't be around for much longer… the doctors said that it has progressed too far for them to do anything without the possibility of losing all my memories of you…” Handong said as she looked at the camera with such a vulnerable look that Dami felt her breath catch. Everything was slowly starting to make sense.

“I know you probably think that I'm being selfish… but my memories of you are the most precious things in my life. The… the thought of forgetting you scares me more than dying…” Handong said softly as she looked away from the camera.

“I know you will probably hate me for pushing you away. For leaving, but I didn’t want you to see me struggling near the end. It, it hurts… so much…” Handong said as she took a ragged breath. Her emotions were threatening to overflow.

“I know that this is selfish of me… but I wanted to make this video for you. I want to tell you…” Handong took another breath to calm herself before she began again.

“now that I won't be there, please remember to take out the trash. I know you usually wait for me to do it. Don’t drink too much just because I'm not going to be here anymore. I know you like to drink when you are alone... and don’t forget to eat. I know that you tend to focus on something and forget to eat sometimes…” Handong said as she looked at the camera. Dami felt like Handong was truly talking to her as she listened silently.

“don’t hold everything in and suffer in silence and remember to eat your meals…” Handong said with a shaky voice as she scrunched her face in confusion. Had she said that already? She wasn’t sure anymore.

“and don’t go flirting with all the pretty girls. I will be watching, you know?” Handong laughed sadly as tears slowly streaked down her face. The thought of Dami being with anyone else broke her heart.

“and know that I will love you always. Make sure you take care of yourself, and please don’t get sick. I won't be there to take care of you anymore. If you do get sick, make sure you go to the doctors and take your medicine. I'm sorry… I guess I'm nagging… I, I don’t know how to do this…” Handong said as she suddenly scrunched her face again as she groaned and grabbed her head.

It was a habit that Dami had noticed over the last couple of weeks. At first, she thought it was cute. Her nose scrunched up cutely as she squinted at something. But Dami had no idea that Handong was hiding intense pain. The pain in her head that could bring her to tears in an instant. If only she had noticed the signs earlier. But Handong’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts as she continued.

“I know that this is horrible of me to ask of you. Maybe you would be better off forgetting me…” Handong said as she struggled on what to say.

One part of her wanted to tell Dami to hate her and never forgive her for what she was planning, but the other part of her was scared and wanted to cry in Dami’s arms and tell her how much she loved her over and over again and tell her how terrified she was. She honestly had no idea what to do or say.

“maybe forgetting me is better. Forget me and move on like I never existed… Be happy and smile more. Go out with friends and… and meet new people that will love you for you. You are the most amazing person I know. You deserve so much better… I'm so sorry…” Handong said as her tears became uncontrollable.

Dami clutched the letter still in her hands as she watched Handong struggle with her emotions. How she wished that she could hold her in her arms and tell her that everything was alright. That she could never hate her because Handong was her everything, but that day haunted her memories.

-The Beginning-

Dami walked into the apartment with a smile. She had managed to get off of work early for once and wanted to surprise her beautiful girlfriend. She didn’t know why, but Handong had seemed more distant than usual, and she wanted to fix whatever she might have done wrong.

She quickly went to take off her shoes when she spotted Handong’s luggage by the door and felt her heart drop. Why was it there? Was Handong planning on leaving her? She had been a bit distant, but it was nothing to leave over, right?

Dami quickly rushed into the apartment in search of her girlfriend as she called her name, but when she looked in the bedroom, she was nowhere to be seen. She quickly ran into the kitchen and couldn’t find her there either.

She ran into the living room towards the porch when she froze. On the other side of the coffee table, Dami saw a hand on the ground. Her eyes went wide as she rushed over to find Handong collapsed on the ground and mumbling incoherently.

“Handong? Handong what's wrong?” Dami cried as she tried to get a response, but all she heard was a soft apology from Handong.

“I'm so sorry… I, I wanted to leave so you wouldn’t see me like this…” Handong whispered before she slowly went silent.

The silence went on for too long, and soon Dami started to panic. She checked for a pulse and managed to find one, but it was extremely weak and slow. Panic rose in her chest as she struggled to pull out her phone with trembling hands and quickly dialed the phone.

“What is your emergency?” a girl asked as Dami broke down on the phone.

“I came home and found her on the ground! She was mumbling, and her pulse feels weak! Her breathing is slow and shallow too! I think she's dying!” Dami cried as the girl on the phone tried to calm her down and get the address.

Handong’s breathing slowed until it was almost nonexistent, and soon Dami found herself performing CPR on her girlfriend. She had thought it was stupid to take those classes, but Handong had told her that they could be useful someday. She had no idea it would be used to try to keep the woman she loved alive.

It was several minutes later when the paramedics arrived and took over CPR. They quickly gained a pulse back and loaded her onto a stretcher as they rushed her to the ambulance.

Dami grabbed her keys and went to start her car with shaky hands when her neighbor stopped her. She had heard her cries and watched the paramedics load Handong into the ambulance.

Dami looked up with pleading eyes, but Siyeon shook her head and pointed at her car that was parked beside Dami’s.

“I will drive you. You are too upset to drive. Hop in.” Siyeon said as Dami wiped the tears from her eyes and quickly climbed out of her car and rushed into the passenger seat of Siyeon’s car.

“What hospital?” Siyeon asked as Dami told her, and soon they were speeding after the ambulance.

It didn’t take long for Siyeon to pull up to the ER. She told Dami to get out and that she would be inside as soon as she parked. She didn’t want to leave Dami to go through this all alone. Even if they weren't that close, they were still neighbors, and Dami was clearly struggling.

Dami ran inside and quickly learned that Handong was rushed to CT right away, and the doctors were waiting for the results to see what was wrong so that they could know how to treat her.

Siyeon came in