JACKSON

“I can’t believe President Jaebum actually approved our vacation time,” Youngjae said, wheeling his suitcase down the street towards the hotel. “I just wish he’d given us a little more time to plan it instead of giving us the very next week after we asked off.”

“Beggars can’t be choosers,” Jackson said. “At least we can just teleport wherever we feel like. That takes some of the burden off.”

“A different place every day,” Youngjae said gleefully. “That’s my kind of vacation!”

“You’re lucky that you get 100% of the time off. I’m still on standby in case the other Memory Wipers are busy when a request comes in.”

“Weekdays are usually quieter to begin with. We should be fine.”

They arrived at the hotel, checked in, and went up to their room on the tenth floor. Jackson felt a light flutter of nerves as he pulled open the door. He wanted this part of things to be absolutely perfect. He had no idea what Youngjae’s expectations would be, but knew he didn’t want to disappoint a single one of them.

To his relief, the room he’d picked out looked just as pretty as it had in pictures on the website. Best of all, rather than overlooking the parking lot, their window looked out into a beautiful green space. The blue swath of sky wasn't interrupted by anything but fluffy white clouds.

Youngjae set down his suitcase, running towards the window. “Wow,” he said. “It’s so…not Vegas.”

“What, you don’t miss all the neon lights?”

“Not even a little.” He turned around, looking at Jackson eagerly. “Let’s enjoy the hotel tonight. Right now, I want to be out there. Let’s enjoy New Zealand, shall we?”

And enjoy it they did. After all the time spent in the scorching desert, it was nice to be someplace pleasantly chilly and with the type of nature they hadn’t seen in ages. It was even better not to have work obligations getting in the way of their time together. When they laid down a picnic blanket for lunch, for the first time in a long time, Jackson wasn’t worried about the possibility of his pendant going off and cutting their date off short. He was finally going to have the chance to fully exist in the moment.

When they finished eating, Jackson made to get up so they could continue their hike, but Youngjae pulled him back down onto the blanket.

“We don’t get to be calm and still together like this very much,” Youngjae said. “Can we stay a little longer?”

Jackson smiled, lying down beside him. “There’s nothing I’d like more.”

“You know what else you and I barely ever get to do?” Youngjae lifted his hand. A moment later, butterflies began spilling from his fingertips. “Make magic together.”

Not to be out done, Jackson lifted his head and manipulated the clouds above them into different shapes, first birds, then flowers, then his and Youngjae’s faces. “Damn,” he said. “I can’t remember the last time I used magic just for fun.”

“You shouldn’t just use it for teleporting and Memory Wiping. You should use it joyfully, too. You’re one of the most powerful Magicals in the state. You could do anything.” He turned to Jackson, running a finger tinged with a faint electricity against his lower lip. Jackson playfully kissed his fingertip, feeling the pleasant sizzle against his skin.

“The funny thing is, no matter how powerful I am, the kind of magic I like best isn’t very difficult at all.”

“Which is?”

“Making you smile.” Jackson conjured a little puppy, which jumped straight into Youngjae’s lap and started his face. Youngjae laughed gleefully, rubbing it on its head.

“You would be able to do that even if you didn’t have a drop of magic in your body,” Youngjae said, passing the puppy back to Jackson. “Because you’re you.”

The afternoon passed in a beautiful swirl of moments. They spent hours hiking and snapping photos of each other in the beautiful natural landscapes, reveling in the freedom of it and all the enjoyment they shared in being there with each other. They stayed out until it started getting dark and it was time for them to start heading back.

“I wonder how many Magicals live here in New Zealand?” Youngjae wondered as they made their way back to the hotel. “I don’t know if it’s just the fact that Lord of the Rings was filmed here, but it seems like a magical place.”

“I’m pretty sure we have statistics about that back at the office. All international branches of the Department of Magical Secrecy report that information.”

“Yeah, but they only include the data on the Magicals they actually know about. There’s no way to track the actual amount.”

Jackson nodded. It was one flaw in their system. Magical abilities were often genetic, but the mutation could also appear at random—Mark was one example of that, as was President Jaebum himself. For people from Magical families, it was simple enough to recognize your abilities for what they were and register for special teaching from the proper professionals if they wanted to. For people without Magical bloodlines, though, it was a more difficult process. They couldn’t just go to Yahoo Answers or post on a forum, ‘hey, I seem to be conjuring things out of nothing, is that normal?’ when to most people it wouldn’t just be abnormal, but conceivably impossible. Some of them, with enough searching, were able to find the right communities to support them. But unfortunately, some never did.

“I wish we could find all the people who don’t really know who they are,” Youngjae said wistfully. “I wish we could bring them together and let them know they’re not alone. That we see them. That we can help them.”

Jackson put an arm around his shoulder, squeezing it. “Maybe we’ll be able to, one day. Anything is possible.”

Youngjae rested his head against Jackson’s arm. “I hope so, too.”

The previous flutter of nerves returned when they made it back to the hotel room. He wasn’t sure how this would go. Would Youngjae want a shower first? Would they talk a little more and gradually lead into it? Or should Jackson just kiss him now and get the whole thing moving?

Before he’d decided, Youngjae took his hand. “For someone so bright and impulsive, you sure do overthink things,” Youngjae said.

Jackson looked at him in alarm. “Wait, did you develop mind reading powers when I wasn’t looking?”

“No. You’re just painfully obvious. You always have been.” Youngjae leaned in. Jackson thought he was going to kiss him, but instead Youngjae said in his best, most earnest impression of Yoda, “Think not. Do.”

His impression was so bad that Jackson burst out laughing. Youngjae pretended to look offended, but started laughing too. Still bubbling over with laughter, Jackson threw his arms around him, pulling him close. “God, I seriously just love you,” he said in between chuckles.

“Of course you do. So don’t think too much about anything else.” Youngjae squeezed him back. “I mean, I’m nervous, too. That makes us even. Does that help?”

It actually did, taking some of the burden off. They were in the same boat together. Even if it took some time to get on the right course, they’d find their way together.

Jackson gently guided Youngjae towards the bed, kissing him slowly. Youngjae fell back against it, pulling Jackson with him. Magic was an expressive thing, and tended to slip out when emotions were strong. Jackson could usually feel traces of it when he kissed Youngjae, but now it was amplified in a way he had never felt before. Heated, electric, pulsing. A beautiful scent seemed to seep from Youngjae’s skin, making Jackson’s head blissfully hazy. Any remaining worries slipped from his mind. It was going to be fine.

Youngjae’s hands fisted into his shirt, and just as he was about to pull it over his head, there was a sudden jolt in the pendant around Jackson’s neck. Both of their eyes flew open.

“,” Jackson said. He grabbed it, looking down. “, it’s Mark again.”

Youngjae stared at it with a narrowed eyed look. “Don’t go,” he said.

Jackson looked at him in surprise. Not that he blamed him for it—Jackson absolutely didn’t want to leave the bed for anything at the moment. But they both knew the rules, the risks. The reasons why the secrecy laws were in place, the widespread fear and violence and abuse their community risked if it was exposed. As annoying as being Summoned was, Jackson’s was a job that simply couldn’t be refused to be done.

“Youngjae, you know I have to,” Jackson said in a pained voice.

“If it was anybody else but Mark, yes.” Youngjae looked at him, his eyes burning. “But does Mark really even want you to do what you’ve been doing? Do you think this back and forth is really making him happy?”

“That’s not my decision to make.”

“But what’s the point of what you’re doing if it’s not helping someone in some way? In Mark and Jinyoung’s case, who is it that’s being helped?” To Jackson’s surprise, Youngjae looked very genuinely angry and upset. And he knew in his heart that they should talk about it. And to talk about it, he needed to stay. But he also knew that he couldn’t. This was his job. What if it wasn’t because of Jinyoung this time? What if someone else had seen Mark, and his safety was in danger?

“I’m sorry,” Jackson said pleadingly. “But I need to go. It’ll probably just be a moment. You know that I take care of these things quickly.”

Usually this was the point where Youngjae would resign himself. Usually, even if he wasn’t thrilled about it, he’d let Jackson go. This time, he just turned his face away, leaving nothing but a frosty silence between them.

Jackson swallowed back the lump in his throat. He hated himself for it, but closed his eyes and teleported back to Vegas.

0

Mark usually looked somewhat relieved to see him, but tonight he looked at Jackson just as darkly as Youngjae had. When Jackson walked closer to Jinyoung, Mark stepped in front of him protectively, arms spread, becoming a physical barrier between Jackson and Jinyoung.

“Don’t,” he said in a firm voice. “Please. It’s a misunderstanding. He didn’t…he didn’t do anything.”

Jinyoung looked confused. “Mark? What’s going on? What are you doing?”

Jackson sighed. “Mark, you know the rules. I still have to. As a precaution.”

Mark’s eyes turned desperate. “Please. You don’t understand. He was just here to see one of my performances.” I don’t want him to forget, Mark mouthed so Jinyoung wouldn’t hear. Please. Please. The raw passion of his unspoken plea made Jackson stop in his tracks, heart pounding. There was so much love in it. And as someone in love himself, he just couldn’t bring himself to crush it.

Confronted with this, he understood what Youngjae had been trying to tell him but he hadn’t fully heard. This was tearing Mark in two. And just as much, it was tearing Jackson in two. One hated doing it, and one hated having it done. And Jinyoung was powerless in the middle, time and time again finding a part of someone he loved and having it time and time again shut off from him without his having a single bit of say in it. A choice needed to be made, but if things kept on going the way they were now, Jackson would have to keep on making it in the form of a memory wipe. Mark would never get to make his choice. And Jinyoung would never get to be a part of that choice.

“All right,” Jackson said, taking a step back. “I won’t do anything.”

Mark’s arms dropped in relief, though he still kept his protective stance in front of Jinyoung.

“But could you think twice next time before you make me come out here?” Jackson continued. “I have a life, too, you know. I have someone I’m trying to have memories with.”

At least he hoped he still did. Jackson swallowed hard. There was no guarantee Youngjae would still be waiting for him. All he could do was hope that he’d be given one more chance, whether he deserved it or not.  

MARK

“Who was that guy?” Jinyoung asked when Jackson left. “I don’t understand what you guys were talking about. Don’t tell me…” He swallowed. “Don’t tell me he was some kind of jealous ex-lover, or something.”

Mark shook his head, taking a steadying breath. He almost couldn’t believe it. This was the first time Jackson had appeared before Jinyoung that Jinyoung had come out of with his memory still intact. “He was…security,” Mark said. It was true enough to the point where it didn’t feel like that big of a lie to tell. “Because we do some dangerous stunts, we have a kind of panic button on us to alert security if we need help. I accidentally hit it. He must have thought you were a stalker or something. I didn’t want him to get aggressive with you, so I…stepped in.”

“Oh.” Jinyoung looked both surprised and relieved. “Well, thanks for that. You both seemed really tense.”

“It’s a dangerous world out there.” Mark took another breath, trying to shake the panic of the moment off. “Well…we should be driving back, shouldn’t we? Meet you at the house?”

Jinyoung nodded, a faint smile returning to his lips. “Right. I promised you celebratory champagne, didn’t I? I’ll see there.”

Mark was a bundle of anxiety during the drive home. He probably shouldn’t have been. Having Jinyoung over was nothing new. But the night felt different from the morning and champagne felt different from leftover muffins. What if that difference was enough for things to take a shift between them? He wasn’t sure if that was what he was hoping for or what he was dreading. Whatever the case was, he was most likely getting ahead of himself. Just because he was struggling with feelings for Jinyoung didn’t mean Jinyoung felt anything other than neighborly friendship for him. And that was for the best.

He arrived back to his apartment before Jinyoung did and got to work pulling down champagne flutes from the shelf and digging up a few stray bottles of wine in case they wanted something else besides the champagne. He picked up the A/C remote and tried to turn it on, but as often was the case, nothing happened. He sighed and opened a window instead, though there was really no breeze to let in. Sweat was already beading on his body, so he yanked off the button down he’d thrown on after the performance. Better to meet Jinyoung in a muscle tank then with massive sweat stains.

About five minutes later, there was a knock on his door. Jinyoung was waiting outside, and when Mark opened the door, he waggled a bottle of champagne. “Thirsty?”

“Very. I don’t think this night could get any dryer.”

“Then let’s moisten it up.”

“Please never say the word ‘moisten’ again,” Mark shuddered.

“Sorry. I thought if I said ‘make things wet,’ you might slam the door in my face.” Jinyoung stepped in. “I take it your A/C isn’t working either?”

“Yup.”

“I guess we’ll just have to drink until we forget how hot it is, then.” He set the bottle down on Mark’s counter. “So, where do you keep the bird?”

“Pardon?”

“Your bird. The crow. I realized during the show that I’ve never seen him around your apartment. Is there a special animal trainer behind the scenes who takes care of it when you’re not performing?”

“Yeah, something like that,” Mark said vaguely. BamBam still lived with his mother, so it was true in a sense.

“Did you do the ventriloquism?”

“Hmmm?”

“The ventriloquism. Getting the crow to talk?”

“Oh, right. Yes. Because crows can’t talk normally. Right.” He popped the champagne. He really needed Jinyoung doing more drinking and asking less questions.

Thankfully, Jinyoung took the bait, gratefully taking his glass of bubbly. “Shall we toast?”

“To…?”

“The Marvelous Mark. Who proved himself very marvelous indeed. Cheers.” They clinked their glasses together and gulped down the champagne. Jinyoung exhaled in delight when he was finished, a beautiful sound. “So, you must be very hot if you’re not wearing the secret of your power.”

“Hot?” Mark repeated, before realizing Jinyoung was talking about his body temperature, not his body itself. “By secret to my power, do you mean my top hat?”

“No. Your sleeves. That’s where you hide everything, right? All your secrets. So where do you hide things when you’re not wearing them?”

“I don’t need to be the one wearing them,” Mark said lightly. He knew it was risky, especially after what had just happened with Jackson, but he wanted to see that awed look back on Jinyoung’s face. So he reached into the cuff of Jinyoung sleeve and conjured a ribbon, which he began pulling out and out until it was dangling to the ground.

Jinyoung laughed in surprise. “How did you do that?”

“Don’t expect me to give away all of my secrets.”

“OK, try hiding something on me now.” Jinyoung ed his plaid shirt and tossed it onto the barstool. He was just wearing a sleeveless tank underneath. Mark had never seen him this bare before. He felt his head going a bit dizzy and knocked back a bit of champagne to distract himself.

“You can’t do it, can you?” Jinyoung said gleefully. “How about this—if you somehow manage to pull that ribbon from me again, I’ll have to chug a full glass.”

“You’re on,” Mark said. Too easy. He balled the ribbon up in his palm and closed his fist over it. When he opened his fist again, it was gone.

“Let me do a quick search,” Jinyoung said, snatching Mark’s hand. He traveled his fingers across it, pushing through the gaps between his fingers and the crevasses of his knuckles as if Mark had somehow hidden a whole ribbon there. Not finding anything, he slid his hands up Mark’s arms and then down his torso and waist. It probably should have felt like an airline pat down given how roughly and unromantically Jinyoung was executing it, but Mark couldn’t breathe.

“All right,” Jinyoung said, a bit sourly. “I can’t find it. Where is it?”

Mark reached up to Jinyoung’s ear and began pulling out the ribbon. “You’ve got more than one good hiding place,” Mark said in a teasing voice. “You should clean behind these big ears of yours more.”

Jinyoung’s eyes narrowed for a moment, and then he burst out laughing. “You’re really something else.”

“Always happy to entertain.”

“And you do. You really do.” Jinyoung filled up his champagne flute and in one go chugged it down, wrinkling his nose. “OK, wow. I think I need some wine now. Could you pop a bottle?”

“Red or white?”

“White, please.”

Mark grabbed his corkscrew and opened the bottle, letting it breathe for a moment. Then he poured Jinyoung a glass and passed it over.

“Shall we toast again?” Jinyoung asked.

“To you this time,” Mark said. “To Park Jinyoung, the best flower grower and bartender in the West.”

“Heh. No wonder you excel at creating delusions, if you believe in them like this.” Still, Jinyoung tapped his glass. “Cheers. I’ll be sure to graduate and become someone with legitimate skills soon.”

“Hey, bartending and gardening are perfectly legitimate skills.” Mark sipped his drink. “Your graduation is coming up soon, right?”

“Yup. Just a month. And then I’m going to look for an office job and become a lot more boring. I won’t have any crazy stories to tell you anymore.”

“Better that than being puked on and propositioned by divorcees. And besides, you don’t need stories of other people to make you interesting.”

“Don’t I?”

“No. I don’t hang out with you just to hear your work stories.”

“So why do you hang out with me?”

“Because…” Mark tapped his fingers against his glass. “Because I like to.”

“Vague.”

Mark shrugged. “Some people just have a good atmosphere to be around. I’m sorry if that’s vague.”

“But what about my atmosphere is so good?”

“Why do you want to know so badly? I’m praising you either way.”

“Would you rather hear ‘you’re nice to be around’ or ‘you’re nice to be around because you’re smart and entertaining and have really insightful conversations’?”

“I’d probably be fine with either.”

“Well, I guess my ego is more complex than yours. I want to know what you like so I can do more of it!” He said this last bit with sudden passion, then immediately turned red, following up by snatching his wine glass and downing it. He took a sharp breath as he lowered it again. “I want to know what you like so I can do more of it,” he said again, this time in a softer voice. “Because right now, I’m the one always showing up at your place and starting conversations, and I would like it sometimes if you invited me over to watch movies or asked me to your shows without me demanding it or maybe came over to my place with some muffins because you’ve never been inside before.”

“Jinyoung…” Mark said quietly. He could practically feel the air getting thicker between them.

“I’m not yelling at you. You don’t have to do anything I just said, just because I told you to. That’s not actually what I want.” He poured some more wine and sipped it deeply. “God.”

“Maybe you should slow down?” Mark said, hoping he would be a lot less inclined to throw his arms around Jinyoung and assure him of just how appreciated he was if they changed the subject. “Your face is bright red.”

“I get drunk easily these days.”

“Not a trait I would expect in a bartender.”

“I don’t actually drink at work, you know. There are rules.” He suddenly grabbed the champagne bottle and pressed it against his red cheeks. “God, it’s hot.”

“Yes.”

“What are we supposed to do when it’s like this? What do you do?”

“Think of cold places. Close your eyes.”

Jinyoung did so.

“OK. You’re standing on a sheet of thin ice. It’s snowing, and every drop that falls on you freezes your already cold face.” Mark crafted an illusion of coldness in the room—it was a weak one, given his expended power, but enough to raise the hair on his arms and give him blessed relief from the heat. “The ice begins to crack around your feet. You’re terrified of falling, and your skin gets clammy.” Mark imitated that feeling the best he could, that damp and slimy sensation your own nerves could give you. “And then suddenly, the ice collapses. You fall into what feels like a million ice cubes pricking and numbing your skin, a cold so cold that your brain can barely even process just how cold it is.” He smiled as Jinyoung shivered slightly. “Better?”

Jinyoung opened his eyes. “Yes. That really felt real for a second.” He studied Mark’s face for a moment, then visibly swallowed, suddenly looking flushed all over again. “But also, no. It didn’t all the way. I think part of the problem is the heat I’m feeling isn’t just the desert heat. It’s…” He took a breath. “It’s you. Every time I’m with you, I feel fire.”

Mark blinked. It wasn’t unheard of for his magic to leak out with his emotions. Had Jinyoung been feeling a sense of heat whenever Mark got flustered because of him? Was he toying with Jinyoung’s senses because he couldn’t control himself?

“Not just recently, either,” Jinyoung said. “From the beginning. From when I first laid eyes on you. I don’t know what exactly it was, but I just thought…wow. There’s something about this person. Like something in him sets fire to something in me. And it’s just gotten…beyond my control…I can’t deal with it anymore, Mark. I’m going to go crazy.” He set down the champagne bottle, staring Mark straight in the eye. “I’m just going to come out and say it. I want to be with you. I want us…I want us to be something more than just the guy who comes up with stupid excuses to spend time together and the guy who kindly lets him get away with it. I want to…I don’t know…inspire all the very magical parts of you that have drawn me towards you since we first met. And I want you to like me back to the point where you aren’t putting up your walls anymore or making me be the person who’s always doing the initiating and the desperately trying to get closer.”

Mark stared at him, not knowing what to say. “Jinyoung,” he said after an awkward silence. “Aren’t you saying this because you’re-”

“Drunk?” Jinyoung cut him off. “Yes, because I probably wouldn’t have had the guts to say it like this if I wasn’t. But I mean it. If it’s coming out of me so easily, it’s because it’s all I ever think about. So please. Take it seriously.”

Mark swallowed. Maybe it wasn’t the alcohol. Maybe it wasn’t even that Jinyoung had somehow been influenced by Mark’s own emotions. Maybe he really meant it. The look in his eyes said he did. And maybe Mark was addicted to that look and wanted nothing more than to say yes. Maybe he had been against his better judgement praying and wishing this exact moment would happen and was happy from deep within his soul it had.

But Jinyoung loving him back didn’t really change the problem at the heart of the matter. There were rules about this. Rules Mark didn’t even really know all the way because keeping his distance from them was one way to protect himself, or so he’d thought. But he knew enough. He knew that he’d have to give up practicing magic for good. He’d have to give up his troupe. And even if he let Jinyoung in romantically, he would still never be able to tell him who he truly was. And he didn’t think he could do that. He didn’t think he could be with Jinyoung, if he was only ever to do it halfway.

He exhaled, hating himself for the words he had to say and the universe for making it necessary to say them. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

Jinyoung’s expression froze. “You’re sorry?” he repeated.

“Yes,” Mark said. “I’m just…not in that place right now. Where I can be with someone. I wouldn’t…I wouldn’t be able to give you…as much of myself as I would want.”

Jinyoung stared at him. It wasn’t a heartbroken or hurt expression. It was penetrating, as if he was trying to see through Mark’s skull and into his brain to determine the reason why he was giving this of all answers. He didn’t say anything, but seemed to be waiting for Mark to say something else, though what exactly he was expecting to hear, Mark had no idea.

“I hope we can still be friends,” Mark said feebly. “Because I really do like you a lot, Jinyoung. Just…”

“We can’t be friends,” Jinyoung said shortly. “It’s impossible for me to think of you like that. So if you’re going to say no to me, you have to be all right with me not coming around anymore, OK? It’s all or nothing. I’m sorry. But I can’t just cheapen my feelings by forcing them into the shape of something they aren’t just to get to be near you.”

“OK, I understand,” Mark said softly. He did understand, but it didn’t stop the pain of still having to say no stabbing through his heart. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “I wish…no, that wouldn’t be fair of me to say. I just hope you can be happy.”

“You have the solution to that inside you,” Jinyoung said in a tight voice. Now at last there were tears collecting in his eyes. “I know you do. You should find that place and pull it out from where you’re burying it before you lose your chance to. That’s all I’m going to say for now. Goodnight.”

He grabbed the champagne bottle and quietly walked from the room. Mark held his breath until the door shut behind him, then collapsed into the counter, burying his face in his arms.

JACKSON

When Jackson returned to the hotel room, he was more than a little bit shocked to find Youngjae still where he’d left him in bed. His heart flooded with an overwhelming mix of emotions, and seconds later, he was wiping tears from his eyes. There was still a hardness in Youngjae’s eyes, but something in them softened when he saw Jackson crying. He didn’t move from where he was sitting on the bed, but Jackson could still feel the bit of distance that had opened up between them close just a little.

“I thought you’d leave,” Jackson said in a choked voice, struggling to resist the urge to throw himself on Youngjae and bury his face in his chest.

Youngjae shook his head. “If I’m upset about something, the least helpful way to deal with it would be to refuse to talk to you about it.”

“That’s…that’s not what most people would do.”

“I’m not most people. And neither are you.” Youngjae patted the space on the bed beside him. “Come here, Jackson. Sit with me.”

 Jackson sat down beside him. He expected to feel anxious, but didn’t really, or at least not as much as he would have thought. “Talk to me,” he said. He really just wanted to better understand what was on Youngjae’s mind.

Youngjae took a deep breath. “This is something I don’t talk about, so this might get a little hard for me and I might not express myself well. Being open about this is incredibly new to me, so…” He trailed off, tentatively reaching out to take Jackson’s hands, as if for strength. “So…both your parents are Magicals, right?”

Jackson nodded.

“Mine aren’t. My mom is a Magical and my dad is a Normie. They met on the set of a movie. My dad was a set director, and my mom was a stuntwoman. Except, you know, of the Magical variety. All her stunts were executed through magical ability, which made them much flashier and much safer to do. She loved her job. It was her life. But then, when she fell in love with my dad…it was like her heart was split in two. Just like with Mark, she was faced with knowing that if she spent her life together with my dad, she’d be forced to give up magic for him. But she made that choice. She chose my father. She could still do stunts without using magic, after all. It wasn’t such a big sacrifice to make.” Youngjae ducked his head. “But everything changed when I was born. I showed signs of magical ability pretty early on. And you know the rule when a Magical child has a Normie parent, right?”

Jackson nodded. “The Law of Secrecy still needs to be kept. The Normie parent can’t know about their child’s abilities.”

“Yes. My mom was faced with another choice. Either teach me and keep it secret from my father, or have me stop using my powers entirely, just like she had. I think she thought she was doing me a favor by choosing the second option. If I stopped early enough to where I didn’t fully understand what I was giving up, it would be easier for me. But it wasn’t. For me, the same as being gay and told I had to be straight. Magic was a part of me. It was oppressive even to think of not being able to use it. But I knew if I told my dad or if my dad caught me, it would be breaking the law. He’d have his memory wiped. It felt like I couldn’t have both him and my magic in my life, and I hated the inescapability of it. I started spiraling. I thought of running away from home. I thought of…” He trailed off, swallowing heavily.

“Oh, Youngjae,” Jackson said gently, rubbing his back.

“My mom recognized what was happening. So she made one last choice. She decided to divorce my dad so I could be free. She sacrificed yet another thing she loved…and this time it was all my fault.” Youngjae rubbed his eyes fiercely. “I understand why there are secrecy laws. I realize how easily Magicals could be used as tools by Normies or else treated like monsters who need to be exterminated. But what about people like Mark and Jinyoung? My mom and dad and me? Is the only solution for us to give up who we are and stay perfectly hidden? To lie to the people most important to us? To risk losing them permanently if we make a single misstep? It’s not that I don’t respect your job, Jackson. I really do. I know most of the time your pendant goes off, it’s because of high risk situations where both the Magical and Normie would be safer to have the situation smoothed over. When it’s a situation like that, I completely understand having to cut a date or two short here and there so you can do what you need to do. But when it’s Mark…” Youngjae shook his head. “I can’t help but think of all the choices he’ll have to make. The sacrifices he’ll be forced into, ones that could one day lead to a situation like my mother’s. I don’t even know the guy, but I don’t want that for him. I don’t want that for anyone. That’s why I joined the NDMS. I wanted to work from the inside to find a way to keep that from happening again.”

Jackson gently pulled Youngjae deeper into his arms. “Thank you for telling me that, Youngjae. I’m so sorry that happened to you and your mother. So, so sorry.”

Youngjae nodded wordlessly, squeezing his eyes.

“And I’m sorry I didn’t hear you out before I left tonight. I never want you to feel like I’m shutting you down or that you can’t talk to me about the things that matter to you.”

“I should have just told you sooner,” Youngjae said into his shirt. “It’s just…so hard…knowing what happened to my family because of me.”

“It wasn’t because of you,” Jackson said quietly. “It was because the secrecy law is way more rigid than it needs to be. That needs to change. There needs to be regulations in place to support Magicals and Normies in love. I mean, I’ve been inside Jinyoung’s head so many damn times that I know well enough that he’d love Mark no matter what. It’s time I actually started caring about that as much as I cared about wiping that ‘no matter what’ right out of him.” He Youngjae’s hair. “I should have stayed with you tonight. But what you were trying to tell me still stuck with me. I didn’t erase Jinyoung’s memory.”

Youngjae looked up in surprise. “You didn’t?”

“No, and I hope I never have to again. Because just doing that wasn’t enough. Just talking about this between us isn’t enough.” He looked into Youngjae’s eyes. “I’m bringing this issue to President Jaebum. We’re going to get this mess fixed not just for Mark and Jinyoung. But for everybody.”

MARK

Mark woke up to the sound of a thunk on his door. He shot up in bed, at first convinced the sound was nothing more than a dream. Jinyoung had already said he wouldn’t be coming back if Mark said no to him. It couldn’t be him, and no one else ever knocked on Mark’s door, so it couldn’t be real.

But the thunk sounded again. Mark scrambled out of bed, hurrying to the door to the beat of his heart pounding noisily in his chest. Jinyoung was standing outside in a baggy shirt and sweatpants, clearly having just gotten up very recently himself.

“I thought you weren’t intending to see me anymore,” Mark said, his voice a bit breathless. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to cry in delight at Jinyoung apparently having a change of heart about it, or cry in shame that he certainly didn’t deserve it if he had.

“I stayed up all night thinking about it and realized I still had something I wanted to say to you,” Jinyoung said. “I probably didn’t think of it last night thanks to too much wine and champagne, but my head’s clear enough now. Can I come in?”

“Yes,” Mark said, stepping away from the door. Jinyoung made a beeline for his usual place on the couch, and Mark sat down beside him.

Jinyoung took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a minute, then opened them again. “So. Here’s the thing. I don’t have a problem with people rejecting me. I mean, of course I don’t want to be rejected, but I understand that I can’t force people to love me. But the problem I have with you rejecting me is that I know you’re in love with me. So I can’t accept it just like that.”

“W-What?”

“Are you going to deny it?” Jinyoung asked, raising an eyebrow. “Are you going to look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me? Because you’re not always as mysterious as you try to come across. I can practically feel it coming off you sometimes. You’re obviously trying to be guarded about it, but it’s not working as well as you think.”

“Oh,” Mark said. He could feel the tips of his ears going red. He wondered exactly what Jinyoung had felt ‘coming off’ him, and hoped it had been his tamer emotions rather than anything potentially embarrassing.

Jinyoung folded his hands on his lap. “I thought about it a lot last night, trying to figure out why you would say no to me when it was obvious you didn’t want to. Even when I gave you the ultimatum. So you must have a reason for rejecting me. Maybe even a valid one. And maybe I should respect that and let go, but…”

He paused, looking Mark square in the eye. “Not without putting up a fight. This is who I am. This is who I want you to love. So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to give you a week to think about whatever your reason is, and I mean really think about it. Is it worth giving up what I know could be a really great relationship for both of us? Is it worth burying your heart and throwing away mine? If it is, then I’ll back off and won’t bother you again. But if it isn’t…I’m going to ask you to be honest with me first, then accept me second. Because if I want you and you want me and whatever is standing in the way of that is something we could get through together, I can’t think of a reason why you would need to say no to me again.” He rubbed his hands on his sweats. “So…is that all right with you?”

Mark could see how serious Jinyoung was about this in his expression and voice, and it somehow gave him a spark of hope. “I think that might be a good idea,” Mark said, exhaling a bit of pent up breath. “And I’m sorry if I was a bit final with you yesterday. I didn’t see it coming, so I wasn’t sure how to respond right away off the top of my head.”

“You didn’t see it coming?” Jinyoung repeated. “What, you didn’t pick up on the major signal of me very deliberately baking too many things every week as an excuse to see you?”

“I thought it was because I looked hungry.”

“Oh, you do. But I’m not your mother. You have the means to feed yourself. I just wanted the excuse to talk to you, because you seemed too closed off to approach normally. It took a while, but you opened up to me. And I loved the person I met beneath all your walls. I love that person.”

Mark’s heart fluttered. “Even though I still have walls up?”

“Even so. Because I know you have it in you to let them fall. Nothing is beyond the Marvelous Mark, is it?”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

“Then use this opportunity to figure it out.” Jinyoung rose his feet. “I’m going to give you time to think,” he said. “I’m not going to drop by for the rest of the week until it’s decision time. And like I said, I want you to think about it hard. Only tell me it’s impossible if it’s actually impossible, all right?” He gave Mark one last firm, challenging look before crossing the room and leaving through the front door. Mark knew from watching him go that he never wanted to see Jinyoung walking away from him again. He wanted him to stay. He wanted to be together.

It would be heart wrenching to give up magic. Gutting. But if that was the only way to have Jinyoung in his life, that was what he would need to do. He could still have his troupe, if he switched back to the non-magical magic of other Vegas magicians. He knew the fundamentals well enough to do standard sleight of hand and illusions, and he could still utilize the support of BamBam and Yugyeom’s magic even if he couldn’t use his own. It would be hard not to craft illusions of his own, but wasn’t Jinyoung worth it? Wouldn’t it be a small thing to surrender if it meant he could have Jinyoung’s love?

Mark had faith he could do it. Still, it hurt to know that he would be doing it in a way that still maintained walls around who he was. Even when he let Jinyoung in, it would only be past the entryway and not to the deeper place inside of him, the space where magic blossomed and he existed as the fullest version of himself.

But this is the only way, Mark thought determinedly. I have to accept that. I’m not going to let him hear a ‘no’ from me ever again. This time, it’s going to be ‘yes.’