June 14th, 2025. 4:31 PM. Seoul. 

Just look for the red light. Make sure the dancers know where they need to be. The show waits for no one. Don’t try to overdo it. Follow the routine, and everything will be fine.

“Your performance is last, Seulgi. We want people to anticipate it.” 

Despite being an idol for what feels like forever, these moments never fail to bring gut-wrenching anxiety. The same nervousness from the first time Seulgi stepped onstage all those years previous. However, today is not for reflection on the past. It is instead to focus on the future, and right now, the stage lighting just isn’t satisfactory. It may seem meticulous to some, but after waiting almost a year to put out music, everything must run smoothly. It is company orders, after all. 

S.M. Entertainment made it clear that she would be their next big thing and the first solo star who would master all categories for an idol. For many years, fans had referred to Seulgi as an ‘Ace’. However, things changed for the worse when someone within the company pitched the idea of her using that to her advantage. It became an obsession to mould her into perfection. The training period to become an idol is hard enough to endure once. But Seulgi was made to do it all over again, except with increased difficulty. 

There were twice as many dance practices to complete, and singing lessons were a daily chore, including learning to rap which was more intense than Seulgi first imagined. The unnecessary acting classes were the worst, however. But it has all gotten her to this point today, and thus, everything must be without flaws. 

Staff members are roaming around to triple-check everything on their endless lists. On any other day, Seulgi may feel bad adding to said lists. But she has worked too hard for too long to get to this stage, only to fail because of someone else's carelessness. It does feel good to have this amount of people concerned over her, though. The pressure of it all, not so much. 

In the last year, there have been many debuting groups and solo acts that Seulgi scrambled to keep up with. Her new training included staying on top of the latest trends, fads and sounds. It has been a chore having to listen to almost every release conceivable. Whilst looking around at some of their faces, she can’t help but feel like a wilting flower among a bed of fresh roses. Well, if that wilting flower had studied the roses at length before laying rest their petals. 

“Seulgi?” A high-pitched voice squeals excitedly. “Seulgi! Over here!” 

After twisting and turning around the stage trying to locate the voice, a pair of arms tightly grip her waist from behind her. It is a hug she didn’t ask to receive but is grateful for nonetheless. 

“I can’t wait to see you perform!” Mijoo, formerly of Lovelyz, yells. Seulgi recalls that Mijoo had debuted as a solo act the week before. Her song is an uptempo new jack swing-inspired song with a particularly catchy hook. It was a good song with even better visuals. Despite being once-upon-a-time close friends, Seulgi knows that Mijoo is her competition this week. Not that she wants to view anyone here as someone to fight over wins with, but that is her reality. “You look incredible! A few of us were just watching your music video backstage. Are you nervous? I was freaking out last week!” 

It is a nerve-wracking experience, Seulgi contemplates. But she has become numb to feeling anything other than the confidence drilled into her for months. Mijoo will know it is best to feign calmness before a performance. The question feels like a trick to make her lose sight of her goal. Or perhaps, she is now overly prepared and paranoid. Seulgi chooses to believe the latter and trusts that Mijoo has good intentions. 

“Thank you. I’m fine. Just ready to get it over with.” Seulgi quietly responds. Her expression is empty and cold as she speaks. Mijoo takes note of that and doesn’t push further. They instead stand around in silence as production staff hustle around them. 

As part of the set moves to the opposite side of the stage, Seulgi takes it as an opportunity to dart out of everyone else’s sight for some alone time to prepare herself further. A small changing room becomes her momentary sanctuary. It is a far lonelier space than she imagined. The white walls are drab and lack any form of life or proof that other people have used them before her. 

A wave of memories begins to creep into her mind. The same memories that she has worked so hard to suppress and denounce. But this time, they materialise mentally before her. She can see Joy and Yeri joking about funny pictures they have taken of one another in the corner of the room. Their laughter almost drowned out the sound of Wendy doing vocal warm-ups. Then there is Irene, alone and never expressing her concerns with their latest comeback aloud. 

What is worse is that she can see herself amongst them. She is partaking in being the of Joy and Yeri’s jokes, warming up with Wendy and sitting quietly alongside Irene. She has been all of these variations of herself at one point or another. The only difference is that those memories don’t make her heart full. They sting and burn all across her body. 

It takes a few blinks of the eyes and shakes of the head to shrug the mirage of memories off and refocus. There’s a light blue marker placed on the edge of the dressing table before her, likely left behind by a staff member. Without thinking about it, Seulgi picks it up and begins to write on the white wall. 

‘Kang Seulgi. The ace who doesn’t need anyone else’. 

She places the pen back where she found it, not an inch out of place and puts her headphones into her ears. The melody of her new song is playing, which is enough of a distraction from whatever that recollection was about to become. The last thing she wants is to be reminded of how her former group mates chose to leave and forced her to become what S.M. required of her. A lot is riding on her success, though the fans are making her job easier thus far.

Achieving a perfect all-kill felt almost impossible when the prospect of this new venture came about. People online deemed her being donned an ace as overconfident and egotistical. It didn’t go down well with the general public. They expected the same Seulgi from Red Velvet. They expected the same Seulgi who cheerfully went along with Happiness all those years ago. But she is a different person now. It was a reinvention of herself, and karma was on her side. Those same people who doubted her ability to be perfect are now eating their words. 

Text messages of congratulations have been popping up on the front of her phone throughout the week. They have all remained unopened. None of which have come from any of her former group mates. Not even Yeri could pretend to muster up an ounce of care for her or her career. But that is why they have all remained unread notifications. Seulgi wants to be sure she remembers who bothered to wish her well. Regardless, she will continue to revel in her success internally. 

“Seulgi! They are ready to record your interview segment.” Her manager bellows into the room but disappears in a flash. It is a good thing she knows where to go by herself. 

The three emcees for today, all from newly debuted groups Seulgi doesn’t see going very far, stand around dawdling as she heads toward them. They bow deeply. She doesn’t.

“Let’s do this.” She mutters. 

A production member hands her a microphone and hurries out of the shot. The camera begins rolling, and the three hosts introduce themselves and Seulgi. A brief grin replaces her disinterested face once they move to the side of the set and allow her to speak. They go through the introduction of her song and let her explain the genre and what shooting the music video was like. She wishes all of her fans well and tells them she hopes they’re all enjoying the album. A smug smile appears as she does so because she knows how staggering it is. 

But then, the inevitable happens. The very thing that Seulgi has wished to avoid whilst preparing for this project to be released. 

“Are any of the other members of Red Velvet supporting this album too?” The brown-haired man whose microphone reads Jaehyun asks. She wishes she could force the microphone down his throat with his question. 

Seulgi chooses to answer before there is a visible crack in the facade she has created. 

“Ah, yes. We are all supporting each other well. Thank you.” Her words are unconvincing to her ears, and looking over to her manager shows him wincing uncomfortably. She decides a lie may help in smoothing things out. It only makes matters worse. “I congratulated Wendy on her release in America some time ago. I wish Joy well for the film she has completed recently too.” Her words are monotone and lacking emotion. 

After the disbandment, her former members decided for her that when asked about one another, they show a united front. If things become sour between them, they hide it from the fans. It is easier to lie and not hurt them further. Seulgi disagreed. She prefers honesty over putting a band-aid on something and hoping it sticks. Seulgi is sure this display has just gone against their decision to pretend. Fans will undoubtedly try to decipher what she truly meant in her statement. However, to say that Seulgi doesn’t care would be an understatement. She is tired of people making choices for her. 

Once the interview concludes, her manager shuffles around to the side of the room and doesn’t hesitate to drag Seulgi away from everyone else and back to the lonely dressing room again. 

“Why did you say that? Do you want to upset people?” He huffs out angrily. “So many people have worked hard to get to this point today. Why are you trying to mess it up?” 

A short chuckle escapes without even thinking about it. 

“I have worked hard for this moment. I answered the question as best I could. Would you prefer I be honest and say we can’t stand one another? Would that have sufficed?” Seulgi sarcastically asks. 

The manager storms out of the room instead of granting her a response, steam practically beaming from his ears. 

The rest of her wait time before being called to the stage is a blur. Between practising mindlessly, disassociating herself from the moment, and listening to the other performances, there isn’t much time to focus on anything other than being sure she’s ready for her moment. 

Lighting on the stage is at a bare minimum once she steps into place. Someone is counting down within her in-ear, and then, finally, the first beat pulses through her ear drum louder than usual. A few fans begin to chant her name rhythmically along with the intro. There is no better feeling than the adrenaline rush from being on stage. It makes every vein in her body feel ready to burst.

All of the lyrics flow out of excitedly. Her limbs move with precision and ease. She hits all of the cameras on time as they switch between angles. The backing dancers do well to fill up the extra space behind her. One of the backing dancers is a half-step behind for a section that requires them to be face-to-face. It is a fluttering thought that Seulgi quickly ignores, that if the other dancer were Irene, it would have been effortless and on time. It is a momentary lapse in concentration, yet her facial expression is incapable of hiding that she’s just spooked herself into believing she may be better with her former leader at her side. 

Truthfully, Seulgi doesn’t know where this recent desire to reminisce stems from. She hasn’t thought about the four of them in such a long time that it is perplexing. How can her mind be on people who are miles away right now? It doesn’t make sense. 

The rest of her performance flows along without issue. But that doesn’t stop her from receiving another earful of questions once she’s off stage.

“Hey, are you okay?” Mijoo had once again found herself in front of Seulgi. “You looked kind of out of it there.” So it was noticeable, Seulgi contemplates. 

“I’m fine. The rush of it all just took over.” Seulgi quickly responds. Her body quickly rushes beyond the people gathered to watch her performance backstage. A few of them try to congratulate her, but she ignores it in favour of retreating to the dressing room.

Though she is supposed to return to the stage for the results, Seulgi refuses to leave the room. The same emcee who asked her about her former group, Jaehyun, announces that Mijoo is the winner of today’s show, which isn’t surprising, as she has been on a tear since last week. Deep down inside, Seulgi hopes that this is Mijoo’s final win and that the trophies end in her hands instead. 

Seulgi watches as Mijoo gives her closing performance. It’s better than her original and enough to set Seulgi away to type up improvement points for herself on her phone. As she does, her phone vibrates to signal a new text message. 

8:57 PM [Yeri]

I messed up big time, Seul. Please call.