She was there when she took her first step towards her dreams

 

“Why didn’t you write to me? It was not over for me! I waited for you for seven years!” Irene expresses her frustration building up the tension in the room. Wendy, just as confused as her, replied “I wrote you three hundred and sixty five letters! I wrote you for a whole year.” which made her body froze to the ground, stuttering to give a response, she felt her own chest with her right hand “You-- wrote me?”

 

“Yes, it wasn’t over, it still isn’t over”

 

Time stopped when Wendy’s lips met hers, her hand which fit perfectly on her hips. Irene’s hands found its way to her nape but the flutter only intensified. Irene’s heart pounded as her knees went weak. She could only focus on how soft she felt against and when Wendy pulled back from the heat. “Yah! was that included in the script?”

 

Completely enclosing her into her arms “I'm sorry hyunnie it’s just that I got so moved by your acting. I couldn’t stop myself from those tempting lips of yours.” she explains with a coy smile. Her cheeks burning hot from being flustered, no matter how long they’ve been together, Wendy never fails to make her feel butterflies in her stomach over and over again.

 

“I’m sure you would get the role” she gave a big smile while patting her head. But Irene was worried about one thing, “What if there comes an intimate scene with somebody else?” Wendy contemplates for a few seconds and clears her girlfriend's concern.

“It’s part of your job, hyun--

 I know you will always come home to me.”

 

“It feels so magical as you are here with me,

Your lips pressed onto mine,

My hands both touching your jaw and holding your hip,

Pulling you closer… and closer… and closer…

As both of your elbows rests above my trembling shoulders,

Your hands slowly burying itself against my hair,

Touching each and every strand as if you’re searching for something so important;

Both eyes closed, savoring every second,

This moment just feels so enchanting.

Beats all my favorite Disney happy endings.”

 

She was there whenever she experienced setbacks.  

“Aspiring actress, Irene Bae flooded with criticisms from viewers”

 Irene. Irene. Irene. Irene. Irene.

Wendy bolted out of the meeting room without saying anything right after reading the article, which left the supposed investors for her upcoming book dismayed. It didn't matter to her, all she can think about is how upset she must have felt. More than ever, she needs to be there for her the most right now.

 

“Hyunnie, you know how the entertainment industry can be so harsh sometimes.”

 

“Love, you’re doing great but you know that there will always be criticisms, right?”

 

“No matter what, I’ll always be your number one supporter.” 

 

“I have your favorite tteokbokki here.” Irene, feeling hungry for quite some time, quickly gets up and unlocks the door only to see Wendy with a pout. “If I only knew that tteokbokki will be the one to make you go outside your nest then I should've bought it earlier.” She whined but Irene didn't mind her, she swiftly took the paperbag Wendy held and went to the kitchen.

 

“How did you even survive a day without eating?” She ignores her, busy filling in her stomach while she continues bobbing her head. It became her habit to dance while eating something delicious. “Tteokbokki or me?” Irene abruptly stopped in the middle of putting a tteokbokki in and scowls at her “You know you can’t do that to me” Wendy cupped her face, slightly squishing the overflowing tteokbokki in , she looked straight into her eyes “I missed my favorite pair of brown eyes even though all it does is glare at me.”. Looking like a love struck puppy, she wipes up the sauce on Irene’s nose using her thumb.

 

“Whatever they say, remember that you’re the greatest woman of this generation.” as she plants a kiss on her forehead. 

“I love you even though you will always choose tteokbokki over me”

 

"It is you.

A thousand choices won't even change my mind.

It is you.

Even in rough times,

Even in unstable times,

Even when everything falls apart,

it is still you and it will always be you.

In this lifetime, or even in another,

In any version of reality,

I'll always be your Seungwan, as long as you'll still be my Joohyun.”

 

She was there not only during her lowest of lows.

 

As soon as the door opened, Wendy stood from where she was sitting, ran towards Irene who looked like a wreck which concerned her. “What happened hyunie? didn’t you get the role?” still staring at the floor, giving out a heavy sigh. She intertwines their fingers as she tilts her head to have a better view of her face “Please, say something.” 

“I GOT THE LEAD ROLE!”

Wendy stared at her for a good fifteen seconds, not moving an inch. Dumbfounded by the news that her girlfriend just said.

“Hey I said I got the role! Don’t I at least deserve a congratulations along with your warmest hug?”

“I was worried as hell, how dare you use your acting skills on me?” she cried with an upset tone then crossed her arm and rolled her eyes.

“I was just teasing you...” Irene responds with a pout and gazes at her with puppy eyes. “Seungwan-ah~” The way she speaks her name, making her feel like she could ascend any time “That’s straight up cheating. You're so unfair, you know very well that I can't resist those eyes. Anyways, congratulations, my love, you deserve it!” she yells, voice charged with excitement then embracing her into a warm hug “Now, how about I bake a carrot cake for you to celebrate this?”.

 

As soon as they got into Wendy’s apartment, she wasted no time and started gathering essential ingredients. “Just sit there and watch the television… or you could watch me bake instead.” giving an eye smile.

She was so immersed in baking Irene’s favorite, making sure she does everything perfectly. She wants to give her only the best of the best. She didn't notice her girlfriend sneaking and giving her a back hug wrapping her arms on her waist which startled her, causing a slight mess. She rests her chin onto her shoulders,

“I couldn't have done it without you.”

Wendy pulls her in “Anything for you” and suddenly, Irene kissed her and her cheeks. She shouted “Yah! What are you doing?”, she poked her nose, “You should be thanking me, I just cleaned off the batter without biting your fluffy cheeks.” and gave out a wink making Wendy blush. “Aw, my Seungwan’s blushing! You do know that you look like a tomato right now, eh?” Wendy rolled her eyes with a smile on her face “Oh shut up, Bae.”.

“My baby is unusually clingy today, I’m not complaining... But I wonder why?” She raises her left eyebrow, waiting for an answer.

“I’ll get really busy the next few months so…. I’m making the most out of the remaining days, so you wouldn't run out of inspiration.”  

“Nope, never gonna happen. You know that I will always wait for you.” 

 

“Maybe it was never about the sweetness of the coffee,

Or the genre of the movie,

The scent of the blanket,

Or the taste of the carrot cake,

Maybe it was just you;

That it doesn’t matter if the coffee tastes bland,

Or the movie doesn’t suit your taste,

Or the blanket smells like the soil after the rain,

Or the carrot cake isn’t moist;

Maybe it was never about those things,

Maybe it has always been about you.

That as long as I’m with you,

Everything feels perfect.”

 

She was there even when she didn't have to.

 

Laying on her bed staring at the ceiling-- rolling, and tossing herself, she checks her phone. It's already 2AM and still no message from her favorite person. Not being able to sleep she thought that might as well just come over her workplace to ease her mind.

She patiently waits for the scene to finish, can't help but notice how pale and weak she looked from the chilly weather “My poor baby out there wearing thin clothes in this cold weather, come here.” She embraced her tightly, sharing her warmth, as Irene looked up to see her face “Thank you for being my personal heater.” and continued snuggling into each other's presence for 10 more minutes. 

“Are you sure? It’ll take quite long.”, 

“I can’t sleep anyway, so I’m just going to wait for you and send you home after.” Irene went back to shoot some more scenes leaving Wendy behind the waiting area.After 4 hours, she was finally done for today, she quickly went to check up on Wendy who was peacefully sleeping on a chair wrapped like a burrito with a pen on her hand. 

She pushed her baby hairs aside so she could take a better glimpse and appreciate the perfectly proportioned face. Unconsciously brushing her thumb on her lips, thinking how lucky she is to have this woman in her life. She noticed her eyebrows start to arch, struggling to open her eyes, she greets her “Good morning, my sonshine.” she whispered to her ears close enough for her to feel the warmth of her breath. “Oh, I'm sorry I dozed off, is it done already?” 

As they walked towards where the car was parked, Irene smoothly slipped to hug Wendy’s arm  feeling the sensation on her side, she smiled and planted a kiss on her head. Irene buries her face into Wendy’s neck giving the latter a soft kiss. 

“Are you a koala? Koalabae, koalabaee~” she said in a playful manner 

“Yes, and you’re a bamboo”, “Yah! What did you say?” feeling slightly enraged, Irene bursts into laughter- nothing makes her laugh like that, only when she gets to tease Wendy. Oh, her laughter which sounds like music to her ears, how she wishes to listen to it all day.

 

“I can’t promise you the stars, the moon, or whatever celestial body that exists,

The only thing I can promise you is to be with you.

Despite all the tempests,

The chaos, the thunderstorms,

And madness,

I’ll stay with you.

Until kingdom come.”

 

She was still there for her, after having years of experience in the industry and finally becoming a prominent actress. 

 

For their 5th anniversary, Wendy arrived at their favorite coffee shop one hour early with bouquet, chocolates, and most especially a compilation of poems only for her muse. She felt a vibration coming out from her pocket,  “I’m sorry I’ll be late, we still have few scenes to shoot. I promise I’ll go there right after this ends.” Out of all the people in the world, Wendy is the most considerate when it comes to her type of work. “You don’t have to be sorry, I’m sure you didn't want that to happen. I'll wait for you.” reassuring Irene that she doesn't need to feel bad.

Spending hours looking outside while tapping her fingers on the table, waiting for someone to show up. “I’m sorry but we're going to close soon.” A waiter approached her minutes before the place closed. As much as she wanted to still wait for Irene, she had no choice. As soon as she stepped outside, it was raining cats and dogs. I wonder if she brought an umbrella. She instantly pressed her speed dial.

“I’m sorry Wendy, the director treated us for dinner. I forgot to message you--”

“Do you have an umbrella with you? It’s raining hard. I don't want you to catch a cold.” she expressed her worry “Yes I have an umbrella with me, I'm really sorry about--” Wendy cut her off from speaking, her raging thoughts finally calmed “That's nice to know...and about what happened earlier, it's okay, but I have a request for today…”

“Get home safe, I love you Joohyun.”

She would be lying if she said it didn't hurt when Irene chose others over her, especially on a day like this. She can feel how Irene’s priorities are changing, but if that’s what makes her happy, she is more than content. It must be my unlucky day, today. She thought to herself before conquering the heavy rain just to get to her car which was unfortunately parked in the farthest spot. Even in those kinds of situations where she should be worried about herself, she still prioritizes Irene. Irene comes first before anything else.

 

“And amidst the canon of uncertainty,

The unending labyrinth of mixed signals,

And the unceasing battle of fighting and letting go,

My heart still chooses you.

Over a thousand choices,

Over a million of reasons,

I’d still bleed words for you.”

 

She was there until she wasn’t there for her. 

 

As soon as she woke up from a nightmare concerning Irene, with one eye closed, her hands reached her phone to dial her “My hyunnie? How are you? Where are you?” She heard a heavy sigh from the other line, “Aish. I’m working.” she can feel Irene being slightly enraged by her question.

“I'm sorry, I didn't know, I just wanted to check up on you..” quickly ending the call, for she doesn't want to start an argument with her. She’s just probably tired from work. She didn't mean that. 

 

“Why does it feel like you're slowly drifting away, 

perhaps it's inevitable 

but I believe you'll gravitate back to me 

no matter where you are;

no matter how far you wander

Holding onto your words,

I know you will still be coming home to me

And I will always be waiting for you.”

 

*

On a fine Sunday, in which she is sure Irene doesn't have any schedule.It's been weeks since the last time they saw each other, yearning to see her lover and craving for her warmth--

To: My Muse 11:11AM

“Wanna grab some coffee?”

 

My Muse 12:21PM

“Maybe next time, I wanna rest today :(”

She reassured herself, not wanting to overthink anything. She needs to rest after working so hard the whole week. Maybe next time. She’s just probably tired. 

 

“At its closest, the Sun is 147.1 million km away from us.

At its farthest, the Sun is 152.1 million km away.

Tell my why does it feel like the sun is far more reachable than you?

If this is the definition of so near yet so far,

Then I hate it.”

*

Having plenty of time on her hand, one of the perks of being a writer, she decided to just visit the shooting site where Irene is currently spending most of her days. A 15-minute break was given to Irene.

“Why are you here? I don't remember asking you to visit me..”

“I missed you..” she hugged her only for a brief moment after she noticed Irene’s uneasiness.

Several minutes have passed, Wendy just staring lovingly at her adored girlfriend who was busy practicing lines all by herself after she rejected to be helped. “Don’t wait for me, I have to meet someone later.” she blows her a kiss while walking away.

Wendy without a choice leaves with a heavy heart, wanting to spend more time with her. They don't even need to converse, just feeling her presence around her was more than enough to get through the following days. It’s okay, there’ll be another time with her. She’s not going anywhere.

“There are millions, billions, and trillions even, of stars and comets and galaxies above us, but it feels like each and every entity in this milky way is working against me.”

 

*

Nervously streaming and anticipating for the 2020 Baeksang Arts Award from her home while baking a carrot cake. Whether Irene wins or not, she can’t wait to shower her with her love. It'll be a gift if she wins and if she doesn't, well, she still deserves a carrot cake after all the hard work she did. 

“For the best actress award---”

She kneeled in front of the 43” television, closed her eyes, intertwined her hands tightly near her chest and there's nothing left to do but to hope for the best. Please, please, please.

 “Irene Bae from the film Double Patty!”

She jumped around and screamed at the top of her lungs feeling ecstatic from what she heard. Until the neighbor next unit knocked on her door asking her to keep it down. She was the proudest, she was always there right from the start afterall. While listening to her speech, she cant help but tear up a little bit, even though there were no words for her.. Maybe she just forgot to mention me…

Right after the ceremony ended, she took her car keys, humming while staring at the cake she proudly made walking out of her apartment. Oh right, she hasn't told Irene yet that she’s coming over, for them to celebrate. Not wanting to waste a second, she dialed her while driving. 

“MY BAE JOOHYUN! CONGRATULATIONS!!! Where should we meet?”

“We h