To The Sea

To The Sea

Jennie watches the sky bleed from orange to purple. She could taste the salty air as the calm waves lazily crawl onto the shore to her toes. The sand is damp and cold beneath her sun-kissed skin but her eyes are burning. Her hazel pools chase the gulls flying haphazardly between the sea and sky as if dancing to the rhythm of the ocean's music.

Without breaking her gaze on the horizon, she brings a small spiral conch shell to her left ear. Jisoo said she could hear the ocean with it.

Jisoo was right, she could hear the waves, the gulls, the wind, surfers' laughter and the fishermen's call near the harbour. She could hear every sound that would remind her of the good old memories of this beach.

If only the conch shell would allow Jennie to turn the time back or send a message to someone so far away.

Four days ago just before the sunset, Jisoo almost shattered Jennie's windowpane after throwing her third pebble stronger than normal.

"Pssst! Jendeukie!" Jisoo called which was supposed to be a whisper.

Jennie tripped on her own foot while rushing to wear her jean shorts before Jisoo could even throw her fourth stone.

"Jisoo, you could knock on the front door!" Jennie scolded as soon as she opened her window. "You'll break my window!"

"That's not my style, Jendeukie. Very unromantic," Jisoo replied, "come down here, quick! I have a surprise!"

The usual ten-minute walk from Jennie's house to the wharf became two minutes after Jisoo dragged the younger girl on her feet to the infamous dock.

After several steps on the wooden structure, Jisoo enthusiastically extended both of her arms to a number of sailboats docked on the wharf.

"Tada!" She chimed with a huge grin plastered on her face.

"Okay," Jennie was catching her breath after their crazy run with both hands on her knees, "where am I supposed to be looking at?". She squinted at the several identical sailboats.

"You are supposed to be looking at this!" Jisoo pointed at an old yacht in front of them.

"Oh, that looks great," Jennie said, "and unsafe."

The sailboat looked ancient compared to the others, it seemed like it had gone through both world wars. Its sail was faded yellow and the paint already chipping off the hull. She might not be an expert on sailboat unlike Jisoo, but this yacht looked bigger and heavier compared to the newer models.

"It looks like its gonna sink any time," Jennie added.

"It's totally safe," Jisoo opposed as she jumped off the dock to her sailboat, "come here, I'll give you a tour." She extended her arm to help Jennie.

"What? No! I have motion sickness."

"That's very unfortunate, Jendeukie. I was planning to ask you to be part of my crew." Jisoo chuckled.

Jennie surrendered to Jisoo's pleading, she sat on the edge of the dock before jumping off to the sailboat with the help of Jisoo. The tour around the boat took only a couple of minutes since there was really nothing to see. The Baltic 37 yacht was Jisoo's graduation gift she received from his father. The 36-year-old yacht was previously owned by his grandfather and was passed down to Jisoo.

"It needs a lot of repairs and upgrades. A new paint job, engine change, replacement of old parts with lighter and modern ones," Jisoo explained, both girls were seated on the side deck while watching the sunset.

"Sounds expensive."

The sky was orange and the breeze was warm. The ocean was peaceful and quiet, glistening against the sun which was already half-hidden on the horizon.

"Yeah, my savings isn't really enough. I think I need to work harder in the shop for a year just to buy a new sail and engine." Jisoo replied. The vintage yacht was not made for regatta but for Jisoo, it was a good seed to plant for her dream of joining the Sydney Hobart Yacht Race.

"I can't believe you really chose sailing over college." Jennie declared. Jisoo was stubborn, she'll do everything just to get anything she wants, "and I can't believe Mr Kim agreed to it."

"I can't believe it either!" Jisoo laughed at the memory of her mother ignoring her and her father the entire week because of his decision. Despite being her father's favourite, it still took her a lot of pleading and tears just get her father's permission. Fortunately, among Mr Kim's three children, only Jisoo shared the same passion as him.

"Aren't you afraid of the water, Jisoo?" Jennie finally asked the question that had been bugging her. Worries worm their way in Jennie's brain every time the thought of Jisoo sailing pops in her head.

"Jendeukie, the ocean and wind are the sailor's friend and foe. Of course, I am afraid but I chose to befriend with them."

Jennie noticed how Jisoo's eyes sparkled while talking about her passion. The pure joy hidden behind her smile was immeasurable like the sand on the beach and her love for sailing was stronger than the thrashing waves.

"Honestly, the ocean is full of danger," Jisoo continued, "yet, I feel free and safe when I am out there. As if I am the lost child of the ocean, and I am one with him. You'll understand the feeling once you join me in my expedition, Jendeukie." She grinned looking at Jennie.

Jennie rolled her eyes but Jisoo's words reminded her of the gift she had in the pocket of her jean shorts. She fished it out and put in Jisoo's palm.

"Oh? What is this?" Jisoo asked in confusion.

"It's my gift before I leave," Jennie breathed.

It was a compass Jennie bought in an antique shop she went to with Lisa the other day. Jisoo the anchor engraved on the silver lid of the compass. She flipped it open and the compass showed they were facing west.

"It's beautiful. Thank you."

"I know you, sailors have GPS, but I hope it will help you find your way." Jennie continued.

"I will always find my way to you, Jendeukie," Jisoo smiled still admiring the gift, "the sea connects us all, so no matter where you are, as long as I have this old boat and this compass," Jisoo waved the compass on Jennie's face with an unfaltering smile, "I will cross the ocean and find my way back to you."

Jennie's heart skipped a beat for a moment. She had no idea whether it was because of the sun her cheeks were burning after hearing Jisoo's words.

"You think I have forgotten yours?" Jisoo beamed. She took something out of her pocket and put it in Jennie's hands. It was a white spiral conch shell.

"You could hear the ocean if you put it in your ear," Jisoo explained.

"I can't," Jennie said when she did what Jisoo told her.

"It's small so you have to listen to it carefully to be able to hear it," Jisoo clarified. "I chose the small one so you could carry it around. Whenever you miss the beach, you could listen to it and it will remind of you of this place."

Jennie would miss this place a lot. After moving from Auckland five years ago, she already made a lot of precious memories here. She will remember the summer night campfires by the shore with Jisoo, Lisa and Rosie the most. The four of them would always sing their hearts out around the fire with Rosie playing the guitar. Sometimes getting drunk every time Lisa sneaks out her father's whiskey or laughing out loud as Jisoo tells her supposedly horror stories. She remembered four of them chasing each other along the beach or swimming fully at midnight. She will surely miss the girls and their mischievous adventures.

"I can't believe you and Rosie will leave me taking care of Lisa alone," Jisoo joked though her voice broke a little.

A few months ago, Rosie got a full scholarship in a music school in Melbourne while Jennie had to move in Tasmania after her father's job was relocated in Hobart.

"Quit pretending, Jisoo. I know you love Lisa a lot," Jennie teased. After all, Jisoo and Lisa were the inseparable partners in crime.

"Yeah, you're right. I love that idiot a lot," Jisoo smiled as she turned her gaze to now completely hidden sun, "but not as much as I love you."

Jennie's breath hitched, her heart beat madly in her chest. She looked at Jisoo, trying to see if she was being serious, but instead, Jisoo only returned her a weak smile.

Rosie secretly about having a huge crush on Jisoo. Rosie would encourage Jennie to confess her feelings to Jisoo, but she was terrified. She wasn't sure if Jisoo has the same feelings for her since the older girl seemed oblivious to it. Plus, she didn't want to compromise not just her relationship with Jisoo but also the friendship of the four of them.

"Liar," Jennie tried to mask her confusion on Jisoo's signals. "You love sailing more than anything else, Jisoo."

"I guess you still don't know me very well, Jendeukie."

Jennie was speechless. There were a million things going on in her head. She can't read if Jisoo meant those words or was just playing with her. Jennie decided not to say the words back, her pride refused to look foolish in front of Jisoo.

The sky turned purple and the stars began to twinkle. The breeze became colder and the beach was already deserted.

"We're going to give this boat a try later tonight," Jisoo said breaking the five minutes of awkward silence between them.

"Tonight? Who's with you?"

"Me, Charles, Eric, and Mike."

"Does your father know?" Jennie squinted studying Jisoo's face.

"Of course, not. He will not allow me." Jisoo laughed.

"Then, don't go!" Jennie scolded.

"Listen, the forecast says it's a clear weather tonight, besides we will just sail six miles from here then we'll return," Jisoo explained trying to ease Jennie's worries, but the younger girl won her over after threatening to tell Mr Kim about it.

Despite Jisoo's promise of abandoning the plan, Jennie couldn't sleep that night. Jennie and Jisoo made a deal, they will sail the boat on Wednesday morning despite Jennie having a motion sickness IF Mr Kim will be there to guide them.

Less than an hour since Jennie had fallen asleep, loud and urgent knocks woke her household up at five in the morning. It was Rosie, she was pale and shaking when she delivered the bad news.

The police received a report of a sighting of sailboat debris floating southwest, eight miles away from the shore. Maritime and aerial search and rescue operations had been conducted after the police interrogation. It was confirmed that the debris found was Jisoo's Baltic. Jennie gave police the names of the people who were possibly on board.

Jennie, Lisa and Rosie waited for updates on the operation at the repair shop owned by Jisoo's father. They could hear Mrs Kim's wailings upstairs while Mr Kim gave the three girls a company, offering them tea while waiting for the news.

Jennie blamed herself for believing Jisoo's lie. She knew how stubborn Jisoo was and she should have told Mr Kim about her daughter's plan. Mr Kim consoled the girl assuring it wasn't her fault. He encouraged the girls to be hopeful and pray for Jisoo's safety.

After twelve hours of waiting, the rescuers had retrieved two male bodies identified as Eric and Mike. Despite the progress, the operation had to stop since the weather was going against them.

Jennie protested saying they were racing against time, but the rescuers cannot put other's lives at risk. The operations resumed the next day.

According to the initial investigation, human error was most likely the cause of the accident due to the fact that people on board were inexperienced sailing a vintage boat.

Two days had passed, still no progress. The rescue operation was converted to retrieval since there was a zero chance of any survivors. They expanded the search area to nearby coasts and harbours, manpower and resources had also been added.

For two nights, Jennie drowned herself with tears. She wasn't as hopeful as before, she stopped lying to herself. She knew Jisoo wouldn't survive.

Now, as the fourth day of the retrieval operation about to end, Jennie finds herself sitting by the beach watching the sky bleed into purple. Unlike the previous nights of denial, she chooses to face the bitter reality instead of hiding in her room crying.

Jisoo was right when she told Jennie she had to listen carefully to the conch shell to be able to hear the ocean. Jennie hears the ocean, and it brings back all the memories of the last conversation she had with Jisoo. The way the older girl described how the ocean and she are one, how she will always find her way back to Jennie, and how Jisoo told her she loves her more than Lisa. She could hear all those memories from the conch shell next to her left ear.

Jennie senses someone approaching from behind. The heavy footsteps tell her it's Lisa. Jennie puts the conch shell down on her thigh as Lisa sits beside her. Both of them are silently watching the waves appear and disappear like an old comrade bidding goodbye but promising to return.

Lisa clears , her eyes are red and puffy from nights of sobbing. Jennie doesn't bother to look at her but acknowledges Lisa's attempt to start a conversation.

"They have retrieved the two remaining bodies." Lisa begins, her voice is weak and at the edge of breaking, "one of it was Jisoo's."

"You sure about that?" Jennie's face is blank. Her gaze remains on the horizon. Her voice is as cold as her emotions.

"Yeah, Mr Kim identified it and..." Lisa's voice fades away, she sniffs and wipes her tears, "the body has this clutched to her chest. I think we both know whom this thing belongs to." She hands the silver compass to Jennie.

It is when hot tears finally cascaded on Jennie's blank face. Her small body begins to shake. She isn't wailing, her cries are barely audible. Jennie grasps the compass to her chest as her tears continue to wet her thighs.

"Do you want me to stay or..." Lisa knows how vulnerable Jennie is, but she is also aware that the older girl prefers not to be seen like that.

"I want some time alone, Lisa."

Lisa crouches and wraps her arms around Jennie's trembling body trying to stop the shudder.

"I'm so sorry, Jennie," Lisa kisses Jennie's head while keeping her own sobs in .

"You have your phone with you, right? Call me if you need anything." When Jennie nods in reply, Lisa plants another kiss before leaving the older girl to grieve in private.

Jennie cries in silence and darkness. There are a lot of things going through in her head. There are a lot of things she wants to say but Jisoo isn't there to listen to her anymore. Is she too late to say those words?

The ocean welcomes the arrival of its lost child. Jisoo is one with him now. Out of all the lies Jisoo told her that night, only one was true: she would always find her way back to Jennie with the compass with her. Jisoo did return, only with a lifeless body.

Jennie will never look at the sea the same way ever again. It will remind her of Jisoo and her sail. The crashing waves of memories and regret will constantly drown her. She should have listened to her guts and told Mr Kim about the plan. She should have listened to Rosie and confessed her feelings.

There are lots of things Jennie wants to say but she's only able to utter five words she should have said four days ago.

"I love you too, Jisoo."

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qazedctgb12345 #1
Chapter 1: Is it just me or does this have another chapter the last time i read this
Brokeblinkeu
#2
Chapter 1: nooooo :( my heart hurt so good
sleepyi
#3
It was so beautifully written I don't regret letting this angst break my heart like this...
Agosto200
#4
Chapter 1: This is so sad :((
qazedctgb12345 #5
Chapter 1: ???