Puppy love.

That’s what people might have called it.

Not because it was expected to be a 2 week infatuation.

Or because it was expected to be a phase.

Nor was it because it was expected to be immature.

But because I was 15.

But I’m really curious about something.

When it comes to my feelings, it is my age that gets to dictate my maturity.

Yet my age doesn’t seem to speak for everything — at least not for everything that’s well.

The cruelty behind living my dream doesn’t seem to be distinguished by my age and the expectations that I’m obliged to meet as an idol doesn’t seem to differ very much from that as an adult.

My age doesn’t seem to spare me from the expectations of an idol even if I’m  — what they would call — a minor.

I’m still subjected to the same intensity of tumultuous and arduous training — possibly more.

I’m still subjected to the lecherous looks that I get from certain men in the crowd because of the way I’ve been styled to look more mature than I am.

Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful that there are people out there who look out for me and try to protect me from the uglier side of the industry thanks to my age. I get that a lot of the rules and laws are to protect me, but why is it that when I say that I’m in love with someone a little much older, it gets dismissed as a phase or something that will fade with time?

I’m just confused because it seems like people use the label “minor” as and when they deem it’s applicable such that it becomes subjective as a label and not so much because of the fact that I am a minor.

I’m constantly teased about being with a girl just a year older than I am and it seems like that’s okay even if we’re both minors, but somehow when it involves a person a little much older than I am — the person whom I’m in love with in particular — it gets ridiculed or hissed at for even being thought of as an idea.

Are my feelings for a person invalid just because she’s 9 years older than I am?
 

Since when did my age get to dictate the validity of my feelings for a person?

Are feelings not feelings?

We’ve been through hardships together being in the same group, I’ve seen her highs, I’ve been there at her lows — even if she doesn’t express it much to me because she feels like she needs to be the stronghold of our group being our leader and the oldest and how she shouldn’t be turning to a younger person for advice or comfort — another unrealistic expectation set by god-knows-who in our society.

I honestly feel offended as a person — minor or not.

Why would anyone think that I’ll be less capable of being able to provide the emotional comfort a person needs because of my age?

I have my own opinions about things, and I’ve probably also seen things that others may not necessarily have.

It would be an assumption to think that just because one is younger that they must not know better.

I’ve gone through a fair bit of the darker side of this industry myself and unnie probably has it a lot worse since she has to be the strength and glue of our group to keep us together.

Watching her do that all the time — giving, giving and giving to all of us without letting us do the same for her has shown me just how selfless she has been, and especially towards me because I’m the youngest.

The way she would hold me in her arms to reassure me that I could count on her.

The way that she would baby me and dote and — in a way — spoil m