Chaewon’s Diary 1/13/19

What do you see in me?

I feel like I’m the worst person alive, but everyone seems to think I’m a good person.

So with that, I ask, what do you see in me?

Because whatever it is you see is something invisible to me.

Why, then, can’t I see it?

What am I doing wrong?

It was tough being Kim Chaewon growing up. As the oldest daughter, her mom had very high expectations for her. She was expected to do well in school, and she did. Sort of.

Elementary and middle school were easy enough, mostly A’s with one or two B’s. HIgh school, however, is where things took a turn. Expectations grew, and she was constantly compared to her older brother, who was the model student between the two. Freshman year was easy, only 1 B and the rest were A’s. Sophomore year, however, was a lot tougher. She was tired of always being compared to her brother. The burden of the pressure grew and grew with each passing day, and eventually, she got tired of it. She lost motivation to do well in school but also became quite insecure because no matter what she did, she would never measure up to the same level that her brother was at. It was tough being Kim Chaewon.

The rest of her high school life was full of sadness, loneliness, and no motivation. The only goal was to make it through the day. Eventually, she graduated with a 4.02 weighted GPA and even got into a decent college. Just not as good as the one her brother got into. And of course, her parents were happy that she made it into college. But they were also disappointed about her not doing as well as her brother. It was tough being Kim Chaewon.

As college began she was as insecure as ever. She had chosen one of the more competitive majors to apply to and as a result, was in a bunch of classes with people who she thought were a lot smarter than her. Losing even more motivation to succeed, her GPA at the end of her first year was 2.6. Her parents didn’t take the news quite well, almost disowning her for the abysmal spring quarter where she got a B and three C-. She was in a rough spot as each criticism, constructive or not, hurt her even more than she was already. It was tough being Kim Chaewon.

In her second year, she found herself hanging out with eleven other girls, all in the same major. There were 3rd years Kwon Eunbi, Miyawaki Sakura, Kang Hyewon and Choi Yena, 2nd years Lee Chaeyeon, Kim Minju, Yabuki Nako, Honda Hitomi and Jo Yuri, and 1st years Ahn Yujin and Jang Wonyoung. The older four would help the younger ones with classwork that they had faced in the two years prior, and the younger ones would be the positive forces and motivation for the crew to keep moving. Eventually, as the year passed, bonds formed, chemistry grew, and relationships were created. 

The first pair to hit it off (almost instantly) were Yena and Yuri. Chaewon personally watched as the two other people who she constantly got mixed up with (she didn’t really know why either) act extremely soft and attached to each other, so it was no surprise to her that those two were the first item made. Yena, being the jokester she was, was constantly messing around with Yuri, while Yuri took that in stride and sometimes even turned it back around on Yena. Yuri, on the other hand, was the only person in their group of twelve to successfully keep Yena on a leash. Their chemistry was so strong that if she didn’t know better, Chaewon would’ve thought that they’d known each other since they were in diapers.

A couple of weeks down the line, the next couple revealed itself when Nako and Wonyoung appeared one day hand in hand. Nako, despite being closer to the likes of Sakura and Hitomi, confided in Chaewon when it came to her feelings for the younger. Every day it would be “Why can’t she look at me the way she looks at Yujin? Why does she look so pretty all the damn time? Why does she have to do these things to my heart?” until one day Chaewon just told her, “I’m 95% sure she feels the same way you do, so just confess already and stop waiting!” She was always observant of their group, including when the youngest would go all heart eyes at any action the shortest would do. And badabing badaboom, they’re a thing.

A month later saw the rise of another couple. And if Chaewon thought Yuri and Yena were soft, she had a whole other thing coming with Eunbi and Hyewon. Hyewon by nature was a very clingy person, usually found cuddling or hugging another person. Chaewon was on the receiving end of said cuddles and hugs a couple of times. Her cousin Eunbi, on the other hand, was a bit more, as some would call it, a tsundere. Her exterior is usually very cold and she’s usually a bit tough to crack. But whenever she was with Hyewon all walls were demolished. Chaewon got to see a new disgustingly cute side to her cousin, and to say she was weirded out would be a bit of an understatement.

A week or two later saw the dawn of Minju and Yujin’s relationship. Minju was probably the closest thing to a best friend Chaewon had in the group. They always hung out with each other during downtime, and Chaewon was usually Minju’s go-to person if she needed to get something off her mind. That something was usually about a certain freshman. While many find the younger to be loud, obnoxious, and borderline crazy, Minju just found it all loveable and cute ([rolls eyes] only Minju could be capable of liking someone like that - Chaewon’s internal thoughts). Yujin, however, was a lot more on the dense side. Whenever Minju tried to “flirt” with her (meaning cringe-worthy pickup lines), she’d usually respond with “You’re weird”, “You’re so funny”, or something that didn’t acknowledge the attempts, much to Minju’s chagrin. So one-day Chaewon decided to go up to her to talk. Turns out, Yujin solely thought it was just a friendly joke when in actuality, she was the sole target of the poor attempts at flirting. And that’s when feelings developed. And what better way for Yujin to ask Minju out than with yet another cringe-worthy pickup line? (It’s almost as if they were meant for each other, with the amount of cringe they exuded on the other ten).

And only one day later was the fifth couple revealed, albeit by accident when Chaewon accidentally walked in on Chaeyeon and Sakura kissing when the twelve were about to meet up for a study hangout. Upon seeing the two, Chaewon got to thinking. Chaeyeon was a very hardworking person. She spent a lot of time focusing on what she had her goals on, oftentimes backing out of hangouts to study for classes or work on projects, whether it be for school or on the side. Sakura on the other hand was a lot more laid back. She usually spent more time playing games rather than focusing on studies and was usually at the forefront of the shenanigans that went down at their hangouts. It was pretty mind-boggling tha